I’ll take “people we got an earful from this week” for two hundred!
I was going back and forth through the quotes submitted by our writers this week, and I couldn’t quite understand why the haul seemed so light. Then it dawned on me: ABC didn’t air its new Wednesday night comedy lineup this week. Can you believe how quickly those three shows (sorry Hank!) have entered our pop-culture? Yowza.
30 Rock
“Alright hosers: I want all 12 of us fighting for every meter on all three downs. And we’re gonna make this a Boxing Day the Prime Minister will never forget.” – Danny, in his Canadian football movie
“I feel about as useless as a mom’s college degree.” – Kenneth, on his problem with Danny
“Do I look okay?” – Liz
“That’s exactly how you look.” – Cerie
“The future is like a Japanese game show; you have no idea what’s going on.” – Tracy
“Cause after all, what’s a problem but an opportunity disguised as a stripper having a seizure on your boat?” – Tracy, during his and Jenna’s closing ad for “Problem Solvers”
The Big Bang Theory
“‘Sorry’ doesn’t make up for the fact that I had to make chicken and rice with this vegan guy! Do you know what vegan chicken and rice is? Rice!” – Raj
How I Met Your Mother
“It was called the Death Star, baby — they knew what they were getting into.” – Marshall to Lily when she realizes that Storm Troopers are people, not robots
Bones
“I just need you to help me fire my gun.” – Booth
“That sounds desperately phallic.” – Gordon Gordon Wyatt
“I’m fairly certain that Iron Leprechaun is not his actual name, but his wrestling moniker.” – Bones
Criminal Minds
“Password was Cullen.” – Garcia
“Of course.” – JJ
“Colon?” – Reid
“Cullen. The vampire family from Twilight?” – JJ
“What’s Twilight?” – Reid
“Do you ever read anything other than technical books?” – JJ
“Not much in English.” – Reid
Curb Your Enthusiasm
“I’m Larry David. I happen to enjoy wearing women’s panties.”
House
“You don’t ask what I want, you ignore my wishes, and you drug me….” – Wilson
“I’m waiting for you to name something new to our relationship.” – House
The Office
“Monkey see, monkey do … monkey pee all over you.” – Michael
Saturday Night Live
“This year’s Rockefeller Center’s Christmas tree is a 76-foot-tall Norway Spruce from Easton, Connecticut. So come on down to Rockefeller Center and watch a tree slowly die.” – Weekend Update
South Park
“Then how come Gordon Stoltski got to go on for like five minutes that one day?” – Cartman
“Well, because he was being murdered.” – Mr. Mackey
Supernatural
“Ya, how original. Supernatural bringing in more creepy children. Sigh!” – German Supernatural LARP’er
Clacked by Aryeh S.
on Nov 15, 2009 @ 11:37 EST5EDT
There were a number of great quotes from Glee and Community this week, especially the dig at McHale and E!, but I won’t write that out in case it’s considered too risque here…
*POST AUTHOR*
I’d be happy to hear them … we’re game for pretty much everything; it’s just that I can only compile what I’m sent ;)
Sweet! But do let me know if you find any of these inappropriate, so I know which kind of quotes not to post in the future. ;p
Glee:
Sue: ”If I have a pregnant girl doing a handspring into a double layout, the judges aren’t going to be admiring her impeccable form, they’re going to be wondering if the centrifugal force is going to make the baby’s head start crowning.”
Mercedes: ”Why do we have to go all vanilla on this song? See, what we need is my chocolate thunder.”
Will: ”Don’t worry, we’ll find something for you to… dip in chocolate.”
Will: “I don’t know if you guys really understand how much harder Artie has to work to keep up.”
Artie: “Preach.”
(After Artie tells Tina how he lost the use of his legs…)
Artie: “I wanna be clear. I still have use of my penis.”
Artie responding to Rachel: “Well, you’re irritating most of the time, but don’t take that personally.”
Just to name a few… ;p
Community:
Prof Whitman:“I am offering you an opportunity to spend the night drinking from the cup of life, rather than romancing your nether regions in front of the E! channel.”
[When the Greendale basketball team comes in, interrupting the debate– a hilarious visual in itself] “By Zeus, what sort of jackassery is this? We’re in the middle of a championship debate!”
Troy: “This is wrinkling my brain.”
“You can’t unring that bell!”
Abed: That’s my newspaper.
Shirley: “What do you need a paper for? You knew what was going to happen yesterday, you Middle Eastern Magic 8 Ball!”
Shirley to Britta: And your skin looks REALLY great when you smoke.
Shirley: I’m gonna die by werewolf!
Pierce: “Wow, this is a real barn-burner… Oh God, did I just say cross-burner?”
Shirley: “No, you did not!”
Shirley to Abed: You tell me my future right now, you evil wizard!
Jeff: Can you help me block out people’s voices I find annoying?
Pierce (sotto voce): Jeff, she’s right there. *points at Britta*
Pierce to Jeff who is wearing socks matching his plaid shirt: By the way Jeff, I think your shirt is trying to get out of your pants.
Jeff– two arguments in the debate on whether man is inherently good or evil, he and Annie were on the Negative: “I would respond: ‘There is none righteous. No, not one.’ Now, I realize Mr. Simmons’ quote was from the great Franz Wickmeyer. Mine was just from a simple desert handyman… named Jesus.”
Shirley: Oh that’s nice!
“Ketchup is a vegetable!”
Annie: “He was horny, so he dropped him. Man is EVIL!”
Annie: “Just pat me.”
[Best episode of Community thus far.]
Congratulations, Tasha: that was a lot of work you put in. I agree that both shows were especially strong last week.
*POST AUTHOR*
Wow! Awesome, totally appropriate, and always welcome. Thanks! :)
Thanks, guys! It was nice to have another excuse to rewatch the Community episode. ;)
*POST AUTHOR*
I caught the episode yesterday on Hulu. Community is really not for me, but it was fun already being in the know about the lines … like Abed!
Thanks again! :)
My favorite exchange was from ‘The Mentalist.’ Another CBI detective has been referring to Rigsby as Bert, and Rigsby finally asks what that means. Cho explains it’s Bert from Sesame Streets Bert and Ernie.
Rigsby: Why didn’t you tell me before?
Cho: Because it would upset you!
Rigsby: Well, weren’t you upset?
Cho: No, because I’m Ernie, the handsome, smart one.
LOL!
:)