Clearly, I lead a sheltered life, because I saw some stuff on TV this week that made me go “hmmm” and “ewww,” and has me re-thinking my chocolate addiction. But let’s start things off with…

Jack Bauer’s speedy mouth. Have you noticed that Jack talks faster and faster with every season? Wow, when he’s in the middle of saving the world, it’s like his mouth is in fast-forward or something. I think he gets even faster when he’s on death’s door. Maybe that’s it. He knows he only has two hours to live, so he’s gotta get all that intel out. And fast!

I’m loving the Jimmy Dean Sausage commercials. And thinking the sun, fog, rainbow and planets should get their own show, but we all know what happened with the cavemen, so best not to go there. But I’d really like to sit down with The Sun and have him talk me through a few trouble spots. I’m positive he could bring some color back into my life, motivate me to shine again, and get me spinning on my axis….

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This week’s edition of See Jane Clack is dedicated to all the wonderful late-night shows I have the privilege of watching as I work into the wee hours. Such well-bred, sophisticated, and natural talents you won’t find anywhere else on the tube. Why, it makes me want to break out the caviar and ring for a butler. Let’s take a look into my late-night excursions:

The Girls Next Door (E!). Ever wondered what goes on inside the Playboy mansion? I know it’s always been a dream of mine, and now we get to find out when Hef and his ladies Bridget, Holly and Kendra expose all on this show. I tune in to: 1) get pointers on how to achieve my lifelong ambition of being a Playboy bunny, 2) see what new pets Hef has acquired (no, not the bunnies, we’re talking monkeys, flamingos and parrots), and 3) see if Hef is still alive. Because a day without Hef is like a day without sunshine, gosh wrinkly darnit.

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7:00p/6:00 Central

• Saudi officials aren’t worried that we’re going to spend less on their oil. That’s what they’re telling CBS’s 60 Minutes. ABC offers a special look behind the scenes with Ty Pennington on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.
• NBC says It’s Football Night in America, in case you weren’t sure. Meanwhile, the new CW Sunday continues with the second installment of Jericho.
• The first two of three King of the Hill repeats kicks off the night. These are for the West Coast as the rest of us will be dealing with the NFL. TLC is offering up a look at Superhuman Strength.

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6:00p/5:00 Central

• Who knew? A new reality competition show! This time it’s E! getting in on the fun with Party Monsters: Cabo. This new show, premiering on a special night and time to ensure no one can find its regular time slot (Tuesdays at 10/9), features nine party planners competing to throw the ultimate A-list shindig.

7:00p/6:00 Central

• While NBC kicks off another Football Night in America and ABC settles down with some more of America’s Funniest Home Videos, CNN’s Anderson Cooper sits down with Olympic medalist Michael Phelps before goldfish America forgets who he is on CBS’s 60 Minutes.

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7:00p/6:00 Central

• Tonight, learn the true story of how a nuclear facility was almost robbed of weapons grade uranium straight from the mouth of the man who thwarted the attempt and nearly died in the effort on CBS’s 60 Minutes.
• NBC, meanwhile, preps you for tonight’s NFL match-up with Football Night in America. But most of us will be watching the 2008 American Music Awards Red Carpet Live! special on ABC, won’t we?
• FOX throws up an hour of King of the Hill repeats, first offering the recent installment where Bobby is treated like he’s “special,” following with the residents of Arlen fighting the construction of a “McMansion.”
• The CW is scrapping that whole failed Sunday night lineup plan, but tonight you can catch one last week of reruns of those shows you didn’t watch the first time around. Next week the new Sunday night is anchored around a major movie, and features repeats of the first seasons of Everybody Hates Chris, The Game, The Drew Carey Show and Jericho, surprisingly enough.

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MTV

5:00p/4:00 Central

• Hey, The CW’s 4Real is M.I.A. tonight. Get it? Because they feature hip-hop artist M.I.A. heading to Liberia to meet the woman who founded a youth organization trying to bring some hope and happiness to the embattled children of the region.

7:00p/6:00 Central

• While CBS is bringing you President-Elect Obama’s first interview since he won the election on a new 60 Minutes, NBC is kicking off another Football Night in America.

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ABC

5:00p/4:00 Central

• The farmed out CW Sunday is all repeats tonight, kicking off with two 4Real installments. However, I can’t find any details as to which episodes are airing.

6:00p/5:00 Central

• The CW repeats continue with the first of two Valentine repeats on the night. Again, I’ve no idea which one this is, or any of The CW shows tonight.

7:00p/6:00 Central

• NBC kicks off another Football Night in America, while CBS’s 60 Minutes sits down with some of President-Elect Barack Obama’s closest advisors.
• But if that gets too boring, you can always switch over to ABC at 7:30p/6:30 Central and watch a 30-minute edition of America’s Funniest Home Videos.
• The CW repeats continue with In Harm’s Way. The lack of information coupled with the reported production halts really make me wonder how much longer this Sunday lineup will remain.
• FOX starts off their night with animated repeats. First up is the King of the Hill episode where Bill got diagnosed with diabets. That’s followed by The Simpsons repeat where Homer becomes a bounty hunter.

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