(Season 13, Episode 11 – “You Look Like Peter Pan” – Season Finale)

Most of this race, it’s been a contest between three teams. Dominating have been Nick & Starr, with Ken & Tina performing better early on and having to settle for nipping at Nick & Starr’s heels the rest of the way. The third team that performed consistently well was Toni & Dallas, but this pair was nowhere to be seen this episode. And I do mean nowhere.

Eliminated last week due to Dallas leaving their money and passports in a cab in Russia, they weren’t on the final mat for the end of the race either. Considering that Dallas and Starr were forming that special little bond throughout the race, I’m sure she was saddened not to see him. Phil didn’t say anything about it, but the Wiki says they weren’t able to get out of Russia in time due to waiting for their passports to be turned into the US Embassy. It also states that Dallas & Starr have been long-distance dating for six months now.

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(Season 13, Episode 10 – “You’re Gonna Get Me Killed”)

I’ll give credit to those dumb frat boys because they didn’t have the week’s dumbest move. That would be reserved for Dallas. We’ve known pretty much all season that Dallas is a bit of a dim bulb at times. Sure, Starr thinks he’s cute and he’s nice and all and loves his mother, but he never came across as NASA material. Now, tonight’s bonehead move could have just been an honest mistake, but man what a costly one … literally.

With Nick & Starr, Toni & Dallas, Ken & Tina and Dan & Andrew as the final four, it really came down to whether or not someone would screw up in the Top Three and allow Dan & Andrew to sneak in. Or, to give them the benefit of the doubt, maybe they’d do something amazing on their own. Tonight, the action stayed in Moscow leading to all kinds of communication problems, but let’s get after the jump so we can talk properly.

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Of all the challenges The Amazing Race has thrown at teams over the years, who would have thought that marching would prove to be one of the toughest … for one person at least. My God, I honestly did not think anyone could prove so completely incapable of doing something as simple as marching, but Dan did it. If you hadn’t known that he was seriously having this big of a problem you would have insisted he was “having a laugh.”

It was bad enough that Andrew couldn’t handle putting the wraps on his feet to get their military boots on, but then couple that with Dan’s performance marching and think back to their skills at other challenges and it’s a wonder they’re still in this thing at all. This is final four material? At least Starr manages to be really hot in every episode. It helps that she’s wearing those skin tight black leggings; I’m sure that’s not a distraction to every male around her. It’s certainly been catching Dallas’ eye.

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(Season 13, Episode 8 – “I’m Like an Angry Cow”)

We’ve learned by now that Dan and Andrew, or Dandrew as Terence & Sarah dubbed them, aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed. Tonight they started bickering like an old married couple about how fast they should walk. “It’s about the team,” Andrew whined. “So if I want to be slow and pathetic like an old gimp, you should slow down too.”

“It’s a fucking race, dude. You don’t win races by walking, you big baby!” Dan countered. “Now shut the hell up and pick up the pace.”

“I don’t think you understand the term ‘team,’ dude. It means that if I want to lie down and drag my body up this hill by my fingers you should lie down and crawl with me. Like a team.” I may have exaggerated the dialogue a bit, but Andrew’s argument about teamwork meaning that Dan should slow down to his pathetic pace was about the lamest thing I’ve ever heard on this show.

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CBS

(Season 13, Episode 7)

I don’t usually have a strong negative reaction to these reality shows. But Kelly, Christy and Tina are all such colossal bitches that I can’t help wishing for horrid things to happen to them while watching this race. Andrew & Dan are idiots too, but they’re harmless. Kelly & Christy are stupid and vindictive and a little bit evil. Their ex-husbands totally made the right call in dropping these drama queens.

Tina, on the other hand, is the stereotypical bitchy wife. She is never satisfied unless everything is going exactly her way. She wants to be in control of absolutely everything and have everyone bow down to her. Yes, I’m still annoyed with her for the “Oh we got a special airplane for everyone you should all be so grateful and maybe bend over and kiss our asses just a little bit to show it” crap she pulled in the first episode. Tonight, when pulled into an Indian tradition, she nearly knocked a guy over and verbally assaulted everyone around her. Class act that one!

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CBS

(Season 13, Episode 6)

FACTOID: Departure times for this leg of the race: Nick & Starr (11:22 p.m.), Toni & Dallas (11:34 p.m.), Ken & Tina (11:53 p.m.), Kelly & Christy (11:59 p.m.), Terence & Sarah (12:05 a.m.), Andrew & Dan (12:29 a.m.).

I bring this up because it’s interesting to see how incredibly close some of these teams are. In fact, they’re all basically within an hour of one another. With the way the show is filmed, it doesn’t always look as close as it sometimes is. It also reveals how consistently crappy some teams are as they keep bringing up the back of the pack (*cough*Andrew & Dan*cough*) no matter how many times everyone is equalized.

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Dallas Cowboys

(Season 13, Episode 5)

Well, I’m starting to get some teams that I enjoy watching, and I always love the beautiful settings that we get to see on this show, but for the most part everybody is still pretty boring. Maybe they filtered out the crazy people too well, or they’ve all been eliminated. I know that the crazy is alive and well in Kelly, Christy and Tina but all three were somewhat toned down this episode. Maybe all the running around is starting to wear them down.

Cambodia, where we spent most of our action, is fascinating and tragic all at the same time. The village on water was pretty damned cool, and while it would be a blast to live in such a place, I’d have to insist on first world technology there with me instead of third world. After all, I have to be able to bring you these wonderful reviews every week. Damn, we’re running out of teams and I just can’t get all that excited about any of them. Starr is hot (Dallas Cowboy cheerleader hot don’tchaknow!), and Toni & Dallas are so nice … and … yeah, that’s all I got.

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