CliqueClack TV » South Park

South Park equates minorities in the U.S. with peeing in the pool

Keith McDuffee — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 04:25:11 +0000

Earlier this post didn’t have the final hidden alien hint pictured above. Now it does. What are you waiting for? Go enter one final time!

Leave it to Parker, Stone and the rest of the South Park team to find a way to blatantly compare the growing number of minorities in the United States with the amount of pee in a pool. Clever and completely offensive, but did you really expect anything less from these guys?

As soon as the boys started confessing that all but Kyle peed in the pool, I knew where the episode was going: the water was just about all pee. But hey, technically pee is made up of mostly water … not that that makes it any less gross. Who knew that the acceptable pee level in pool water was 83% in water parks?

I laughed out loud a few times and thought this was a pretty decent episode for a finale. And now, I leave you with some lyrics:

Too Many Minorities At My Water Park

What has happened to this place
I don’t recognize it anymore
It used to be so fun and special
What is life worth living for

The dream is dead
Our land is gone
There’s a hole in my heart
And I can’t go on

There are too many minorities (minorities)
At my water park (my water park)
This was our land, our dream (our dream)
and they’ve taken it all away

They just keep coming and coming (minorities)
I tried to go and tell the police
But even the authorities
Are minorities (are minorities)
At my water park

There’s no place for me to sit anymore
And the lines just keep getting crazier
There are Mexicans all around me
The lazy river has never been lazier

It’s a 40 minute wait to go down one slide
And the instructions are in Spanish on the Zip Line ride (just do it in English!)

There are too many minorities (too many)
At my water park (somebody do something)
Where did they all come from
Why can’t they leave this land alone

And it’s such a tragedy (feel a bit like dying)
We looked the other way too long
We’ve got to change our priorities
And get all these minorities
Out of my water park

(Minorities) Mexicans and Asians
Black people
I think I even saw Native Americans (gross)

God I’m asking please
Get all of these minorities
Out of my water park (my water park)

Photo Credit: Comedy Central

Ratings Clack – Should FOX switch Fringe and Lie To Me?

Brett Love — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 17:00:23 +0000

After the dramatic entrance of V last week, there were no similar big splash stories to lead things off this week. Then, as I was perusing the year-ago numbers, something occurred to me. It’s quite possible that FOX could improve both Monday and Thursday at 9:00 if they swapped Fringe and Lie To Me. If you look back to the initial Fringe run, it had a lot of success following House. In fact, while the House numbers are virtually unchanged from Tuesday to Monday, Fringe was holding much more of the House audience on Tuesday than Lie To Me currently is on Monday.

Example:
11/18/08: House (13.03m/5.5), Fringe (9.36m/4.2)
11/09/09: House (13.31m/5.3), Lie To Me (7.41m/3)

And that was against very similar competition. Both faced DWTS on ABC, which was pretty much a wash. NBC was greatly improved against Fringe with Biggest Loser (7.84m/3.3), as opposed to Trauma (5.35m/1.8). And CBS was mixed, with The Mentalist (15.83m/3.5) trailing the Men/Big Bang hour (13.62m/4.6) in the demo.

Now we look at where we are this season. Fringe did manage something of a rebound this week, finishing with (5.91m/2.2) on Thursday. That’s still a distant fourth place, and should find the show on the hot seat at the end of the season. It would, obviously, do better on Monday following House. The question is, would it do better than the (7.41m/3) that Lie To Me is currently offering? I think it would.

On the other side of that coin, while I’m not quite as confident about the move of Lie To Me to Thursday, I do still see the potential for it to outperform the current Fringe numbers. That bar has been set, after all, rather low. It would likely take a hit in the move, but the end result would be that Thursday at 9:00 is stronger as well. Just something to think about. The usual numbers junk is after the jump.

ABC - The bubble burst on V (10.7m/3.8) rather quickly. Sure, that’s still a very nice number, but it’s also a heck of a one week drop. Consider the jury still out on this one until we see what episodes three and four bring to the table. Earlier in the week, the return of football on NBC brought Sunday’s Extreme Makeover (10.38m/3), Desperate Housewives (13.79m/4.4), and Brothers & Sisters (9.08m/2.9) down a tad. It was still a successful start to the week.

The good news continued as Dancing With The Stars (17.62m/3.4) and Castle (9.82m/2.4) both gained viewers. The DWTS Results (16.23m/3.5) were up as well, despite the V drop. The news wasn’t so good for The Forgotten, as In The Spotlight with Robin Roberts (9.34m/2.3) finished well above what the show has been doing. Wednesday, the CMA Awards (17.18m/5.3) were a huge improvement over the usual comedies and Eastwick. FlashForward (8.28m/2.6) sunk to third in both measures to kick off Thursday, while Grey’s Anatomy (14.87m/5.6) and Private Practice (10.25m/3.9) were both up. Ugly Betty (4.45m/1.3) finished things off on Friday.

FOX - The network didn’t really gain anything with the all-Seth night, featuring Family Guy (7.26m/3.7), Seth & Alex (6.73m/3.4), Family Guy (7.99m/4.1), and Cleveland (6.44m/3.2). The news was better on Monday as House (13.31m/5.3) remained the clear demo leader on the night. So You Think You Can Dance remained steady, if not impressive, on Tuesday (5.76m/2.3) and Wednesday (5.72m/2.2), while Glee (7.53m/3.4) was tied for #1 in the demo with Criminal Minds. Thursday, Bones (10.22m/2.9) took over the #2 spot from FlashForward. And Friday, repeats again topped the recent comedy/Dollhouse combo.

CBS - The good news is that Sunday was up across the board with Amazing Race (11.62m/3.5), Three Rivers (7.99m/1.8), and Cold Case (8.16m/1.7). The bad news is that those numbers from 9:00 to 11:00 are too low. Things were better on Monday. The network was down slightly from 8:00 to 9:00 with How I Met Your Mother (8.67m/3.5) and Accidentally On Purpose (7.89m/2.9). Then, up with 2 ½ Men (14.44m/4.6) and Big Bang Theory (12.8m/4.7). At 10:00 is where the real magic started.

The big crossover CSI event led to gains for Miami (14.38m/4), NY (14.51m/3.8), and the OG CSI (17.38m/4.1). He didn’t get to be part of the big event, but Gibbs and the crew at NCIS (20.96m/4.4) easily returned to the top of the Tuesday pyramid. That was good news for NCIS: LA (16.23m/3.7) and The Good Wife (13.35m/2.8) as well. Old Christine (7.19m/2.1) and Gary Unmarried (7.3m/2.4) were both up on Wednesday, despite that CMA increase at ABC. Criminal Minds (12.77m/3.4) was solid. Although, that demo battle with Glee could prove very interesting.

Thursday, as with CSI, Survivor (12.94m/4) was up too. The Mentalist (16.17m/3.6) was off a bit in viewers, but is still having a very good second season. And Friday was another easy win for the night by Ghost Whisperer (8.01m/2), Medium (8.16m/1.9), and Numb3rs (8.16m/1.8).

NBC – The return of Sunday Night Football (21.88m/8.5) was certainly welcome. Hopefully, it softened the blow of another series low for Heroes (5.26m/2.3), and the further struggles of Trauma (5.35m/1.8). The Biggest Loser (9.65m/3.8) remains a success on Tuesday. Mercy (6.68m/1.7), on the other hand, can only claim that it is an improvement over the Knight Rider numbers. L&O: SVU (8.77m/2.8) remains a mystery. That was good for fourth place, again, but it is headed in the right direction. And that 2.8 demo is starting to look really good given the rest of the NBC schedule.

Thursday was more of the same as Community (5.09m/2.1) and Parks & Recreation (4.58m/2.1) again fell short of the Kath & Kim bar (11/06: 5.57m/2.4). By comparison, things look pretty good for The Office (8.05m/4.2) and 30 Rock (6m/3). Law & Order (7.5m/1.7) finished things up on Friday.

CW - The week got off to a very good start as One Tree Hill (2.67m/1.3), Gossip Girl (2.37m/1.3), and 90210 (2.06m/1.2) all saw gains. That was the highest rated Gossip Girl since the season premiere. Things didn’t go so well for Melrose Place (1.28m/.7). It would seem that the network is just waiting to see what difference Heather Locklear makes before pulling the plug.

Next Top Model (3.2m/1.5) was again nipping at NBC’s heels in the demo on Wednesday. As was Vampire Diaries (4.1m/1.9) on Thursday. Supernatural (2.69m/1.3) was on par as well. Finally, Smallville (2.7m/1.2) continued to defy the odds on Friday, drawing more viewers than OTH, GG, 90210, Melrose, and Supernatural.

Cable - It’s probably way too early for the folks down at Stargate HQ to be getting nervous, but concern might be in order. Friday 11/06 found the Universe dropping again, to (1.63m/.7). That didn’t do any favors for Sanctuary (1.42m/.5). It will be very interesting to see where the show levels out. Over at USA, White Collar (3.85m/.9) continues to search for a level as well. Other cable numbers to consider:

Mad Men (2.32m/.8)
Dexter (1.76m/.9)
Lincoln Heights (1.03m/.4)
Sons Of Anarchy (3.83m/1.9)
Nip/Tuck (1.75m/.9)
Curb Your Enthusiasm (.98m/.3)
Bored To Death (.63m/.3)
Californication (.76m/.4)
Rita Rocks (.48m/.2)
South Park (2.78m/1.5)
Secret Girlfriend (1.19m/.6)
It’s Always Sunny (1.87m/1.2)
The League (1.03m/.6)
Monday Night Football (16m/6.5)
The Hills (2.1m/1.3)
Top Chef (3.02m/1.7)
Mythbusters (2.13m/.9)
Ghost Hunters (2.91m/1.4)
Ghost Hunters Academy (2.07m/.9)
Project Runway (3.13m/1.4)
Keeping Up With The Kardashians (3.17m/1.7)

Photo Credit: FOX

Quotation Marks – Canadians, vegans, vampires, and Gordon Stoltski

Aryeh S. — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 16:37:25 +0000

I’ll take “people we got an earful from this week” for two hundred!

I was going back and forth through the quotes submitted by our writers this week, and I couldn’t quite understand why the haul seemed so light. Then it dawned on me: ABC didn’t air its new Wednesday night comedy lineup this week. Can you believe how quickly those three shows (sorry Hank!) have entered our pop-culture? Yowza.

30 Rock

“Alright hosers: I want all 12 of us fighting for every meter on all three downs. And we’re gonna make this a Boxing Day the Prime Minister will never forget.” – Danny, in his Canadian football movie

“I feel about as useless as a mom’s college degree.” – Kenneth, on his problem with Danny

“Do I look okay?” – Liz
“That’s exactly how you look.” – Cerie

“The future is like a Japanese game show; you have no idea what’s going on.” – Tracy

“Cause after all, what’s a problem but an opportunity disguised as a stripper having a seizure on your boat?” – Tracy, during his and Jenna’s closing ad for “Problem Solvers”

The Big Bang Theory

“‘Sorry’ doesn’t make up for the fact that I had to make chicken and rice with this vegan guy! Do you know what vegan chicken and rice is? Rice!” – Raj

How I Met Your Mother

“It was called the Death Star, baby — they knew what they were getting into.” – Marshall to Lily when she realizes that Storm Troopers are people, not robots

Bones

“I just need you to help me fire my gun.” – Booth
“That sounds desperately phallic.” – Gordon Gordon Wyatt

“I’m fairly certain that Iron Leprechaun is not his actual name, but his wrestling moniker.” – Bones

Criminal Minds

“Password was Cullen.” – Garcia
“Of course.” – JJ
“Colon?” – Reid
“Cullen. The vampire family from Twilight?” – JJ
“What’s Twilight?” – Reid
“Do you ever read anything other than technical books?” – JJ
“Not much in English.” – Reid

Curb Your Enthusiasm

“I’m Larry David. I happen to enjoy wearing women’s panties.”

House

“You don’t ask what I want, you ignore my wishes, and you drug me….” – Wilson
“I’m waiting for you to name something new to our relationship.” – House

The Office

“Monkey see, monkey do … monkey pee all over you.” – Michael

Saturday Night Live

“This year’s Rockefeller Center’s Christmas tree is a 76-foot-tall Norway Spruce from Easton, Connecticut. So come on down to Rockefeller Center and watch a tree slowly die.” – Weekend Update

South Park

“Then how come Gordon Stoltski got to go on for like five minutes that one day?” – Cartman
“Well, because he was being murdered.” – Mr. Mackey

Supernatural

“Ya, how original. Supernatural bringing in more creepy children. Sigh!” – German Supernatural LARP’er

Photo Credit: NBC

South Park – Avatar is just a big Smurf

Keith McDuffee — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 03:41:58 +0000

Only three more times (including this week) to enter the Get South Park‘d contest, and above’s your hint for where this week’s alien is hiding out. Have you found them all so far? Make sure you let us know if you get picked when the time comes!

This week South Park covered a topic that we all knew was coming sooner or later: Cartman as Rush Limbaugh (or was it Glenn Beck…? I don’t keep up with political crap). Then, of course, there had to be a president for Cartman to shit all over, and that would of course be class president Wendy Testaburger. But all of that wasn’t as funny as the first five minutes of the episode, as poor Gordon Stoltski was brutally murdered over the school intercom:

“Then how come Gordon Stoltski got to go on for like five minutes that one day?” – Cartman
“Well, because he was being murdered.” – Mr. Mackey

Hey, what do you expect — he was a ginger kid!

The next best part of the episode was clearly the big dig at James Cameron’s upcoming movie, Avatar, basically coming right out and calling the alien/avatar on the movie poster a big Smurf. They also ripped the movie for basically ripping off from past, similar stories. Parker and Stone really have it out for Cameron, don’t they?

Honestly, there have been better episodes this season. Eh, maybe I’m just sore that they went and mutilated Smurfette on me. Those bastards!

Photo Credit: Comedy Central

Ratings Clack – V gets off to a great start

Brett Love — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 18:30:08 +0000

The World Series was the big ratings winner last week, but with New York involved, everyone kind of expected that, right? What nobody expected — most notably ABC — was the success of the V premiere. The numbers weren’t just good. It was the highest rated scripted program on the network, topping the Housewives and Grey’s. Even better, the V demo rating was the highest for a scripted show on any of the networks. Someone at ABC has to be kicking themselves for only ordering four episodes of V, while they continue to crank out more Hanks than they know what to do with.

ABC – It was the big show for the week, so we’ll start with the V (14.3m/5.2) premiere on Tuesday. Even more impressive, it did that against Biggest Loser and NCIS. Not an easy timeslot. That was obviously unexpected, or production wouldn’t have been cut to 4, for now. It makes the results of episode two very interesting. How much of that audience will be back for more? That huge leap in the 8 o’clock hour didn’t do anything for the rest of the night. The Dancing With The Stars results show (15.05m/3.1) was up just a tenth in the demo, and The Forgotten (7.27m/1.9) actually managed to lose a million viewers week-to-week.

Earlier in the week, things were pretty standard on Sunday with Extreme Makeover (10.75m/3.3), Desperate Housewives (14.08m/5), and Brothers & Sisters (9.02m/3.3). Monday, Dancing With The Stars (16.69m/3.4) and Castle (9.43m/2.4) were both off just a bit, but we’ll chalk that up to baseball. Wednesday remains a mixed bag as Hank (5.09m/1.3), The Middle (6.04m/1.8), and Eastwick (4.44m/1.5) all continue to struggle. Modern Family (8.77m/3.5) and Cougar Town (6.87m/2.8) do like solid performers, however.

FlashForward (8.57m/2.6) makes Thursday interesting. It continues to drop, and you have to wonder if the audience is just giving up on it already. It long ago lost track of Survivor, and this week was also topped by Bones. Grey’s Anatomy (13.95m/5.1) and Private Practice (9.11m/3.4) remain a successful pairing. Friday, Ugly Betty (4.76m/1.3) remained steady, but the big surprise was from the Rihana episode of 20/20 (8.18m/2.7).

CBS - It was, for the most part, another very solid week. Sunday was steady, with Amazing Race (11.22m/3.3), Three Rivers (7.7m/1.6), and Cold Case (9.02m/1.7). Of course, that steady means that Three Rivers remains a disappointment and its future prospects are not good. Monday was also solid with How I Met Your Mother (8.82m/3.5), Accidentally On Purpose (8.09m/3.1), 2 ½ Men (13.51m/4.4), Big Bang Theory (12.73m/4.7), and CSI: Miami (12.52m/3.6). Those numbers are off a bit, but we’ll give them a World Series pass as well.

Tuesday, that giant V premiere didn’t do much to slow down the NCIS (20.18m/4.3) juggernaut. NCIS:LA (15.29m/3.6) and The Good Wife (12.74m/2.7) were also on par. Wednesday brought a slightly baseball-weakened combination of Old Christine (6.68m/2), Gary Unmarried (6.29m/2), Criminal Minds (12.55m/3.4), and CSI:NY (12m/2.8).

Thursday, Survivor (12.44m/3.7) is again firmly in control of the hour. More interesting, The Mentalist (16.21m/3.6) topped CSI (15.6m/3.5) in both measures again. The troubling bit came on Friday, as Ghost Whisperer (7.93m/1.8) and Medium (7.58m/1.8) both lost to Law & Order, while Numb3rs (8.09m/1.8) was beaten by 20/20. I can’t remember the last time CBS was beaten in all three Friday hours while running all new episodes.

FOX - The World Series was the story last week. Games on Sunday (22.76m/7.8), Monday (17.09m/5.3), and Wednesday (22.34m/7.4) all did extremely well. So You Think You Can Dance (6.12m/2.4) held down the fort on Tuesday, and Bones (8.66m/2.6) and Fringe (4.86m/1.7) were back on Thursday. Bones moved to #2 in the hour, while Fringe remains a distant fourth.

The quick reaction is to blame the time slot, but compare it to what So You Think You Can Dance is up against on Tuesday at 8. ABC gains 5.73m/2.6. NBC gains 3.93m/2. CBS gains 7.74m/.6. That’s 17.3 million more viewers, and 5.2 more demo points facing SYTYCD, and it still outperformed Fringe. There is also the argument that because World Series Game 7 was scheduled Thursday, people didn’t know it was on. Unfortunately, that doesn’t explain the fact that Bones still managed 8.6 million viewers, or all those other weeks of subpar Fringe numbers. And in case you were wondering, House and Bones repeats on Friday again topped the Brothers, Til Death, and Dollhouse numbers.

NBC - With no football in prime time this week, the big success actually came on Friday. Law & Order is finally showing a little life, with episodes at 8 (7.99m/1.8) and 9 (8.41m/1.9) both winning their hours. Earlier in the week, it was more of the same on Monday from Heroes (5.86m/2.5) and Trauma (5.82m/1.9). The Biggest Loser (9.11m/3.5) remains a solid hit on Tuesday. Wednesday, Mercy (6.63m/1.7) and SVU (7.95m/2.4) were off, but it was the final game of the World Series, so let’s wait and see.

Thursday, Community (5.45m/2.3) and Parks & Recreation (4.91m/2.2) were both up. However, they do both remain below what Kath & Kim (5.57m/2.4) were doing at this time last year. The Office (8.09m/4.1) and 30 Rock (6.15m/3) continue along the same path. Leno had another rough week, falling below 4 million viewers once, and below 1.5 in the demo three times. I’m starting to think that Leno one night a week might not be a bad idea. Give him the post Biggest Loser slot, and return scripted to the other four hours. The numbers:

Monday: 3.92m/1.2
Tuesday: 5.96m/2
Wednesday: 4.81m/1.4
Thursday: 4.83m/1.6
Friday: 4.6m/1.2

CW - Nothing too exciting to report this week. One Tree Hill (2.32m/1.1) and Gossip Girl (1.98m/1) look to have taken a small hit from baseball. 90210 (1.92m/1) and Melrose Place (1.48m/.8) continue to struggle as we all wait to see what Heather Locklear will do to the Melrose numbers. Next Top Model (3.87m/1.7) was up, despite baseball. Thursday remains the strongest night of the week with Vampire Diaries (4.09m/1.9) and Supernatural (2.65m/1.2). And Smallville (2.76m/1.2) continues to grow.

CABLE - Not a lot to yell about on cable this week either. It is worth noting that the second episode of White Collar (5.075m/1.2), from 10/30, held up very well. It looks like USA has found a few more characters. Stargate Universe (1.97m/.8), from the same night, found itself falling below the 2 million viewer mark. Sanctuary (1.6m/.5) and Monk (4.69m/1) were fairly steady. Some other numbers:

Mad Men (1.78m/.7)
Dexter (1.88m/.9)
Lincoln Heights (1.11m/.3)
Greek (.66m/.3)
Sons Of Anarchy (3.52m/1.8)
Nip/Tuck (2.17m/1.1)
Curb Your Enthusiasm (.98m/.4)
Bored To Death (.72m/.4)
Californication (.82m/.4)
South Park (2.82m/1.5)
It’s Always Sunny (1.99m/1.3)
The League (1.41m/.9)
Monday Night Football (12.37m/5.1)
Kate: Her Story (3.79m/1.7)
The Hills (1.99m/1.2)
Mythbusters (1.82m/.8)
Ghost Hunters (2.73m/1.3)

Photo Credit: ABC

Quotation Marks – Bilarious, bike-curious, and bagpiping

Ivey West — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 14:35:33 +0000

I have missed the Supernatural boat. Everyone tells me what a great show it is, but I’ve never taken the time. If this week’s lead quote is any indication, I sure am missing out. The week before the start of November Sweeps also brings us some good quotes from Modern Family and Community. Next week, however, I promise the return of Glee!

Supernatural

“You gotta calm down.” — Sam
“Calm down? I’m wearing sunglasses at night!! You know who does that? No talent douche bags! I hate this game! I hate that we’re in a procedural cop show and you want to know to know why … because I hate procedural cop shows! There’s like 300 of them on television and they’re all the freaking same. It’s, ‘Oh, plane crashed here.’ Oh shut up!” — Dean

30 Rock

“You’re setting him up to get it. You don’t think I know that trick. You don’t think I’ve been brought in on a million auditions just to make Kim Catrall seem grounded and human.” — Jenna, on Liz’s plan to get a new cast member hired.

“My mom used to send me articles about how older virgins are considered good luck in Mexico.” — Liz

“I’m not gay. I’m…bilarious!” — Homosexual man waiting on line to see Hugh Jackman

Community

“Listen… Randi can be the name of a guy or a girl. But in this case… it is definitely a girl.” — Troy

“I’m an artist. I write what I feel. And I feel that you suck.” — Vaughn

“TV’s the best dad there is. TV never came home drunk. TV never forgot me at the zoo. TV never abused and insulted me. Unless you count Cop Rock.” — Jeff

“I lived in my car for a stretch in the ’70s. Nothing like bedding on one in the vinyl backseat of a Skylark. Of course we didn’t have the same safety standards back then, so… no condoms. I tell you, before AIDS, sex was like shaking hands.” — Pierce
“Hence AIDS.” — Abed

Parks and Recreation

“Pawnee’s library department is the most diabolical and ruthless bunch of bureaucrats I’ve ever seen. They’re like a biker gang. Only instead of shotguns and crystal meth they use political savvy and shushing.” — Leslie

“It was like doing peyote and sneezing slowly for six hours… that woman really knows her way around a penis.” — Ron on sleeping with his ex-wife Tammi

Vampire Diaries

“I’m worse than shallow — I’m a kiddie pool.” — Caroline

“Unexpected surprise? I think the wrong brother went back to high school.” — Lexi to Damon

“Are you wearing polyester?” — Caroline to Bonnie after she gets zapped by her necklace

Modern Family

“And Mitchell is still upset because Claire quit the team right before some meet.” — Cam
“Some meet? The 13-and-under regional championship. Just the Emerald City at the end of my yellow brick road.” — Mitchell
“Oh, you did it.” — Cam
“What?” — Mitchell
“You made figure skating sound even gayer.” — Cam

“Last year you said basketball was going to be my sport.” — Luke
“Look, I’ve said a lot of things I wish I could take back, but I can’t.” — Phil

“It doesn’t matter to you because you had your own moments…. You had cheerleading and high school plays and making out with the quarterback….” — Mitchell
“Oh come on, you made out with him too.” — Claire

“That wasn’t angry talk?” — Jay
“No, that was happy talk.” — Gloria
“I’m beginning to see why there’s so much conflict on your continent.” — Jay

How I Met Your Mother

“That must be that tantric bagpiping that Sting is into … shut the bagpipes up.” — Ted to Robin, about the noisy “bagpiping” neighbors upstairs

”I’ll wash my manhood when I’m good and ready!” — Marshall

Greek

“I hate crickets. Ever since Pinocchio … they’re too bossy.” — Beaver

“Cappie, who do the Kappa Tau’s hate the most?” — Casey
“Ryan Seacrest. Oh no, no, no, wait, wait; Officer Huck.” — Cappie
“And who do the Omega Kais hate the most?” — Casey
“Liberals?” — Cappie

“We’re in.” — Evan
“Well, we’re in further.” — Beaver
“Do you have any idea what comes out of your mouth?” — Tripp
“No … do you?” — Beaver

“We’re all gonna go to girl jail, like those prison movies my boyfriend watches.” — ZBZer, after the fire

The Office

“I am not robbing the cradle … if anything, I’m robbing the grave.” — Michael, on dating Pam’s mom

South Park

“What would you call a straight man, who doesn’t own a Harley, but likes them and might buy one someday?” — Woman
“You call him bike-curious.” — Cartman

Photo Credit: CW

South Park redefines the F word

Keith McDuffee — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 04:46:20 +0000

Damn, it’s getting harder to locate these hidden aliens every week. Your hint for this week is above, though it looks like the southparkstudios.com folks have a bit of a typo in the choices for the Get South Park‘d contest this week.

Y’know, South Park tries to deliver a message in many of the episodes, usually with some sort of monologue from Stan, Kyle or Cartman. And most times it’s just funny and you just don’t take it seriously at all. This week, though, there was a message within the story without really coming right out and telling us what it is. Well, besides that loud Harley riders are fucking annoying as hell.

The message I’m talking about? It’s that we put way too much meaning and influence onto words. Just a single word carries so much of an issue with the Harley riders that they go berserk and, by God, do the unthinkable: they research the word in a library! When all is said and done, and Emmanuel Lewis has been dragged to near-death, the bikers embrace the word and carry on. And, just like that, they pretty much took the power out of the word “fag” and made it apply no differently than “biker” to them. Imagine if we could take the power away from all words like that?

Anyway, I’m getting way too serious for a show like South Park. Here’s some quotes:

Biker: “You guys smell that? Smells like that new Famous Bowl at KFC.”

Woman: “What would you call a straight man, who doesn’t own a Harley, but likes them and might buy one someday?”
Cartman: “You call him bike-curious.”

Photo Credit: Comedy Central

Ratings Clack – The Mentalist knocks off CSI

Brett Love — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 16:00:29 +0000

A combination of baseball and pre-sweeps repeats made for a bit of an odd week. Repeats don’t mean there aren’t numbers of note however. We had Jay Leno’s first shot against CSI: Miami and NY repeats, and a look at what running repeats on Friday does for FOX. That is, nothing good for Dollhouse season 3. Also interesting this week — The Mentalist finally topped CSI in viewers and the demo, and even a repeat Gibbs appearance is worth 16 million viewers.

FOX - Having the baseball playoffs paid off big for the network when NY joined the party. The three contests last week included ALCS Game 6 (15.48m/5.2) on Sunday, and World Series Game 1 (19.51m/6.3) and Game 2 (18.9m/5.8) on Wednesday and Thursday. Needless to say, those were some serious gains over the usual occupants.

Elsewhere, So You Think You Can Dance (5.85m/2.6) was well off the usual House number in it’s one-time stop on Monday. On a brighter note, with CBS in repeats, it still finished #2 in the hour. Lie To Me (6.33m/2.4) struggled without the House lead in. There were similar numbers for the first SYTYCD competition episode (6.47m/2.5) on Tuesday. The only other number of note came from the House (3.4m/1.1) repeat on Friday, which topped the usual Brothers, Til Death, and Dollhouse combination.

ABC - The week got off to a steady start with Sunday’s Extreme Makeover (10.59m/3), Desperate Housewives (14.18m/4.7), and Brothers & Sisters (9.97m/3.3). On Monday, Dancing With The Stars (17.38m/3.6) was steady in the demo. That’s positive news for Castle (9.99m/2.5), which was up a tenth. There were more gains on Tuesday, as Charlie Brown (8.8m/2.8) easily bested the usual performance of Shark Tank. DWTS (15.2m/3) was down in the demo over the previous week, but The Forgotten (8.26m/2) still managed to grow.

Charlie Brown (6m/2) also proved to be an improvement over Hank on Wednesday. The rest of the night, including The Middle (6.49m/2.2), Modern Family (9.33m/3.7), Cougar Town (7.54m/3.2), and Eastwick (5.02m/1.8), was up as well. Less exciting, FlashForward (8.92m/2.7) managed to find series lows on Thursday. Grey’s Anatomy (13.74m/5.2) was down week-to-week, but still the highest rated scripted program for the night. Private Practice (9.16m/3.6) continues to hold up well. Friday, Ugly Betty (4.5m/1.2) was steady, if not impressive.

CBS - The week started with a reasonably steady full slate on Sunday, featuring Amazing Race (11.22m/3.4), Three Rivers (7.78m/1.7), and Cold Case (9.3m/1.8). Then, there were a whole lot of repeats as the network took Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday off. Of note among those was the Monday 9-10 comedy block winning the hour in the demo. Tuesday, NCIS (16.7m/3.3) was the most watched show of the night. And CSI: Miami and NY both won their hours outright.

New programming picked back up Thursday with Survivor (12.19m/3.7), CSI (15.24m/3.4), and The Mentalist (15.53m/3.6). That is of particular note, given that it’s the first time The Mentalist has beaten CSI in viewers and demo this season. Friday was down week-to-week, but the network still won all three hours with Ghost Whisperer (8.28m/2), Medium (7.69m/1.8), and Numb3rs (7.74m/1.8).

NBC – It was, for the most part, a fairly steady week. Sunday Night Football (14.98m/5.9) was off a bit facing baseball, but still a huge winner for the network. Heroes (5.72m/2.5) was right on pace with last week. Oddly enough, Trauma (5.78m/1.9) was actually up for the week in which it was canceled. The Biggest Loser (9.67m/3.7) continued to cruise on Tuesday. And NBC got an animation boost of their own as Monsters vs Aliens (6.24m/2.2) improved on the Mercy demo on Wednesday.

Law & Order SVU (8.24m/2.8) was down in viewers, despite the Criminal Minds repeat. I suppose we can chalk that up to baseball. Thursday, Community (5.32m/2.1) was the only show that was actually up week-to-week. Parks & Recreation (4.8m/2), The Office (8.21m/4.2), and 30 Rock (6.1m/3.1) were all down, but close enough to expected averages. Friday, Law & Order (7m/1.4) continued to struggle.

Leno didn’t have a good week. Before the premiere, one of the network’s talking points was that while the show will get beat by originals, wait until it airs against repeats. We’ve seen what that looks like, and it’s not good news for Jay. Not only is Leno still being beaten by repeats, the numbers are still dropping. This week, Leno against a repeat CSI:Miami finished below Leno against a new CSI:Miami last week. Friday also brought the lowest demo in the series.

Mon – 4.74m/1.3
Tue – 6.06m/1.8
Wed – 5.03m/1.5
Thu – 4.41m/1.5
Fri – 5.14m/1.2

CW - The little network had a very good week. They took Tuesday off, but the other four nights were all up over the previous week. One Tree Hill (2.67m/1.3) and Gossip Girl (2.31m/1.2) took advantage of the missing House and repeat comedies. Next Top Model (3.51m/1.6) actually faced much stiffer competition with World Series Game 1, but looks to have gained some of those displaced SYTYCD viewers. Vampire Diaries (4.18m/2) and Supernatural (2.92m/1.4) were at the highest levels we’ve seen since the premiere. Smallville (2.6m/1.2) wrapped the winning week on Friday.

CABLE – The shine has worn off The Jeff Dunham Show (2.33m/1) rather quickly, as week two had less than half the viewers of week one. The other notable bit from the cable world was the premiere of FX’s new comedy, The League (.99m/.6), which is much better than its ratings might lead you to believe.

From the previous Friday, 10/23, here are a few of the cable numbers:

Stargate: Universe (2.02m/.8)
Sanctuary (1.69m/.5)
Monk (5.42m/1.5)
White Collar (5.4m/1.4)
Wizards of Waverly Place (4.39m/.8)

And from the week just completed:

Mad Men (1.72m/.6)
Dexter (1.68m/.8)
Greek (.77m/.4)
Sons Of Anarchy (3.39m/1.8)
Nip/Tuck (2.2m/1.1)
Curb Your Enthusiasm (1.05m/.4)
Californication (.77m/.4)
Bored To Death (.65m/.3)
South Park (2.57m/1.3)
Secret Girlfriend (1.38m/.7)
It’s Always Sunny (1.35m/.8)
Top Chef (3.04m/1.7)
Project Runway (3.24m/1.4)
The Hills (2.05m/1.2)
Dirty Jobs (2.31m/.9)
Mythbusters (2.56m/1)
Ghost Hunters (3.06m/1.4)

Photo Credit: CBS

South Park takes on Paul “TURD” Watson and Whale Wars

Keith McDuffee — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 02:41:11 +0000

Once again, there above’s this week’s hint for where to find the hidden alien for the South Park‘d contest. Good luck to y’all, and remember who to give a shout-out to when you get animated!

This week was a hell of a lot funnier than the past few episodes, picking fun of a show that totally deserves it: Discovery’s Whale Wars. The show’s “star,” Paul Watson, has been criticized plenty of times for lying for his cause, and his “reality” show has been called a sham by many. To see a big fat “TURD” on an actual photo of Watson hanging in the “Sea Shepherd,” then the rest of the Whale Warriors being called “incompetent, vegan pussies doing absolutely nothing and turning it into drama” was gold. Unfortunately I know a few other shows like that.

More quotes on Watson:

Larry King: “But their old captain, Paul Watson, was an unorganized, incompetent media whore who thought lying to everyone was OK as long as it served his cause.”
Critic: “Yes, of course. Everyone knows that Paul Watson was a smug, narcoleptic liar with no credibility….”

Let’s not forget another appearance of Guitar Hero with the hilarious rendition of Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face” by Cartman, playing as a montage of Stan’s Real Whale Wars took place.

The icing on the cake was Stan’s dad, when the Japanese decided to stab, mutilate and eviscerate all the “real” ones responsible for dropping the bomb on Hiroshima, the chickens and cows: “Great job, Stan. Now the Japanese are normal, like us.”

Damn, I’d hate to be the guys who were really piloting that plane….

Photo Credit: Comedy Central

Ratings Clack – Smallville continues to defy the odds

Brett Love — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 16:00:19 +0000

We do often get caught up in the big numbers from the big networks. It is, after all, hard to overlook the fact that NCIS is still growing its audience in the 7th season. There are still some very interesting stories happening on the little network, CW. When it was announced that Vampire Diaries would be paired with Supernatural, while Smallville was shuffled off to Friday, many people expected that was the end.

The show wouldn’t be able to come back from a year grinding away on Friday nights. After a few weeks looking at the numbers though, that’s not the case at all. Clark and the gang can celebrate good times, despite taking a hit from the move. In fact, this week Smallville topped new episodes of One Tree Hill, Gossip Girl, 90210, and Melrose Place. It’s far from done. Elsewhere, we had our first sizable crop of repeats this week, which brought some interesting results.

CW – With Smallville getting the lead, we’ll start with CW this week. The week got off to a slow start with One Tree Hill (2.21m/1) and Gossip Girl (1.98m/1.1) both down. Things picked up, if you can call it that, on Tuesday with 90210 (2.25m/1.1) remaining steady and Melrose Place (1.5m/.7) gaining in viewers. Next Top Model (2.99m/1.4) was steady as well. Vampire Diaries (2.27m/.9) and Supernatural (1.83m/.8) were repeats, but it is worth noting given that the Vampire Diaries repeat had more viewers than all of the Monday and Tuesday originals. Smallville (2.52m/1.1) closed out the week with the best performance for a scripted show on the network, and also managed to finish tied for third in the demo on the night.

ABC – It was something of an uneventful week for the network. Sunday’s performance was steady with Extreme Makeover (10.33m/3), Desperate Housewives (13.68m/4.6), and Brothers & Sisters (9.72m/3.2). Likewise, Monday finished very much like the previous week with Dancing With The Stars (16.82m/3.6) and Castle (9.69m/2.4). It is worth noting that the Castle numbers have been good enough that the network has picked up the back 9.

Things started to change on Tuesday, as Shark Tank (5.92m/1.8) and DWTS Results (14.92m/3.4) both saw gains. Unfortunately, that didn’t do anything for The Forgotten (7.3m/1.9), which slipped to the lowest numbers of the season. Those 10PM struggles were repeated on Wednesday, with Eastwick (4.78m/1.6) also finding new lows. That came on the heels of a night of comedy that was down across the board with Hank (5.78m/1.5), The Middle (6.53m/2), Modern Family (8.66m/3.4), and Cougar Town (7.31m/3.1). Things really don’t look good for Hank.

There were more changes on Thursday, although they really weren’t that surprising. FlashForward (9.87m/3.1) gained in viewers while holding steady in the demo. Grey’s Anatomy (15.06m/5.3), on the other hand, posted big week-to-week gains. Of course, that was against a repeat CSI. Surprisingly though, it didn’t translate into gains for Private Practice (9.93m/3.7). The show was down without the crossover element, despite facing a repeat Mentalist. Friday, Supernanny (4.7m/1.1) returned above the year ago premiere, and Ugly Betty (4.55m/1.2) limped to a third place finish in the hour.

CBS - The week started off with shenanigans as the football overrun bumped Cold Case for the night. Amazing Race (10.92m/3.3) and Three Rivers (7.38m/1.9) didn’t see any benefit from that. Monday was mostly par for the course, with one notable exception. Accidentally On Purpose (8.25m/3.3) actually beat How I Met Your Mother (8.07m/3.4) in viewers. Did anyone see that coming? Later, the duo of 2 ½ Men (14.07m/4.8) and Big Bang Theory (13.47m/5.3) continued to dominate the 9PM hour. CSI: Miami (13.16m/3.9) finished the night on a winning note.

Tuesday was up across the board, on the back of NCIS (21.25m/4.7) continuing to impress. That led to good things for NCIS:LA (16.48m/3.9) and The Good Wife (13.26m/2.8). Wednesday remained steady. Old Christine (6.58m/2) and Gary Unmarried (6.76m/2.2) seem to have fought off the ABC comedies, while Criminal Minds (14.27m/3.8) and CSI:NY (13m/3) easily win their hours. Survivor (12.9m/4) was the lone new entry on Thursday, but it is worth noting that The Mentalist (11.79m/2.8) beat CSI (10.14m/2.2) in repeats. Friday was again an easy victory for Ghost Whisperer (8.46m/2.1), Medium (8.43m/2.2), and Numb3rs (8.05m/1.8).

NBC - Overall, it was actually a good week for NBC, relatively speaking. Sunday Night Football (18.17m/7.2) continues to be huge. And Heroes (5.72m/2.5) was actually up. With Mercy (7.18m/1.9) getting a full season, things don’t look good for Trauma (5.46m/1.8). Tuesday, The Biggest Loser (9.82m/3.9) was also up. There were more gains to be had on Wednesday, as L&O: SVU (9.15m/2.8) continued to grow. There is still the very real possibility that it could compete with Criminal Minds in the demo by the end of the season.

Thursday continues to be a mixed bag. Technically, Community (5.04m/1.9) and Parks & Recreation (4.93m/2.1) had the 8PM hour up over last week. But really, if Kath & Kim are looking down at your numbers, that’s really bad. The Office (8.73m/4.4) and 30 Rock (6.84m/3.3) took advantage of the CSI vacation. Friday, Law & Order (7.17m/1.5) continued to struggle, while Dateline (7.91m/1.8) continued to make the case for canceling Southland.

Leno… didn’t have a good week.The numbers continue to shrink, slowly. Two nights below five million, and two below 1.5 in the demo. Most troubling might be the fact that despite nice gains from The Office and 30 Rock on Thursday, and facing a repeat Mentalist, Leno was actually down.

Mon – 4.74m/1.4
Tue – 5.46m/1.8
Wed – 5.14m/1.5
Thu – 4.97m/1.6
Fri – 6.15m/1.4

FOX - The week started off with one of the most interesting repeats of the week. An old Family Guy (8.13m/4.2) was stuffed in with new episodes from The Simpsons (8.69m/4.1), Cleveland (7.62m/3.8), American Dad (6.25m/3.1) but still managed to be the highest rated. Monday, being pushed back by baseball didn’t do any favors for House (11.65m/4.4) and Lie To Me (7.79m/2.9). The news was better from baseball (10.3m/3.4) on Tuesday. Wednesday, So You Think You Can Dance (6.91m/2.6) and Glee (7.15m/3.3) were steady. I’m curious to see what happens as SYTYCD gets into the competition.

Baseball (11.85m/3.7) returned Thursday, offering a boost to the usual numbers. Friday was more of the same. The only semi-surprise was that Til Death (1.97m/.7) managed to fall below 2 million viewers. Yikes. It’s pretty bad when you lose viewers from Brothers (2.35m/.8). Dollhouse (2.15m/.8) slipped again, marking its second worse performance ever.

Cable – Ryan asked for numbers from Stargate: Universe and Sanctuary last week. I don’t usually include them because unless Syfy sees fit to issue a press release over the weekend, the post is up before they come out. So, the next best thing is week old numbers. For the 10/16 broadcasts the numbers were Stargate: Universe (2.1m/.9) and Sanctuary (1.77m/.6). That same night, USA had Monk (3.98m/1) and Psych (3.68m/1.2). The interesting premiere this week was The Jeff Dunham Show (5.34m/2.2). That’s impressive, given the overwhelming hatred of the show from critics. It’s also worth noting that Sons Of Anarchy (3.7m/2) beat both Leno and The Forgotten in the demo. Other interesting cable numbers for the past week:

Monday Night Football (13.47m/5.5)
Hannah Montana (5.72m/1)
Mad Men (1.61m/.5)
Dexter (1.51m/.7)
Californication (.77m/.3)
Curb Your Enthusiasm (1.08m/.5)
Bored To Death (.66m/.3)
Project Runway (3.02m/1.3)
Real Housewives Of Atlanta (2.97m/1.6)
It’s Always Sunny (1.52m/.9)
Lincoln Heights (.92m/.2)
Greek (.68m/.3)
The Hills (1.83m/1.1)
Dirty Jobs (1.86m/.9)
Mythbusters (2.28m/1)
Top Chef (2.86m/1.5)
South Park (2.58m/1.4)
Secret Girlfriend (1.29m/.6)
Nip/Tuck (2.23m/1.2)
Ghost Hunters (3.07m/1.4)

Photo Credit: The CW

South Park – A joke more than a few years too late?

Keith McDuffee — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 02:47:21 +0000

Bashing on the W.W.E. was a worthwhile task for South Park, but you know something? It’s a few years too late. Isn’t the joke about professional wresting being fake as old as … I dunno, Vince McMahon? In any case, the South Park community was a perfect hick-town setting for this, so it was only a matter of time before the show would take it on.

As for real wrestling, I don’t think this show could have made it appear any more uncomfortably gay-like than in this episode, short of them doing it in the nude … the way it was done in ancient times. Dear lord, I’m glad they didn’t get into that.

Anyway, I’m ready for a really good episode before the season ends, aren’t you? For those playing the South Park‘d game, your hint is pictured above. Remember who to thank when you make it on the show. Good luck!

Photo Credit: Comedy Central

Ratings Clack – Where is FlashForward headed?

Brett Love — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 16:00:41 +0000

FlashForward is one of the more interesting shows of the new season where ratings are concerned. On the one hand, so far it has been a huge upgrade for the 8-9 spot on ABC. And while it has been surpassed by Survivor, it does continue to hold off Bones in the demo. On the other hand, the ratings don’t seem to be settled yet, which makes each week a new adventure. This week, the yo-yo headed back up. What will next week bring? One can only guess. I continue to think that it will eventually be passed up by the fiercely loyal Bones audience at some point, finding its place as the number 3 show in the hour. Elsewhere this week, there was good news for Dancing With The Stars, NCIS, Law & Order, So You Think You Can Dance, and Smallville. The news wasn’t so good for Hank, Parks & Recreation, Three Rivers, or Melrose Place.

ABC - Overall, it was a very good week for the network. Sunday was off a bit week-to-week with Extreme Makeover (9.81m/3), Desperate Housewives (13.42m/3.6), and Brothers & Sisters (8.97m/3), but those are still solid numbers. And there were plenty of gains through the rest of the week. Monday, Dancing With The Stars (16.79m/3.6) and Castle (9.77m/2.3) were both up. Tuesday was also up for the night with Shark Tank (5.24m/1.6), DWTS (13.96m/2.9) and The Forgotten (7.43m/2.1). The Forgotten was down in viewers, but up in demo. Wednesday was a bit of a mixed bag with Modern Family (9.35m/3.6) and Cougar Town (7.99m/3.3) both up, while Hank (6.15m/1.6), The Middle (6.77m/2.1), and Eastwick (5.08m/1.7) were all down.

In a bit of oddness, Thursday found FlashForward (9.07m/3.1) and Private Practice (10.36m/3.8) both posting gains while Grey’s Anatomy (13.79m/5) took a bit of a dip. Still, that’s a dip that still left it #1 in the demo for the night. Friday was also up with the premiere of Ugly Betty (5.01m/1.3 – 5.18m/1.3). Of course, that’s well off last season’s Ugly Betty numbers, and up over repeats. I’ve no idea what ABC is expecting from Ugly Betty on the night, but the increased competition should be worrisome for FOX.

CBS - The Tiffany network also had a good week, starting with The Amazing Race (10.52m/3.2). Unfortunately, Phil’s gains didn’t do much for Three Rivers (7.33m/1.7) and Cold Case (7.87m/1.9). Both of those should be considered on the bubble at this point. That was just a temporary setback though, as business picked back up Monday. How I Met Your Mother (8.56m/3.6), Accidentally On Purpose (7.73m/3), 2 ½ Men (14.17m/4.8), and Big Bang Theory (13.07m/5) all bounced back from an off week, gaining in viewers and demo. CSI: Miami (13.27m/4) was off just a bit in viewers, but also up in viewers. That 8-9 hour of comedy continues to be interesting. In moving Big Bang to 9:30, the 8-9 hour is down 1.1 million viewers and 4 tenths in the demo versus last year (Big Bang 9.36m/3.6, HIMYM 9.14m/3.8). Although, to be fair, the 9-10 hour is up 1.4 million viewers and .6 in the demo (2 ½ Men 14.57m/5.3, Worst Week 9.78m/3.3).

Moving on, NCIS (21.04m/4.5) continues to roll. Despite that being up, NCIS:LA (15.38m/3.5) and The Good Wife (12.98m/2.8) were both off week-to-week. The good news though is that they both remain up over last year (Mentalist 14.86m/3.4, Without A Trace 10.99m/2.6). Wednesday also saw gains with Old Christine (6.99m/2.1), Gary Unmarried (6.91m/2.3), and CSI: NY (13.4m/3.2) up in both measurements. Criminal Minds (13.92m/3.8) was off slightly in viewers, but also gained demo.

Thursday saw week-to-week gains across the board with Survivor (11.78m/3.5), CSI (15.38m/3.6), and The Mentalist (15.08m/3.5). It’s interesting to note that The Mentalist is so close to becoming the #1 show for the network on the night. Friday, as usual, was an easy win with Ghost Whisperer (8.21m/2), Medium (8.04m/1.9), and Numb3rs (7.77m/1.8) all holding up well against baseball.

FOX - A bit of a mixed bag of results in a week that was still very good. The Sunday toons, The Simpsons (7.6m/3.7), Cleveland Show (7.87m/3.9), Family Guy (8.97m/4.6), and American Dad (6.75m/3.5) were all down, but still very strong. It’s worth noting that Cleveland is building on the Simpsons audience. Monday was also down, with House (13.49m/5.2) and Lie To Me (7.87m/2.8). Not a worry for House, the #1 demo of the night, but Lie To Me should be better. Tuesday was a great result as Hell’s Kitchen (8.04m/3.8) continues to hold up amazingly well.

The really interesting bit of the week came on Wednesday. So You Think You Can Dance (7.21m/2.8) continues to grow now that the weeks (and weeks) of auditions are over. It’s now #1 in the demo for the hour. That led to a slight boost for Glee (7.65m/3.4) as well. Thursday was more of the same, with Bones (9.59m/2.8) on par, and Fringe (5.78m/2.2) continuing to struggle in the 9PM meat grinder. Friday was way up over the usual schedule with baseball. Sports are iffy for numbers, but the early results say something in the neighborhood of 7.54 million viewers and a 2.4 for the night.

NBC - How NBC did this week really depends on your glass. Is it half full, or half empty? For example, the entire Monday lineup was up in viewers and demo. But then, when you come up to numbers like Heroes (5.55m/2.4), Trauma (5.49m/1.8), and Leno (5.09m/1.6), it’s hard to really celebrate. There were similar results for Mercy (7.37m/1.9), which was up in the demo. As well as Community (5.01m/2) which gained in both over last week. The only really bad news probably comes from Parks & Recreation (4.53m/2). To give an idea of how bad that is, last year at this time Kath & Kim knocked down 6.01 million viewers and a 2.5.

There was good news to be had. As usual, Sunday Night Football (16.02m/6.2) remains a power. The Biggest Loser (9.14m/3.5) was also rather steady. The Office (8.03m/4.1) was down from the big wedding episode, but remains the best rated scripted program on the network. 30 Rock (6.39m/3), given the demo, also had a successful debut. There was also some good news on the Law & Order front. Both SVU (8.77m/2.6) and L&O (7.6m/1.6) remain down year-to-year, but they are also both gaining. That’s a trend worth watching. It could be that as people tire of the new programming, they’ll return to the old standbys.

Leno, overall, had a rough week that ended with his worst showing yet on Friday. The only victory for Leno came on Wednesday, as the show was #2, edging out Eastwick. The numbers:

Monday (5.09m/1.6)
Tuesday (5.77m/1.8)
Wednesday (6.15m/1.8)
Thursday (5.37m/1.8)
Friday (4.97m/1.2)

CW - Count the littlest network as also having a good week. One Tree Hill (2.55m/1.2), Gossip Girl (2.36m/1.2), Vampire Diaries (3.88m/1.8), Supernatural (2.58m/1.2), and Smallville (2.62m/1.1) were all up over last week. 90210 (2.25m/1.1) was off a tenth in demo, but gained viewers. Next Top Model (3m/1.4) was off over the previous week, but remains the #2 show on the network. The only really bad news continues to be Melrose Place (1.38m/.7) which has now fallen well off the pace of Privileged last season.

CABLE - The most intriguing number for me on cable this week was Nip/Tuck (2.92m/1.4). That’s not a bad number, but it’s more interesting in showing just how successful FX is with Sons Of Anarchy (3.31m/1.8). It looks like SAMCRO will be around for awhile. Let’s just hope the writer’s get this whole Oz fascination out of their system sooner, rather than later. Some other cable numbers of note:

Mad Men (1.53m/.6)
Army Wives (3.93m/1.3)
Monday Night Football (13.14m/5.4)
Top Chef (2.67m/1.4)
South Park (2.56m/1.3)
Secret Girlfriend (1.25m/.6)
It’s Always Sunny (1.61m/1)
Project Runway (2.97m/1.3)
Mythbusters (2.69m/1.2)
The Hills (1.72m/1)
Ghost Hunters (2.91m/1.3)
Real Housewives of Atlanta (2.64m/1.4)
Greek (.66m/.3)

Photo Credit: ABC

South Park – What an obscure place for an alien

Keith McDuffee — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 03:46:29 +0000

In case you haven’t heard, South Park’s got a contest going on, where you can become South Park‘d and put into next season’s premiere. Yes, that means your likeness is drawn and put into the episode. Hell, I’m trying for it!

The contest started with last week’s episode, and I’ve got the image of that one below. The one for this week is pictured above, though you’ll have to watch the episode to figure out where exactly the scene took place. As you can see, the places the aliens turn up can be pretty obscure.

And hey, if you win and get South Park‘d, make sure you let us know here — we’ll screenshot your spot and post it next season!

Oh, and as far as tonight’s episode goes: it wasn’t as good as last week, but it was funny. Best (and most disturbing) part was the police officer “going too far” when apprehending the Johns. Ew on that evidence bag!

Photo Credit: Comedy Central

Ratings Clack – Favre and Baseball create havoc

Brett Love — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 15:00:43 +0000

It was a strange week for ratings. Brett Favre playing against Green Bay made for a huge Monday Night Football (21.84m/9) audience on ESPN. And then the baseball playoffs ran through the rest of the week, calling a lot of the seemingly odd drops in viewers into question. Despite that increased competition, there was some good news to be had. The Biggest Loser, Bones, The Office, Lie To Me, Castle, and The Simpsons all managed to make gains week-to-week. Dollhouse also got in the game, stopping a four episode streak of series lows. On the other side, it’s starting to look like ER took all of it’s viewers with it when it left. The premiere numbers for Three Rivers were not good, and NBC’s dueling medical dramas continue to struggle.

FOX - Animation Domination got the week off to a great start, with The Simpsons (9.38m/4.4), Cleveland (8.86m/4.4), Family Guy (9.86m/5.1), and American Dad (7.14m/3.6). Food for thought: In the demo, that makes Family Guy the #1 comedy of the week. On Monday, House (13.74m/5.4) looks to have taken a hit from football. The good news though, is that Lie To Me (8.06m/3.1) was up, despite the drop from House.

Tuesday and Wednesday were fairly steady with Hell’s Kitchen (7.43m/3.3), So You Think You Can Dance Tuesday (5.47m/2.5), SYTYCD Wednesday (6.22m/2.5), and Glee (7.28m/3.3). Thursday was another example of just how solid the Bones (10.29m/2.9) audience is. No matter the night, or the competition, it gets its numbers. And it is getting very close to passing up FlashForward in the demo as well. Unfortunately, Bones being up, and the appearance of Nimoy, didn’t help Fringe (5.83m/2.1). For now, let’s blame a special episode of The Office and see what happens next week.

Friday brought very similar results, with Brothers (2.35m/.8), Til Death (2.36m/.8), and Dollhouse (2.25m/1). If your glass is half full, those Dollhouse numbers are a win, because the streak of series lows that stretches back four episodes to last season was ended. If your glass is half empty … it was still the second lowest rated episode the series has had.

CBS - The Amazing Race (9.8m/2.8) was down to start the week, which didn’t offer much help to Three Rivers (8.97m/1.9). That’s really not good for the premiere. Cold Case (10.05m/2.2) was steady, if not impressive. Monday was down across the board with How I Met Your Mother (8.08m/3.4), Accidentally On Purpose (7.16m/2.8), 2 ½ Men (13.3m/4.4), Big Bang Theory (12.52m/4.7), and CSI: Miami (13.43m/3.9). I’m willing to chalk that up to football, but the AOP demo is something to keep an eye on.

Tuesday’s lineup, NCIS (20.7m/4.3), NCIS:LA (16.31m/3.6), and The Good Wife (13.69m/2.9) was also down every hour, but still far and away #1 for the night. There were gains on Wednesday as Old Christine (6.86m/1.9) and Gary Unmarried (6.84m/2.2) were both up. Criminal Minds (14.05m/3.6) and CSI:NY (12.43m/2.9) were both down slightly, but Criminal Minds did take back the number one spot in the demo from ABC.

Thursday was another night of decreases, with Survivor (11.69m/3.4), CSI (14.89m/3.5), and The Mentalist (14.7m/3.3) all down. On the plus side, all were the most watched programs in their slots. Friday was again a cake walk, with Ghost Whisperer (8.6m/2.1) and Medium 8.3m/1.9) up week-to-week. Numb3rs (7.13m/1.6) was slightly down in viewers, but did win the hour.

NBC – As always, Sunday Night Football (18.42m/7.4) is solid. The Biggest Loser (9.25m/3.7) also did well, gaining week-to-week and winning the 9PM hour in the demo. More good news came from the big wedding episode of The Office (9.42m/4.8). That is higher in viewers and demo than every episode from last season. Elsewhere, it was a very NBC week.

Heroes (5.46m/2.4) continues to explore new lows. And that isn’t helping Trauma (5.37m/2.7). Mercy (7.43m/1.8) is doing slightly better, but that’s still not what you would call a real success, given the weak Wednesday competition. Community (4.87m/1.9) made the big move to 8, and managed less viewers than SNL Thursday. It did, at least, provide a boost for Parks & Recreation (4.75m/2.1). Things were slightly brighter for L&O SVU (8.29m/2.6) and Law & Order (7.23m/1.5), but both are not even close to doing what they once did.

Leno? He had a tough week. The numbers continue to slowly grind down to a level, with this week finding two nights dropping below 5 million viewers. Tuesday remains his most successful night. The only nights where he isn’t last in both measures are Tuesday (2nd in demo) and Wednesday (2nd in viewers).

Monday (4.45m/1.5)
Tuesday (6.22m/2.1)
Wednesday (5.72m/1.7)
Thursday (4.84m/1.7)
Friday (5.33m/1.4)

ABC – Things got off to a nice start Sunday as Extreme Makeover (11.63m/3.4), Desperate Housewives (14.64m/5), and Brothers & Sisters (9.46m/3.2) were all up. A return to the 5s in the demo is very encouraging for Desperate Housewives. With Monday, the network started suffering many of the same drops the other networks saw. Dancing With The Stars (16.35m/3.5) was down, but still strong. On the plus side, despite that drop, Castle (9.23m/2.2) was up just a bit.

DWTS (12.42m/2.6) was down on Tuesday as well, while Shark Tank (5.15m/1.5) and The Forgotten (7.55m/1.9) both saw small viewer gains. Wednesday was one of those very curious nights, with Hank (6.45m/1.6), The Middle (6.79m/2.1), Modern Family (8.82m/3.4), Cougar Town (7.84m/3.2), and Eastwick (5.14m/1.8) all suffering large losses. We’ll have to wait for next week to see how much of that sticks. The best news there is probably for Castle, which is now well above The Forgotten and Eastwick.

Thursday remains a strong night for the network with FlashForward (9m/3), Grey’s Anatomy (14.13m/5.4), and Private Practice (9.5m/3.6). Those numbers still have FlashForward ahead of where Ugly Betty was last season, but it has now fallen to third in viewers and second in the demo. It will be interesting to see where it plateaus. Private Practice is notable because it remains ahead of The Mentalist in the demo, which is an unexpected win.

CW - One Tree Hill (2.13m/1.1), Gossip Girl (2.08m/1.1), and 90210 (2.09m/1.2) were all down in viewers this week, with 90210 gaining a tenth in demo. Melrose Place (1.6m/.9), on the other hand, was up in both measures. I believe the gains come from starting the episode with Katie Cassidy in her underthings, and look forward to the network taking that into account as they film new episodes.

With Next Top Model (3.15m/1.5), Wednesday was down just a touch in viewers, and up a whole bunch in WTF? Seriously, why is there a repeat of Melrose following the number two show on the network? The spot is open, and Smallville would obviously do better Wednesday at 9. Thursday, Vampire Diaries (3.52m/1.7) continues to lead the network, and Supernatural (2.47m/1.2) had a small drop in viewers. Friday, Smallville (2.3m/1) was down year to year, but still managed more viewers than OTH, GG, 90210, and MP.

Cable - Monday Night Football (21.84m/9) took full advantage of all of the Favre craziness, topping everything on the broadcast networks for the week in viewers and demo. Other highlights this week included the Entourage finale (2.49m/1.5), Sons Of Anarchy (3.67m/2), and Project Runway (3.22m/1.5). Also of note, the Seinfeld reunion was able to add an extra half million viewers to Curb Your Enthusiasm (1.56m/.7). In really crazy drop numbers, remember that Jon & Kate premiere with 10 million viewers? All of their shenanigans have resulted in the latest episode managing just 1.71 million. Some other cable numbers to peruse:

Army Wives (3.33m/1.1)
Drop Dead Diva (2.79m/.9)
Dexter (1.37m/.6)
Californication (.77m/.4)
South Park (2.67m/1.3)
Secret Girlfriend (1.55m/.8)
WWE RAW (4.71m/1.6)
The Ultimate Fighter (2.76m/1.6)
It’s Always Sunny (1.51m/.9)
Mad Men (1.91m/.7)
Bored To Death (1.08m/.5)
The Hills (2.3m/1.4)
The City (1.61m/.9)
Lincoln Heights (.75m/.2)
Greek (.72m/.3)
Top Chef (2.76m/1.5)
Mythbusters (1.89m/.9)
Ghost Hunters (2.74m/1.3)
Destination Truth (2.04m/1)
Sherri (.44m/.1)
Rita Rocks (.28m/.1)

Photo Credit: FOX

The Middle; Modern Family; South Park – In that order

Keith McDuffee — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 17:00:02 +0000

A long night of TV, and I didn’t even fit in everything I’d normally want to watch, meaning Glee isn’t included this week. I’ve been a lot more excited lately to see the shows I did watch last night:

The Middle — First of all, what I really appreciate about this show is how things pretty much picked right up where we left off. The quirks of the Heck family that we were introduced to last week are all still very much intact. Brick still talks to his imaginary friend. Axl still walks around the house in his underwear. Mike is still brutally honest.

I’m still reminded of Malcom in the Middle with this show, but what I’m liking more is how the kids aren’t made out to be huge pains in the ass. This really is a good family, even though they have their quirks. Unlike with Malcolm’s family, this is a family that’s likable.

Modern Family — Sadly, I had to place this second, as it’s just not fully retaining the humor that was seen in the extremely strong pilot episode. It still has its laugh-out-loud moments, but it’s no longer a near constant stream of comedy, with lots of hidden jokes that take multiple viewings to find them all. Best quote from the episode:

Phil: “What happens if you turn the remote off then on real quick?”
Jay: “Yeah, you would’ve made a great pilot.”

South Park — It’s crazy how this show can offend one group of people, yet entertain the other, episode to episode. Case in point: Chipotlaway. As I’m laughing at that whole bit, even as disgusting as I knew it to be, Deb gave me that look of “you’re insane” before leaving the room. I thought maybe I was alone on finding that funny, but this morning it’s one of our top trending search topics. Welcome, fellow disgusting people! We’ll hold our first “South Park’s gross stuff is funny” support group meeting next week.

Here’s what else I watched that didn’t make the cut: Cougar Town, Ghost Hunters, and Secret Girlfriend. Hey, don’t kill me — maybe it was just my mood last night.

Photo Credit: ABC

South Park does Ghost Hunters, Billy Mays and “Chipotlaway”

Keith McDuffee — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 02:44:17 +0000

Check one item off the list I made earlier this week. Not that it was much of a surprise coming from Parker and Stone, but they went ahead and spoofed Michael Jackson right from the get-go. Actually, they went ahead and spoofed the slew of celebrity deaths from the past year, including Walter Cronkite, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and, of course, Billy Mays.

I’m not sure you could easily (or at least quickly) explain to someone how this episode was able to parody Michael Jackson’s ghost along with creepy little girl pageants, but that’s just what happened. Has there been an episode that’s parodied so many things at once that wasn’t Imaginationland? Let’s see, they had:

The aforementioned celebrity deaths. Y’know, I almost put “deaths in threes” on my previous list, and this seemed close enough to satisfy that.
Ghost Hunters. Man, they were spot-on with the way they looked. I watch that show and definitely got a laugh out of their scene.
Poltergeist
The Sixth Sense
Chipotle, with “Chipotlaway” to clean the blood stains out of your underwear. Holy shit, I love Chipotle but … ah hell, yeah, I might resort to Chipotlaway over giving that shiznit up. Plus, Billy Mays!
Creepy, little girl beauty pageants, complete with judges rubbing blown kisses on their naughty places.

I can’t remember Ike saying so much before in an episode, and with bleeped out profanity to boot! I know Parker and Stone do the voices for quite a few of the characters, including some of the kids, but Ike is clearly, really a small child’s voice. That’s enough to make him creepy and funny at the same time.

… but not as creepy as seeing Ike and Kyle’s parents going at it. Even animated, that was damn disturbing. Does Chipotlaway work to clean that image from my eyes? I’d believe Billy Mays, if he said it would.

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Photo Credit: Comedy Central

Six themes South Park should tackle next

Keith McDuffee — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 18:00:41 +0000

If there’s one thing South Park is well known for it’s how true to current events the themes tend to be. In fact, a lot of people were amazed at how the show was able to get an episode out the day after the 2008 elections, featuring Obama in the seat of presidency. They’ve also taken on topics like Guitar Hero, Scientology, the economy, High School Musical, Kanye West, and Somalian pirates with timely precision.

So, what’s the world been up to lately that South Park should take on when it returns next week (October 7)? Here are a few that come to mind:

Twitter and Facebook — My mind’s a bit foggy over whether or not South Park ever featured Facebook, though I’m near certain Twitter has never made an appearance before. The popularity of the service skyrockets every month, so it’s only a matter of time before Cartman’s Tweeting it up. Oh wait a minute: he already does. Picture the kids fighting over how many followers they have, for example, or how you can’t recall Tweets once you send them — it’s there, forever, for the world to see. In fact, wouldn’t it be brilliant if Comedy Central somehow featured the follower count of their Twitter accounts as they actually happened, live on TV, as viewers added them? Alright, maybe not.

The iPhone — … or at least cellphones in general. Alright, maybe I’m knocking on the techie door a bit much when it comes to this, but it seems the iPhone and its companion app store are seemingly everywhere these days. I could imagine a character on the show coming up with a Terrence & Philip iPhone app that does nothing but farts (I know, already done), costs $0.99, and they stand to make millions of dollars … until Steve Jobs yanks it out of the app store for no apparent reason. Cue the boys making a pilgrimage to Cupertino to confront the manatees or whatever they are that control the app approval process.

The Jaycee Lee Dugard kidnapping — What, you think Parker and Stone would stay away from a sensitive subject like this? No freakin’ way! This story is ripe with South Park possibilities. Imagine one of the boys being kidnapped, then we flash to South Park 18 years in the future when he returns and has to be re-established into society. Or how about Kenny finding out that all this time his parents aren’t his true parents, and he was kidnapped years ago before he can remember. Alright, so I don’t have the greatest ideas when it comes to this, but I won’t be surprised to see an episode around it.

Fantasy sports – I’m surprised we haven’t seen any of this on South Park yet. This could be a storyline for the kids or the adults, though I immediately picture Stan’s father being obsessed with playing fantasy sports. So much so, in fact, that he plays fifteen different leagues at once and does that absurd thing when fantasy players feel kinship with the players on their fantasy team, as if they’re a real coach.

Swine Flu — This is a no-brainer. The premise is simple. Swine Flu runs rampant in the school, and the hunt is out for the one person — Patient Zero — who started the epidemic, with Cartman leading the way. Wrap the whole thing around any current zombie movie premise and you’ve got yourself an episode. In the end, it turns out Cartman is to blame and he knew it all along.

Michael Jackson’s death — I’m not really sure how this would work into an episode, but I’m sure the writers would think of something. Heck, he’s been featured before as “Mr. Jefferson” with his son, Blanket, on the show before. Maybe due to “Mr. Jefferson’s” death, Blanket moves permanently to South Park in order to get out of the spotlight. It turns out Jefferson never gave away the money he said he would, so Blanket’s on the run with it. You could also substitute Jackson’s death with a number of other notable ones this year, including Billy Mays and Farrah Fawcett.

Any other topics from 2009 that you could imagine seeing covered on South Park?

Photo Credit: Comedy Central

South Park does Ghost Hunters, Billy Mays and “Chipotlaway”

Presenting CliqueClack’s guide to the 2009-10 fall season

Richard Keller — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 15:00:42 +0000

To subscribe to the below schedule in iCal, copy this link and paste into the ‘Subscribe…’ menu item in iCal. You can also just click it to open iCal or even click to add to your iPhone calendar. The same link will work in a Google Calendar as well! Or see the calendar as a web page (also embedded at the bottom here). The calendar will update as new shows are added/changed and with links to our reviews as we publish them.

Welcome to CliqueClack’s guide for the 2009-10 fall season! Or, in the case of NBC, The Great Experiment. Now, if you didn’t realize it already, this fall season is going to be different from past years. First, there’s no ER, which will feel a little weird. Second, Lost will be ending its run in the spring of 2010. Third, American Idol will be without Paula Abdul. And finally, Jay Leno is going to come into your homes at 10 PM each night and try to convince you that scripted programming is dead.

Once this season pans out, that may or may not be the case on the big Four and a Quarter networks. With so many viewers moving to other venues of original, scripted programming like cable and the Internet, the networks are fighting for life … again. Well, NBC and ABC probably are: CBS and FOX are doing okay for the time being. So, the big question is whether or not they can come back with ambitious programs like Flash Forward, comedies like Hank and The Middle, which feature known stars, remakes like Parenthood and Melrose Place, and Chevy Chase?

Only time and ratings will tell. In the meantime, CliqueClack TV is here to present you with the most comprehensive premiere schedule on the Internet. Something that you will come back to time and time again to peruse in order to plan your day. Just be aware that dates and times of these premieres may change at the whim of a network executive with too much gas. Now, without further typing…

Guide Notes:

New series premieres in bold italic

* – denotes new time/day

? – asks why the f%*&k this show is still on the air

September

To Be Determined

3:00 and 4:00 The Tyra Banks Show(CW) – Season 4 premiere. First on CW. Airdate to be determined.

Monday, September 7th

Dinosaur Train (PBS) – Check local listings for times.

Electric Company (PBS) – Check local listings for times.

10:00 Durham County (ION) – The network’s first original drama

Tuesday, September 8th

8:00 90210 (CW) – Season 2 premiere

9:00 Melrose Place (CW) – Coming next season, remakes of Booker and The Heights.

10:00 Sons of Anarchy (FX) – Season 2 premiere

Wednesday, September 9th

8:00 America’s Next Top Model (CW) – Season 13 premiere

8:00 So You Think You Can Dance (FOX) - Season 6 premiere

9:00 Glee (FOX) - A feel-good show on FOX? Nah, can’t be! (here’s our preview of Glee’s return)

9:00 Inside the NFL (Showtime)

10:00 Destination Truth (SyFy) – Season 3 premiere

Thursday, September 10th

8:00 The Vampire Diaries (CW)

9:00 Supernatural (CW) – Season 5 premiere

Friday, September 11th

10:00 20/20 (ABC)

Saturday, September 12th

8:00 COPS (FOX) – Season 20 premiere. Coming up this season — the 700th episode!

9:00 Robin Hood (BBC America) – Season 2 premiere

9:00 America’s Most Wanted (FOX) – Season 23 premiere

Sunday, September 13th

7:00 Football Night in America (NBC)

8:15 NBC Sunday Night Football (NBC)

Monday, September 14th

Dr. Phil (Syndicated) – Season 8 premiere. Check local listings for times.

Oprah (Syndicated) – Season 24 premiere. Check local listing for times.

The Rachel Ray Show (Syndicated) – Check local listings for times.

8:00 Lincoln Heights (ABC Family) – Season 4 premiere

8:00 One Tree Hill (CW) – Season 7 premiere

9:00 Gossip Girl (CW) – Season 3 premiere

10:00 The Jay Leno Show (NBC) – The start of The Great Experiment. Guest stars for the premiere include Jay Z, Kayne West, Rhianna, and Jerry Seinfeld.

Tuesday, September 15th

8:00 The Biggest Loser (NBC) – Weekly shows from 8-10 pm, followed by Jay Leno’s show. Yes, this is the new face of NBC.

Wednesday, September 16th

9:00 The Beautiful Life (CW)

Thursday, September 17th

8:00 Survivor: Samoa (CBS) – 19th season premiere

8:00 Bones (FOX) – Season five premiere. Here’s hoping Booth recovers from his coma.

9:30 Thursday Night Live (NBC) – Season 2 premiere. Not too sure what they’re going to talk about now that the election is over.

8:30 Parks and Recreation (NBC) – Season 2 premiere

9:00 Fringe* (FOX) – Season 2 premiere

9:00 The Office (NBC) – Season 6 premiere.

9:30 Community (NBC) – Chevy Chase returns to TV, and not in a talk show format! (Here’s a Guest Clack post about the show)

10:00 It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX) – Season 5 premiere

Friday, September 18th

10:00 Crash (STARZ) – Season 2 premiere

Sunday, September 20th

9:00 Curb Your Enthusiasm (HBO) – Season 7 premiere

10:45 Bored to Death (HBO)

Monday, September 21st

8:00 Dancing With the Stars (ABC) – Season 9 premiere. And … Donny Osmond!

8:00 How I Met Your Mother* (CBS) – Season … wait for it … 5 premiere.

8:00 House (FOX) – Season 6 premiere. Will House get out of the looney bin? Only a two-hour episode will tell.

8:00 Heroes (NBC) – Two-hour, season 4 premiere

8:30 Accidentally on Purpose (CBS)

9:00 Two and a Half Men (CBS) – Season 7 premiere

9:30 Big Bang Theory* (CBS) – Season 3 premiere

10:00 Castle (ABC) – Season 2 premiere

10:00 CSI: Miami (CBS) – Season 8 premiere

10:00 Madventures (Travel) – An actual travel show on the Travel Channel? Get out!

Tuesday, September 22nd

8:00 NCIS (CBS) – Season 7 premiere

9:00 NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS)

10:00 The Forgotten (ABC)

10:00 The Good Wife (CBS) – The return of Julianna Margulies

10:00 The Naughty Kitchen With Chef Blythe Beck (Oxygen) – And you can all get your minds out of the gutter with that title.

Wednesday, September 23rd

8:00 The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS) – Season 5 premiere

8:00 Mercy (NBC) – It might be me, but this show really belongs on Lifetime. (Here’s our preview post on the show.)

8:30 Gary Unmarried (CBS) – Season 2 premiere. Hey, the show isn’t half-bad!

9:00 Criminal Minds (CBS) – Season 5 premiere

9:00 Law & Order: SVU* (NBC) – Season 11 premiere.

9:00 Modern Family (ABC) – All-star cast, including Ed O’Neil and Julie Bowen, give this comedy a chance (Check out our preview post on this show.)

9:30 Cougar Town (ABC) – Courtney Cox’s new comedy. (Check out our preview post on this show.)

10:00 Eastwick (ABC) (Check out our post about this show.)

10:00 CSI: NY (CBS) – Season 6 premiere

Thursday, September 24th

8:00 Flash Forward (ABC) – Another series full of mysteries. How long before people’s heads begin to explode? (Check out our review of the pilot script and preview of the pilot episode.)

9:00 Grey’s Anatomy (ABC) – Season 6 premiere

9:00 CSI (CBS) – Season 10 premiere

10:00 The Mentalist* (CBS) – Season 2 premiere

Friday, September 25th

8:00 Ghost Whisperer (CBS) – Season 5 premiere

8:00 Smallville (CW) – Season 9 premiere

8:00 Brothers (FOX) – One-hour series premiere.

8:00 Law & Order* (NBC) – Season 20(!) premiere. And, maybe its last.

9:00 Medium (CBS) – Season 6 premiere (1st season premiere on CBS)

9:00 Dollhouse (FOX) – Season 2 premiere. Yes, I’m being serious!

10:00 Numb3rs (CBS) – Season 6 premiere

Saturday, September 26th

10:00 48 Hours Mystery (CBS) – Because there isn’t enough crime on the CBS schedule.

11:30 Saturday Night Live (NBC) – Season 35, which may have been about 15 seasons too long. Allegedly, Megan Fox will be host. So, if the show sucks, at least we can look (leer) admiringly at her.

Sunday, September 27th

7:00 Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC) – Season 10 premiere. Prepare for tissue stocks to skyrocket.

7:00 60 Minutes (CBS) – The whopping 42nd season premiere.

8:00 The Amazing Race (CBS) – 15th season premiere

8:00 The Simpsons (FOX) – The big 2-0 for this long-running animated comedy.

8:30 The Cleveland Show (FOX) – After a year of promotion this show finally gets its chance.

9:00 Desperate Housewives (ABC) – Season 6 premiere

9:00 Family Guy (FOX) – Season 8 premiere, which is supposed to be their Empire Strikes Back parody. But, it’s only a half hour. Hmm…

9:00 Dexter (Showtime) – Season 4 premiere.

9:30 American Dad (FOX) – This fifth season(!) premiere ends the first week of “Seth Sunday” on FOX.

10:00 Brothers & Sisters (ABC) – Season 4 premiere

10:00 Cold Case (CBS) – Season 7 premiere

10:00 Californication (Showtime) – Season 3 premiere

Monday, September 28th

8:00 Lie to Me* (FOX) – Season two premiere

9:00 Trauma (NBC) – ER with more explosions. (Here’s our preview post on the show.)

Tuesday, September 29th

8:00 Shark Tank (ABC) – The press release says “in-season premiere,” which means it’s either a continuation of the summer run or the beginning of season two.

9:00 Dancing With the Stars the Results Show (ABC)

10:00 The Hills (MTV) – Season 5 premiere

Wednesday, September 30th

8:00 Hank (ABC) – Kelsey Grammer’s new sitcom

8:30 The Middle (ABC) – Patricia Heaton’s new comedy

October

To Be Determined

3:00 Let’s Make a Deal (CBS) – Hosted by Wayne Brady

Thursday, October 1st

10:00 Private Practice (ABC) – Season 3 premiere

Friday, October 2nd

8:00 Star Wars: The Clone Wars (Cartoon) – Season 2 premiere

8:30 ‘Til Death* (FOX) – Season 4 premiere. Though, I have a feeling they’ll be burning off a number of season three episodes as well.

9:00 Stargate Universe (SyFy) – Eh, I don’t know about this one.

Sunday, October 4th

7:00 America’s Funniest Home Videos (ABC) – Holy frak! This is the show’s 20th season. I wonder if Bob Saget will make a cameo.

9:00 Three Rivers (CBS) – The return of Alex O’Loughlin

9:00 The Next Iron Chef (Food)

Monday, October 5th

7:00 Sherri (Lifetime)

7:30 Rita Rocks (Lifetime) – Season two premiere

Wednesday, October 6th

9:00 Scare Tactics (SyFy) – Season 2 premiere

Thursday, October 7th

10:00 South Park (Comedy Central) – Season 13 premiere

Friday, October 8th

10:00 TOSH.0 (Comedy Central) – New episodes from this summer’s premiere.

Friday, October 9th

10:00 Sanctuary (SyFy) – Season 2 premiere

Monday, October 13th

10:00 Disaster House (DIY) – Houses are wrecked to show the wear and tear that are inflicted upon them over the years. Obviously small children that are full of sugar are involved.

Wednesday, October 14th

10:00 Nip/Tuck (FX) – Season 6 premiere

Thursday, October 15th

9:30 30 Rock (NBC) – Season 4 premiere. And you thought Studio 60 would have been the show that came out the winner.

Friday, October 16th

8:00 Supernanny (ABC) – Oy!

8:00 Ugly Betty* (ABC) – Two-hour, season 4 premiere

Sunday, October 18th

8:00 Occupation (BBC America) – American release

11:00 The Venture Bros. (Cartoon) – Season premiere

Friday, October 23rd

9:00 Southland* (NBC) – Season 2 premiere.

10:00 White Collar (USA Network) – Tiffany Theisen!

Wednesday, October 28th

Friday Night Lights (DirecTV) – Season 4 premiere

November

Tuesday, November 3rd

8:00 V (ABC) – Yet another remake on the fall schedule (Here’s our preview post about the show.)

Saturday, November 7th

11:00 The Wanda Sykes Show (FOX)

Monday, November 9th

11:00 Lopez Tonight (TBS) – Another weeknight talkshow

Midseason Premieres

24 (FOX)
American Idol (FOX) – The Paula Abdul-less version
Better off Ted (ABC)
Blonde Charity Mafia (CW)
Caprica(SyFy)
Chuck (NBC) – Yeah!
Day One (NBC)
Human Target (FOX)
Lost (ABC) – Last. Season. Ever!
Life Unexpected (CW)
Parenthood (NBC)
Scrubs (ABC) – Or, Scrubs 2.0

Photo Credit: ABC

South Park – Somalian Pirates We

Keith McDuffee — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 04:25:48 +0000

We drink and we pillage and we do what we please
We get all that we want for free
We’ll kick your ass
And rape your lass
Somalian pirates we

So with a yo ho ho
And with a yee hee hee
We take to the African sea
We’ll brave the squalls
And bust your balls
Somalian pirates we

We left our homes and we left our mothers
To go on a pillaging spree
We’ll cut off your ears
And break your toes
And make you drink our pee

And if you sail into our waters
You best hear this decree
We’ll take your boat
Set your ass afloat
Somalian pirates we

With a yo ho ho (yo ho ho)
And a tricky lah-tee do (tricky lah-tee do)
We’ll shoot you in the face with glee
Then we’ll cut off your cock
And feed it to a croc
Somalian pirates we

Somalian pirates we
Somalian pirates we

Photo Credit: Comedy Central

Are South Park episodes without kids better than with?

Keith McDuffee — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 02:48:47 +0000

I’m surprised that, with all the hoopla that went into aliens coming to Earth, we didn’t see any South Park kids other than Stan. It’s not often that we barely see the kids on South Park, but when it does happen it kinda sucks, because the kids are one of the funniest things about this show. Except Stan — he’s almost never funny.

I just noticed something weird when looking at the program information for this episode on Verizon FiOS: Isaac Hayes is still credited. Time to get some updated programming info., guys; Chef doesn’t even appear in the new intro montage. Oh, and Hayes is sorta-kinda dead.

Getting back to the lack of kids in this episode, I’m curious as to what others consider the better episodes of this show. With kids? Only some kids? No adults? Vote away in the poll, because not voting is totally un-American and you know this is an important cause and all.

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Photo Credit: Comedy Central

CliqueClack TV » South Park

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September

October

November

Midseason Premieres

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South Park – Somalian Pirates We

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Are South Park episodes without kids better than with?

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