I’ll take “people we got an earful from this week” for two hundred!

I was going back and forth through the quotes submitted by our writers this week, and I couldn’t quite understand why the haul seemed so light. Then it dawned on me: ABC didn’t air its new Wednesday night comedy lineup this week. Can you believe how quickly those three shows (sorry Hank!) have entered our pop-culture? Yowza.

30 Rock

“Alright hosers: I want all 12 of us fighting for every meter on all three downs. And we’re gonna make this a Boxing Day the Prime Minister will never forget.” – Danny, in his Canadian football movie

“I feel about as useless as a mom’s college degree.” – Kenneth, on his problem with Danny

“Do I look okay?” – Liz
“That’s exactly how you look.” – Cerie

“The future is like a Japanese game show; you have no idea what’s going on.” – Tracy

“Cause after all, what’s a problem but an opportunity disguised as a stripper having a seizure on your boat?” – Tracy, during his and Jenna’s closing ad for “Problem Solvers”

The Big Bang Theory

“‘Sorry’ doesn’t make up for the fact that I had to make chicken and rice with this vegan guy! Do you know what vegan chicken and rice is? Rice!” – Raj

How I Met Your Mother

“It was called the Death Star, baby — they knew what they were getting into.” – Marshall to Lily when she realizes that Storm Troopers are people, not robots

Bones

“I just need you to help me fire my gun.” – Booth
“That sounds desperately phallic.” – Gordon Gordon Wyatt

“I’m fairly certain that Iron Leprechaun is not his actual name, but his wrestling moniker.” – Bones

Criminal Minds

“Password was Cullen.” – Garcia
“Of course.” – JJ
“Colon?” – Reid
“Cullen. The vampire family from Twilight?” – JJ
“What’s Twilight?” – Reid
“Do you ever read anything other than technical books?” – JJ
“Not much in English.” – Reid

Curb Your Enthusiasm

“I’m Larry David. I happen to enjoy wearing women’s panties.”

House

“You don’t ask what I want, you ignore my wishes, and you drug me….” – Wilson
“I’m waiting for you to name something new to our relationship.” – House

The Office

“Monkey see, monkey do … monkey pee all over you.” – Michael

Saturday Night Live

“This year’s Rockefeller Center’s Christmas tree is a 76-foot-tall Norway Spruce from Easton, Connecticut. So come on down to Rockefeller Center and watch a tree slowly die.” – Weekend Update

South Park

“Then how come Gordon Stoltski got to go on for like five minutes that one day?” – Cartman
“Well, because he was being murdered.” – Mr. Mackey

Supernatural

“Ya, how original. Supernatural bringing in more creepy children. Sigh!” – German Supernatural LARP’er

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This episode only served to prove that last week’s episode really was one of the better of the season, if not the best so far. Tonight felt like we were getting the scrapings from the bottom of the writers’ barrel of material. I held out hope for something really remarkable to come out of it, but wound up disappointed. At least the pre-taped Party segment was decent. It was a shame that we didn’t get a traditional sign-off, though. ‘Peas fans probably loved it.

Cold Open: Vice Presidential Address — Oh, what a surprise: more politics. However, I’ve always loved Sudeikis’s Biden impression, so this was one of the better ones in my book.

Monologue: January Jones — Jones looked a bit nervous and tripped up a little at the start, but she fell back into the swing of things quickly. I know a few “Mad Menies” myself, so here’s the official Man Menie lyrics for the show’s non-verbal theme song (until now):

Mad Men, Mad Men
’60s, Cigarettes
Thin ties, short hair
Mad Men, Ma-ad Men

TODAY Show — Kathy Lee is one of the few recurring characters I like of Wiig’s, but the jokes in this skit were falling painfully flat. I still sensed some nervousness with Jones in her delivery of some of the lines.

Rear Window Set — What the hell? Fart jokes? This felt of desperation, no? This segment’s only saving grace was Jones losing it a bit and, to some degree, Moynihan’s Hitchcock. I’m all for decent fart jokes, actually, but this was just … no.

Dairy Queen Hero — They definitely succeeded in achieving full-out awkward creepiness in this one. As Wiig was falling all over the Dairy Queen worker, I couldn’t help but think how much creepier it’d be if we were watching a guy do the same thing.

A Lady’s Guide to Throwing a Party — A perfect little pre-taped sketch for people looking for Jones to do some sort of reprisal of Mad Men’s Betty Draper. “If a black person arrives … just kidding. A black person won’t arrive. That’s an example of party humor.”

Musical Guest: Black Eyed Peas — Wait, I thought it was totally bad form now for artists to use auto-tune. Doesn’t it pretty much spell out that you can’t sing? Not that these guys aren’t successful, with or without auto-tune. They did cap things off with a rate third number, so they get props for that for sure. The thing is, it spelled out that there just wasn’t enough skit writing material to keep this episode together.

Weekend Update — My favorite quote this week: “This year’s Rockefeller Center’s Christmas tree is a 76-foot-tall Norway Spruce from Easton, Connecticut. So come on down to Rockefeller Center and watch a tree slowly die.”

Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde — This one started out promising but just seemed to wrap things up really quickly. Sometimes I just don’t get how elaborate some of the skits are, along with the wardrobe and, in this case, shooting in black and white, only to give us something like this. It could have been so much more.

SNL Digital Short: Toilet Guy — Oh, we’ve all done it. You knock and you knock on that bathroom door, it’s unlocked or even ajar, but when you open the door fully you get yelled at by your roommate who’s sitting there taking a crap. I get the feeling one of the guys in the skit had this happen to them recently, so this short was born. It went a bit too far but paid off in the end.

Clueless Picnic Date — This one was pretty funny, the best line being Sudeikis’s “Yeah I’m gonna go through with this.” Sadly, I’ve known some people that out of touch. Yeah, sometimes that person is me.

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I’ve gotta hand it to Taylor Swift, she did an excellent job as host of SNL this week. Not only was she solid at performing on live TV, but her acting was totally up to snuff and she was in nearly all of the skits (all but a pre-taped commercial and Weekend Update), along with performing twice. I’ll throw up at least a golf clap for all that. That’s the way to do it, though — why only appear in a few skits when you’ve got the honor of being on SNL? (Videos clips of most skits are embedded below.)

Cold Open — Am I the only one getting sick of the politically themed cold open? I think we may as well call it the Political Open at this point. Alright, so seeing them mock FOX News’s coverage of the election was pretty funny. I’m still tired of the politics, though.

Monologue: Taylor Swift — Probably one of the better monologues of the season, hitting everything fans of Swift wanted her to talk about without, well, talking about it. And because I have some weird thing about transcribing lyrics to songs on TV shows, here’s Taylor Swift’s “Monologue Song (La la la)”:

I like glitter and sparkly dresses
But I’m not gonna talk about that
in my monologue

I like baking and things that smell like winter
But I’m not gonna talk about that
in my monologue

La la la
La la la

I like writing songs
about douchebags who cheat on me
But I’m not gonna say that
in my monologue

I like writing their names into songs
so they’re ashamed to go in public
But I’m not gonna say that
in my monologue

La la
La la la la la
This is
My musical monologue

You might think I might bring up Joe
that guy who broke up with me on the phone
But I’m not gonna mention him
in my monologue

Hey Joe, I’m doing real well
I’m hosting SNL
But I’m not gonna brag about that
in my monologue

La la la
Ha ha ha
Ha ha ha
Ha ha ha
La la la

And if you’re wondering if I might
Be dating the werewolf from Twilight (Hi Taylor)
I’m not gonna comment on that
in my monologue

La la
La la la la la
This is
My musical monologue

You might might be expecting me to say
something bad about Kanye
And how he ran up on the stage
And ruined my VMA monologue

But there’s nothing more to say
‘cuz everything’s OK
I’ve got security lining the stage
It’s my SNL monologue

La la
La la la la la
This is
My SNL monologue

La la
La la la la la
That was
My SNL monologue

Commercial: Carter & Sons’ Swine Fever — This reminds me of the poor company behind the dietary supplement “Ayds,” pronounced as you might think. No, seriously, there was a diet pill called Ayds. Even if they got the idea from that unfortunate naming clash, this was a pretty funny one.

The View — I still get a kick out of seeing two of the three hosts of The View being played by men. By the way, Andy Samberg’s Nick Cage impression was spot on!

SNL Digital Short: Firelight — Holy. Fricken’. Awesome. I mean, come on, we’ve got a thousand vampire and/or werewolf movies, so where’s the Frankenstein lovin’? “I’m afraid I might choke you to death … by accident.”

Hollywood Dish Interview — Most nights I would have thought this wasn’t so bad, but tonight it really wasn’t good at all when standing up to the rest of the show.

T.R.A.A.A.P.D. — Swift in another skit, with her first musical number coming up next! Seriously, I’m not a Taylor Swift fan, but she’s definitely earning her keep as host. Oh, and any parent watching this skit knows all of those dangerous situations in the car are so true. Well, hopefully except the sex and relationship talk ones.

Musical Guest: Taylor Swift — I have no idea what Swift sings, so all of this was new to me. But damn, she really does sing about boyfriends and breaking up and stealing guys. But isn’t that all country music?

Weekend Update — Wow, they even threw in a last-minute joke on the passing of the Health Care Reform bill, which was announced a mere hour before Weekend Update aired live. Not a brilliant joke, but great work keeping really current. One of the few skits Taylor Swift didn’t make an appearance in. Best joke of the night: the woman with two vaginas story having “too many holes” in it.

Wedding reception with Penelope — Can someone please stop giving Kristin Wiig these regular characters to play? I hate Gilli and I hate Penelope. Oh, and that Target checkout chick … alright that one’s not so bad. Finding them much more annoying than funny.

Scared Straight — Alright this is ridiculous. Is this a record for a guest being involved in skits in one episode? This one seemed to scream out that she was going for one. Loved this skit the first time I saw it, loved it again tonight. Always great to see the cast lose it. “1.21 gizz-a-watts!”

Anna the close roommate — For this late hour of the episode, this was a surprisingly decent skit. Maybe it’s because at one point in my life, I could have totally related to being Samberg’s character.

Bunny Business — Everyone’s impressions were awesome in this skit. I’m not sure I could pick a favorite. Alright, maybe Hader as Eddie Vedder — that got the biggest laugh out of me.

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Surprisingly, no SNL Digital Shorts tonight. Here’s some quick thoughts on each of the sketches of the night. Videos and thoughts embedded below.

Cold Open: The Rock Obama — Oh look, another president sketch. Actually, when the real joke of the sketch was revealed with the Rock cameo, it was pretty funny. When Biden entered, though, it started to fall apart and get a bit awkward.

Monologue: Gerard Butler — Given that he’s mostly known for the two things he made fun of during his monologue, Butler did a decent job with the material at hand. I thought for sure Sean Connery had hosted a few times before, making him the record holder of most guest spots from a Scotsman.

Commercial: Fuquay Satin’s Grand Hoochie Skank Rose Champagne — For pouring down the cracks of ladies’ asses. Use no other champagne for the very best of that crack-tacular taste. This was an OK commercial; no great shakes though.

Game Time with Randy and Greg — This turned out to be pretty hilarious when Butler grabbed Greg the alien’s tail. I definitely burst out laughing at Bill Hader’s screaming. They did hit a note with a lot of these sports talk shows, though, where you’ve got the serious dude sitting their with the sidekick that everyone’s really watching for.

Beauty and the Beast — This sketch was surprisingly not so bad. When I saw they were doing Beauty and the Beast, I groaned, but they were able to make something pretty funny from it. “How does she know we call it an ass castle?”

Musical Guest: Shakira — Was it just me or did that first outfit have a weird design to it that made her appear pregnant or fat? Oh, and the drummer looked like he was sitting behind a fancy Rock Band drum set. Anyway, her music’s not my thing but it sounded OK. She just seems think she looks a lot hotter than she is these days.

Weekend Update — What can I say? It’s consistently one of, if not the best part of the show. Loved how they mocked the balloon boy non-news. If you saw the whole sketch, you’ll know the best quote: “Well, thank you for coming.”

300: Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell — Wow, the skits tonight actually don’t completely suck! This was another one that turned out pretty funny and didn’t run on too long. I think everyone’s made fun of how gay the movie 300 appears, so having Butler participate in its smack-down was especially great.

What Up With That? — This season seems to be all about throwing on the random guest star cameos, this time it was with James Franco … who said and did nothing. Best part of this sketch was all of the bizarre background guests, especially whatever Jason Sudeikis was supposed to be with his frantic dancing.

Trina the Assistant — This is right up there with Gilly. Sorry, I mean down there, because I mean it’s annoying as hell and just plain sucks. This needs to go in the big pile of fail right away. At least there’s no Trina theme song … yet.

Daveheart — A sorta funny idea that could have been better, but for the last sketch of the night, what do you expect? It’s moments like this, though, when I miss the old “Everything Scottish” sketch from days of yore. “If it’s nah Scottish, IT’S CRAP!”

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I remember many years ago that, when a guest was scheduled to appear on SNL, it was a near certainty that at least one skit would be all about some movie or TV show that the guest was associated with. What the hell happened to that? I miss those days of SNL. I think we all do.

Cool thing about this week’s post: ALL of the skits AND musical numbers are embedded below!

Cold Open: Presidential Address — Surprise! Another presidential address, and I think everyone was with me in knowing it just had to be about Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize … for “not being George Bush.” Yowch. Really a weak open, just because it short on the funny and really didn’t have much to it.

Monologue: Drew Barrymore — I had no idea Drew had hosted so many times (six) before. As she said, it’s the most any other female has hosted the show. I always love when a celebrity makes fun of themselves, but maybe this one went on for a bit too long.

Gilly — Anyone else done with this skit? I’m not sure there’s any way to make it funny. I especially can’t stand that it has a frick’n theme song. A theme song! As if this was supposed to be a separate TV show people would actually tune in to. “It’s Pat!” was at least funny a lot of the time. Gilly/Gigli was never funny, was it? At least throw it into the last half hour, not this early!

Celebrity Ghost Stories — This is a real show! I haven’t watched it before, but yeah, BIO has this show. Justin Long was a surprise cameo and did a great Matthew McConaughey. The best part of the skit was the beginning quote: “Welcome to the Biography Channel. Hey, I know it’s not my place, but … open the blinds.”

Commercial: University of Westfield Online — Y’know, I’d been wondering if having an online degree would actually work against a person when they try to get a job. Do hiring managers throw those resumes right in the trash, before going another word further into it? Now, if they could teach the fine skills that U. Westfield is teaching, graduates wouldn’t have to worry. Really liked this skit. The vague mumbling of the university’s name reminded me of a bunch of skits Chevy Chase had done. Remember “Land Shark?”

La Rivista Della Televisione con Vinny Vedecci — I loved that Vinny’s list of staff conquests included numbering them all (87 in all). Other than that, at this point of the night I was wondering if it was a bad idea to have stayed up to watch the whole thing. It usually only gets worse as the night goes on, right? Well, after Weekend Update, that is.

Musical Guest: Regina Spektor — I honestly have never heard of Ms. Spektor before. Pretty good coffee shop music and she’s decent on the piano, but there were some vocal notes I didn’t dig so much in the first number.

Weekend Update — Bill Hader’s James Carville was the highlight of the Update tonight. If you’ve ever seen this guy on TV before, Hader was dead on with his mannerisms and attitude.

Tampax to the Max Tournament of Champions — Funniest part of this bit was all of the Tampax slogans that “Pete Twinkle” kept coming up with. Favorite one: “Tampax. Helping you relax when Mother Nature attacks your slacks.” I even think I saw a bit of a smirk come out of Sudeikis on that one. But yeah, the skits aren’t improving after this.

Cooking al Fresco with Fran & Phil — What do you get when the city birds get picky with just breadcrumbs? Foodie birds! The Guy Fieri impression was the best part of this skit. It really had a lot of promise but, for some reason, it didn’t fully deliver. I think I expected a more outlandish reaction out of Samberg when the birds attacked, for example.

Larry King Live — Wieners! Did anyone else think for a second that, at some point, the joke of this skit would be about “wieners” being something other than a penis? No? Well then you can a penis a wiener way too often.

SNL Digital Short: Brenda & Shawn — Proven again that SNL can’t produce two cult favorite shorts two weeks in a row. I thought the poor film quality was great and they somehow were able to make the whole thing appear as though it was a locally broadcast cheap commercial. Other than that, I was wondering where the hell you get those glowing thumbs.

Hamilton — The best part of this skit was finding out the author had just finished reading her entire book to the people in the store. Oh, and Drew going full-out spread-eagle for Hamilton, with two book fans helping to keep her steady.

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Saturday Night Live seems to go through many up and down cycles. Heck, even from episode to episode the quality of the show can vary greatly. Through it all, though, one thing has remained constant: SNL has always satirized and mocked the politicians and current events of the day. The program has hysterically lampooned just about every politician who has found him/herself on the front page of the papers. Some say that Tina Fey’s scathing impersonations played a big part in the downfall of the McCain/Palin campaign. I’m not sure if that’s actually true, but it brings up the question: Is SNL the most important political show on television?

It seems like a completely ridiculous question, right? I never even would have considered the question, if I hadn’t seen this commentary article on CNN. It really got me thinking about the power that SNL has when it parodies politicians. Ed Rollins framed his article around the cold open of this past week’s episode which featured Fred Armisen doing a particularly weak Barack Obama impression, talking about all the things that Obama has not completed yet in his term. The video in question is embedded below. Rollins wonders if the skit is going to start a rash of criticism toward the president.

Rollins believes that the Palin skits from a year ago did play a role in the election. He also brings up Dana Carvey’s George H. W. Bush and Chevy Chase’s Gerald Ford as lasting impressions that have overtaken the actual images of the former presidents. It’s hard to argue with that. Practically all of my memories of the first President Bush involve something that SNL made fun of back in the day.

I found the article interesting and wonder just how powerful satire and humor can be. There are certainly a lot of serious political shows on television, especially in this day and age of 24 hour “news” channels. They just don’t seem to have the same impact that SNL has, though. When SNL comes out with a great political sketch it is instant water cooler talk, becoming a point of discussion on all of those news networks. Maybe there’s something to it. Perhaps a good skewering at the hands of a bunch of comedians can be a whole lot more damaging than anything any of those talking heads can spout.

What do you think? Is SNL the most important political show on TV?

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The attendance for these chats have been hit or miss, so we’d like to get some feedback from you, the readers, as to what shows you’d like to see us post chats for. We can’t promise anything, but it helps us figure out where to concentrate our energies.

Here’s a list of some of the more popular shows on TV this fall and those we’d be able to cover, if there was interest. Vote on those you would most likely attend, not those you’d just like us to post. Also, let us know in the comments if there’s a show we’re missing or anything else you have to add about the chats. Your feedback is much appreciated!

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Week two of the full-tilt-boogie season brought with it some interesting things, including premieres for Animation Domination, The Amazing Race, Trauma, Hank, and The Middle. We also saw more huge numbers from House, NCIS, and Grey’s. But after all of that, the most interesting story again comes from the show with the worst ratings on all of the big four networks, Dollhouse. After season two premiered to a series low last week, things got even worse. Episode two just barely cleared the 2 million viewer bar, while falling below a 1 in the demo. Reached for comment, my BFF Jill said, “OMG! RLY!?”

Yes, really. The situation is dire. Even the hardcore Whedonites are now at DEFCON 1. Someone has got word that the show could be in danger of being pulled from the air. I don’t know anything more than they do about that, but I would expect it to get one more shot this Friday, before baseball takes over. If episode three doesn’t show some sort of improvement though, I wouldn’t be surprised if baseball makes way for a series of House and Bones repeats on Fridays at 9.

FOX - Since Dollhouse (2.09m/.8) led things off, let’s start there. That is absolutely terrible. To put it in perspective, 6 of the 7 new hours on the CW last week beat it in viewers and the demo. And the 7th, Melrose Place, still managed to tie it in the demo. It also again fell short of its Friday partners, Brothers (2.42m/.8) and ‘Til Death (2.29m/.8). Fortunately for FOX, while the end of the week was a disaster, the beginning was the complete opposite.

Things got off to a great start with the premiere of Animation Domination. The Simpsons (8.31m/4.3) was off just a touch from last season’s premiere, but The Cleveland Show (9.51m/4.9), Family Guy (10.11m/5.2), and American Dad (7.14m/3.6) all brought year-to-year increases to their spots. The good news continued Monday, with House (14.71m/5.8). That is more than 2 demo points above second place Dancing With The Stars. From there, things were more mixed.

Lie To Me (7.73m/2.9) was a solid third in viewers and demo, but those numbers are all too close to where it was while airing at 8 last season. I expected more of a boost, given the post-House slot. Wednesday and Thursday were a mixed bag, with Hell’s Kitchen (6.64m/3.1), So You Think You Can Dance (5.18m/2.4 – 6.81m/2.7), and Glee (7.4m/3.3). Hell’s Kitchen and Glee are solid, but SYTYCD could be doing better. I’m curious to see what happens when the all too-long audition episodes end. Finally, Thursday was a repeat of last week with Bones (9.43m/2.7) holding strong, and Fringe (6.03m/2.3) getting crushed by the heavyweight Thursday competition.

CBS - The Dollhouse kerfuffle trumped NCIS (21.37m/4.8) for my before-the-jump spot, but just barely. Surprising just about everyone, NCIS not only held on to all of the demo from the premiere, but also increased in viewers. That led to a great Tuesday. Combined with NCIS: LA (17.39m/4.1) and The Good Wife (13.69m/3.2), the network was up in viewers and demo in every hour year-to-year. Earlier in the week, The Amazing Race (10.4m/3.4) returned to solid numbers on Sunday, followed by Cold Case (9.19m/2.1).

Monday was also a big success, overall. How I Met Your Mother (8.71m/3.6), 2 ½ Men (13.86m/4.8), Big Bang Theory (13.27m/5.3), and CSI: Miami (13.96m/4.1) all did great. We’re getting very close to Big Bang taking over as the outright #1 comedy on television. The only real misstep was Accidentally On Purpose (8.03m/3.1). That’s not bad, but it does stand out compared to the rest of the night.

The rest of the week proceeded as expected. Old Christine (6.65m/1.9) and Gary Unmarried (6.65m/2.2) remain the weak spot in the lineup, while Criminal Minds (14.24m/3.8) and CSI: NY (13.16m/3.3) own the rest of Wednesday. CSI (15.94m/4.1) narrowly edged Grey’s in viewers, but is now getting hammered in the demo. The other two hours on Thursday have much more intriguing battles shaping up. Survivor (11.54m/3.7) and FlashForward are very close, and that one could go either way each week. And at 10, The Mentalist (15.75m/3.8) couldn’t match the Private Practice premiere demo, but the two should be very interesting to watch going forward. Finally, it was another easy win on Friday; despite everything being down, the perfect combination of Ghost Whisperer (7.63m/1.7), Medium (7.72m/1.8), and Numb3rs (7.73m/1.6) won every hour.

ABC - Things were a little less exciting on ABC. There was some good news. Grey’s Anatomy (15.69m/6.1) remains huge, and led to a great premiere for Private Practice (11.58m/4.6). Desperate Housewives (13.64m/4.7), while down, is still a legitimate hit. And Brothers & Sisters (9.38m/3) is solid following it. The network also has to be excited about the week two performances of Modern Family (9.99m/3.8), Cougar Town (9.25m/3.8), and FlashForward (10.73m/3.7). All three held up very well and look to have greatly improved their places on the schedule.

Things weren’t quite as good elsewhere. Dancing With The Stars (17.03m/3.7 – 13.02m/2.7) is still a viewer machine on performance night, but it was more than two full demo points behind House. The results show has now fallen to second in viewers and third in the demo. The show is still strong, but not nearly what it once was. Elsewhere, Castle (9.15m/2.2) remains rather soft, although comparisons with The Forgotten (7.45m/2), and Eastwick (6.57m/2.3) may help it. Finishing the week, Hank (8.33m/2.1) and The Middle (8.71m/2.6) had disappointing numbers, considering they were premieres in a fairly weak hour. They’ll have their hands full with Gary and Christine in coming weeks. And finally, Shark Tank (4.75m/1.5) has now fallen below Opportunity Knocks from this time last year. And we all know how that ended.

NBC – The good news, as usual, comes from Sunday Night Football (17.47m/6.8), The Biggest Loser (9.18m/3.7), and The Office (7.41m/3.9). The bad news starts with Heroes (5.72m/2.5), and continues to SNL Thursday (5.02m/1.8), Parks & Recreation (4.67m/2), and Law & Order (6.68m/1.2). Somewhere in the middle, we find the dueling medical dramas, Trauma (6.68m/2.2), and Mercy (7.39m/2.1). Those are iffy demos, especially considering Mercy’s competition, but the fact that they are both getting more viewers than Heroes, and three of the four Thursday comedies, is at least a small positive.

Community (5.86m/2.9) rebounded slightly after the Grey’s and CSI premieres last week, but those numbers don’t bode well for its debut at 8 next week. I’d be shocked to see it match Earl from this time last season (7.09m/2.7). Finally, the most curious result of all has to be Law & Order SVU (8.09m/2.5). The show has been a huge winner for the network for years, and I really expected a battle with Criminal Minds. Getting beaten by 6 million viewers and 1.3 demo points has to come as a surprise.

CW - Overall, you’d have to call it a positive week. One Tree Hill (2.51m/1.1) and Gossip Girl (2.36m/1.2) were both up after last week’s big House special delivered quite a blow. Likewise,  90210 (2.21m/1.1) and Next Top Model (3.28m/1.5) were both up as well. Vampire Diaries (3.53m/1.6) and Supernatural (2.6m/1.2) were both down slightly, but continue to be the strongest night in viewers and the adult demo for the network. Monday remains strongest among younger viewers. Smallville (2.39m/.9) even got in on the game; despite being obviously down from last season, it did manage to beat both hours on FOX on Friday. The real problem on the schedule is now Melrose Place (1.42m/.8), which has fallen behind where Privileged was at this time last season.

Cable – The shocking stat from the cable list this week is that I managed to turn up at least 13 shows with more viewers than Dollhouse. Really, those numbers are that bad. The real standout on cable though, was The Ultimate Fighter (5.31m/3.1) on Spike. Sons Of Anarchy (3.76m/1.9) also remains very strong for FX, especially considering it is airing during the regular network season. Some other cable numbers to ponder:

• Stargate: Universe (2.35m)
• Mad Men (1.73m/.6)
• Entourage (1.87m/1.1)
• It’s Always Sunny (2.02m/1.2)
• Drop Dead Diva (2.52m/.8)
• Project Runway (2.8m/1.3)
• Curb Your Enthusiasm (1.05m/.6)
• Bored To Death (.71m/.4)
• Army Wives (3.38m/1.1)
• WWE RAW (4.5m/1.6)
• Monday Night Football (15.7m/6.6)
• The Hills (2.36m/1.5)
• The City (2.03m/1.3)
• Ghost Hunters (2.89m/1.2)
• America’s Best Dance Crew (2.25m/1.2)
• Lincoln Heights (.86m/.3)
• Greek (.74m/.4)
• Kourtney & Khloe (2.23m/1.3)
• Real Housewives of Atlanta (2.72m/1.5)
• Destination Truth (2.33m/1)

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What the heck, I had time to kill this morning, so here’s the lyrics to the SNL Digital Short from last night. Man!

I was walkin’ through the city streets
and a man walks up to me and hands me the latest energy drink
Run faster. Jump Higher.
Man, I’m not gonna let you poison me.

I threw it on the ground!
You must think I’m a joke!
I ain’t gonna be part of this system!
Man, pump that garbage in another man’s veins!

I go to my favorite hot dog stand
and the dude says, “you come here all the time! Here’s one for free.”
I said, “Man, what I look like, a charity case?”

I took it, and threw it on the ground!
I don’t need your handouts!
I’m an adult!
Please, you can’t buy me hot dog man!

At the farmer’s market with my so-called “girlfriend”
She hands me her cellphone, says it’s my dad.
Man, this ain’t my dad. This is a cellphone!

I threw it on the ground!
What you think I’m stupid?
I’m not a part of this system!
My dad’s not a phone! Duh!

Some poser hands me a cake at a birthday party
What you want me to do with this, eat it?

Happy birthday to the ground!
I threw the rest of the cake too!
Welcome to the real world, jackass!

So many things to throw on the ground
Like this, and this, and that. And even this.
I’m an adult!

Two Hollywood phonys trying to give me their autograph.
Ground! Nobody wants your autograph! Phonys!

Then the two phonys got up. Turns out they had a taser.
And they tased me in the butt hole.
I fell to the ground.
The phonys didn’t let up.
Tasing on my butt hole, over and over.
I was screaming and squirming
My butt hole was on fire!

The moral of this story is: you can’t trust the system!

Man!

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Tonight I was surprised not more was done with the Polanski case, but Weekend Update took it on a bit. For some reason, though, the doors to the SNL studio flew open for a few notable cameos, one of which will likely have people talking.

We’ll update the below with video clips of the skits from NBC.com sometime Sunday morning, when they’re released to the public. Until then, here’s a rundown on the skits and what I thought of them all.

Cold Open: Presidential Address — I knew the Olympics decision would make its way into the night’s episode somehow. How many Chicagoans now want that 2016 t-shirt he held up? Anyway, this wasn’t all that funny but maybe those who really despise Obama loved it more than words can say.

Monologue: Ryan Reynolds — I really like Ryan Reynolds, but this was definitely not a memorable monologue for the show. Best quote, regarding his starring in the Green Lantern movie: “We start filming soon, so look for that in 2053.”

Commercial: Mostly Garbage Dog Food — Wow, did this one hit home here, because we spent an unholy amount of time, money and sanity to feed our dog an all organic mix of raw meat and veggies that would infuriate the hungry. Why do all of this, when a dog would just eat crap right out of a garbage bin? Pretty funny commercial.

Celebrity Family Feud — In case you have no idea who the other family was playing against the Osmonds, that would be the Phillips family, also known as The Mamas & The Papas. Yeah, I know of them, but not enough to have totally gotten the creepy jokes. Was just OK — they could have gotten better families, no? (Update: After catching up on the week’s news, yeah this is timely and works perfect. Creepy!)

SNL Digital Short: I Threw It On The Ground — Did you catch the Elijah Wood cameo, while he was shoving a taser in Samberg’s ass with Ryan Reynolds? For all the WTF digital shorts over the past couple of seasons, this was one of the better ones. I thought about writing up the lyrics for y’all, but I thought better of it. (Update: Screw it, I wrote up the lyrics for you.)

Porcelain Fountains –I really have nothing to say about this skit. It was just one of those weird ones thrown in that I had hoped would have that “Sofa King” funniness to it, but it had none of that. Scarlett Johansson’s cameo was the only thing that made it remarkable.

Deep House Dish — Daymn, they were really messing with Samberg’s hair tonight. The Danny McCooz song basically making fun of Facebook status updates was … oh who are we kidding, it was all about seeing Lady Gaga and Madonna’s asses, then them getting in a cat fight, am I right? Actually, Samberg taking a jump in there was damn funny. That’s three cameos for the night, so far!

Weekend Update — Was it just me or did the Weekend Update seem especially long this week? I think the Schwarzenegger segment got the most laughs because of his authentic gapped teeth over how well he was impersonated. I’ve seen Hammond do better (that’s four!) Loved the Eeyore joke and the dig at Entourage’s Turtle in a couple of other segments.

Musical Guest: Lady Gaga — What was with the dude basically humping Lady (or is it Ms. Gaga?) and gyrating behind her throughout the first song? Not my kind of music, so I can’t really comment on her anymore than saying she has a nice voice based on her solo number at the piano. Anyone else think she looked like she was being sentenced to the Phantom Zone by Kryptonians in that getup in the second number?

So You Committed A Crime & You Think You Can Dance — What a dig at K-Fed’s failing physique. The recorded rehearsals were the best part of this skit, especially Will Forte’s character. The cuffed convict trying to dance and the one gnawing on Reynolds’s hand like a soup bone got a quick laugh out of me too.

International Masterworks — I loved the swipe at foreign programming overcompensating when trying to imitate an American accent along with the culture. “Hard to believe these actors are from Oslo and have never been to America.” Wasn’t awful, wasn’t fantastic.

Bubble Outfits — I always love when a celebrity figure can make fun of themselves. In this case, Lady Gaga one-upped her outfit from her Phantom Zone one, and in record costume-changing time! Squeezed this skit in, right under the wire.

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

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Saturday Night Live is officially back for season number 35! The season opened with Megan Fox hosting the show. I think she did a pretty decent job, but it certainly seemed like she wasn’t given that much material. I mean, in half the sketches she pretty much just played a random “hot girl,” and in more than one sketch she played herself. Suffice it to say, I don’t think she’ll be following Justin Timberlake’s lead and winning an Emmy.

The big story to come out of this episode, though, will most certainly be the accidental f-bomb dropped by new featured player Jenny Slate. I really feel bad for her. She must have been really nervous, and frankly, that skit was pretty dangerous. The fallout should be interesting to watch.

• Cold Open/Gadahfi: I know they like to stick to current events to open the show, but with the whole summer behind them, I thought SNL could have started the season a little stronger. This bit was funny for a little while, but it did ramble on about twice as long as needed. At this point, that’s sort of become a tradition, though.

• Monologue: The funniest part of the monologue was the picture of U2 poorly photoshopped onto naked female bodies. Megan Fox is going to have to win me over. We know that she can run away from robots, but can she be funny? I don’t think she proved it to me in the monologue.

• Bladdivan: Not one of the better fake commercials in recent history. I did enjoy the not-so-subtle imagery of the water gun fight, it was a clever nod to the not-so-subtle imagery used in most of the ED medication commercials.

• Flight Attendants: I feel like this skit should have been funnier than it was. I don’t know if it just struck me at the wrong time or something, but it wasn’t working for me.

• Russian Brides: There were definitely some laughs in this sketch. From Fred Armisen’s outfit to his “blinking” to signing some sort of crazy version of “Get Into the Groove,” his performance had me chuckling.

• Digital Short/The Date: This was just not the type of humor that I enjoy. I thought it was bizarre, and in the end predictable.

• Grady Wilson’s Burning Up the Bedsheets: We saw Grady Wilson last season. I thought that he was funny then, and the bit is still pretty good now. All the credit goes to Keenan Thompson for selling all the different ways to, uh… “burn up the bedsheets.”

• Musical Guest/U2: I’m curious to see if SNL is going to continue with big acts this year, or mix in a good amount of indie acts like they did last season.
• Weekend Update: Weekend Update was as strong as always. It’s refreshing to see that the writers can pull together their Thursday Updates and still keep the SNL version strong. The first installment of the year saw a return of Jean K Jean. I found him a lot more amusing than usual this evening. I’m still amazed at Wiig’s Judy Grimes character. It’s impressive that she can get through her manic rambling without stumbling. I think Grimes is probably my favorite Wiig character on the show.

• Live Lounge: A pretty funny sketch and a great concept. All I have to add is: poor David Duchovny.
• Biker Chick Chat: Oops. You have to admit that this scene was just asking for a slip up, and it totally happened, with Jenny Slate dropping an F-bomb. It will be fun to see what the fallout of this sketch is, but it was pretty decent on its own right.
• Digital Short/Megan’s Roommate: This was so much better than the first short. Why was this buried at the back end of the show? The gratuitous male nudity? It was blurred….

• Your Mom talks to Megan Fox: I didn’t think it was a terrible sketch, but man, the crowd was absolutely silent throughout the whole thing. As a performer, that’s gotta be rough.

So, what did you think of SNL’s premiere? Do you think the all-powerful Lorne Michaels will show some mercy towards Jenny Slate?

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She broke through last year with an Emmy nomination, which was just about unheard of for a cast member of Saturday Night Live, and then she ended up with a sitcom of her own from the makers of The Office. Parks and Recreation wasn’t exactly a world beater last year, but it’s back for a second season on NBC. That’s not all though! Amy is also working double duty, co-hosting SNL’s Weekend Update Thursday during its limited run this fall.

Amy started the night appearing live on Weekend Update Thursday. Last season, the country was in the middle of a presidential election, which always make for great fodder for comedy. This year, however, there is no election, so I’m a little confused about the Thursday SNL installments. With that being said, tonight’s episode was good for a few laughs. Amy and Seth’s “Really?!?” bit has always been a favorite of mine, and the Joe Wilson skit at the beginning was decent. I thought the highlight was the sketch with “Jimmy Carter” and “Michael Steele,” discussing racism in America. It looks like all that speculation about Darrell Hammond retiring was just speculation. I have to say that I’m glad that this is just a limited run, though, if for no other reason than the extraordinary number of commercials they show into the half hour.

Parks and Recreation may not be the funniest show on television, but I do think that it is improving, and was always better than the unfortunate Kath & Kim. This week’s premiere was one of the strongest outings for the show, in my opinion. I thought it was a clever set up, with Leslie accidentally marrying two gay penguins and becoming a reluctant local gay icon. It certainly made for some great moments watching image-conscious, super-awkward Leslie trying to fit in at a gay club.

I’m not convinced that the show is going to keep my attention all season long, but with a talent like Amy Poehler at the helm, it has a lot going for it.

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To subscribe to the below schedule in iCal, copy this link and paste into the ‘Subscribe…’ menu item in iCal. You can also just click it to open iCal or even click to add to your iPhone calendar. The same link will work in a Google Calendar as well! Or see the calendar as a web page (also embedded at the bottom here). The calendar will update as new shows are added/changed and with links to our reviews as we publish them.

Welcome to CliqueClack’s guide for the 2009-10 fall season! Or, in the case of NBC, The Great Experiment. Now, if you didn’t realize it already, this fall season is going to be different from past years. First, there’s no ER, which will feel a little weird. Second, Lost will be ending its run in the spring of 2010. Third, American Idol will be without Paula Abdul. And finally, Jay Leno is going to come into your homes at 10 PM each night and try to convince you that scripted programming is dead.

Once this season pans out, that may or may not be the case on the big Four and a Quarter networks. With so many viewers moving to other venues of original, scripted programming like cable and the Internet, the networks are fighting for life … again. Well, NBC and ABC probably are: CBS and FOX are doing okay for the time being. So, the big question is whether or not they can come back with ambitious programs like Flash Forward, comedies like Hank and The Middle, which feature known stars, remakes like Parenthood and Melrose Place, and Chevy Chase?

Only time and ratings will tell. In the meantime, CliqueClack TV is here to present you with the most comprehensive premiere schedule on the Internet.  Something that you will come back to time and time again to peruse in order to plan your day. Just be aware that dates and times of these premieres may change at the whim of a network executive with too much gas. Now, without further typing…

Guide Notes:

New series premieres in bold italic

* – denotes new time/day

? – asks why the f%*&k this show is still on the air

September

To Be Determined

3:00 and 4:00 The Tyra Banks Show(CW) – Season 4 premiere. First on CW. Airdate to be determined.

Monday, September 7th

Dinosaur Train (PBS) – Check local listings for times.

Electric Company (PBS) – Check local listings for times.

10:00 Durham County (ION) – The network’s first original drama

Tuesday, September 8th

8:00 90210 (CW) – Season 2 premiere

9:00 Melrose Place (CW) – Coming next season, remakes of Booker and The Heights.

10:00 Sons of Anarchy (FX) – Season 2 premiere

Wednesday, September 9th

8:00 America’s Next Top Model (CW) – Season 13 premiere

8:00 So You Think You Can Dance (FOX) - Season 6 premiere

9:00 Glee (FOX) - A feel-good show on FOX?  Nah, can’t be! (here’s our preview of Glee’s return)

9:00 Inside the NFL (Showtime)

10:00 Destination Truth (SyFy) – Season 3 premiere

Thursday, September 10th

8:00 The Vampire Diaries (CW)

9:00 Supernatural (CW) – Season 5 premiere

Friday, September 11th

10:00 20/20 (ABC)

Saturday, September 12th

8:00 COPS (FOX) – Season 20 premiere. Coming up this season — the 700th episode!

9:00 Robin Hood (BBC America) – Season 2 premiere

9:00 America’s Most Wanted (FOX) – Season 23 premiere

Sunday, September 13th

7:00 Football Night in America (NBC)

8:15 NBC Sunday Night Football (NBC)

Monday, September 14th

Dr. Phil (Syndicated) – Season 8 premiere. Check local listings for times.

Oprah (Syndicated) – Season 24 premiere. Check local listing for times.

The Rachel Ray Show (Syndicated) – Check local listings for times.

8:00 Lincoln Heights (ABC Family) – Season 4 premiere

8:00 One Tree Hill (CW) – Season 7 premiere

9:00 Gossip Girl (CW) – Season 3 premiere

10:00 The Jay Leno Show (NBC) – The start of The Great Experiment. Guest stars for the premiere include Jay Z, Kayne West, Rhianna, and Jerry Seinfeld.

Tuesday, September 15th

8:00 The Biggest Loser (NBC) – Weekly shows from 8-10 pm, followed by Jay Leno’s show. Yes, this is the new face of NBC.

Wednesday, September 16th

9:00 The Beautiful Life (CW)

Thursday, September 17th

8:00 Survivor: Samoa (CBS) – 19th season premiere

8:00 Bones (FOX) – Season five premiere. Here’s hoping Booth recovers from his coma.

9:30 Thursday Night Live (NBC) – Season 2 premiere. Not too sure what they’re going to talk about now that the election is over.

8:30 Parks and Recreation (NBC) – Season 2 premiere

9:00 Fringe* (FOX) – Season 2 premiere

9:00 The Office (NBC) – Season 6 premiere.

9:30 Community (NBC) – Chevy Chase returns to TV, and not in a talk show format! (Here’s a Guest Clack post about the show)

10:00 It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX) – Season 5 premiere

Friday, September 18th

10:00 Crash (STARZ) – Season 2 premiere

Sunday, September 20th

9:00 Curb Your Enthusiasm (HBO) – Season 7 premiere

10:45 Bored to Death (HBO)

Monday, September 21st

8:00 Dancing With the Stars (ABC) – Season 9 premiere. And … Donny Osmond!

8:00 How I Met Your Mother* (CBS) – Season … wait for it … 5 premiere.

8:00 House (FOX) – Season 6 premiere. Will House get out of the looney bin? Only a two-hour episode will tell.

8:00 Heroes (NBC) – Two-hour, season 4 premiere

8:30 Accidentally on Purpose (CBS)

9:00 Two and a Half Men (CBS) – Season 7 premiere

9:30 Big Bang Theory* (CBS) – Season 3 premiere

10:00 Castle (ABC) – Season 2 premiere

10:00 CSI: Miami (CBS) – Season 8 premiere

10:00 Madventures (Travel) – An actual travel show on the Travel Channel? Get out!

Tuesday, September 22nd

8:00 NCIS (CBS) – Season 7 premiere

9:00 NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS)

10:00 The Forgotten (ABC)

10:00 The Good Wife (CBS) – The return of Julianna Margulies

10:00 The Naughty Kitchen With Chef Blythe Beck (Oxygen) – And you can all get your minds out of the gutter with that title.

Wednesday, September 23rd

8:00 The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS) – Season 5 premiere

8:00 Mercy (NBC) – It might be me, but this show really belongs on Lifetime. (Here’s our preview post on the show.)

8:30 Gary Unmarried (CBS) – Season 2 premiere. Hey, the show isn’t half-bad!

9:00 Criminal Minds (CBS) – Season 5 premiere

9:00 Law & Order: SVU* (NBC) – Season 11 premiere.

9:00 Modern Family (ABC) – All-star cast, including Ed O’Neil and Julie Bowen, give this comedy a chance (Check out our preview post on this show.)

9:30 Cougar Town (ABC) – Courtney Cox’s new comedy. (Check out our preview post on this show.)

10:00 Eastwick (ABC) (Check out our post about this show.)

10:00 CSI: NY (CBS) – Season 6 premiere

Thursday, September 24th

8:00 Flash Forward (ABC) – Another series full of mysteries. How long before people’s heads begin to explode? (Check out our review of the pilot script and preview of the pilot episode.)

9:00 Grey’s Anatomy (ABC) – Season 6 premiere

9:00 CSI (CBS) – Season 10 premiere

10:00 The Mentalist* (CBS) – Season 2 premiere

Friday, September 25th

8:00 Ghost Whisperer (CBS) – Season 5 premiere

8:00 Smallville (CW) – Season 9 premiere

8:00 Brothers (FOX) – One-hour series premiere.

8:00 Law & Order* (NBC) – Season 20(!) premiere. And, maybe its last.

9:00 Medium (CBS) – Season 6 premiere (1st season premiere on CBS)

9:00 Dollhouse (FOX) – Season 2 premiere. Yes, I’m being serious!

10:00 Numb3rs (CBS) – Season 6 premiere

Saturday, September 26th

10:00 48 Hours Mystery (CBS) – Because there isn’t enough crime on the CBS schedule.

11:30 Saturday Night Live (NBC) – Season 35, which may have been about 15 seasons too long. Allegedly, Megan Fox will be host. So, if the show sucks, at least we can look (leer) admiringly at her.

Sunday, September 27th

7:00 Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC) – Season 10 premiere. Prepare for tissue stocks to skyrocket.

7:00 60 Minutes (CBS) – The whopping 42nd season premiere.

8:00 The Amazing Race (CBS) – 15th season premiere

8:00 The Simpsons (FOX) – The big 2-0 for this long-running animated comedy.

8:30 The Cleveland Show (FOX) – After a year of promotion this show finally gets its chance.

9:00 Desperate Housewives (ABC) – Season 6 premiere

9:00 Family Guy (FOX) – Season 8 premiere, which is supposed to be their Empire Strikes Back parody. But, it’s only a half hour. Hmm…

9:00 Dexter (Showtime) – Season 4 premiere.

9:30 American Dad (FOX) – This fifth season(!) premiere ends the first week of “Seth Sunday” on FOX.

10:00 Brothers & Sisters (ABC) – Season 4 premiere

10:00 Cold Case (CBS) – Season 7 premiere

10:00 Californication (Showtime) – Season 3 premiere

Monday, September 28th

8:00 Lie to Me* (FOX) – Season two premiere

9:00 Trauma (NBC) – ER with more explosions. (Here’s our preview post on the show.)

Tuesday, September 29th

8:00 Shark Tank (ABC) – The press release says “in-season premiere,” which means it’s either a continuation of the summer run or the beginning of season two.

9:00 Dancing With the Stars the Results Show (ABC)

10:00 The Hills (MTV) – Season 5 premiere

Wednesday, September 30th

8:00 Hank (ABC) – Kelsey Grammer’s new sitcom

8:30 The Middle (ABC) – Patricia Heaton’s new comedy

October

To Be Determined

3:00 Let’s Make a Deal (CBS) – Hosted by Wayne Brady

Thursday, October 1st

10:00 Private Practice (ABC) – Season 3 premiere

Friday, October 2nd

8:00 Star Wars: The Clone Wars (Cartoon) – Season 2 premiere

8:30 ‘Til Death* (FOX) – Season 4 premiere. Though, I have a feeling they’ll be burning off a number of season three episodes as well.

9:00 Stargate Universe (SyFy) – Eh, I don’t know about this one.

Sunday, October 4th

7:00 America’s Funniest Home Videos (ABC) – Holy frak! This is the show’s 20th season. I wonder if Bob Saget will make a cameo.

9:00 Three Rivers (CBS) – The return of Alex O’Loughlin

9:00 The Next Iron Chef (Food)

Monday, October 5th

7:00 Sherri (Lifetime)

7:30 Rita Rocks (Lifetime) – Season two premiere

Wednesday, October 6th

9:00 Scare Tactics (SyFy) – Season 2 premiere

Thursday, October 7th

10:00 South Park (Comedy Central) – Season 13 premiere

Friday, October 8th

10:00  TOSH.0 (Comedy Central) – New episodes from this summer’s premiere.

Friday, October 9th

10:00 Sanctuary (SyFy) – Season 2 premiere

Monday, October 13th

10:00 Disaster House (DIY) – Houses are wrecked to show the wear and tear that are inflicted upon them over the years. Obviously small children that are full of sugar are involved.

Wednesday, October 14th

10:00 Nip/Tuck (FX) – Season 6 premiere

Thursday, October 15th

9:30 30 Rock (NBC) – Season 4 premiere. And you thought Studio 60 would have been the show that came out the winner.

Friday, October 16th

8:00 Supernanny (ABC) – Oy!

8:00 Ugly Betty* (ABC) – Two-hour, season 4 premiere

Sunday, October 18th

8:00 Occupation (BBC America) – American release

11:00 The Venture Bros. (Cartoon) – Season premiere

Friday, October 23rd

9:00 Southland* (NBC) – Season 2 premiere.

10:00 White Collar (USA Network) – Tiffany Theisen!

Wednesday, October 28th

Friday Night Lights (DirecTV) – Season 4 premiere

November

Tuesday, November 3rd

8:00 V (ABC) – Yet another remake on the fall schedule (Here’s our preview post about the show.)

Saturday, November 7th

11:00 The Wanda Sykes Show (FOX)

Monday, November 9th

11:00 Lopez Tonight (TBS) – Another weeknight talkshow

Midseason Premieres

• 24 (FOX)
• American Idol (FOX) – The Paula Abdul-less version
• Better off Ted (ABC)
• Blonde Charity Mafia (CW)
• Caprica(SyFy)
• Chuck (NBC) – Yeah!
• Day One (NBC)
• Human Target (FOX)
• Lost (ABC) – Last. Season. Ever!
• Life Unexpected (CW)
• Parenthood (NBC)
• Scrubs (ABC) – Or, Scrubs 2.0

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Mad Men, you guys. MAD MEN. Does it make my life sound completely pathetic if I say that tonight’s return is what I have been living for? I mean, yes, my child has still been clothed and fed, but come on … Don effin’ Draper is coming back! Tonight! What’s so great about this isn’t just that one of my favorite shows currently on television is coming back, but Jon Hamm, who plays the aforementioned Don Draper, has been charming his way across the talk shows this week. From Conan, to Jimmy Fallon, to Regis and Kelly, he’s been hitting them all — and staying awesome the whole time. So with that, I present to you this week’s column, completely devoted to Don Draper (AKA Jon Hamm).

Jon Hamm recounts his tale of meeting Tracy Morgan for the first time on The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien:

As he says, everyone should have the experience of meeting Tracy Morgan. That, to me, is a good piece of lifestyle advice. He recounts getting sucked into a bit during a read-through for 30 Rock, and while he does a little bit of a Tracy Morgan impression, I can’t help but feel like, when he’s recounting this story for his friends, he goes all out.

Also, he’s friends with Jack McBrayer, and that’s adorable.

Jon Hamm shares his letter home on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon:

I was laughing hysterically the entire time he talked about getting Elisabeth Hasselbeck pregnant. The, “I’m super-psyched about being a dad,” line is priceless, as is the fact that his family portrait has him in a Superman cape.

Jon, Jimmy, and Higgins play dice on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon:

Okay, picture this: Paul Rudd and Jon Hamm sitting around playing Scrabble. Awesome. Turns out the two, who have been friends since they were kids, also made up a dice game called “Threes,” or “Regal Beagle,” as Higgins dubs it. The game actually looks like it could be kind of fun, but as I’m low-rent, I would not be playing with twenties.

Jon Hamm’s John Ham

Hamm also appeared on Regis and Kelly this week, and it was absolutely adorable. Regis, who generally can’t stand his guests or their stupid little shows, is obviously in love with Mad Men and Don Draper. Unfortunately, I can’t find the video anywhere, so I give to you: Jon Hamm’s John Ham, his amazing ad parody from Saturday Night Live. Sure, it wasn’t on this week — but it’s still hilarious.

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The weekend has a few notable reruns, although I’m sure you’d rather be watching your Dollhouse DVD, and catching the new episode, “Epitaph One.” Maybe you’ll follow along with Bob and watch some Veronica Mars, season two. Or….

Friday

• At 8:00 on CBS, The Ghost Whisperer episode titled “Body of Water” repeats, as well as an episode of Privileged on The CW.
• At 9 PM you can catch an episode of According to Jim on ABC, the “Everybody Hates Lasagna” episode of Everybody Hates Chris on The CW or Flashpoint on CBS.
• At 9:30 on ABC, the series finale of According to Jim is re-airing, and boy, do we have the review for you. Grab a beer and enjoy, although we have it on good authority that the show doesn’t get much funnier.

Saturday

• On ABC at 9:00, you can catch Aldis Hodge in a guest spot on Castle’s “Always Buy Retail.”
• At 11:30 NBC is repeating the awesome Tracy Morgan / Kelly Clarkson episode of SNL from last season.

Sunday

• In case you missed the BBCA premiere of Being Human from Saturday, it’s airing again at 9:15.
• At 10 PM you can catch an episode from season five of Desperate Housewives on ABC or head over to CBS to watch a repeat of Without a Trace.

Make sure you subscribe to our mailing list to get daily updates on what’s notable and new on TV, and follow us on Twitter for more of the same and other news!

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In my mind, there was no greater SNL cast member than Phil Hartman. His life ended tragically and way too soon, sadly depriving the world of his unique brand of comedy. Hartman was responsible for dozens of hilarious characters in his eight seasons on the show. His uncannily accurate impressions of Bill Clinton, Phil Donahue, Ed McMahon and Frank Sinatra were unrivaled. In addition, he served up top notch original personae such as Unfrozen Caveman Laywer and The Anal Retentive Chef.

The impression that put Hartman on the map was exact portrayal of President Ronald Reagan. He captured the voice, mannerisms and walk of the 40th U.S. President like no other comedic performer before or since. In the following clip, Hartman reveals a darker, more calculated side to the amiable Commander in Chief. Not only did Reagan know about Iran-Contra, he was the mastermind behind it. Oh, and he threatens to murder Jimmy Stewart.

“Power without knowledge is power lost!”

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However, it’s hard to ignore SNL’s historical impact on television and pop culture. The series has provided an excellent breeding ground for top-notch comedic talent; many of whom have gone on to become mega movie stars. A plethora of signature skits have much to do with catapulting the likes of Bill Murray, Eddie Murphy, Dana Carvey, Adam Sandler and Will Ferrell into the Hollywood stratosphere.

With this in mind, I’d like to rewind the clock to remember some of my favorite sketches from past seasons of SNL. First up is Terrence Maddox – the vulgar, homeless Vietnam vet with one testicle and multiple strains of hepatitis – played by Will Ferrell. Ferrell adds the right combination of filth and creepiness to the character. I give you Terrence Maddox, nude model.

“The thinker, or the stinker.”

(Blame NBC for hacking the ending off.)

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I will be the first to admit that this past season of Saturday Night Live was uneven. There were, however, some really standout episodes and skits. Cate loved The Lawrence Welk Show sketches, as she wrote about. Those were a couple of great sketches and they showed that sometimes simplicity works. What can I say? There’s something undeniably funny about tiny doll hands bursting bubbles.

One of the skits that really stands out in my mind came during one of the better episodes of the season, the one hosted by Neil Patrick Harris. Now, I’m no fan of musicals, but I’m knowledgeable enough about a lot of the shows that I found the “Save Broadway” sketch to be really clever and funny.

It’s rare that every joke hits in a skit, even the good ones, but I thought that this sketch really hit every note. The costumes were great, which SNL always seems to excel at. Beyond that, however, there was a great appearance by Taylor Swift (the episode’s musical guest) as Annie, recalling her “hard knock life” and making sure that no one messes with her.

My other favorite jokes included the witch from Wicked getting upset and claiming racism when “Mark from Rent” suggested that she could get a role in Shrek if Wicked were canceled. There were a couple of great in-jokes, too, including the fact that Neil Patrick Harris was reprising (and making fun of) his role of Mark, which he played in a national touring production of Rent. The other great in-joke came when Darrell Hammond clanged two trash lids together as a member of Stomp. “Wow, still relevant,” said Sudeikis, and it was unclear whether he’s referring to Stomp or Hammond himself. It got the biggest laugh of the whole sketch.

When it comes right down to it, though, this sketch had me as soon as the puppet from Avenue Q started miming how she gives massages … with her mouth. Dirty puppets are comedy gold.

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First, since the election ended, Darrell was a featured player in a number of sketches. In two of them — the cold open where he played Dick Cheney and in Celebrity Jeopardy where he played Sir Sean Connery — he was able to utilize his talent for voices. Granted, these were also scenes that featured guest host Will Ferrell as both George Bush and Alex Trebek. So, having Hammond appear in them was a given.

More pointed was his appearance during the show’s last skit of the night — Vietnam. While not part of the all-star cast that sang a rendition of Billy Joel’s ‘Goodnight Saigon’ (aka: “And We Will All Go Down Together”), he was a major player. In addition, according to reviewers like New York Magazine’s Mark Graham, including Hammond in a sketch with former SNL alumni like Amy Poehler and Maya Rudolph seemed like a passing of the torch from one generation of players to the current cast.

The most direct sign that this was Hammond’s last show was the close. With an arm around Darrell’s shoulder, Ferrell loudly introduced him to the audience. This was followed by a longer than usual stretch of applause and a close-up of a smiling Hammond who seemed to be holding back tears of gratitude. While this could have been Will’s way of thanking Darrell for all the work he’s done with him over the years, it seemed more like he was saying good-bye to his partner in crime.

Again, as I said at the beginning, this is only speculation. If this was Darrell’s true departure I’m a little surprised that there wasn’t a ‘good-bye’ sketch featuring Hammond like there was for Jimmy Fallon or Phil Hartman. Then again, I noticed that the SNL season finale was short on sketches this week (not even a Digital Short), which could mean there was a sketch but it was cut due to time constraints. Perhaps it was part of the dress rehearsal instead, which could mean the audience knew something more than viewers did (though, I think the dress rehearsal and broadcast audiences are different, making this a moot point).

I’d be interested in knowing what you think on this. If it was Hammond’s swan song do you think they did him right? Or, do you think Hammond will be there long after everyone else leaves?

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Another season of Saturday Night Live come and gone. 34 seasons is an impressive feat for any program. This show really has become an institution, as well as a launching point for many comedy careers. One of those careers is Will Ferrell’s, so it seems right that he is back hosting the season finale. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that he has a big summer movie opening this year too.

I was happy to see that SNL ended the season on a high note, as I thought this was one of the best episodes of the season. Like last week there were a ton of special appearances and cameos, some oddly placed, but they were still fun. Let’s break it down….

• Cold Open: I was going to complain about the show opening with an out of date sketch until I realized that Will Ferrell was hosting and it was very appropriate to throw a Bush skit in the mix. I think Ferrell’s broadway show has improved his Bush impression; it’s really great now. Overall, I thought this was a funny was to start the show.
• Monologue: Even though the “dramatic” monologue seemed to drag on just a tad too long, I liked this monologue. Heck, that scarf alone got a laugh from me.
• Wade Blasingame: They’re picking the season finale to repeat prerecorded commercials? It wasn’t even a recent one.
• The Lawrence Welk Show: I’m sure Cate was happy to see this sketch, after dubbing the first Lawrence Welk Show sketch the best of the year on SNL. I usually get on SNL’s case when they blatantly repeat a skit like this, but it’s still funny. I do wish they had changed it up just a little bit more than they did, though.
• Celebrity Jeopardy: Oh, how I’ve missed the Celebrity Jeopardy skits. Add in a brilliant cameo by Tom Hanks and a special appearance by Norm MacDonald as Burt Reynolds and this was a definite winner. In fact, I think this skit made me laugh more than any other skit this season.
• Inside the NBA: A very clever sketch. It’s about time those ridiculous advertisement pop-ups on TNT and TBS got skewered.
• Weekend Update: It was a fun surprise to see Amy Poehler back behind the update desk. We were also treated to an appearance by Will Ferrell’s “Harry Caray” from beyond the grave, which was always one of my favorites. Amy and Seth also did a “Really?!?” segment, and while it was funny, I don’t think it was their best.
• Funeral: I wasn’t so hot on this sketch when it was run during the Hugh Laurie episode, set in a wedding. This one was really similar, and I wasn’t so hot on this one either. The Maya Rudolph cameo was such a waste of her talents.
• Vietnam Musical: What a bizarre sketch. I don’t really know what else to say about it, except that it was a particularly strange way to feature cameos from Anne Hathaway, Paul Rudd, Elisabeth Moss, and Artie Lange.

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