Camels! Sand! Dancing snakes! Sand! We’re not in Kansas anymore y’all… we took that Road to Morocco on the America’s Next Top Model caravan.
I’ve had Morocco on the brain a lot recently. Check this out: Mariah Carey Cannon named her baby boy Moroccan. After I stopped snickering, I was reminded of Morocco Mole, the Peter Lorre -sounding cartoon sidekick of Secret Squirrel, who wears a fedora a lot like the ones Andre Leon Talley wears during judges panel on… America’s Next Top Model. Now that’s one well-rounded pop culture full circle.
Four beauties — Brittani, Hannah, Alexandria and Molly — and their personality-free bad attitudes remain. Usually at this point in the competition, I have a favorite. Not this go-round. These gals are a gaggle of blah characters and crabby outlooks (save for sunny Hannah, who practically spews lollipops and puppies anytime she opens her mouth.)
We are treated to a big fabulous passel of Miss J, looking like a North African Norma Desmond, in this episode. And now I want to see if I can rock that turban look as well as he does. Hey, if JLo can get away with it on American Idol, then I could certainly try it while running errands to the dry cleaners and produce stand, yes?
But I digress.
Miss J. facilitates a tea-sit down and portfolio review with Franca Sozzani, the editor of Vogue Italia. This goes about as well as you might expect, with some surface small talk on the part of the girls and some advice-doling from Franca. However, Brittani did surprise me with her discussion of the whole e-zine vs. print-zine topic. Who knew she had that in her?
Raise your hand if you knew there was such a career as being a professional tea tray dancer? If you did, you’re one up on me. Our heroines get to try this job on for size during their challenge – Moroccan-grooving with a tray holding a tea set and lit candles balanced on their head. In front of a live audience. (Feel free to insert your own “crash and burn” joke here if you like.) This little escapade also goes about as well as you might imagine, with F-bombs and egos crashing to the floor along with the metal teacups. For a “non-scripted” show, this thing sure is predictable. Brittani wins and chooses Hannah to go with to take a walking lesson with Miss J.
Look – here are the girls getting a dose of local culture! They stop by a food vendor in the souq (aka outdoor market) and all decide to try goat brain. Afterwards, Brittani gets a case of digestive regret, which we get to hear about. A lot. Apparently a mind is a terrible thing to taste.
The photo shoot was produced in the aforementioned souq, with photographer and Richard Dreyfuss lookalike Friedemann Hauss. The girls wore a lot of henna, interesting hairstyles and clothes designed by Daniella Issa Helayel, who is also this week’s guest judge. You are probably familiar with her work, as one of her designs was worn by the former Kate Middleton to make her engagement announcement. Yep, that stunning blue dress. You’re nodding in recognition, aren’t you.
Despite the gorgeous clothes, the shoot produced some pretty flat shots, save for Molly’s, who was deemed to have the best photo of the week. It was so bad that this week’s bootee, acerbic egomaniac Alexandria was said to look both like a flight attendant and a model for Condé Nast Traveler in her pics. Ouch. And so we will have no more talking heads with Alexandria and her grey flowered beret. Adios!
Next week: the final three, more sand and apparently lots of tears. Doesn’t that sound like fun!
Quotes of the night:
“Brittani, I never thought I’d meet a girl from a trailer park” – Hannah
“Oh wow, you’re stripping and balancing tea.” – Alexandria to Hannah
Clacked by Jane Graves 
on May 05, 2011 @ 14:07 EST5EDT
I have only one question, did the Next Top Model girls meet up with the Housewives of New York, or New Jersey, or DC, or wherever who are in Morocco this week also? ROFL, now that would have been good TV with them all mounted on camels racing thru the desert screaming and holding their hair! :-)