“If you fall for that one, my heart breaks for you, but I’m sorry, you’re a Smoron.” – Robin about Barney’s SNASA playbook entry

Last weeks episode of How I met Your Mother ended with a simple, two-word promise: “Daddy’s home.” And home he is, because tonight, Barney’s back. I won’t say he’s better than ever, because I don’t actually have any quotable lines from this episode, but he’s ripe with the Barneyisms we all love and Barney’s in full form — no pesky Robin scars to make him a changed man.

I couldn’t have been happier with the way this episode unfolded. We had the Bays-Thomas non-linear storytelling, a Barney-centric episode and more catch-phrases than you could fit into, well … a playbook.

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Thought you had enough of behind the scenes at CliqueClack, after reading our diatribes on Reaper’s fate and the top 100 sci-fi shows, didn’t you? Well, maybe in another life you’ll be so lucky, but today you get graced with another installment. This time, Julia started it, innocently enough.

C’mon, read it. It’s actually pretty relevant considering all of the new sitcoms the networks are trying this season.

JULIA: Any Arrested Development virgins around here? Because if I were, I would offer to do a Diary, but I am pathetically, helplessly in love with this show. But I’m just suggesting, it’s worth getting into. And I will happily aid and abet anyone interested in getting addicted.

BOB: Funniest show to ever be on TV.

[and now begins the controversy...]

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If conventional wisdom is to be believed, every little girl dreams of her wedding day with the same raptness devoted to wanting to be a princess or ballerina, only unlike these dreams, this one never dies.

These little girls clearly never watched television.

There are tons and tons of shows dedicated to every aspect of the wedding day, and most of them are on TLC or Lifetime. I’ve always had a sort of sick fascination with them. They’re good for watching when my sister’s around or I’ve got a mindless chore to do, like cleaning stringbeans. As I get older, though, and marriage becomes, well, not a looming possibility — because I’m only in my early twenties — but something that’s suddenly actually an option instead of a far-away fairy tale, the idea of engaging in these bridezilla wars or going to these ridiculous lengths for the perfect gown, the more these shows make me want to take my stringbean knife and impale myself upon it.

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I survived The Emmys.

Somewhere in the midst of the show, someone paid Neil Patrick Harris a compliment in stating he was doing an outstanding job overseeing everything. And all I could think was: “Really?”

Oh … there were moments. There were the briefest moments of intrigue and comedy here and there. But, when the best part of the show is Sarah McLachlan (“Harbinger Of Death”) singing her signature “I Will Remember You” during the In Memorium segment showcasing those that have been lost, one would think there’s something not quite right with the telecast.

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Those of you who’ve learned how to play this game are still drunk, or in jail, from the weekend….

• At 8:00, TNT offers up last week’s episode of The Closer, “Identity Theft.”  USA has a familiar NCIS caper, while TBS decides to go with the (kinda) funny stylings of Family Guy. Over on ABC, it’s Who Wants to Be a Millionaire … wait, is that a rerun from 10 years ago, or did they really resuscitate this thing? I was sure Bob was lying. Oh, and you should be tuned to CBS for How I Met Your Mother (”Rebound Bro”) and Rules of Engagement (”Jen at Work”).
• At 9:00, TVOne will still be in the midst of airing about a thousand episodes of Martin. CBS makes you switch channels FAST (Two and a Half Men and The Big Bang Theory are on; run!), The CW tries its hardest to do the same with Gossip Girl (if you were already tuned there for One Tree Hill)…. What to do? Maybe switch to FOX for the second half of Teen Choice 2009, hoping the Jonas Brothers’ and Miley Cyrus’ performance abominations are over already?
• As you can see, I’m not a 12 year-old girl. If you are, CINE has Jonas Brothers: The Concert Experience replaying a lot, another airing beginning at 10:00. Alternately, catch two episodes of My Name is Earl on TBS, or last night’s Army Wives on Lifetime. Otherwise, see Castle, “Little Girl Lost,” on ABC, or … well, you could always go to sleep. Or visit with your kids or spouse (12 year-old girls: hopefully that doesn’t apply to you).

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Something strange has been happening over the last few weeks on How I Met Your Mother. And I’m not talking about Cobie Smulders‘ pregnancy, or Sarah Chalke returning as Stella. Although, if they wanted to get the show stuck in the mud, they couldn’t have made a better choice than to have that crappy character (and actress) return.

No, I’m talking about something good. The show’s always been uproariously funny, but it’s also always experienced a fair amount of ensemble rockiness. At least for me. I’ve mentioned in the past how Marshall (of late) and Lily (of always) are the weakest links, but the strength of the others (particularly the legen … wait for it … dary Barney!) more than make up for two-fifths of the cast sucking. Anyway, for some reason there’s just been good mojo these last weeks, a synergy to the cast that makes them totally propel the show forward into sitcom history.

And, it was so smooth that I didn’t even notice the change. It just worked, even though Stella kind of grinds the central story to a halt. The truth is, I may never have noticed the difference. Hell, three years from now I might have been writing about the latter part of season four as the Blow the Hatch moment for the show. Alas, it was not to be. When did I wake up from my naivete? In the waning moments of Monday’s episode. Why? Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Marshall Eriksen,

Look, I know this is weird because you’re kind of married, but I think you should know that I’m in love with you.

It would be enough for me if you were an environmentally-passionate lawyer, but I forget until I marathon old episodes how friggin’ cute you are.  You sing everything you do! I don’t find that annoying, I find that adorable. Mostly because I do it too. If you could please write me heartfelt letters from the beyond, make amazing charts about all of my favorite songs, and form a family band with me, that would be amazingly swell.

I already have plans for our first date. See, you like to eat, and I like to cook, but I hate to eat what I’ve made right after, so Marshall can do it for me. After that, we could make up games that you could win, and you could drive me home in your resurrected Fiero singing along to The Proclaimers at the top of our lungs. Read the rest of this entry »