Damages begins filming its third season tomorrow, and to celebrate the occasion, FX sent out a very curious press release. Two actors have joined as series regulars for the new season. The first, Campbell Scott, we had heard about a couple weeks ago. I think he’s a perfect fit for the show and will fill the void left by some of last year’s departing cast.

The other actor joining the cast? Martin Short. Yes, that Martin Short.

I’m keeping an open mind, but at first glance this certainly seems like a strange choice. It’s not that I’m questioning Short’s acting chops (although maybe I should be), but he certainly brings a whole lot of preconceived notions with him. Am I going to be able to take his character seriously or am I just going to be waiting for him to break into Ed Grimley or Jiminy Glick?

Last year, Darrell Hammond had a large role in Damages, and I know that it bothered a lot of people. Personally, I thought Hammond did a fine job, but it was slightly distracting for him to be there. In a show that is rife with suspense and intrigue, one look at Hammond completely took me out of the moment and mood of the show whenever he was on screen. It wasn’t any fault of his or his performance, but … he’s Darrell Hammond. I looked at him and expected him to make a joke.

Also joining the cast in guest star roles are Keith Carradine and … Lily Tomlin, another accomplished comedian. I’m a little less worried about the casting of Tomlin, as she has proven her chops in non-comedic roles more so than Short. “Worried” probably isn’t even the right word to describe my feelings about Short’s casting. I think “intrigued” would be more accurate. This is certainly a bold casting choice, and I’m excited to see how it works out. More importantly, I’m just excited for Damages to get back on my TV.

What do you think about the new cast for season three?

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In my DVD post this week, it occurred to me that Saving Grace’s Grace Hanadarko and Damages‘ Patty Hewes are a lot a like. Well, maybe not so much alike, but they’re both intense and tend to live life on the edge. Let’s take a closer look at these two chicks and see how they compare … or not …

Hair: Wild vs. Neat. Grace boasts a long mane that flies everywhere and is indicative of her unrestrained outlook on life. Patty, on the other hand, has a cropped ‘do with never a hair out of place unless she’s been stabbed and has collapsed in an elevator. Even then, the hair is still prim and proper, much like her ability to sit through a conversation without letting on she’s been stabbed.

Clothing: Tank Tops vs. Button-Downs. Tiny Grace doesn’t mind putting it all out there with skin-tight tops and rugged jeans that can weather a perp chase or an impromptu romp in the sack. Patty wears pin-stripe suits and button-down shirts, and always looks like she’s ready to take someone down in court (or her office, or anyone else she darn well pleases).

Alcohol: Wine vs. Whiskey. Grace swills hard liquor like there’s no tomorrow (because there could BE no tomorrow, in her case), while Patty sips fine wine with dinner, or perhaps to unwind after a hard day of blackmailing people who’ve done her wrong.

Visions: Angels vs. Devils. Grace has a last-chance angel named Earl who counsels her with cryptic clues to her life and work. Patty doesn’t have a steady otherworldly companion, but she has been known to hallucinate about people who’ve perished under mysterious circumstances. And if she DID have a constant entity, I don’t think it would be an angel. More like a dark lord.

Life Philosophy: Get-Through vs. Get-Ahead. After weathering a difficult childhood, Grace is just trying to get through life as best she can. Patty is dead-set on getting ahead, even if someone has to die to do it. Both of these girls have skeletons in their closets that have affected them in different ways.

Other observations on these two intense women? Feel free to add your own in the comments below.

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The Season two finale left us a little more in the dark. It’s not a bad thing, and it certainly opens things up to some good prognosticating. I think Season three is going to be heavily defined by the answer to this question: Who is Ellen working for?

Here are the options as I see them:

• Patty Hewes: This seems like the obvious choice to me, especially considering that Patty confidently told Tom that Ellen “would be back.” After everything that went down between Patty and Ellen, though, I have to wonder why either of them would want to work together again. That would certainly make it interesting though. How would Patty convince Ellen to come back to the firm, and what would be her motivations for it?
• Claire Maddox: After her unsuccessful seizure of power of Ultima Natural Resources, Claire found herself unemployed. She certainly has the experience (and as we saw in Season two, the chops) to start her own law firm. If the show wanted to keep around Marcia Gay Harden (and why wouldn’t they? She’s an Oscar winning actress), this would be a nice way to do it.
• Walter Kendrick/Dave Pell: I was a little disappointed that the last we saw of Pell and Kendrick had them being carted off to jail. I missed the law aspect of Season one, where we had a chance to see Patty completely destroy Frobisher. I’m hopeful that we’ll get to see some prosecution of Pell and Kendrick during Season three. If we do, they’re both going to need a good lawyer. Wouldn’t it be great to see Ellen and Patty go after each other in court? Though with the Feds involved, chances are Patty wouldn’t even be involved in the case…. No matter how it goes down, I’d love to see more of John Doman and Clarke Peters, and not just because they are veterans of The Wire.
• The Feds: We’ve seen that Ellen is perfectly willing to work with the Feds to take down crooked people with a lot of power before, so why wouldn’t she do it again? Of course, why the Feds would want to be working with Ellen again is another question. I think it would be fun to see more of Tom’s sister though.
• Hollis Nye: The kindly older lawyer tried to hire Ellen right out of law school, so why wouldn’t he swoop in and try to get her again after she hit the open market? I’ve always been fond of the character, so I wouldn’t mind seeing more of him in Season three. I think this is probably a bit of a long shot though.
• Arthur Frobisher: The most intriguing option, in my opinion. I think with everything that happened in this season, one of the things that didn’t get wrapped up nicely was Ellen’s need for revenge against Frobisher. I don’t know if she would be able to handle it, but what better way would there be to get close to Arthur than working for him? I think this would make for a really interesting season, and would be a great way to bring Ted Dansen back to the forefront of the show.
• Someone Else: The ubiquitous “someone else.” We’ve seen that Damages loves casting the big names, and they do it with good success. The only exception, in my opinion, was William Hurt. I think his performance was good, but the character of Daniel Purcell was a little annoying. If Damages decides to get another big name on the show, introducing him/her as Ellen’s new boss might work really well.

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It first struck me during Patty’s visit to Daniel Purcell in prison. He had some ominous words for Patty, warning her against continuing down the same path of betrayal and self destruction that he followed. It was very much a “ghost of Christmas future” moment in my mind. As I thought about it more and more, it seemed like there might be something to my thought.

Let’s look at the three ghosts:

• Ghost of the past: This season it was represented by Uncle Pete. To begin, in a very literal sense, Uncle Pete represented Patty’s past. He seemed to be her only family, the only link to an unhappy childhood. He was also the face of so many of her past wrongdoings. He was the person who facilitated the hit on Ellen, as just one example.
• Ghost of the present: This one isn’t quite as clear, but I would give it to either Tom or Ellen, or very possibly both. Ellen is a constant reminder to Patty of her wrongdoings. If you tried to kill someone, do you think you could stand to look at his/her face everyday at work? I know it would be tough for me. Tom must also be a point of guilt, however. When he tried to take the high ground, at the insistence of the Feds, and said no to bribing the judge, he was essentially throwing all of Patty’s sins right back in her face. It’s obvious by her (over)reaction that she felt it and didn’t appreciate it.
• Ghost of the future: As I said, I think this role was filled by Daniel Purcell. He followed a path that he believes Patty is also following, and it led to nothing but tragedy for the man. More than a ghost of the future, I think Daniel comes off as Jacob Marley, Scrooge’s partner who warns him of the three ghosts. Marley sees the error of their ways and begs Scrooge to change, very similar to what Purcell was saying to Patty.

With this experience seemingly behind her, do you think that Patty will change? I find it hard to believe. The investigation and stabbing were a scare, I’m sure, but Patty is such a cold-hearted woman, hating her husband more for getting caught than for actually cheating on her, kicking her son out of the house, driving colleagues to suicide, putting a hit out on Ellen, etc, etc, etc. I don’t think she’s going to be turning any new leaves any time soon, but I can’t wait to see.

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It’s been an interesting week in Jane’s World, with TV poker, those ultra-cool Rescue Me spots, and Buffy season six shooting to the top of my Clack list. Read on, and feel free to clack your heart out in the comments.

I don’t really get watching poker on TV. I caught part of Poker After Dark the other night, and it’s just not interesting at all. Maybe it’s like golf, where you have to BE a golf or poker player to get into watching it on TV. My son happily provided the hushed narration for Poker After Dark for me: “He’s picking a card up … and now… he’s putting a card down …” That about sums it up. Although I checked out the site and was fascinated to learn that actress Jennifer Tilley is now a professional poker player. That’s pretty darn cool.

The Damages finale really delivered. Most of season two meandered aimlessly, but last week’s finale actually made me gasp. We knew several weeks ago that the season would end with a blood-spattered Patty stumbling out of Ellen’s hotel room. It never occurred to me that Patty hadn’t been shot — mainly because they kept replaying the flash-forward with Ellen sitting across the table from her with a gun. But in an awesome bit of storytelling, we learn that Patty was actually knifed in the elevator BEFORE meeting Ellen. Patty knew that the plan she’d set in motion had to be completed at all costs — possibly even her bleeding to death.

Buffy Update: I just started season six of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and wow! My nephew warned me that the emotional roller-coaster wouldn’t be over, and two episodes in, he wasn’t kidding. This is gearing up to be another great season, and I’m so glad the gang is back together. Willow and Tara are the most adorable couple ever, and I look forward to seeing what happens with Buffy and Spike (Angel who?). And oh yeah, I’m still watching Angel. Still don’t like it as much as Buffy, but still watching.

I’m loving the Rescue Me spots. I’ve been hit-and-miss with Rescue Me over the past few years (considering it last aired on TV a year and a half ago, it wasn’t that hard to do), but the TV spots have me all geared up for the new season, which starts Tuesday, April 7, 10 PM on FX. I have this completely irrational attraction to Denis Leary’s flawed Tommy Gavin, and the spots showing him and his crew as giant firefighters watching over NYC are making me a little insane.

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Aside from the heart-stopping twists and turns the Damages season two finale provided, we were left with just enough loose ends to keep us guessing — and interested — in what season three will have in store for us. I’ve got a couple of predictions about Ellen and Patty, Daniel’s fate, Claire Maddox, Patty’s family troubles and Ellen and Wes.

First of all, Ellen and her job offer. A couple of CliqueClack commenters have some interesting thoughts about this. Hot Mama 62 thinks the job offer is from Patty, to be a partner in the firm. CJ thinks perhaps Ellen and Claire Maddox will team up. Either of these could be a possible scenario, and both would be f-u-n.

We know Ellen believes in the work Patty does, and if she’s got her closure from the gun-threatening scene and Patty’s honest confession, then I think it’s plausible that Ellen could work for Patty, as a partner. I wonder how Tom would feel about this, and like Jane, I wonder if Tom will be the new Uncle Pete for Patty. Pete’s left a void, but Tom might be too pure to fill it.

Pardon my digression … let’s get back to Ellen and Claire Maddox working together. It would be fun to watch the duo face off against Patty and Tom, wouldn’t it? I’d like to see Claire back in full form; as manipulative as she was, I didn’t like to see her get cut down by Kendrick, although something tells me she’s learned a lot from that indiscretion.

That brings us to Daniel. Granted, he is no innocent, but technically, he didn’t kill his wife, yet he’s rotting in jail for it while his daughter has no one. I think this will come into play next season, and hopefully it will bring Claire back in fighting form. How they’ll discover Daniel’s innocence should be interesting.

I was very sad that Phil had an affair. It seemed that her marriage was the one steady thing in her life, the one thing Patty had done right and now that’s gone too. I wish they had kept them together, but the messy divorce surely will come into play next season, as will Micheal’s college-less disasters and his new mother figure / girlfriend. Will Patty learn to separate her cutthroat career moves from her personal life, and make better choices? I hope so. because I don’t want to see the complex Patty Hewes become two-dimensional.

So, is Ellen with Wes? When she was talking with David at his grave, I think the viewer is to assume that’s who she meant, but Damages has been known to throw us a few curve balls before. I’d say they’d be crazy not to keep Olyphant around and delve into his personality a bit more, because this dude who so easily smoked the bearded cop definitely has a dark side.

Whatever the case may be, I’m anxious to see how things play out in season three. At the end of season one, they really set us up for what season two would be about. I like that they’ve left some mysteries for us to ponder while we await Damages‘ return.

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The scene we’ve been wondering about all season — with Patty sitting across the table from Ellen and her gun — involved a lot of twists and turns. And a bunch of characters emerged to help wrap things up, including Uncle Pete’s widow, who managed to fuel Ellen’s quest for revenge with damaging photos of the guy who attacked her, orchestrated by Uncle Pete at Patty’s request.

It’s something I’ve been wondering about all season — whether Uncle Pete acted on his own, or whether the attack was instigated by Patty. Now we know. The phone call Uncle Pete made to Patty at her beach house, saying “It’s done,” was indeed regarding the attack on Ellen.

And with Ellen knowing all that, her mission in this finale was not only to see justice served in the UNR case, but also to bring Patty down and make her pay for her crimes.

I can’t help but replay the finale awesome scenes in my head: Patty being stabbed in the elevator by Finn Garrity, before she even went to Ellen’s room. That’s where all the blood was coming from! It was Patty’s blood from the stabbing, not from a gunshot fired by Ellen.

Indeed, that shot went over Patty’s head and into the surveillance camera behind her, so that Ellen could get the truth out of Patty about the attack on her. And Patty finally admitted that yes, she was the one who instigated it. “I was afraid,” said Patty. “I didn’t trust you. You knew too much about me, so I told Pete to have you killed.”

The jury was always out on Wes, too, but he showed his true colors today when he killed the bearded cop (whom I can’t help but think of as the dad in the “super delicious” commercial) because he couldn’t kill Ellen and he knew the cop would.

And as usual, Patty was playing everyone. She had Tom Shayes in her pocket all along, working with his sister in the U.S. Marshall’s office to bring down Walter Kendrick and his gang. Is Tom the new Uncle Pete? Will he stand by Patty no matter what?

And unless Ellen found a new guy in the month after the shake-up, it sounds like she’s still with Wes. She’s found a new job, she tells David at his graveside. Meanwhile, Patty, holed up at her beach house, tells Tom that Ellen will be back. I wonder why she’s so sure about that. After all, there’s still the bad blood between her and Ellen regarding that pesky murder attempt on Ellen.

The final scenes were great, with Ellen getting carted off for bribing the judge, and then being stopped by the U.S. Marshall, who then took Agent Werner in. What a thrill to see Tom there, and hear his story about how Patty set the whole thing up. And what an elaborate setup it was! And how fun to see Zeljko Ivanek pop up in the dream sequence. It’s got me yearning for True Blood, which will come back with season two in May.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about this episode and the season, in general. It was a great season, and I’m already looking forward to the next one.

Any thoughts about next season? I’m guessing the main players will be Patty, Ellen, Wes, Tom, Michael, maybe Daniel Purcell and Patty’s husband Phil. They’re in the midst of a nasty divorce, after all.

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I find myself waiting for that last scene in Damages, because I know we’ll get a few more clues as to how the season ends and who the shooter is. And wow, we sure got some in this episode. For anyone who hasn’t seen the show yet, I’ll wait til after the jump to go all spoilery on you, but let’s just say I can’t wait til next week, where we’ll get an hour and a half finale.

So! What do we know? We know that Daniel Purcell killed his wife – because she threatened to call the EPA about UNR and was in the midst of doing just that when he strangled her. Only Daniel didn’t finish the job, but he didn’t know that. In last night’s ep, he went to the police station to confess to the murder. Feeling guilty, I guess? Or was there an ulterior motive in the confession?

But Kendrick’s guy actually finished the job, after calling Kendrick to find out what to do.

We also know that Wes took a gun into the woods with Ellen, with the intention of killing her. But I don’t think he could bring himself to go through with it, and that’s why he put the gun down before she turned back around. Then he pretended like he’d brought the gun for her to practice shooting in the outdoors.

It looks like Wes was staying at Ellen’s apartment the night of the shooting. I’m guessing he was there that night, either as the shooter or something else. But they sure make it look like Ellen pointed the gun at Patty and pulled the trigger.

Other than these crucial scenes, I loved it when Patty went all ballistic on Phil about the divorce and his ineptness in getting caught loved the scene with Patty and Michael, where she’s after him about how unhealthy his relationship with Jill is, and he says, “You and Phil are getting a divorce. Who’s responsible for that? Why is it you can’t sustain a relationship? Why do you hurt everyone you come into contact with? People either leave you or they die. Those are the only two endings possible with you. Who’s it going to be next?”

That Michael is an unknown entity at this point. He’s half Patty, so who knows what he might do.

I also have to mention the twisty-turny plotline with Tom getting pulled in by the feds for the payoff on the infant mortality case, which was all a setup between Ellen and the feds. Ellen is turning into Patty Hewes.

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Harden’s Claire Maddox was front and center in this week’s episode of Damages. She played Walter Hendrick like a grand piano, getting second in command Mitch to try and take over, knowing full well that Mitch had skeletons in his closet which would put Claire in the top spot. But did she really think Hendrick wouldn’t be onto her? Of course, he was ahead of the game, getting her booted out of the company before she could worm her way into the leadership.

So now Hendrick is back in, and Claire is out on the street. Or rather, in Patty’s office, playing the last angle she’s got — getting Patty to go after Hendrick and UNR with everything she’s got.

It’s just bizarre to me that Claire wouldn’t have any inkling that her boss is a crook. She’s worked for the guy for 20 years, and yet she had no clue that he’s really Tony Soprano in disguise? That just seems weird to me.

Anyway, on to the end scene. My theory is that the FBI guy was in on the shooting from the beginning, even though he seems shocked as he’s listening in the van outside. After he finds Patty in the elevator, he hauls Ellen out saying she’s under arrest.

But he and Ellen have been working together to bring Patty down. So my guess is that Ellen really isn’t under arrest. Maybe it’s just a show for whomever is watching, and she’s really being taken somewhere for … safe keeping or something …

Any thoughts on this?

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Patty tells Ellen that it wasn’t Phil’s affair that’s got her miffed. “It was that he got sloppy. Let himself get caught. That bothers me.” So, the entire thing about the New York Style magazine article and photo shoot … of course, it was all a fiasco. Patty had Tom and Ellen talking her up big-time, saying there was not a thing wrong with Patty. That she’s pure as the driven snow.

And just how DOES she keep her marriage and career on such an even keel? Well, she doesn’t. It’s all a sham. Her career is about to tumble like a big house of cards, and her marriage is soon to be a nasty court case, thanks to pics shot by Ellen’s private investigator, which Ellen then sent to Patty in a Fed Ex envelope and sat across from her while she opened them.

That statement about Phil getting sloppy makes me think that Patty knew he wasn’t being faithful. Of course, she knew. Patty can tell a liar at 100 yards. Of course she’d know if her own husband was lying. Then again, she sure seemed hurt when she, Phil and Michael were all bantering around the table, talking about how important trust is in a relationship.

That Patty is one complicated mess.

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I love the way Damages uses those little flash-forwards to keep giving us more and more clues as to the final episode. As tvjunkie said in the comments a couple weeks ago, nothing in this show is what it seems, and now there’s even more mystery surrounding the scene where Patty is sitting across the table from Ellen and her gun -– which she says isn’t loaded.

So who’s the shooter? And who gets shot? After this week’s episode, we still don’t know, but I’m dying to find out. The episode was going along fairly mundanely until we got to the final scene. That’s when I wrote “Holy Crap” in my notes.

The “Holy Crap!” pertains to Patty stumbling out of the room all shaken up and smearing blood on her face, into the elevator at which point it looks like she might pass out. Some questions:

Who’s the shooter? All clues point to Ellen, because she’s the one with the gun. Then again, she SAYS it isn’t loaded, but she also says, “I lied, too,” so maybe the gun really IS loaded and she shoots Patty. The “I lied, too” might pertain to her dealings with the FBI. Remember, nothing is as it seems in this show.

Who gets shot? Again, the clues point to Patty. She does, after all, stumble out of the room in a bloody daze. So she’s either been shot and is trying to get away from the scene before she passes out. OR … Patty is the one who shot Ellen, and it’s Ellen’s blood on her face and she’s just freaked out over the whole thing, hence the elevator scene.

What’s the motive? Ellen is the one who’s got the goods on Patty with the FBI, so it makes sense for Patty to take Ellen out so she could walk free. On the other hand, Ellen’s got plenty of reasons to shoot Patty: she believes Patty tried to have her killed. Ellen’s got the FBI listening in outside in a van, and maybe she just snapped while trying to get Patty to say something. We’ve got the FBI guy hearing the shots and racing into the building. I wonder if he meets up with Patty in the elevator.

What are your thoughts on this episode? Who do you think gets shot in that final scene?

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“I hold the FBI responsible for the death of Pete McGee, and you can tell whoever’s calling the shots in Washington that I’m onto them,” she said. “The bureau may be watching me, but I’m also watching you.”

When the FBI guy says, “You’re gonna want to check your tone,” Patty just leans over his desk the way she does and says, “This investigation is corrupt and when I prove it, your career will be over.”

The rest of the conversation went something like this:

FBI Guy: “You don’t want to threaten me.”

Patty Hewes: “I don’t make threats. This is war.”

Aside from the fact that Glenn Close is a terrific actress whose character of Patty is by no means black and white, here’s why I love these types of scenes: We’re so used to seeing women being victimized on TV and in the movies — either running from a serial killer or in a dead-end life they can’t seem to climb out of. But here’s a strong woman who’s successful at what she does (even though she got there by questionable means), and has no problem taking down anyone who crosses her path. And no, I’m not advocating this type of behavior as a rule, but it’s just nice to see a woman who lives life on her own terms rather than RE-acting to everything around her. And she has no problem with it.

I was going to add that Patty Hewes’ behavior is a celebration of her steely-eyed methods of getting ahead, but now I’m not so sure she’s the cold fish I’ve been calling her all these weeks. Maybe partly because SHE ends up in the hot seat in those flash-forwards with Ellen sitting across the table from her with a gun. You get the feeling that Patty does not take well to being the victim, and I have a feeling she won’t end up in the morgue quite yet.

Anyway, amidst the other scenes this week, this is the one that really popped out at me. Any thoughts on this scene or Patty Hewes or anything else in this week’s Damages?

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But you could tell Uncle Pete was all broken up about it. He was really stuck. He either turns Patty over to the feds -– and Lord knows he’s got a lot to put her away –- or he rots in prison while his sickly wife tries to survive without him on the outside.

At one time, I agreed with Ellen. Listening via wire outside the hospital in a van with the feds, she said, “There’s no way she’ll let him talk. She’ll kill him.”

But this week, after learning the backstory between Patty and Uncle Pete -– how he stepped in to take care of her and her mom after Patty’s deadbeat dad left them -– I’m convinced that Patty would have figured out a way to both save Uncle Pete AND herself. She’s cunning that way.

And the rest of this story is that we now know that Patty is the person Ellen is threatening with a gun in the flash-forward. After Uncle Pete dies, his wife gives Ellen a file with her name on it. I’m guessing it contains evidence that Pete’s thugs were the ones who tried to kill Ellen when she was staying in Patty’s apartment (this would be Patrick, who decided that Uncle Pete couldn’t be trusted if he ended up working with the feds, and thus snuffed out Pete’s life in the hospital).

But remember … after Patrick tried (and failed) to kill Ellen, Patty got a phone call saying, “It’s done.” So even if Uncle Pete was the one who engineered the deed, Patty was certainly in on it. Right?

So my questions for you, Clackers, are: 1) Would Patty have thrown Uncle Pete under the bus to save herself? Or would she have figured out how to save both of them? 2) And how deep into Ellen’s failed killing do you think Patty is? My theory is that she knew about it, but left the details up to Uncle Pete.

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But in this week’s episode of Damages, the kindly old guy who brings pastries to the office and has been married for 60 years has to make a decision. Turn Patty Hewes over to the feds or go to prison and leave his dying wife alone.

He took the only way out he could figure: give the feds nothing and leave his dying wife alone anyway. Hey, at least from a prison cell, he could make sure she was cared for. Now she’ll die alone and sickly.

Would Patty have been as loyal as Pete? I’m with the feds when they tell Pete, “Do you really think Patty gives a shit about you?” There’s no way she wouldn’t have protected herself in similar circumstances. She’d be turning Pete in with little remorse. And maybe Pete figured if he turned her in, he wouldn’t have lived anyway.

And really, if Pete is any kind of criminal at all, there’s no way he’d be stockpiling evidence in a storage unit. The feds were definitely duped on this one. They should have seen right through him.

Note: Tom Aldredge played Hugh DeAngelis on The Sopranos, but I’m having trouble placing his character. Somebody fill me in?

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This week in Quotation Marks, Janis calls Sean a bitch on 24, House calls Wilson a wuss on House, and Amy Sedaris shines as Claire on The Closer. Take a look at our quotes this week, and feel free to add your own favorites in the comments!

ER

“Carter. Aren’t you the guy who got that nurse pregnant and moved to Seattle?” – Tony Gates to Carter, referring to the long-remembered Doug Ross

Psych

Henry Spencer: “I forbid you to be a part of this Shawn. You’re coming with me.”
Shawn Spencer: “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Forbid me? I’m familiar to your hands-on
approach to parenting, but I’m not 27 anymore. I can do whatever I want.”

Lie to Me

“You really are idiotically happy, aren’t you?” Cal Lightman to his partner Gillian Foster

Burn Notice

“Killers, by and large, are whiny losers … but that doesn’t make them any less dangerous.” – Mike’s narration

House

“You’re a wuss — part wimp, part puss.” – House to Wilson, on Wilson going to Cuddy’s baby-naming ceremony

Chuck

“Did you ever think the two of us would wind up with smart, beautiful, sexually adventuresome girls on Valentine’s Day?” – Morgan to Chuck
“The answer is no! Two jackasses like you landing two hot pieces like Anna and blondie? It’s a cruel trick of nature.” – Big Mike

30 Rock

“I’m going to say yes, because this just feels right, and my instincts have never let me down. Except for looking at that eclipse.” -Blind girl accepting a date with Kenneth

24

Sean: “You’re a little bitch, you know that?!”
Janis: “YOU’RE a little bitch!”

The Closer

“I prefer the word intuitionist. People hear the word psychic and they think whack job.” – Claire (Amy Sedaris), explaining her title

Damages

“Do you really think Patty gives a shit about you?” – The Feds to Uncle Pete

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So … I think this episode of Damages can be summed up in this quote:

“Take this from me. Don’t engage with her. You step in the ring with that woman, she will cut your balls off and jam ‘em down your throat. My advice … when she straps one on, bend over, bite down hard, and just take it. Anyway, good to see ya!” - Arthur Frobisher to Walter Kendrick

Other stuff that popped out at me:

Walter Kendrick is still reminding me of Tony Soprano. Come to think of it, Patty is sort of like a female Tony Soprano. When those two stare each other down, it’s like Tony times ten.

What’s their game, Patty and Walter? First, she slanders him on national TV. Then he sues her for defamation. Then she makes a deal to donate to his environmental charity (in West Virginia, no less). Then Patty sues him on behalf of “a major UNR shareholder….”

What?! Patty is working with Frobisher? Mind-twist.

The cop with the beard and glasses seems like some demented, evil guy who lives in his mom’s basement and plays Guitar Hero all day. But we know now that he killed David for Frobisher. Right?

Claire Maddox wears a garter belt and “stockings”? Really? People still actually wear those things?

And is Claire a slut, or what? She starts out the episode sleeping with Daniel Purcell, then sleeps with the tattooed guy. Oh, and those garter belts.

Someone needs to give Rose Byrne a sandwich. She’s scary thin.

The FBI guy with the wife troubles. Why does this keep coming into the picture? Does it play into the plot, you think? Because I really couldn’t care less about this guy, and it’s just irritating. He’s not a major player, after all.

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And yikes, I guess Kendrick has no sense of humor about anything. After one of his cohorts said some pretty racy things during the roast, Kendrick punched him out in the bathroom and gave him a toilet head-butt! This guy reminds me of Tony Soprano.

And what’s his game with Daniel Purcell? Now that Kendrick has paid off Purcell — who henceforth screwed Patty over in court (ruining his changes of having an open relationship with his and Patty’s son) — he wants Purcell back on the team?

I guess he wants to keep him close and keep an eye on him. Is that what you’re getting out of it?

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I’m not sure what to make of Wes Krulik. First, he makes friends with her in group therapy, and before you know it, he’s telling her to let him know if she ever needs a gun (well, not in so many words, but that’s what he meant).

OK, first of all, that just seems weird for two people in grief counseling together. I mean, if he’s trying to set her up, that seems like a lame way to do it. And why doesn’t she suspect that he’s not all that he seems? If someone wanted to get me a gun and teach me how to shoot it, I’d be a little suspect about the whole thing.

Then, after a gun-shooting session — where Ellen is weirdly saying she’s going to shoot that target if it’s the last thing she does! — she leaves, and Wes calls a mystery person on the phone and says, “Suddenly, she wants to learn how to use a gun. I don’t know if you’re safe.” There’s an awful lot of mystery people on the phone in this show. And I have no idea who any of them are.

Also, we know that Wes and Ellen develop a romantic relationship, because we’ve seen them in bed together in flash-forwards. In this episode, we get another flash-forward five months, with Wes showing up at Ellen’s door. She says, “I told you, you can’t be here today.” But he kisses her and goes inside, shutting the door. But here’s the thing about this: he really looks like he wishes things could be different. Like maybe he’s set her up to take a fall, and wishes he could somehow get out of it. Yeah, that’s what I saw in about two seconds of facial expressions on Wes’s part.

But five months earlier, Wes has Ellen followed (Note to producers: if you’re going to pick a guy for this role, why pick someone who looks just like Wes? Are they twins? Just sayin’….). Wes and his tracker meet, and tracker gives Wes photos of Ellen meeting with the feds. Then Wes meets with Detective Mesner (the guy with the beard and glasses who worked David over in season one) and says Ellen’s been meeting with the feds.

Oy, I need a giant storyboard to follow all the characters on this show!

What do you think Wes’s deal is? Who’s he working for, why is he having Ellen followed, what’s with the giant arsenal of weapons in his closet, and why is he working with Detective Mesner?

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I’ve said it before: Patty Hewes is one cool cat. Well, most of the time. Unless she thinks she’s being had by one of her own, as in this week’s episode.

Everything Patty does is calculated. At the beginning of the episode, she was so sweet to Ellen, taking her to the spa and inviting her to the 10-year party for Tom at her apartment. And then afterward, saying how nice it was to have Ellen there. Aw, soft puppies and warm sunlight. Patty seems almost human and friendly.

And then Wham! When she starts to suspect that Ellen is working with the feds to bring her down, Patty goes all devil-wears-prada on her and turns ice-cold, demanding to know what’s going on. Then again, how stupid is Ellen to check her phone during a meeting? Really stupid!

But is Patty protecting herself by not knowing everything? It appears that Pete was the one who staged the attack on Ellen in Patty’s apartment. He paid off the attacker (who, amazingly, survived Ellen stabbing him with a kitchen knife!) and in this episode, gave him more cash, told him to get out of town, and said his boss (Patty) can never know about him.

But what gets me is that when Pete and Patty were having their sit-down talk, Pete said that it’s never seemed right that Ellen would come back to work for Patty after everything that happened. And then afterward, he got on the phone to a mystery person and said, “Patty’s getting nervous. Yeah, it’s about the girl. We need to take action.”

Apparently, Patty is paying Pete to protect her interests and has been for years, but she doesn’t want to know the details. Is that what you’re thinking? Or do you think Pete is working independently?

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I wish 24 and Damages were better this season. Sure, it’s swell having them back, but so far, I’m not rabid for the next episodes or anything. That saddens me, because I really love both of these series, and it doesn’t get much better than Glenn Close and William Hurt. Hopefully, both shows will get better and have me pining to see what happens next. Or maybe I just expect too much. I didn’t even realize I felt this way about Damages until Modwild pointed it out to me in the comments last week. Mod, I don’t know whether to thank you or curse you!

The Moonlight ending was fine. I finished watching Moonlight, and while I was preparing myself for a rude and abrupt ending, it really wasn’t that bad. Sure, I wish the series would have gone on for six or eight seasons, but if it had to end, at least it ended with Mick rushing back to Beth and professing his love, and Beth hugging him and closing the door — with both of them on the same side of that door. At least we know they ended the series together and probably had sweet vampire sex that night. Hey, that’s a lot better than if he hadn’t gone back. We’ll just have to be happy with it.

Those KFC commercials drive me nuts. The ones where they show all the tasty-looking food with a voice-over that turns out to be … the cook. So, let me get this straight. We’re supposed to believe there’s a KFC “cook” in every location throughout the world? You know, maybe I’ve been watching the Food Network too much, but when I think of “cook,” I think of someone lovingly baking biscuits, chopping spuds for potato salad, grating fresh cabbage and carrots for cole slaw … you know, someone actually “cooking.” For some reason, I just don’t think there’s much of that going on inside any KFC.

The Super Bowl was an awesome game. I don’t even watch football, and had no idea which teams were playing before the kids and I turned the game on for the sole purpose of watching the commercials and musicians. But when it came down to those final few minutes and the tension mounted as to who would win … it was exciting! But I still mainly watched it for the commercials. My favorites were the ones with the Heroes cast.

And speaking of the Super Bowl … was Bruce Springsteen showing his age or what? He can still rock it out, but he just looked worn out. Or on something. And Little Steven Van Zandt ain’t no spring chick either, so I don’t know if he was much help if Bruce needed someone to lean on. Anyway, still fun to see The Boss, even if I had a hard time explaining to my son who he was the boss of. Uh … everyone?

What about you? What made you clack this week? Any thoughts on mine?

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