CliqueClack TV » Office, The

The Office – Why didn’t they just call and cancel Michael’s limo?

Aryeh S. — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:00:55 +0000

Or even just not have it sitting and waiting outside for him, double-parked on New York City streets, for an indefinite amount of time. It certainly seemed as if his limo was the only one there, and I doubt that the CEO wouldn’t have had a car to take him home, so there was something weird going on that allowed Michael to sneak back in after running from the shareholder meeting.

But either way, this was a rather weird and off-the-wall episode. So let’s pull it back for a moment and start at the beginning. Is it Earth Day? I didn’t think so, which confused me at first, and then I noticed the little green peacock in the corner of my screen. And then I realized that The Office is the first show I watch on NBC all week. As well as the penultimate one, so I have no idea what that was about. But a cold-open with Dwight as Recyclops, surfing through the years (and receptionists) was truly back to form. I can’t believe they brought in Ronni (Dale Raoul) just for that! But was Ryan at the desk in the right chronological order?

There were some interesting developments in the office itself, although I found it curious that no one questioned Jim’s authority when he was #2, but now that he’s co-#1 he’s weak? Anyway, it’s not surprising that Ryan was undermining Jim’s authority via e-mail, but I do find it somewhat frustrating that Jim (well, I guess really John Krasinski) doesn’t really emote very much. I suppose I never noticed it before because that wasn’t who Jim was supposed to be, but now he needs to have a side of him that actually cares — about Pam, the coming baby, his new position. Where’s that guy hibernating?

Anyway, I enjoyed someone finally getting on Ryan about actually doing some work, as well as Jim following through and getting him to agree to do it (though I’m not convinced that he actually did). But isn’t sticking him in a closet the wrong move? Jim could have locked him in with hard copies of the data, and nothing else, and all Ryan would have to do is sit on the floor with his phone, or his iPod, or a thread of his hair, and not do any work. And locking him in the closet a) gives him his own office, as opposed to everyone else other than Michael and Jim, and b) keeps him out of sight, so really no one would know what he was doing. I think Jim was more trying to disable Ryan from undermining him further, as opposed to anything else. But smart not trying to fire him — it would have looked really bad when Michael returned and reinstated him the next day.

The shareholder meeting in New York was really ridiculous. There’s nothing about the way that meeting was run that makes any sense, either for the type of meeting it was, or for the size and type of company that Dunder Mifflin is. In fact, it was so absurd that it’s not even worth getting into, save for the fact that I get that it was structured as such in order to give Michael a stage upon which to be himself. I can’t believe he thought he was riding off to glory, especially after everything that happened last week with the company’s uncertain future. And did David Wallace not warn everyone about Michael?

What was fun to see was Andy pushing Oscar to stand up and say something. My wife kept repeating that Oscar has some upward momentum coming at work, a promotion or a move to another department where he’d be of more use. Clearly he’s one of the few competent business people at the company, at least in Scranton. So I don’t know if I was therefore even more disappointed that he failed to voice his opinions to the executives when Michael brought him into the hospitality suite. One of the skills required as you move up the ranks is telling truth to power, as dumb a cliche as that is. Oscar may have blown his only chance.

And despite my questioning why they had the opportunity for it, it was funny to see Michael rounding Dwight, Andy, and Oscar up on his dash to the limo, and their collectively “stealing” it to take them home. Although, one call from dispatch….

I also think Oscar is a good monkey-in-the-middle between Andy and Dwight, and I’d love to see the three together more. Did you hear when Dwight asked “How is he gonna have grandkids?” There’s just such an ease to the banter between Andy and Dwight, so with someone else in the mix, you get one-liners like that. I’d definitely love to get more of them.

And a suggestion to the producers, for this season’s DVD set: an extra inside Creed and Ryan’s session on Creed’s troubles with the ladies. I’d love to hear what he was saying.

Photo Credit: NBC

There’s still time to sign up for the Subtle Sexuality giveaway

Richard Keller — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 16:30:05 +0000

Folks, I’m a bit surprised at you. Here we are giving away free swag, courtesy of NBC Universal and The Office, and you’re just not responding. Couldn’t you all have waited to shed the materialistic shackles of your life until after the giveaway was over?

For those of you who haven’t given up all your worldly possessions, you still have two days to sign up for the Subtle Sexuality giveaway. For those of you unfamiliar with the previous statement, Subtle Sexuality is the singing duo of Dunder Mifflin’s Kelly Kapoor and Erin Hannon. It’s also the newest Office webseries. And, to celebrate its release, as well as Subtle Sexuality’s new song “Male Prima Donna,” we’re giving away a “Subtle Sexuality World Tour” T-shirt and a CD of the song.

All you need to do is go to the original Webisode Clack post and tell us what your favorite Kelly, Ryan, or Andy moments are. Submit your entries to this giveaway by Friday, November 20th, at 5 PM ET. We will pick one person at random to receive the package, and alert the commenter after the giveaway ends. Only one entry per person, and you must have a valid U.S.-based mailing address. Not following these guidelines voids your entry.

Photo Credit: NBC

Is sitcom quality limited by a finite amount of available humor?

Aryeh S. — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 17:30:59 +0000

Or, put another way, is there only so much funny out there in TV land that if another success story shows up, or something already on the air gets better, everything else is destined to get worse?

Maybe it’s that as individual viewers we’re only allotted so much laughing in a week. I don’t know which is the case … all I know is that, week in and week out, some of my favorite sitcoms are consistently falling flat.

Let’s look at my network comedy viewings for the week. On Sundays, I tee things off with The Simpsons and Family Guy, but they’re both more shows to watch while doing something else. I’ve been catching The Simpsons for years now, but I think it’s loyalty more than enjoyment that keeps me coming back. Plus it’s not offensive, so nothing’s really pushing me to cancel that season pass (although it was borderline distasteful how bad the movie was). And Family Guy? I like Stewie and the evil monkey.

Mondays we move on to How I Met Your Mother. Now, I’m a believer in Barney and Robin as a couple, but, eerily coincidentally, ever since they got together at the beginning of this season, I’ve barely found anything to laugh at on what was once one of my favorite shows. Maybe it’s the new jiggering of things that was required to have them dating, but episode after episode has just gotten worse for me, culminating in an abomination last week with Barney in a fat suit. Debbie and I are definitely watching different shows.

But jump ahead to Wednesday night. Where did The Middle come from? And Modern Family’s not too bad itself. Strong concepts, talented casts, and writers who know how to craft a joke, or a funny situation. I know that others have found the same to applaud on Cougar Town, but I think I actually liked Hank better (and I definitely preferred Joey), so that should give you a pretty good picture of where that one resides for me.

And then on Thursday, while The Office is struggling for me, 30 Rock is showing some strength, with the right mix of characters balancing out the weaker, now less prevalent ones. Which, to me, is like Thursday went and sat itself down on its head. What planet am I on?

(Oh, and nothing to do with nothing, but I’ve caught a few of this season’s episodes of Parks and Recreation and Community on Hulu, and I’m still waiting for something to make me crack a smile.)

But back to my point — it could also be that the balance isn’t being helped any by the fact that shows like Castle and NCIS, to name but two, are funny as well, thus further diluting the week’s quota of ha ha. Or maybe it’s just some unseen-by-us-viewers seesaw that’s being ridden by the stars of two shows, like Patricia Heaton on one end and Neil Patrick Harris on the other; we don’t know about it, but when Heaton’s the heavy, Harris is flailing in the air (come to think of it, he was mostly MIA during the Everybody Loves Raymond years … something to that theory, maybe?).

Or this could all be due to any number of other factors or theories. The moral of the story, however, is that they all lead back to the same conclusion: I’m just not laughing with my television like I once did. Anybody else out there feeling the same?

Photo Credit: CBS

Ratings Clack – Should FOX switch Fringe and Lie To Me?

Brett Love — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 17:00:23 +0000

After the dramatic entrance of V last week, there were no similar big splash stories to lead things off this week. Then, as I was perusing the year-ago numbers, something occurred to me. It’s quite possible that FOX could improve both Monday and Thursday at 9:00 if they swapped Fringe and Lie To Me. If you look back to the initial Fringe run, it had a lot of success following House. In fact, while the House numbers are virtually unchanged from Tuesday to Monday, Fringe was holding much more of the House audience on Tuesday than Lie To Me currently is on Monday.

Example:
11/18/08: House (13.03m/5.5), Fringe (9.36m/4.2)
11/09/09: House (13.31m/5.3), Lie To Me (7.41m/3)

And that was against very similar competition. Both faced DWTS on ABC, which was pretty much a wash. NBC was greatly improved against Fringe with Biggest Loser (7.84m/3.3), as opposed to Trauma (5.35m/1.8). And CBS was mixed, with The Mentalist (15.83m/3.5) trailing the Men/Big Bang hour (13.62m/4.6) in the demo.

Now we look at where we are this season. Fringe did manage something of a rebound this week, finishing with (5.91m/2.2) on Thursday. That’s still a distant fourth place, and should find the show on the hot seat at the end of the season. It would, obviously, do better on Monday following House. The question is, would it do better than the (7.41m/3) that Lie To Me is currently offering? I think it would.

On the other side of that coin, while I’m not quite as confident about the move of Lie To Me to Thursday, I do still see the potential for it to outperform the current Fringe numbers. That bar has been set, after all, rather low. It would likely take a hit in the move, but the end result would be that Thursday at 9:00 is stronger as well. Just something to think about. The usual numbers junk is after the jump.

ABC - The bubble burst on V (10.7m/3.8) rather quickly. Sure, that’s still a very nice number, but it’s also a heck of a one week drop. Consider the jury still out on this one until we see what episodes three and four bring to the table. Earlier in the week, the return of football on NBC brought Sunday’s Extreme Makeover (10.38m/3), Desperate Housewives (13.79m/4.4), and Brothers & Sisters (9.08m/2.9) down a tad. It was still a successful start to the week.

The good news continued as Dancing With The Stars (17.62m/3.4) and Castle (9.82m/2.4) both gained viewers. The DWTS Results (16.23m/3.5) were up as well, despite the V drop. The news wasn’t so good for The Forgotten, as In The Spotlight with Robin Roberts (9.34m/2.3) finished well above what the show has been doing. Wednesday, the CMA Awards (17.18m/5.3) were a huge improvement over the usual comedies and Eastwick. FlashForward (8.28m/2.6) sunk to third in both measures to kick off Thursday, while Grey’s Anatomy (14.87m/5.6) and Private Practice (10.25m/3.9) were both up. Ugly Betty (4.45m/1.3) finished things off on Friday.

FOX - The network didn’t really gain anything with the all-Seth night, featuring Family Guy (7.26m/3.7), Seth & Alex (6.73m/3.4), Family Guy (7.99m/4.1), and Cleveland (6.44m/3.2). The news was better on Monday as House (13.31m/5.3) remained the clear demo leader on the night. So You Think You Can Dance remained steady, if not impressive, on Tuesday (5.76m/2.3) and Wednesday (5.72m/2.2), while Glee (7.53m/3.4) was tied for #1 in the demo with Criminal Minds. Thursday, Bones (10.22m/2.9) took over the #2 spot from FlashForward. And Friday, repeats again topped the recent comedy/Dollhouse combo.

CBS - The good news is that Sunday was up across the board with Amazing Race (11.62m/3.5), Three Rivers (7.99m/1.8), and Cold Case (8.16m/1.7). The bad news is that those numbers from 9:00 to 11:00 are too low. Things were better on Monday. The network was down slightly from 8:00 to 9:00 with How I Met Your Mother (8.67m/3.5) and Accidentally On Purpose (7.89m/2.9). Then, up with 2 ½ Men (14.44m/4.6) and Big Bang Theory (12.8m/4.7). At 10:00 is where the real magic started.

The big crossover CSI event led to gains for Miami (14.38m/4), NY (14.51m/3.8), and the OG CSI (17.38m/4.1). He didn’t get to be part of the big event, but Gibbs and the crew at NCIS (20.96m/4.4) easily returned to the top of the Tuesday pyramid. That was good news for NCIS: LA (16.23m/3.7) and The Good Wife (13.35m/2.8) as well. Old Christine (7.19m/2.1) and Gary Unmarried (7.3m/2.4) were both up on Wednesday, despite that CMA increase at ABC. Criminal Minds (12.77m/3.4) was solid. Although, that demo battle with Glee could prove very interesting.

Thursday, as with CSI, Survivor (12.94m/4) was up too. The Mentalist (16.17m/3.6) was off a bit in viewers, but is still having a very good second season. And Friday was another easy win for the night by Ghost Whisperer (8.01m/2), Medium (8.16m/1.9), and Numb3rs (8.16m/1.8).

NBC – The return of Sunday Night Football (21.88m/8.5) was certainly welcome. Hopefully, it softened the blow of another series low for Heroes (5.26m/2.3), and the further struggles of Trauma (5.35m/1.8). The Biggest Loser (9.65m/3.8) remains a success on Tuesday. Mercy (6.68m/1.7), on the other hand, can only claim that it is an improvement over the Knight Rider numbers. L&O: SVU (8.77m/2.8) remains a mystery. That was good for fourth place, again, but it is headed in the right direction. And that 2.8 demo is starting to look really good given the rest of the NBC schedule.

Thursday was more of the same as Community (5.09m/2.1) and Parks & Recreation (4.58m/2.1) again fell short of the Kath & Kim bar (11/06: 5.57m/2.4). By comparison, things look pretty good for The Office (8.05m/4.2) and 30 Rock (6m/3). Law & Order (7.5m/1.7) finished things up on Friday.

CW - The week got off to a very good start as One Tree Hill (2.67m/1.3), Gossip Girl (2.37m/1.3), and 90210 (2.06m/1.2) all saw gains. That was the highest rated Gossip Girl since the season premiere. Things didn’t go so well for Melrose Place (1.28m/.7). It would seem that the network is just waiting to see what difference Heather Locklear makes before pulling the plug.

Next Top Model (3.2m/1.5) was again nipping at NBC’s heels in the demo on Wednesday. As was Vampire Diaries (4.1m/1.9) on Thursday. Supernatural (2.69m/1.3) was on par as well. Finally, Smallville (2.7m/1.2) continued to defy the odds on Friday, drawing more viewers than OTH, GG, 90210, Melrose, and Supernatural.

Cable - It’s probably way too early for the folks down at Stargate HQ to be getting nervous, but concern might be in order. Friday 11/06 found the Universe dropping again, to (1.63m/.7). That didn’t do any favors for Sanctuary (1.42m/.5). It will be very interesting to see where the show levels out. Over at USA, White Collar (3.85m/.9) continues to search for a level as well. Other cable numbers to consider:

Mad Men (2.32m/.8)
Dexter (1.76m/.9)
Lincoln Heights (1.03m/.4)
Sons Of Anarchy (3.83m/1.9)
Nip/Tuck (1.75m/.9)
Curb Your Enthusiasm (.98m/.3)
Bored To Death (.63m/.3)
Californication (.76m/.4)
Rita Rocks (.48m/.2)
South Park (2.78m/1.5)
Secret Girlfriend (1.19m/.6)
It’s Always Sunny (1.87m/1.2)
The League (1.03m/.6)
Monday Night Football (16m/6.5)
The Hills (2.1m/1.3)
Top Chef (3.02m/1.7)
Mythbusters (2.13m/.9)
Ghost Hunters (2.91m/1.4)
Ghost Hunters Academy (2.07m/.9)
Project Runway (3.13m/1.4)
Keeping Up With The Kardashians (3.17m/1.7)

Photo Credit: FOX

Quotation Marks – Canadians, vegans, vampires, and Gordon Stoltski

Aryeh S. — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 16:37:25 +0000

I’ll take “people we got an earful from this week” for two hundred!

I was going back and forth through the quotes submitted by our writers this week, and I couldn’t quite understand why the haul seemed so light. Then it dawned on me: ABC didn’t air its new Wednesday night comedy lineup this week. Can you believe how quickly those three shows (sorry Hank!) have entered our pop-culture? Yowza.

30 Rock

“Alright hosers: I want all 12 of us fighting for every meter on all three downs. And we’re gonna make this a Boxing Day the Prime Minister will never forget.” – Danny, in his Canadian football movie

“I feel about as useless as a mom’s college degree.” – Kenneth, on his problem with Danny

“Do I look okay?” – Liz
“That’s exactly how you look.” – Cerie

“The future is like a Japanese game show; you have no idea what’s going on.” – Tracy

“Cause after all, what’s a problem but an opportunity disguised as a stripper having a seizure on your boat?” – Tracy, during his and Jenna’s closing ad for “Problem Solvers”

The Big Bang Theory

“‘Sorry’ doesn’t make up for the fact that I had to make chicken and rice with this vegan guy! Do you know what vegan chicken and rice is? Rice!” – Raj

How I Met Your Mother

“It was called the Death Star, baby — they knew what they were getting into.” – Marshall to Lily when she realizes that Storm Troopers are people, not robots

Bones

“I just need you to help me fire my gun.” – Booth
“That sounds desperately phallic.” – Gordon Gordon Wyatt

“I’m fairly certain that Iron Leprechaun is not his actual name, but his wrestling moniker.” – Bones

Criminal Minds

“Password was Cullen.” – Garcia
“Of course.” – JJ
“Colon?” – Reid
“Cullen. The vampire family from Twilight?” – JJ
“What’s Twilight?” – Reid
“Do you ever read anything other than technical books?” – JJ
“Not much in English.” – Reid

Curb Your Enthusiasm

“I’m Larry David. I happen to enjoy wearing women’s panties.”

House

“You don’t ask what I want, you ignore my wishes, and you drug me….” – Wilson
“I’m waiting for you to name something new to our relationship.” – House

The Office

“Monkey see, monkey do … monkey pee all over you.” – Michael

Saturday Night Live

“This year’s Rockefeller Center’s Christmas tree is a 76-foot-tall Norway Spruce from Easton, Connecticut. So come on down to Rockefeller Center and watch a tree slowly die.” – Weekend Update

South Park

“Then how come Gordon Stoltski got to go on for like five minutes that one day?” – Cartman
“Well, because he was being murdered.” – Mr. Mackey

Supernatural

“Ya, how original. Supernatural bringing in more creepy children. Sigh!” – German Supernatural LARP’er

Photo Credit: NBC

Webisode Clack giveaway – The new Office webisodes

Richard Keller — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 17:00:46 +0000

Today we’re going to offer you, the tried-and-true CliqueClack reader, a two-for-one special. Not only will we be reviewing the latest set of webisodes from The Office, but we’ll also be giving away a sweet package, courtesy of NBC Universal Comcast (sorry, got ahead of myself there).

For the latest round of Office webisodes, the creators have taken a page from the continuing surge in everything musical, and whipped up a small story — a behind-the-scenes look, shall we say — about a music video produced at the Scranton, Pennsylvania branch of Dunder Mifflin. Not a video by one of the hottest bands of today, like Bon Jovi or Ace of Base. Rather, this video was directed, written, and produced by two members of the D.M. staff.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Kelly Kapoor and Erin Hannon; otherwise known as the duet Subtle Sexuality.

In addition to Kelly and Erin — known in real life as Mindy Kaling and Ellie Kemper — the web series features Ryan Howard and Andy Bernard (Misters B.J. Novak and Ed Helms), with cameo appearances by Oscar and Kevin. All of the action takes place inside and outside of the Dunder Mifflin office, as Kelly and Erin attempt to produce a music video for their song “Male Prima Donna.” Along the way they encounter their own M.P.D in the form of Ryan, then conduct a talent search when Ryan goes all diva (or is that divo?) on them.

The highlight of the series is the third episode, which is Subtle Sexuality’s video. Using all of the facets of the D.M. office complex, the video features Mindy and Ellie in leopard-print jumpsuits, as pirates, and as a bride and a priest. Ryan and Andy both appear on the video as well, with Ryan donning the white-suited persona of Mr. Understood and Andy portraying Nard Dog. We already knew Ed Helms had a good singing voice from some of the songs he performed on The Office, but both Mindy and Ellie can also hold a tune.

In addition to the video, which can be seen on the official Office website, there’s a Subtle Sexuality website that you can peruse at your leisure. The website features the duo’s hit video, as well as features like their world tour schedule (with stops in Scranton, Dunmore, Scranton, and Scranton), photos, free items like wallpaper and AIM icons, and, being NBC, things to buy. Which brings us to our giveaway.

NBC has been nice enough to provide us with an exclusive “Subtle Sexuality World Tour” t-shirt and CD of the soon-to-be blockbuster “Male Prima Donna.” All you need to do is tell us what your favorite Kelly, Ryan, or Andy moments are. Submit your entries to this giveaway by Friday, November 20th, at 5 PM ET. JoJo the Prize Monkey (stolen from a CHR station from the 1980s) will pick a comment completely at random to receive the package, and alert the commenter after the giveaway ends. Remember, only one entry per person, and you must have a valid U.S.-based mailing address. Not following these guidelines voids your entry. Good luck, and enjoy Subtle Sexuality’s first video.

Photo Credit: NBC Universal/Chris Hasting

A lesson from Michael Scott: “Monkey see, monkey do … monkey pee all over you.”

Aryeh S. — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 13:00:57 +0000

I’m still not sure what to make of this episode. On the one hand, I think the fate of Dunder Mifflin is an interesting plot twist that could do wonders for The Office, as it has in the past. On the other hand, as Michael as it was, ignoring something so serious and instead playing an infantile game? Really?

I think most everyone who watches this show has hit a Michael wall at one point or another. For a lot of people, it was the golden ticket thing last season. But me? I’ve never really felt as if Michael was too much of a caricature, too childish, or too anything else negative. But this time I’m not sure there are any two ways about it, because eventually even kids need to face reality, as harsh as it may be. The last thing that the office should have done is put up blinders — nor should they have been frozen by fear. With no information, they should have simply gone about their day.

I’m sure we’re going to get plenty of melodrama in the weeks ahead, and therefore the argument could be made for one week of tomfoolery. But I’m sometimes bothered by how easily the Scranton branch employees are distracted by immature nonsense. These are people with spouses, kids, homes, and myriad other responsibilities, so how do they find themselves playing “Murder in Savannah” at the office, particularly on a day when it might behoove them to work a little harder?

Despite the childishness of the game, however, I found it funny that Michael believes that board games help with coping. I wonder just how far it’s possible to take that: Sorry to reconcile you and your spouse after someone cheats? Risk to get you over a bad investment? Monopoly for those with “losing side of an antitrust lawsuit” blues? Given the current economic climate, Milton Bradley might want to be taking notes here.

It’s funny that The Office may have jumped the gun on the whole branch closing thing a few seasons back (actually, since the pilot). It was a good gag, and a useful mechanism, pitting the company and its employees into despair from the beginning. But of course the writers didn’t see the recession coming — if Dunder Mifflin couldn’t swing it in the boom times, how are they still afloat now? How is bankruptcy anything but a foregone conclusion?

Some happy thoughts:

Dwight’s annual martial arts update, AND his one-man demonstration, were great. Even with only one of the two, I would have been satiated.
Was that Erin’s first talking head? Too bad it was on such a sad note … come on, Andy; man up!
Creed running away after walking in late to the “murder” game. I saw it coming, and I still loved it.
The accents, particularly Oscar’s failed attempt. Really, really funny.

Photo Credit: NBC

Ratings Clack – V gets off to a great start

Brett Love — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 18:30:08 +0000

The World Series was the big ratings winner last week, but with New York involved, everyone kind of expected that, right? What nobody expected — most notably ABC — was the success of the V premiere. The numbers weren’t just good. It was the highest rated scripted program on the network, topping the Housewives and Grey’s. Even better, the V demo rating was the highest for a scripted show on any of the networks. Someone at ABC has to be kicking themselves for only ordering four episodes of V, while they continue to crank out more Hanks than they know what to do with.

ABC – It was the big show for the week, so we’ll start with the V (14.3m/5.2) premiere on Tuesday. Even more impressive, it did that against Biggest Loser and NCIS. Not an easy timeslot. That was obviously unexpected, or production wouldn’t have been cut to 4, for now. It makes the results of episode two very interesting. How much of that audience will be back for more? That huge leap in the 8 o’clock hour didn’t do anything for the rest of the night. The Dancing With The Stars results show (15.05m/3.1) was up just a tenth in the demo, and The Forgotten (7.27m/1.9) actually managed to lose a million viewers week-to-week.

Earlier in the week, things were pretty standard on Sunday with Extreme Makeover (10.75m/3.3), Desperate Housewives (14.08m/5), and Brothers & Sisters (9.02m/3.3). Monday, Dancing With The Stars (16.69m/3.4) and Castle (9.43m/2.4) were both off just a bit, but we’ll chalk that up to baseball. Wednesday remains a mixed bag as Hank (5.09m/1.3), The Middle (6.04m/1.8), and Eastwick (4.44m/1.5) all continue to struggle. Modern Family (8.77m/3.5) and Cougar Town (6.87m/2.8) do like solid performers, however.

FlashForward (8.57m/2.6) makes Thursday interesting. It continues to drop, and you have to wonder if the audience is just giving up on it already. It long ago lost track of Survivor, and this week was also topped by Bones. Grey’s Anatomy (13.95m/5.1) and Private Practice (9.11m/3.4) remain a successful pairing. Friday, Ugly Betty (4.76m/1.3) remained steady, but the big surprise was from the Rihana episode of 20/20 (8.18m/2.7).

CBS - It was, for the most part, another very solid week. Sunday was steady, with Amazing Race (11.22m/3.3), Three Rivers (7.7m/1.6), and Cold Case (9.02m/1.7). Of course, that steady means that Three Rivers remains a disappointment and its future prospects are not good. Monday was also solid with How I Met Your Mother (8.82m/3.5), Accidentally On Purpose (8.09m/3.1), 2 ½ Men (13.51m/4.4), Big Bang Theory (12.73m/4.7), and CSI: Miami (12.52m/3.6). Those numbers are off a bit, but we’ll give them a World Series pass as well.

Tuesday, that giant V premiere didn’t do much to slow down the NCIS (20.18m/4.3) juggernaut. NCIS:LA (15.29m/3.6) and The Good Wife (12.74m/2.7) were also on par. Wednesday brought a slightly baseball-weakened combination of Old Christine (6.68m/2), Gary Unmarried (6.29m/2), Criminal Minds (12.55m/3.4), and CSI:NY (12m/2.8).

Thursday, Survivor (12.44m/3.7) is again firmly in control of the hour. More interesting, The Mentalist (16.21m/3.6) topped CSI (15.6m/3.5) in both measures again. The troubling bit came on Friday, as Ghost Whisperer (7.93m/1.8) and Medium (7.58m/1.8) both lost to Law & Order, while Numb3rs (8.09m/1.8) was beaten by 20/20. I can’t remember the last time CBS was beaten in all three Friday hours while running all new episodes.

FOX - The World Series was the story last week. Games on Sunday (22.76m/7.8), Monday (17.09m/5.3), and Wednesday (22.34m/7.4) all did extremely well. So You Think You Can Dance (6.12m/2.4) held down the fort on Tuesday, and Bones (8.66m/2.6) and Fringe (4.86m/1.7) were back on Thursday. Bones moved to #2 in the hour, while Fringe remains a distant fourth.

The quick reaction is to blame the time slot, but compare it to what So You Think You Can Dance is up against on Tuesday at 8. ABC gains 5.73m/2.6. NBC gains 3.93m/2. CBS gains 7.74m/.6. That’s 17.3 million more viewers, and 5.2 more demo points facing SYTYCD, and it still outperformed Fringe. There is also the argument that because World Series Game 7 was scheduled Thursday, people didn’t know it was on. Unfortunately, that doesn’t explain the fact that Bones still managed 8.6 million viewers, or all those other weeks of subpar Fringe numbers. And in case you were wondering, House and Bones repeats on Friday again topped the Brothers, Til Death, and Dollhouse numbers.

NBC - With no football in prime time this week, the big success actually came on Friday. Law & Order is finally showing a little life, with episodes at 8 (7.99m/1.8) and 9 (8.41m/1.9) both winning their hours. Earlier in the week, it was more of the same on Monday from Heroes (5.86m/2.5) and Trauma (5.82m/1.9). The Biggest Loser (9.11m/3.5) remains a solid hit on Tuesday. Wednesday, Mercy (6.63m/1.7) and SVU (7.95m/2.4) were off, but it was the final game of the World Series, so let’s wait and see.

Thursday, Community (5.45m/2.3) and Parks & Recreation (4.91m/2.2) were both up. However, they do both remain below what Kath & Kim (5.57m/2.4) were doing at this time last year. The Office (8.09m/4.1) and 30 Rock (6.15m/3) continue along the same path. Leno had another rough week, falling below 4 million viewers once, and below 1.5 in the demo three times. I’m starting to think that Leno one night a week might not be a bad idea. Give him the post Biggest Loser slot, and return scripted to the other four hours. The numbers:

Monday: 3.92m/1.2
Tuesday: 5.96m/2
Wednesday: 4.81m/1.4
Thursday: 4.83m/1.6
Friday: 4.6m/1.2

CW - Nothing too exciting to report this week. One Tree Hill (2.32m/1.1) and Gossip Girl (1.98m/1) look to have taken a small hit from baseball. 90210 (1.92m/1) and Melrose Place (1.48m/.8) continue to struggle as we all wait to see what Heather Locklear will do to the Melrose numbers. Next Top Model (3.87m/1.7) was up, despite baseball. Thursday remains the strongest night of the week with Vampire Diaries (4.09m/1.9) and Supernatural (2.65m/1.2). And Smallville (2.76m/1.2) continues to grow.

CABLE - Not a lot to yell about on cable this week either. It is worth noting that the second episode of White Collar (5.075m/1.2), from 10/30, held up very well. It looks like USA has found a few more characters. Stargate Universe (1.97m/.8), from the same night, found itself falling below the 2 million viewer mark. Sanctuary (1.6m/.5) and Monk (4.69m/1) were fairly steady. Some other numbers:

Mad Men (1.78m/.7)
Dexter (1.88m/.9)
Lincoln Heights (1.11m/.3)
Greek (.66m/.3)
Sons Of Anarchy (3.52m/1.8)
Nip/Tuck (2.17m/1.1)
Curb Your Enthusiasm (.98m/.4)
Bored To Death (.72m/.4)
Californication (.82m/.4)
South Park (2.82m/1.5)
It’s Always Sunny (1.99m/1.3)
The League (1.41m/.9)
Monday Night Football (12.37m/5.1)
Kate: Her Story (3.79m/1.7)
The Hills (1.99m/1.2)
Mythbusters (1.82m/.8)
Ghost Hunters (2.73m/1.3)

Photo Credit: ABC

Quotation Marks – Bilarious, bike-curious, and bagpiping

Ivey West — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 14:35:33 +0000

I have missed the Supernatural boat. Everyone tells me what a great show it is, but I’ve never taken the time. If this week’s lead quote is any indication, I sure am missing out. The week before the start of November Sweeps also brings us some good quotes from Modern Family and Community. Next week, however, I promise the return of Glee!

Supernatural

“You gotta calm down.” — Sam
“Calm down? I’m wearing sunglasses at night!! You know who does that? No talent douche bags! I hate this game! I hate that we’re in a procedural cop show and you want to know to know why … because I hate procedural cop shows! There’s like 300 of them on television and they’re all the freaking same. It’s, ‘Oh, plane crashed here.’ Oh shut up!” — Dean

30 Rock

“You’re setting him up to get it. You don’t think I know that trick. You don’t think I’ve been brought in on a million auditions just to make Kim Catrall seem grounded and human.” — Jenna, on Liz’s plan to get a new cast member hired.

“My mom used to send me articles about how older virgins are considered good luck in Mexico.” — Liz

“I’m not gay. I’m…bilarious!” — Homosexual man waiting on line to see Hugh Jackman

Community

“Listen… Randi can be the name of a guy or a girl. But in this case… it is definitely a girl.” — Troy

“I’m an artist. I write what I feel. And I feel that you suck.” — Vaughn

“TV’s the best dad there is. TV never came home drunk. TV never forgot me at the zoo. TV never abused and insulted me. Unless you count Cop Rock.” — Jeff

“I lived in my car for a stretch in the ’70s. Nothing like bedding on one in the vinyl backseat of a Skylark. Of course we didn’t have the same safety standards back then, so… no condoms. I tell you, before AIDS, sex was like shaking hands.” — Pierce
“Hence AIDS.” — Abed

Parks and Recreation

“Pawnee’s library department is the most diabolical and ruthless bunch of bureaucrats I’ve ever seen. They’re like a biker gang. Only instead of shotguns and crystal meth they use political savvy and shushing.” — Leslie

“It was like doing peyote and sneezing slowly for six hours… that woman really knows her way around a penis.” — Ron on sleeping with his ex-wife Tammi

Vampire Diaries

“I’m worse than shallow — I’m a kiddie pool.” — Caroline

“Unexpected surprise? I think the wrong brother went back to high school.” — Lexi to Damon

“Are you wearing polyester?” — Caroline to Bonnie after she gets zapped by her necklace

Modern Family

“And Mitchell is still upset because Claire quit the team right before some meet.” — Cam
“Some meet? The 13-and-under regional championship. Just the Emerald City at the end of my yellow brick road.” — Mitchell
“Oh, you did it.” — Cam
“What?” — Mitchell
“You made figure skating sound even gayer.” — Cam

“Last year you said basketball was going to be my sport.” — Luke
“Look, I’ve said a lot of things I wish I could take back, but I can’t.” — Phil

“It doesn’t matter to you because you had your own moments…. You had cheerleading and high school plays and making out with the quarterback….” — Mitchell
“Oh come on, you made out with him too.” — Claire

“That wasn’t angry talk?” — Jay
“No, that was happy talk.” — Gloria
“I’m beginning to see why there’s so much conflict on your continent.” — Jay

How I Met Your Mother

“That must be that tantric bagpiping that Sting is into … shut the bagpipes up.” — Ted to Robin, about the noisy “bagpiping” neighbors upstairs

”I’ll wash my manhood when I’m good and ready!” — Marshall

Greek

“I hate crickets. Ever since Pinocchio … they’re too bossy.” — Beaver

“Cappie, who do the Kappa Tau’s hate the most?” — Casey
“Ryan Seacrest. Oh no, no, no, wait, wait; Officer Huck.” — Cappie
“And who do the Omega Kais hate the most?” — Casey
“Liberals?” — Cappie

“We’re in.” — Evan
“Well, we’re in further.” — Beaver
“Do you have any idea what comes out of your mouth?” — Tripp
“No … do you?” — Beaver

“We’re all gonna go to girl jail, like those prison movies my boyfriend watches.” — ZBZer, after the fire

The Office

“I am not robbing the cradle … if anything, I’m robbing the grave.” — Michael, on dating Pam’s mom

South Park

“What would you call a straight man, who doesn’t own a Harley, but likes them and might buy one someday?” — Woman
“You call him bike-curious.” — Cartman

Photo Credit: CW

Awkward date moments strike Pam and Jim once again on The Office

Aryeh S. — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 14:00:30 +0000

Another wild episode to add to the stable of them that The Office has produced. The main plot, as the title of the episode (”Double Date”) suggests, was a double date involving Pam and Jim, and Helene (Pam’s mom) and Michael. On Helene’s birthday. A more awkward dining experience I can’t imagine.

Or can I? Anyone else recall the ill-fated lunch that Jim and Pam shared with Phyllis and Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration? The one where Phyllis and Bob disappear, only to have Jim and Pam discover that they’re having sex in a closet? I’m honestly not sure which date was worse.

But last night, Michael discovered that Helene was turning 58, and not 49 (for the ninth time) as he believed. “I am not robbing the cradle … if anything, I’m robbing the grave,” said he, in a talking head. Thus began a series of events that began with Michael discussing competing in a triathlon, and ended with Pam slapping him across the face in the Dunder Mifflin parking lot.

In between, Pam gave the couple her blessing, Michael dumped Helene at her birthday lunch, and he offered Pam a raise/bribe back at the office for her understanding. I found myself disappointed in Pam for not actually punching Michael in the face, or at least kneeing him in the groin one of the times that he went to cover his face. What a waste of a good punching tutorial from Toby. You could almost see Toby salivating at the thought of getting the opportunity to be in Pam’s shoes one day.

The “B” plot was a tad more confusing. Dwight’s quest to get everyone in the office to owe him one, with dreams of cashing in those chits to get Jim fired, seemed a bit odd to me, even for Dwight, and even before it veered off into a Dwight/Andy favor-a-thon. At first this season I just saw Andy being wasted, but as my wife pointed out to me recently, Dwight is also not getting much to do. And when he is wading into something, it’s a lot more ho-hum than funny.

I’m not sure where The Office is spending its time instead, because it’s not like Jim, Pam, and Michael weren’t the focus before, but I’m not even sure that Rainn Wilson would qualify for a supporting actor nomination this season — he’s just not involved enough. In fact, somehow the entire balance of the series, and the workplace action, has shifted. To where, I know not.

But I digress. It was funny that a $15 Starbucks gift card from everyone in the office was enough to counter-balance the bagels that Dwight brought in for his coworkers. Also funny was his lesson about deer penis being an aphrodisiac. And it actually did work in the humor department in the close when Dwight attempted to cash in his favor for icing Michael’s face with first a request to have Jim fired, then for a promotion to co-manager, and finally for an office. Maybe it just needed to be put into action to connect.

Anyway, good riddance to the questionable drama in Michael dating Pam’s mom. But did anyone else see a glimmer of possibility when Pam asked Michael to promise not to date any of her other family members? Do you think something’s amiss?

Photo Credit: NBC

Ratings Clack – The Mentalist knocks off CSI

Brett Love — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 16:00:29 +0000

A combination of baseball and pre-sweeps repeats made for a bit of an odd week. Repeats don’t mean there aren’t numbers of note however. We had Jay Leno’s first shot against CSI: Miami and NY repeats, and a look at what running repeats on Friday does for FOX. That is, nothing good for Dollhouse season 3. Also interesting this week — The Mentalist finally topped CSI in viewers and the demo, and even a repeat Gibbs appearance is worth 16 million viewers.

FOX - Having the baseball playoffs paid off big for the network when NY joined the party. The three contests last week included ALCS Game 6 (15.48m/5.2) on Sunday, and World Series Game 1 (19.51m/6.3) and Game 2 (18.9m/5.8) on Wednesday and Thursday. Needless to say, those were some serious gains over the usual occupants.

Elsewhere, So You Think You Can Dance (5.85m/2.6) was well off the usual House number in it’s one-time stop on Monday. On a brighter note, with CBS in repeats, it still finished #2 in the hour. Lie To Me (6.33m/2.4) struggled without the House lead in. There were similar numbers for the first SYTYCD competition episode (6.47m/2.5) on Tuesday. The only other number of note came from the House (3.4m/1.1) repeat on Friday, which topped the usual Brothers, Til Death, and Dollhouse combination.

ABC - The week got off to a steady start with Sunday’s Extreme Makeover (10.59m/3), Desperate Housewives (14.18m/4.7), and Brothers & Sisters (9.97m/3.3). On Monday, Dancing With The Stars (17.38m/3.6) was steady in the demo. That’s positive news for Castle (9.99m/2.5), which was up a tenth. There were more gains on Tuesday, as Charlie Brown (8.8m/2.8) easily bested the usual performance of Shark Tank. DWTS (15.2m/3) was down in the demo over the previous week, but The Forgotten (8.26m/2) still managed to grow.

Charlie Brown (6m/2) also proved to be an improvement over Hank on Wednesday. The rest of the night, including The Middle (6.49m/2.2), Modern Family (9.33m/3.7), Cougar Town (7.54m/3.2), and Eastwick (5.02m/1.8), was up as well. Less exciting, FlashForward (8.92m/2.7) managed to find series lows on Thursday. Grey’s Anatomy (13.74m/5.2) was down week-to-week, but still the highest rated scripted program for the night. Private Practice (9.16m/3.6) continues to hold up well. Friday, Ugly Betty (4.5m/1.2) was steady, if not impressive.

CBS - The week started with a reasonably steady full slate on Sunday, featuring Amazing Race (11.22m/3.4), Three Rivers (7.78m/1.7), and Cold Case (9.3m/1.8). Then, there were a whole lot of repeats as the network took Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday off. Of note among those was the Monday 9-10 comedy block winning the hour in the demo. Tuesday, NCIS (16.7m/3.3) was the most watched show of the night. And CSI: Miami and NY both won their hours outright.

New programming picked back up Thursday with Survivor (12.19m/3.7), CSI (15.24m/3.4), and The Mentalist (15.53m/3.6). That is of particular note, given that it’s the first time The Mentalist has beaten CSI in viewers and demo this season. Friday was down week-to-week, but the network still won all three hours with Ghost Whisperer (8.28m/2), Medium (7.69m/1.8), and Numb3rs (7.74m/1.8).

NBC – It was, for the most part, a fairly steady week. Sunday Night Football (14.98m/5.9) was off a bit facing baseball, but still a huge winner for the network. Heroes (5.72m/2.5) was right on pace with last week. Oddly enough, Trauma (5.78m/1.9) was actually up for the week in which it was canceled. The Biggest Loser (9.67m/3.7) continued to cruise on Tuesday. And NBC got an animation boost of their own as Monsters vs Aliens (6.24m/2.2) improved on the Mercy demo on Wednesday.

Law & Order SVU (8.24m/2.8) was down in viewers, despite the Criminal Minds repeat. I suppose we can chalk that up to baseball. Thursday, Community (5.32m/2.1) was the only show that was actually up week-to-week. Parks & Recreation (4.8m/2), The Office (8.21m/4.2), and 30 Rock (6.1m/3.1) were all down, but close enough to expected averages. Friday, Law & Order (7m/1.4) continued to struggle.

Leno didn’t have a good week. Before the premiere, one of the network’s talking points was that while the show will get beat by originals, wait until it airs against repeats. We’ve seen what that looks like, and it’s not good news for Jay. Not only is Leno still being beaten by repeats, the numbers are still dropping. This week, Leno against a repeat CSI:Miami finished below Leno against a new CSI:Miami last week. Friday also brought the lowest demo in the series.

Mon – 4.74m/1.3
Tue – 6.06m/1.8
Wed – 5.03m/1.5
Thu – 4.41m/1.5
Fri – 5.14m/1.2

CW - The little network had a very good week. They took Tuesday off, but the other four nights were all up over the previous week. One Tree Hill (2.67m/1.3) and Gossip Girl (2.31m/1.2) took advantage of the missing House and repeat comedies. Next Top Model (3.51m/1.6) actually faced much stiffer competition with World Series Game 1, but looks to have gained some of those displaced SYTYCD viewers. Vampire Diaries (4.18m/2) and Supernatural (2.92m/1.4) were at the highest levels we’ve seen since the premiere. Smallville (2.6m/1.2) wrapped the winning week on Friday.

CABLE – The shine has worn off The Jeff Dunham Show (2.33m/1) rather quickly, as week two had less than half the viewers of week one. The other notable bit from the cable world was the premiere of FX’s new comedy, The League (.99m/.6), which is much better than its ratings might lead you to believe.

From the previous Friday, 10/23, here are a few of the cable numbers:

Stargate: Universe (2.02m/.8)
Sanctuary (1.69m/.5)
Monk (5.42m/1.5)
White Collar (5.4m/1.4)
Wizards of Waverly Place (4.39m/.8)

And from the week just completed:

Mad Men (1.72m/.6)
Dexter (1.68m/.8)
Greek (.77m/.4)
Sons Of Anarchy (3.39m/1.8)
Nip/Tuck (2.2m/1.1)
Curb Your Enthusiasm (1.05m/.4)
Californication (.77m/.4)
Bored To Death (.65m/.3)
South Park (2.57m/1.3)
Secret Girlfriend (1.38m/.7)
It’s Always Sunny (1.35m/.8)
Top Chef (3.04m/1.7)
Project Runway (3.24m/1.4)
The Hills (2.05m/1.2)
Dirty Jobs (2.31m/.9)
Mythbusters (2.56m/1)
Ghost Hunters (3.06m/1.4)

Photo Credit: CBS

Quotation Marks – Batman, Emperor Palpatine, and sexy kittens

Ivey West — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 20:54:39 +0000

Halloween week on TV always is fun. Costumes, parties, and horror stories, oh my! This week wasn’t all about the Day of the Dead, however. We saw Derek buck the odds (and his boss) and perform a miracle like surgery, NBC cancel my favorite new show of year (Favorite show not named Glee that is), and the folks from Supernatural meet their future counterparts. And its not even November Sweeps yet!!

Community

“Batman.” — Jeff
“Yeah.” — Abed
“Are you staying for the party?” — Jeff
“If I stay, there can be no party. I must be out there in the night, staying vigilant. Wherever a party needs to be saved, I’m there. Wherever there are masks, or there’s tomfoolery and joy, I’m there. But sometimes I’m not, ’cause I’m out in the night, staying vigilant, watching, lurking, running, jumping, hurtling, sleeping. No, I can’t sleep. I don’t sleep. You sleep. I’m awake. I don’t sleep. I don’t blink. Am I a bird? No. I’m a bat. I am Batman … or am I? Yes, I am Batman. Happy Halloween.” — Abed

“Dia de los Muertos, or Day of the dead, is often referred to as Mexican Halloween.” — Annie
“Which is actually quite offensive to people familiar with “Mexican Halloween” as a sexual position.” — Mr. Chang

Greek

“My parents don’t celebrate Thanksgiving; they side with the Native Americans. And the turkey — they’re vegetarians.” — Cappie

“I care about old people … I watch Desperate Housewives.” — Rebecca

The Middle

“And I’m the one who needs testing.” — Brick to Frankie after Sue comes through chasing a tennis ball

“Ketchup packets?” — Mike
“They’re my security condiments; they soothe me.” — Brick

“It was fun. It was a little loud, but I got some reading done.” — Brick to Frankie, on how basketball was

The Office

“I want to sell your blood.” — Creed’s take on Dracula

“I’m not usually the butt of the joke; I’m usually the face of the joke.” — Michael

“I could get a fish for a five-cent worm.” — Michael
“Oh, you’re paying way too much for worms, man. Who’s your worm guy?” — Creed

Parks and Recreation

“Hey slutty teenaged girls dressed as sexy kittens, pump your own stomachs this year!” — Anne

The Vampire Diaries

“OK, Count Deepak.” — Damon to Stefan on his “we’re all our own person” speech to Vicki

“Why do I have to pee? I thought I was dead.” — Vicki

Modern Family

“Am I driving him to school or is he riding his burro?” — Jay to Gloria about Manny wearing his poncho to school

“Usually we just gave time outs.” — Claire to Mitchell, when he asked her if she ever banged her kids’ heads against the wall.

Supernatural

“I didn’t know what you were. Have you seen you? You look like …” — Sam
“The old chick from Titanic. I know, shut up.” — Old Dean
“I was going to say Emperor Palpatine.” — Sam

30 Rock

“Hey Tracy, did you hear? Fred Dawkins, the incredibly overweight guy that Pacman was based on died last night.” — Frank
“I will eat a bowl of cherries and some ghost meat in his honor.” — Tracy

“I”m not going to be pushed aside and forgotten, like that time at my sister’s funeral.” — Jenna

“Good God Lemon, your breath. When did you find the time to eat a diaper that you found on the beach?” — Jack to Liz

Dexter

“If my face was all over the media for shooting a cop and a Fed … I’d be digging a fucking hole all the way to China.” — Vince
“…” — Everyone Else
“No one fucking go there.” — Vince

Grey’s Anatomy

“Don’t worry … Being ditched by cancer wife won’t change my mind, you’re still a douche.” — Reed to Karev

“Today, if you become frightened, instead, become inspired.” — Isaac to Derek

Trauma

“You’re giving a naked co-ed a sponge bath in my copter?” — Marisa to Rabbit

Photo Credit: NBC

The Office – Do-not-mock lists trump Halloween any day

Aryeh S. — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 13:00:17 +0000

Was there any particular reason that this was billed as The Office’s Halloween episode? Cold open aside, last night’s comedy could have taken place any time of the year. Wasn’t there a time when themed episodes were themed throughout? At least have some decorations in the office, or employees in their costumes during the day. We’ll see if Christmas makes it into an episode this year.

With Jim busy with Michael, Pam was free to go cold-calling with Andy, the two having the lowest sales for the previous quarter. What happened to Andy the salesman? Actually, in the end their plot was really just a means to show how sad Andy now is. And clients mistaking the pair for a couple was cute, but I didn’t really find anything about it funny.

Andy’s tangent about dating models, and Pam being their surrogate? Andy getting lost in birthing coaches and techniques, talking to the fetus, putting his hand on Pam’s stomach, and sticking his head down by her womb … was all of that meant to be laughter-worthy? At best I was embarrassed for them, but when Andy told Pam that he was tired of being single, we saw that it was really all just sad Andy being sad. At least their bonding the night before Pam and Jim’s wedding wasn’t for naught.

Back at the office, Michael’s accidental foray into a koi pond kicked off a new round of sensitivity training. I find that The Office has a lot of brilliant ideas that I wish they’d take a little further. I loved the “do not mock” list, and besides wishing that we’d gotten to see or hear everyone’s contribution to it, I also had hoped — I suppose it could still happen — that it might become a fixture in the office.

Like, they could print up the list and post it around, so that any time someone started making fun of someone else and the subject was a list item, office-mates would be able to point it out and stop the joke. It sounds complicated, but it could be worked seamlessly into future episodes as yet another “thing” that’s a part of the lore of the show. Isn’t that sort of continuity how a show keeps growing?

In fact, it was exactly that type of continuity that saw Michael making a huge fool of himself while trying to diffuse the teasing situation. From “Walk much?” to getting thrown in the frozen pond by the girl’s volleyball team, to not having five friends and family for his calling circle, to “I don’t even have Jan’s cell phone number.”

Sad, but that’s the Michael we’ve come to know and love.

Some quotes:

“I want to sell your blood.” – Creed’s take on Dracula

“I’m not usually the butt of the joke; I’m usually the face of the joke.” – Michael

“I could get a fish for a five-cent worm.” – Michael
“Oh, you’re paying way too much for worms, man. Who’s your worm guy?” – Creed

Photo Credit: NBC

Ratings Clack – Smallville continues to defy the odds

Brett Love — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 16:00:19 +0000

We do often get caught up in the big numbers from the big networks. It is, after all, hard to overlook the fact that NCIS is still growing its audience in the 7th season. There are still some very interesting stories happening on the little network, CW. When it was announced that Vampire Diaries would be paired with Supernatural, while Smallville was shuffled off to Friday, many people expected that was the end.

The show wouldn’t be able to come back from a year grinding away on Friday nights. After a few weeks looking at the numbers though, that’s not the case at all. Clark and the gang can celebrate good times, despite taking a hit from the move. In fact, this week Smallville topped new episodes of One Tree Hill, Gossip Girl, 90210, and Melrose Place. It’s far from done. Elsewhere, we had our first sizable crop of repeats this week, which brought some interesting results.

CW – With Smallville getting the lead, we’ll start with CW this week. The week got off to a slow start with One Tree Hill (2.21m/1) and Gossip Girl (1.98m/1.1) both down. Things picked up, if you can call it that, on Tuesday with 90210 (2.25m/1.1) remaining steady and Melrose Place (1.5m/.7) gaining in viewers. Next Top Model (2.99m/1.4) was steady as well. Vampire Diaries (2.27m/.9) and Supernatural (1.83m/.8) were repeats, but it is worth noting given that the Vampire Diaries repeat had more viewers than all of the Monday and Tuesday originals. Smallville (2.52m/1.1) closed out the week with the best performance for a scripted show on the network, and also managed to finish tied for third in the demo on the night.

ABC – It was something of an uneventful week for the network. Sunday’s performance was steady with Extreme Makeover (10.33m/3), Desperate Housewives (13.68m/4.6), and Brothers & Sisters (9.72m/3.2). Likewise, Monday finished very much like the previous week with Dancing With The Stars (16.82m/3.6) and Castle (9.69m/2.4). It is worth noting that the Castle numbers have been good enough that the network has picked up the back 9.

Things started to change on Tuesday, as Shark Tank (5.92m/1.8) and DWTS Results (14.92m/3.4) both saw gains. Unfortunately, that didn’t do anything for The Forgotten (7.3m/1.9), which slipped to the lowest numbers of the season. Those 10PM struggles were repeated on Wednesday, with Eastwick (4.78m/1.6) also finding new lows. That came on the heels of a night of comedy that was down across the board with Hank (5.78m/1.5), The Middle (6.53m/2), Modern Family (8.66m/3.4), and Cougar Town (7.31m/3.1). Things really don’t look good for Hank.

There were more changes on Thursday, although they really weren’t that surprising. FlashForward (9.87m/3.1) gained in viewers while holding steady in the demo. Grey’s Anatomy (15.06m/5.3), on the other hand, posted big week-to-week gains. Of course, that was against a repeat CSI. Surprisingly though, it didn’t translate into gains for Private Practice (9.93m/3.7). The show was down without the crossover element, despite facing a repeat Mentalist. Friday, Supernanny (4.7m/1.1) returned above the year ago premiere, and Ugly Betty (4.55m/1.2) limped to a third place finish in the hour.

CBS - The week started off with shenanigans as the football overrun bumped Cold Case for the night. Amazing Race (10.92m/3.3) and Three Rivers (7.38m/1.9) didn’t see any benefit from that. Monday was mostly par for the course, with one notable exception. Accidentally On Purpose (8.25m/3.3) actually beat How I Met Your Mother (8.07m/3.4) in viewers. Did anyone see that coming? Later, the duo of 2 ½ Men (14.07m/4.8) and Big Bang Theory (13.47m/5.3) continued to dominate the 9PM hour. CSI: Miami (13.16m/3.9) finished the night on a winning note.

Tuesday was up across the board, on the back of NCIS (21.25m/4.7) continuing to impress. That led to good things for NCIS:LA (16.48m/3.9) and The Good Wife (13.26m/2.8). Wednesday remained steady. Old Christine (6.58m/2) and Gary Unmarried (6.76m/2.2) seem to have fought off the ABC comedies, while Criminal Minds (14.27m/3.8) and CSI:NY (13m/3) easily win their hours. Survivor (12.9m/4) was the lone new entry on Thursday, but it is worth noting that The Mentalist (11.79m/2.8) beat CSI (10.14m/2.2) in repeats. Friday was again an easy victory for Ghost Whisperer (8.46m/2.1), Medium (8.43m/2.2), and Numb3rs (8.05m/1.8).

NBC - Overall, it was actually a good week for NBC, relatively speaking. Sunday Night Football (18.17m/7.2) continues to be huge. And Heroes (5.72m/2.5) was actually up. With Mercy (7.18m/1.9) getting a full season, things don’t look good for Trauma (5.46m/1.8). Tuesday, The Biggest Loser (9.82m/3.9) was also up. There were more gains to be had on Wednesday, as L&O: SVU (9.15m/2.8) continued to grow. There is still the very real possibility that it could compete with Criminal Minds in the demo by the end of the season.

Thursday continues to be a mixed bag. Technically, Community (5.04m/1.9) and Parks & Recreation (4.93m/2.1) had the 8PM hour up over last week. But really, if Kath & Kim are looking down at your numbers, that’s really bad. The Office (8.73m/4.4) and 30 Rock (6.84m/3.3) took advantage of the CSI vacation. Friday, Law & Order (7.17m/1.5) continued to struggle, while Dateline (7.91m/1.8) continued to make the case for canceling Southland.

Leno… didn’t have a good week.The numbers continue to shrink, slowly. Two nights below five million, and two below 1.5 in the demo. Most troubling might be the fact that despite nice gains from The Office and 30 Rock on Thursday, and facing a repeat Mentalist, Leno was actually down.

Mon – 4.74m/1.4
Tue – 5.46m/1.8
Wed – 5.14m/1.5
Thu – 4.97m/1.6
Fri – 6.15m/1.4

FOX - The week started off with one of the most interesting repeats of the week. An old Family Guy (8.13m/4.2) was stuffed in with new episodes from The Simpsons (8.69m/4.1), Cleveland (7.62m/3.8), American Dad (6.25m/3.1) but still managed to be the highest rated. Monday, being pushed back by baseball didn’t do any favors for House (11.65m/4.4) and Lie To Me (7.79m/2.9). The news was better from baseball (10.3m/3.4) on Tuesday. Wednesday, So You Think You Can Dance (6.91m/2.6) and Glee (7.15m/3.3) were steady. I’m curious to see what happens as SYTYCD gets into the competition.

Baseball (11.85m/3.7) returned Thursday, offering a boost to the usual numbers. Friday was more of the same. The only semi-surprise was that Til Death (1.97m/.7) managed to fall below 2 million viewers. Yikes. It’s pretty bad when you lose viewers from Brothers (2.35m/.8). Dollhouse (2.15m/.8) slipped again, marking its second worse performance ever.

Cable – Ryan asked for numbers from Stargate: Universe and Sanctuary last week. I don’t usually include them because unless Syfy sees fit to issue a press release over the weekend, the post is up before they come out. So, the next best thing is week old numbers. For the 10/16 broadcasts the numbers were Stargate: Universe (2.1m/.9) and Sanctuary (1.77m/.6). That same night, USA had Monk (3.98m/1) and Psych (3.68m/1.2). The interesting premiere this week was The Jeff Dunham Show (5.34m/2.2). That’s impressive, given the overwhelming hatred of the show from critics. It’s also worth noting that Sons Of Anarchy (3.7m/2) beat both Leno and The Forgotten in the demo. Other interesting cable numbers for the past week:

Monday Night Football (13.47m/5.5)
Hannah Montana (5.72m/1)
Mad Men (1.61m/.5)
Dexter (1.51m/.7)
Californication (.77m/.3)
Curb Your Enthusiasm (1.08m/.5)
Bored To Death (.66m/.3)
Project Runway (3.02m/1.3)
Real Housewives Of Atlanta (2.97m/1.6)
It’s Always Sunny (1.52m/.9)
Lincoln Heights (.92m/.2)
Greek (.68m/.3)
The Hills (1.83m/1.1)
Dirty Jobs (1.86m/.9)
Mythbusters (2.28m/1)
Top Chef (2.86m/1.5)
South Park (2.58m/1.4)
Secret Girlfriend (1.29m/.6)
Nip/Tuck (2.23m/1.2)
Ghost Hunters (3.07m/1.4)

Photo Credit: The CW

Quotation Marks – Ascots, belly buttons, and Crocs

Ivey West — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 15:40:25 +0000

This week’s column is a tribute to the new sitcoms network television has given us this season. Sure, we’ve still got some hour-longs in there (because you know I’m not going to let one of these posts go up with out some Glee love), but we’re mainly highlighting the the half hour comedies this time around.

Modern Family

“Why is she dressed like the Hamburglar?” — Mitchell, about his baby Lily

“I’ll tell you what’s weird. Our son is not weird. What’s weird is that her kid wears aftershave and dresses like a count.” — Claire, about Manny

“It’s not just the game. It’s the bands, and the drama and the pageantry.” — Mitchell
“Don’t forget about the team mascots.” — Cameron
“They wear ascots?” — Mitchell
“No, mascots, with an ‘m.’ That could have been very embarrassing.” — Cameron

“Claire likes to say you can be part of the problem or part of the solution. I happen to believe that you can be both.” — Phil

House

“He’s just agreeing with you because he wants to have sex with you. By the way, I agree with you too — especially in those pants.” — House to Cameron

“Can I tell you something? I wasn’t picking lint out of my belly button.”– House to Wilson

“You want to take this case because he’s another sad puppy. You should have been a vet.” — House to Cameron

“You do make me feel funny.” — House to Cuddy

“That’s not hate, it’s foreplay.” — intern to intern, about Cuddy and House

Community

“I think if you said ‘jump,’ he’d say ‘how high’. I think if you said ’stop’ he’d say ‘Hammertime.’” — Dean Pelton

Parks and Recreation

“Mark, I am so sick of moving like a slug. I want to move like a cheetah. Or a slug driving a remote controlled car. Well, maybe something more plausible than that, but fast.” — Leslie

Greek

“Someone without a college degree shouldn’t be so choosy.” — Dale to Lana

“Hi. Um, I have a friend of mine I’d like to introduce you to; his name’s Jesus. And he pays much greater dividends than those dollar bills in your underpants.” — Dale to a stripper

“Jesus knows how to party; dude makes his own wine.” — Dale to a KTer

“You know, some people appreciate my sense of humor.” — Evan
“Some people appreciate Crocs.” — Ashleigh

Glee

“I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark cold night, I’ll steal away into your home and punch you in the face.” — Sue to Will

“I can’t do this.” — Rachel
“Why? We’re a couple of good-lookin’ Jews. It’s natural.” — Puck
“I can’t give myself to someone who isn’t brave enough to sing a solo. If you don’t have the guts to do that, how are you gonna be able to deal with the ups and downs of loving an admittedly high maintenance girl like me?” — Rachel
“Are you questioning my badassness? Have you seen my guns?” — Puck

“Know what the worst part is? It’s not the burning in your eyes or how the slushee drips into your underpants. It’s the humiliation.” — Puck

The Middle

“So, this Olivia, is she here right now?”– Mike to Brick when Brick announced that he was dating someone

“Great advice Axl; now I’m married, and we have a baby!” — Brick

“I’m not even sure if Rainbow Bright is mine.” — Brick

“Nobody ever has a record of Sue.” — Frankie

The Office

“That could have gone one of two ways. But I never expected her to get upset.” — Michael about Pam

“I am your boss, and I may someday be your father.” — Michael to Pam

“Did you really think I would put my primary listening device in a wooden mallard? I’m not insane.” — Dwight, showing the camera his pen recorder

30 Rock

“After the elections I could have gotten any ambassadorship I wanted, even to the world’s gayest country — Ireland.” — Devon

“In three days the headlines will read, ‘Jack Donaghy saves GE, comma, marries your mom.’” — Jack

“A book hasn’t caused me this much trouble since Where’s Waldo went to that barber pole factory!” — Tracy

“This isn’t the auto industry, Pete. The auto industry was run by a bunch of out-of-touch white guys selling consumers a product they didn’t want. We’re GE damn it, and we’re going to make a giant, flimsy microwave!” — Jack

The Venture Bros

“I can cross ’stab Hitler to death’ off my list of cool crap I thought I’d never do.” — Brock Samson

How I Met Your Mother

“OK, that’s it. [stands up on top of chair] Attention, Canada. I’m Barney, from America, and I’m here to fix your backward-ass country. Number one, get real money. [shows Canadian dollar bill] Don’t know what board game this came from, but it’s a [in French accent] joke. Number two, and this is a biggie, quit letting awesome chicks like Robin Scherbatsky get away because you know what, you don’t want her, I’m planting my flag in her, if you know what I mean — which you probably don’t — and getting her the hell out of here. You may now return to being pointless.” — Barney

Big Bang Theory

“Did that guy just say, ‘Revenge is a dish best served cold,’ in Klingon?” — Wil Wheaton
“I believe so.” — Stuart
“What is wrong with him?” — Wil
“Everyone has a different theory.” — Stuart

“I came here to defeat Wil Wheaton, the man who destroyed my dream, but I can’t defeat Wil Wheaton, the man who loved his memaw. [plays his card] Enchanted Bunny.” — Sheldon
“NOOOO!!!!! Not Enchanted Bunny!” — Raj
“I call my memaw ‘Nana,’ and she going to be very happy to hear my small rock kills your Enchanted Bunny. Game over, Moon Pie.” — Wil
“I … I don’t understand. Your grandmother’s alive?” — Sheldon
“You catch on quick. Come on, Stewie, let’s get our prize money.” — Wil

Photo Credit: CBS

The Office – Espionage and mother lovers

Aryeh S. — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 03:01:44 +0000

Jim and Pam are back! And the good thing about an office environment is that dating, married, or friends, the fun has the potential to go on. But did it?

Certainly can’t make that call yet, as far as I’m concerned; “regular” office business was not a theme of the week. Instead, Michael dropped a bombshell on everyone, and Dwight took a page out of Greek mythology. No one ever said that you could anticipate plot on The Office.

First to Michael: I’d blocked out the fact that he and Helene Beesly had hooked up at Jim and Pam’s wedding, and I was disturbed to discover that their night together developed into a relationship. Just imagine what that would be like if he were dating your mother. I shudder at the thought.

What was cool was, finally some emotion from Jim! I mean, I finally felt as if he cared about something (including Pam) when he yelled at Michael. He kind of receded into the night when Pam learned of the relationship, but up until she started yelling in the parking lot, we were getting something from him.

And I like that Michael didn’t end up backing down. I hope he ultimately does, believe me, but it’s more enjoyable when not everything that happens is one and done. This might just end up being ongoing tension going forward, or it could be something that will somehow tie into the impending birth. Like giving Michael a semi-legitimate place at the birth and other baby-related events. The awkwardness would be hysterical.

The “B” had Dwight planting a listening device in a mallard, and presenting it to Jim as a promotion gift. What does he imagine he’ll learn? That 65 lb. paper is the heaviest that will easily feed through an office printer? I’d think Dwight would be too pompous to think Jim had something to teach him … the fact that the mallard was just a red herring kind of proves that he finds himself superior, no?

Before I get to other good stuff, one thing that I’d like to note that was anything but good: “Frank and Beans.” The first time it was moronic. The next six? And nice use of the “Chandler and Monica meeting a couple on their honeymoon” patheticness.

Creed crying at the aria Jim played in his office
Stanley silently cheering Pam on as she yelled at Michael … actually, Stanley had a lot of great background stuff tonight, if you were watching
Michael turning to Toby for help — wow! Does that prove how important Helene is to him, or how important Pam is?

And some quotes:

“That could have gone one of two ways. But I never expected her to get upset.” – Michael about Pam

“I am your boss, and I may someday be your father.” – Michael to Pam

“Did you really think I would put my primary listening device in a wooden mallard? I’m not insane.” – Dwight, showing the camera his pen recorder

Photo Credit: NBC

Ratings Clack – Where is FlashForward headed?

Brett Love — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 16:00:41 +0000

FlashForward is one of the more interesting shows of the new season where ratings are concerned. On the one hand, so far it has been a huge upgrade for the 8-9 spot on ABC. And while it has been surpassed by Survivor, it does continue to hold off Bones in the demo. On the other hand, the ratings don’t seem to be settled yet, which makes each week a new adventure. This week, the yo-yo headed back up. What will next week bring? One can only guess. I continue to think that it will eventually be passed up by the fiercely loyal Bones audience at some point, finding its place as the number 3 show in the hour. Elsewhere this week, there was good news for Dancing With The Stars, NCIS, Law & Order, So You Think You Can Dance, and Smallville. The news wasn’t so good for Hank, Parks & Recreation, Three Rivers, or Melrose Place.

ABC - Overall, it was a very good week for the network. Sunday was off a bit week-to-week with Extreme Makeover (9.81m/3), Desperate Housewives (13.42m/3.6), and Brothers & Sisters (8.97m/3), but those are still solid numbers. And there were plenty of gains through the rest of the week. Monday, Dancing With The Stars (16.79m/3.6) and Castle (9.77m/2.3) were both up. Tuesday was also up for the night with Shark Tank (5.24m/1.6), DWTS (13.96m/2.9) and The Forgotten (7.43m/2.1). The Forgotten was down in viewers, but up in demo. Wednesday was a bit of a mixed bag with Modern Family (9.35m/3.6) and Cougar Town (7.99m/3.3) both up, while Hank (6.15m/1.6), The Middle (6.77m/2.1), and Eastwick (5.08m/1.7) were all down.

In a bit of oddness, Thursday found FlashForward (9.07m/3.1) and Private Practice (10.36m/3.8) both posting gains while Grey’s Anatomy (13.79m/5) took a bit of a dip. Still, that’s a dip that still left it #1 in the demo for the night. Friday was also up with the premiere of Ugly Betty (5.01m/1.3 – 5.18m/1.3). Of course, that’s well off last season’s Ugly Betty numbers, and up over repeats. I’ve no idea what ABC is expecting from Ugly Betty on the night, but the increased competition should be worrisome for FOX.

CBS - The Tiffany network also had a good week, starting with The Amazing Race (10.52m/3.2). Unfortunately, Phil’s gains didn’t do much for Three Rivers (7.33m/1.7) and Cold Case (7.87m/1.9). Both of those should be considered on the bubble at this point. That was just a temporary setback though, as business picked back up Monday. How I Met Your Mother (8.56m/3.6), Accidentally On Purpose (7.73m/3), 2 ½ Men (14.17m/4.8), and Big Bang Theory (13.07m/5) all bounced back from an off week, gaining in viewers and demo. CSI: Miami (13.27m/4) was off just a bit in viewers, but also up in viewers. That 8-9 hour of comedy continues to be interesting. In moving Big Bang to 9:30, the 8-9 hour is down 1.1 million viewers and 4 tenths in the demo versus last year (Big Bang 9.36m/3.6, HIMYM 9.14m/3.8). Although, to be fair, the 9-10 hour is up 1.4 million viewers and .6 in the demo (2 ½ Men 14.57m/5.3, Worst Week 9.78m/3.3).

Moving on, NCIS (21.04m/4.5) continues to roll. Despite that being up, NCIS:LA (15.38m/3.5) and The Good Wife (12.98m/2.8) were both off week-to-week. The good news though is that they both remain up over last year (Mentalist 14.86m/3.4, Without A Trace 10.99m/2.6). Wednesday also saw gains with Old Christine (6.99m/2.1), Gary Unmarried (6.91m/2.3), and CSI: NY (13.4m/3.2) up in both measurements. Criminal Minds (13.92m/3.8) was off slightly in viewers, but also gained demo.

Thursday saw week-to-week gains across the board with Survivor (11.78m/3.5), CSI (15.38m/3.6), and The Mentalist (15.08m/3.5). It’s interesting to note that The Mentalist is so close to becoming the #1 show for the network on the night. Friday, as usual, was an easy win with Ghost Whisperer (8.21m/2), Medium (8.04m/1.9), and Numb3rs (7.77m/1.8) all holding up well against baseball.

FOX - A bit of a mixed bag of results in a week that was still very good. The Sunday toons, The Simpsons (7.6m/3.7), Cleveland Show (7.87m/3.9), Family Guy (8.97m/4.6), and American Dad (6.75m/3.5) were all down, but still very strong. It’s worth noting that Cleveland is building on the Simpsons audience. Monday was also down, with House (13.49m/5.2) and Lie To Me (7.87m/2.8). Not a worry for House, the #1 demo of the night, but Lie To Me should be better. Tuesday was a great result as Hell’s Kitchen (8.04m/3.8) continues to hold up amazingly well.

The really interesting bit of the week came on Wednesday. So You Think You Can Dance (7.21m/2.8) continues to grow now that the weeks (and weeks) of auditions are over. It’s now #1 in the demo for the hour. That led to a slight boost for Glee (7.65m/3.4) as well. Thursday was more of the same, with Bones (9.59m/2.8) on par, and Fringe (5.78m/2.2) continuing to struggle in the 9PM meat grinder. Friday was way up over the usual schedule with baseball. Sports are iffy for numbers, but the early results say something in the neighborhood of 7.54 million viewers and a 2.4 for the night.

NBC - How NBC did this week really depends on your glass. Is it half full, or half empty? For example, the entire Monday lineup was up in viewers and demo. But then, when you come up to numbers like Heroes (5.55m/2.4), Trauma (5.49m/1.8), and Leno (5.09m/1.6), it’s hard to really celebrate. There were similar results for Mercy (7.37m/1.9), which was up in the demo. As well as Community (5.01m/2) which gained in both over last week. The only really bad news probably comes from Parks & Recreation (4.53m/2). To give an idea of how bad that is, last year at this time Kath & Kim knocked down 6.01 million viewers and a 2.5.

There was good news to be had. As usual, Sunday Night Football (16.02m/6.2) remains a power. The Biggest Loser (9.14m/3.5) was also rather steady. The Office (8.03m/4.1) was down from the big wedding episode, but remains the best rated scripted program on the network. 30 Rock (6.39m/3), given the demo, also had a successful debut. There was also some good news on the Law & Order front. Both SVU (8.77m/2.6) and L&O (7.6m/1.6) remain down year-to-year, but they are also both gaining. That’s a trend worth watching. It could be that as people tire of the new programming, they’ll return to the old standbys.

Leno, overall, had a rough week that ended with his worst showing yet on Friday. The only victory for Leno came on Wednesday, as the show was #2, edging out Eastwick. The numbers:

Monday (5.09m/1.6)
Tuesday (5.77m/1.8)
Wednesday (6.15m/1.8)
Thursday (5.37m/1.8)
Friday (4.97m/1.2)

CW - Count the littlest network as also having a good week. One Tree Hill (2.55m/1.2), Gossip Girl (2.36m/1.2), Vampire Diaries (3.88m/1.8), Supernatural (2.58m/1.2), and Smallville (2.62m/1.1) were all up over last week. 90210 (2.25m/1.1) was off a tenth in demo, but gained viewers. Next Top Model (3m/1.4) was off over the previous week, but remains the #2 show on the network. The only really bad news continues to be Melrose Place (1.38m/.7) which has now fallen well off the pace of Privileged last season.

CABLE - The most intriguing number for me on cable this week was Nip/Tuck (2.92m/1.4). That’s not a bad number, but it’s more interesting in showing just how successful FX is with Sons Of Anarchy (3.31m/1.8). It looks like SAMCRO will be around for awhile. Let’s just hope the writer’s get this whole Oz fascination out of their system sooner, rather than later. Some other cable numbers of note:

Mad Men (1.53m/.6)
Army Wives (3.93m/1.3)
Monday Night Football (13.14m/5.4)
Top Chef (2.67m/1.4)
South Park (2.56m/1.3)
Secret Girlfriend (1.25m/.6)
It’s Always Sunny (1.61m/1)
Project Runway (2.97m/1.3)
Mythbusters (2.69m/1.2)
The Hills (1.72m/1)
Ghost Hunters (2.91m/1.3)
Real Housewives of Atlanta (2.64m/1.4)
Greek (.66m/.3)

Photo Credit: ABC

Quotation Marks – Dockers, Tab-booty calls, and the letter R

Ivey West — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 18:03:16 +0000

Glee

[while hugging]
“I will destroy you.” – Will
“I’m about to vomit down your back.” – Coach Sylvestser
“It’s on.” – Will

“The independent polling company in my Dockers has confirmed that you’re the hottest girl in this school.” – Jacob

Community

“The only difference between Senor Chang and Stalin is that I know who Senor Chang is.” – Troy

Parks and Recreation

“That’s why people respect Hillary Clinton so much, because no one takes a punch like her. She’s the strongest, smartest punching bag around.” – Leslie

The Office

“Jim’s on his honeymoon, so I started using his office to fart in.” – Kevin

“R is among the most menacing of sounds. That’s why they call it murder and not mukduk.” – Dwight

30 Rock

“To TGS! We’ll trick those race-car-loving wide loads into watching your lefty, homoerotic propaganda hour yet!” – Jack

“I blame you and Dot Com; you two have built a protective shell around me like a hermit crab or mermaid booby, and now I’ve lost touch with the common man!” – Tracy to Grizz

“Has anybody seen my wallet? It’s an L.L. Bean child’s wallet from the 1970s. There was no money in it, but I was one hole-punch away from a free tasty delight…. Damn it to hell, I hate my life!” – Liz

“Hey dudes, I’m organizing a viral protest on Tweeter and Youtubes.” – Lenny Wozniak, undercover at the Page strike.

Greek

“Comic Conventions are crawling with hotties, everybody knows that.” – Dale

“Dale Kettlewell is in a relationship with God.” – Dale’s new profile relationship status

NCIS

“What is blue, black, and red?” – Ziva
“Zebra in a blender.” – Tony
“That’s black, white, and red all over.” – McGee
“Newspaper.” – Tony
“Penguin with a sunburn.” – McGee
“Nun falling down stairs.” – Tony

The Middle

“That’s why we taught you to walk.” – Mike’s response to Axl on what he’s to do if he doesn’t get his license for lack of practice

“Don’t do anything sexual; boys hate that.” – Mike to Sue, on attracting boys

Modern Family

“During my vows to my first husband, drug dealers burst in and assassinated the judge. This was way worse.” – Gloria, on “The Incident”

“I’m about to embark on a new journey.” – Dede
“Really?” – Mitchell
“His name is Chaz, and he’s asked me to come live with him in his foreign land.” – Dede
“Wow, where?” – Mitchell
“Canada. French Canada.” – Dede

“There’s a fish that swims around with babies in its mouth. That fish would look at Mitchell’s relationship with his mother and say, ‘that’s messed up.’” – Cameron

“The first time I saw Hailey, I knew I liked her. I mean, she’s beautiful and everything, but it’s not just that. She’s got this killer confidence, you know, the kind of confidence you get from having a family like this that’s passionate and accepting of hot foreigners, and gay dudes, and nutty people. You know, a family that actually loves each other.” – Dylan

How I Met Your Mother

“One thing. Really? You gave me one thing? Wow, so I guess that Gouda just walked itself right through that door, sliced itself up, and arranged itself in the perfect semi-circle around not three, not four, but five different kinds of sturdy, cheese-bearing crackers?” – Marshall
“You’re a sturdy, cheese-bearing cracker” – Lily

“Hey, remember that weird couple down the hall? With the ferrets? Maybe we can give them a call and see if they want to come over and play Taboo.” – Barney
“After midnight? No way, we can’t Tab-booty call them. That’s pathetic.” – Robin

Dancing With The Stars

“Your dancing is like the economy. Every week you are supposed to be getting better, but nothing happens.” – Bruno Tonioli, on Michael Irvin’s performance

Photo Credit: FOX

The Office – In tough times, the Godfather sells insurance

Aryeh S. — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 01:10:51 +0000

If you work in business today, you’re constantly striving for a competitive advantage. Well, businessmen and businesswomen of the world, look no further, because that edge is here: “The Fundamentals of Business,” by Michael Scott.

Can you imagine what would hypothetically be included in such a tome of knowledge? You could fill numerous chapters from last season alone: office romances, employee relations, nemeses, budget surpluses, office holidays, gaining a competitive edge, stress relief, sales promotions, dealing with a new boss, entrepreneurship, and corporate buyouts (wow was last season awesome!). Michael’s spin on business would be the perfect Bro Code companion gift for the young professional about town. More than a billion sold.

What was fun about this week’s episode was how the “A” plot centered on a bit of a throwback: misunderstanding / misinterpretation leading to chaos. Think about how many episodes in The Office past have excelled at such a simple task. It wasn’t quite last season, or even the seasons before, but “Mafia” was a huge step in the right direction.

Kevin commandeering Jim’s office was funny in its own right. Anything having to do with Kevin is great. But that call he took, inadvertently confirming that Jim and Pam had “stolen” Jim’s credit card? My wife opined that it could mean a free honeymoon for them. I’m thinking more along the lines of working off their debt as slave laborers. And remember that we outsource jobs to Latin America because of their low labor costs…. It could be years before we see them again.

Andy’s a great addition to the sleuthing team of Michael and Dwight. His mechanic’s uniform yielded a total of nothing for them in their meeting with the “mobster.” I thought at least he’d hang out in the background blending in; it was just ridiculously funny to see him sitting there at the table, as part of the meeting. I think the uniform sticking out outweighed its “help” in allowing Andy to carry a weapon. I did, however, imagine that both he and Dwight were going to show up in costume — perhaps Dwight as a Russian mobster to send a message. Oh well.

Did you manage to follow Kevin and Oscar’s conversation about prison? I had my hands over my eyes, and at the same time was laughing so hard that it was impossible for me to transcribe it. Also, I think it might have been exceedingly offensive to include it here. But still … how funny was that? Oscar would enjoy prison?…

Some stuff that wasn’t offensive:

“Toby has mentally checked-out since June” – Oscar

“I send it back” – Michael, with what would appear to be his new catchphrase (maybe it’ll replace, fingers crossed, “that’s what she said.”)

Photo Credit: NBC

There goes this future bride

Julia Hass — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 19:05:21 +0000

If conventional wisdom is to be believed, every little girl dreams of her wedding day with the same raptness devoted to wanting to be a princess or ballerina, only unlike these dreams, this one never dies.

These little girls clearly never watched television.

There are tons and tons of shows dedicated to every aspect of the wedding day, and most of them are on TLC or Lifetime. I’ve always had a sort of sick fascination with them. They’re good for watching when my sister’s around or I’ve got a mindless chore to do, like cleaning stringbeans. As I get older, though, and marriage becomes, well, not a looming possibility — because I’m only in my early twenties — but something that’s suddenly actually an option instead of a far-away fairy tale, the idea of engaging in these bridezilla wars or going to these ridiculous lengths for the perfect gown, the more these shows make me want to take my stringbean knife and impale myself upon it.

And then there are the scripted weddings in television, like last week’s Office, which comes in the grand tradition of Friends and especially How I Met Your Mother (which Pam and Jim’s wedding stole quite liberally from). Don’t get me wrong, I love these episodes. They’re funny, heartfelt, sweet, wonderful looks at weddings. They make me yearn for my mythical Jim Halpert or Marshall Erikson (like, more than usual). It’s not that they don’t make me want to get married, they just make me think that weddings are the worst idea of all time.

First of all, there are all those dinners you have to plan around weddings. The rehearsal dinner, the bachelor and bachelorette parties (dear future wedding party: no and no and no freaking way), and the reception. All that stuff adds up, and it adds up to a lot. And what are you paying for? Something Michael Scott-ian to happen with awkward toasts? Stuffing a lot of people in a fancy room and being unable to enjoy the food because, holy crap, you’re getting married and have a million things to plan?

And weddings like Jim and Pam’s have taught me that there will always be people at weddings who you have to invite, like your Meemaw or co-workers who, if you had your way, totally wouldn’t come. Sorry, Meemaws of my life, I don’t want to spend that much money on you. If I continue down this career path of writing, I won’t have that much money to spend on myself unless I marry some sort of major shareholder in, like, pork bellies or whatever is the only thing not tanking on Wall Street right now.

And things go wrong. I know, for comedic effect, these things are exaggerated on television shows. Unlike Monica and Chandler, I doubt my church (or synagogue, or wherever) will be in the process of being knocked down. My groom will hopefully not, unlike Marshall, shave off half of his hair. Heaven forbid I spend the night before with a member of the wedding party because he tore his scrotum.

More and more, I can’t help but think that there’s a reason Jim and Pam, like Lily and Marshall of yore, ran away and did the real wedding on their own, in private, with only the people important to them there, if anyone was there at all. It seems ingenious. Why even go through the fuss of having a crazy wedding when you can do something like that, which saves money, stress, and my sanity?

I’m not saying that there should be no party where shenanigans can happen, but maybe that should take place, like, later that weekend. I’m all for shenanigans. The aisle dance during this week’s Office, for instance, was when I burst into happy tears. That was great. Excellent. Amazing. (And, strangely, I totally disliked the exact same thing when it was on YouTube. Weird.) If I — like Jim and Pam and Marshall and Lily — knew that this was not really my wedding but merely a chance for my friends and family to celebrate, I, too, could be cool with anything and everything that went down. That’s what having a nice reception is for. But having an actual wedding ceremony along with that? I will be running for the nearest fire exit, and no one can stop me.

After this wedding episode of The Office, I sighed, wiped my tears, and changed to this week’s Project Runway, where they were re-working bridal gowns from divorcees. These woman spent all this time and money on these giant (or, in some cases, not-so-giant) monstrosities only to end up here, divorced and on a catwalk for Heidi Klum.

So I’m taking it as an omen. Weddings are not worth it. And I’m never, ever, ever letting myself be sucked into them. Thank you, Thursday night television, for teaching me this valuable life lesson.

Photo Credit: NBC

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