See Jane Clack: A reality show starring Jon Gosselin, Richard Heene, and other stupid celebs
I’ve been thinking about creating a Survivor-type reality show where we put all the stupid celebrities into a big balloon and send it into the stratosphere. Then they’d have to do in-air challenges, and the loser gets tossed over.
I realize there’s no way we could get them all into one balloon unless it was the size of North America, but just work with me. We could even get the helium industry on as a sponsor. Here’s a few people I’d push into the balloon myself:
Jon Gosselin. Let’s face it: he’s a loser who’s into the whole fame and fortune thing, and has lost sight of reality. At first I thought he couldn’t speak without having his attorney duct-taped to his side — like when he was on Larry King — but then he actually did start speaking on his own, and he definitely needs the attorney there.
Octomom. Because she has a crush on Jon Gosselin. And just because.
Douchebaggery, public temper tantrums, and other reasons to put baby in a corner
Nation, at this tumultuous time in history, ask not what you can do for your country, but ask where the hell are your manners, young man?
Look, I can be a totally rude person, even for the extraordinarily low standards set for my generation. I burp. I fart. I praise other people for burping and farting in my presence. (This makes me very popular with children.) I have no issues with bluntly discussing any and every function my body or any body does (hemorrhoids? Bring those puppies on), or various orifices and the things people do with them in almost any company.
But I do have standards. I say please and thank you to everyone. I hold the door. I say “bless you” to strangers in public locations and “excuse me” if I bump into them. Most importantly, I do not interrupt people when they’re speaking, especially in an extremely rude manner. And if I do, because such things do happen by accident, I apologize.
So why doesn’t anyone else?
Idol results – CliqueClack polls are more accurate than DialIdol!
That’s right, folks. DialIdol.com, which measures the busy signals on voting lines to predict who will be voted off the show, was not quite as accurate as our own little poll here at CliqueClack. Congratulations voters! Or at least those of you who voted — SPOILER ALERT!! — Jasmine and Jorge. Now, you all know where to come when you want to find out the results early!
All joking aside, I’m pretty satisfied with those results, how about you? Of course next week, if Michael Sarver stays, or gets voted off and then saved by the judges’ new veto power, I may very well be shaking my fist in the air and yelling “Sarver!!!!” a lá Stephen Colbert. I doubt they would waste their lone veto on him, though. It’s probably reserved for Danny Gokey, Lil Rounds, or Ms. Dirty Alexis. And to humiliate the other voted-off contestants just that little extra bit more when the judges tell them, “We just don’t like you enough to keep you around.”
Saturday Night Live – Hugh Laurie; Kanye West
(Season 34, Episode 11)
Here we are at the last episode of 2008, the big holiday episode. Saturday Night Live was good enough to leave us all a little surprise for the holidays: a big pile of turd! Seriously, there was barely anything funny going on here. It was a real shame, especially considering that it was Amy Poehler’s final episode as a cast regular. I have to imagine that we will see her again from time to time doing Hillary Clinton; after all, she is leaving to do a sitcom on the same network.
If you can endure the pain, come listen to me bitch about this stinker….
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