Disclaimer: I, Michael, have a long-suffering writing partner.
Her name is Tara.
She puts up with my shenanigans … she “tolerates” my rules (secretly, however, she knows they are good rules) … and she’s a good sport. Most of the time.
When she’s not dealing with squirrels in her basement.
No … that was not a euphemism. I speak truth!
Michael: You knew it was coming, didn’t you? You knew I couldn’t resist talking about the Careerbuilder monkeys. Don’t worry, you’ll survive.
Tara: You and your monkeys. I know, I know. Monkeys are hilarious and make your days more fun. Maybe you should call Careerbuilder and ask them if you can change careers to monkey training or zoo work. Or studying monkeys. Or! I’ve got it! You should do an experiment (paid and televised of course) of living in a bubble house with some monkeys for say … a year. No, make that TWO. You could “teach” them your rules. (Some of which I grudgingly admit do make sense and some of which are just dumb. Like not eating food for two days at a time. What’s that about anyway?) And it would get you out of my hair.
I must say though, that the monkey commercial has its charm. At the Super Bowl party I attended, everyone laughed. And I think it’s nice that the first three monkeys commute to work and save gas. That’s subliminal advertising there. Monkeys are smarter than us.
Michael: I don’t know what it is with me and monkeys. (And let’s put something on the table right now, because I know I’m going to be lambasted for the use of “monkeys” when they’re actually “chimpanzees”. Get off me.)
Where was I? Oh … yeah: Me and monkeys. Especially these monkeys. There’s just a certain charm about them. They march to their own drummer, you know? They’re carefree … and unassuming. Mischievous. Merry-making! Ready for anything! What’s not to like about them?
And, hey, I hear you! Those little guys are charming as all get out! And the commute thing? That’s not subliminal; that’s downright responsible … !!!
Tara: The second commercial chafes me worse than the squirrels in my basement. That lady repeatedly screaming! Yeesh! I felt like taking a Dramamine. It reminded me of that horrifying movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray. I hate that movie. It makes me nervous. In fact, usually if I’m getting a bad vibe about someone, I’ll ask them if they like that movie. They all say yes. Indicator!
Michael: Okay … so … I kinda like that movie! I mean … it’s got Andie McDowell in it! *swoon*
Anyway … look … it’s not like I’m monkey obsessed. That’s why I tossed this commercial in. Careerbuilder isn’t all about the monkeys, you know. …
Tara: Yes! It’s also about punching little koala bears! How come they like monkeys but not near-sighted koala bears?
Michael: What is with you? The koala’s fake … no one would really punch a koala bear. And for Pete’s sake … it’s just a freakin’ commercial! Get over it!
Tara: I’m sure that’s what you told yourself when they showed up at work and caught you in your blue underwear!
Michael: First of all, I’m not anywhere near as skinny as that dude. So keep dreaming.
Tara: Whatever.
Michael: Second, I snort. (Or so you say.) That dude just laughs annoyingly.
Tara: Put on your codpiece. Because you’re totally kayaking down the river of denial. You so do snort … and it ain’t pretty.
Michael: Well … You. Use. Too. Many. Periods.
Tara: Yeah … this coming from Mr. Ellipse!
Clacked by Michael Noble 
on Feb 18, 2011 @ 09:00 EST5EDT
I’m thinking the monkeys are just symbolic (insert Drama Button here) of CLOWNS Am I right @Tara? hehehe now runs for cover!
“No one would punch a koala”? Really? Koalas are from Australia, where, if I understand correctly, a punch is akin to a handshake or an acknowledging nod of the head.
In fact, if I remember correctly, in the early days of ESPN, when they were starved for programming, they actually aired Koala Boxing on Sunday mornings. Now mind you this was not koalas boxing each other. The sport revolved around using koalas strapped to the fighters’ fists in lieu of boxing gloves.
Plus, koalas not as cuddly as they would have you believe and are actually kinda mean & cranky. You shouldn’t feel bad punching one, they probably had it coming.