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CliqueClack Presidential Nominations: I now present Optimus Prime for president



Now, for CliqueClack’s next presidential nominee ….

Breathe a sigh of relief, Ladies and Gentleman. We are only a few short weeks away until we go into the election booths, vote for the next President, and then regret the decision we’ve made for the next four years. Or, so it has gone in the past. In addition to the candidates selected in our standard two-party system, there are a number of other fresh new faces on the ballot that could really help jump start this country on the road to economic security, energy freedom, and the destruction of all Decepticons.

I speak of none other than Optimus Prime, the one true leader of the Autobots. And, I’m not talking about those fake Optimi that have been part of various reincarnations of the Transformers cartoon over the last few years (especially the newest version. Blecch!). I’m talking about the one, true Optimus from The Transformers series of the mid-1980s. This is the man … er, robot … that will turn this country around. Ah, I see some doubting looks about this candidate (yes, I can see you through my computer … don’t ask me how). Let’s take a look at Optimus’ qualifications before making your choice.

The Pros:

Leadership: You want to talk leadership? Optimus Prime is a true leader. Not only has he rallied his Autobot compatriots though numerous battles with the Decepticons, Constructicons and other evil “-cons,” but he has come out victorious time after time. He couldn’t do that without a keen knowledge of tactics and the utmost support from his team members.

Accountability: Every ounce of Energon that he and the Autobots have used has been accounted for at all times. There have never been any caches of mass Energon stored anywhere in underground bunkers buried deep in the desert. Plus, he has never used this Energon in order to broker any deals. Optimus Prime is an outstanding citizen.

Responsibility: For years Optimus Prime has been responsible for the safety of not only his fellow Autobots but the citizens of Earth as well. Prime would sacrifice himself in order to save just one human life.

Foreign Affairs: Prime is extremely well traveled. Not only across the globe, but across the galaxy as well. And, since he has been instrumental in saving many populations from extinction by the Energon-hungry Decepticons, he is well respected. Yet, should a world leader get a bit over-zealous, Optimus walks softly but carries a big laser gun and energy axe.

Energy Conscious: One of the greatest strengths of Optimus Prime is his use of alternate energy resources to power himself, as well as the rest of the Autobots. Forget bio-fuel, ethanol, clean coal or nuclear — Energon is the way to go. The only downside to this is finding a safe location to store the Energon since it can be unstable and subject to massive explosions. Perhaps the site in Nevada where all of the nuclear waste is to be stored would be a good storage location.

The Cons:

Age: We have to take into consideration that Optimus Prime is several thousand, possibly million, years old. He was in hibernation for a very long time until he and the other Autobots re-awoke in the 1980s. So, there is always that “one heartbeat away” situation where the Autobot Matrix of Leadership could stop just. Like. That.

Citizenship: Another thing to consider is the status of Optimus Prime’s citizenship. I don’t remember him ever requesting to be naturalized as a citizen of the United States. And, with the strict rules we have, Prime may not even be able to make it on the ballot. Unless, that is, the Congress decides to annex Cybertron and make it a United States territory. But, they would have to move fast.

Health: Optimus Prime is made of metal. Outerspace metal, sure, but metal just the same. There is that small risk that, after getting caught in a rainstorm, he could start rusting. Also, Optimus has already died once (although historians dispute the events from Transformers: The Movie). So, there is always that slim chance that he could die again. But, as long as the Secret Service protects him from another ass-whooping by Megatron, he should be okay.

Running Mate:

One would think that Ultra Magnus or Hot Rod would be the most logical choice to be second-in-command of the United States, since both had the ability to use the Matrix of Leadership. But, the Autobot that would be the best choice would be none other than Bumblebee. The little, yellow guy has been one of Optimus’ most reliable and trusted friends. Should Optimus fall during his time as President it would be Bumblebee who could take up the reins of leadership.

Did you miss yesterday’s nomination? Read about why Bob Degon thinks Laura Roslin should be president.

Categories: | Clack | General |

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