CliqueClack TV » Battlestar Galactica

Can shows truly put their heroes in danger?

Ivey West — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 15:00:08 +0000

The teaser of this week’s Lie to Me ended with the main character, Cal Lightman, seemingly shot dead. There’s been a buzz since the airing that, because there was never any doubt that by the time the end credits rolled the human lie detector would be back on his feet, the drama was all manufactured and, well, empty. Show runner Shawn Ryan has been fielding questions to that point on Twitter. The same sentiment can be found in the comments on Brett’s SG:U post. It begs the question: can television shows ever put their heroes in any realistic danger?

The quick answer — which I will largely ignore for the rest of this post — is no, because in this day and age of Internet spoilers, a main character’s departure from a show would most likely be widely known by airing. Some keep their secrets better than others — Lost, for an example — but in general, we know well before we rightly should as an audience. We actually had a running joke in the weekly Heroes Live-Blog/Chats last year about television characters being “Heroes dead.”

Joss Whedon has done a pretty good job of layering in that uncertainty. Eric Balfour was touted as a member of the cast on Buffy, but didn’t make it through two episodes. Even better was Doyle on Angel. By all reports, Whedon figured early on that Doyle didn’t really “mesh” with the other characters on the show, and decided very early on to make the change. Battlestar Galactica also set the tone well (still shocked by Dualla’s final scene).

The question, however, is deeper than if the audience has been “spoiled” or not. We knew at the end of Alias each week that Sydney would find some way, at the last minute, to get out of peril. You could go all the way back to Batman, and then well past that to the weekly pulp serials that influence so much of television today. So how can we, as an audience, buy into what’s going on on screen enough to believe that the principals of any given show are in danger?

I’ve given you a quick answer, and I’ve asked the question again. So, my real answer? I don’t really know. For me, it’s easy enough to suspend disbelief and enjoy the (hopefully) good performances by the actors and writers. For those that can’t do that, well, I don’t know what to say. Ryan’s point above sums up my opinion: if you can’t enjoy the ride for what it is, then you’re watching the wrong channel.

What do you think?

Photo Credit: FOX

TV on DVD for October 27th

Brett Love — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 15:00:54 +0000

With most of the big sets out of the way, our DVD attention now turns toward the older shows. This week does offer a couple of current things from Battlestar Galactica, Adult Swim, and The Secret Saturdays. The real gems, however, come from years gone by. My pick for the week would be the new Collector’s Edition of The Prisoner, but I already have the 40th Anniversary set. If you also find that particular collection checked off on your DVD to-do list, you may be interested in the various selections in the Monty Python section.

Reminder: Don’t forget to enter the latest CliqueClack DVD giveaway. Just leave a comment and you’ll be eligible to win the Adult Swim In A Box collection. The complete list of this week’s releases is after the jump.

Battlestar Galactica: The Plan (Blu-ray)
The Prisoner: The Complete Series Megaset (Collector’s Edition)
Monty Python: Almost the Truth (Blu-ray)
Monty Python: The Other British Invasion
Monty Python: The Best of Monty Python – 40th Anniversary
The Diary of Anne Frank (As Seen On BBC)
Adult Swim In A Box
The Secret Saturdays: Vol. 2
The Guardian: The 1st Season
The Fugitive: Season 3, Volume 1
CBS News Sunday Morning: On the Road with Charles Kuralt: Set 1
Tales from the Darkside: The 2nd Season
Mannix: The 3rd Season
Saturday Morning Cartoons: 1960’s Vol 2 – 1970’s Vol 2
Dogfights: The Complete Series Megaset
The Barbara Stanwyck Show: Volume 1
Visions of Europe: Complete Series

Photo Credit: Syfy

Battlestar Galactica: The Plan – CliqueClack Preview

Keith McDuffee — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 21:27:42 +0000

It’s been about seven months since we’ve seen a new episode of Battlestar Galactica. Sound like a long time? Well, actually, that’s about the same amount of time we had to wait to see the second half of the fourth season after the first half aired, so for BSG fans, this isn’t new. I’m talking, of course, about the upcoming direct-to-DVD (and online video) release of Battlestar Galactica: The Plan.

An official copy of the DVD arrived on my doorstep yesterday, and despite having a buttload of TV to watch, I couldn’t wait to give it a watch. So, here’s an early review of the movie with little to no spoilers, which is an easy task since there’s really nothing shocking or spoiler-worthy to worry about.

The story of The Plan is essentially all about what was going on with the Cylons throughout the first two seasons of the show (and the mini-series), up through the airlocking of the two copies of Number One (Cavil) on Galactica, in the second season finale. Through the magic of flashbacks, we’re brought back to some of the most pinnacle episodes of the series and how the Cylons all followed Cavil’s orders, or his “plan” — the annihilation of the rest of the surviving humans.

The most interesting aspect of the movie is what we see of some of the lesser-known models from the series, in particular Number Five (Doral), Number Two (Leoben) and, most especially, Number Four (Simon). Of course, we see all of the models throughout the movie, but there is a definite lack of presence from some of them. And I’m not kidding about seeing more about Number Four — he was so underutilized in the series, yet he gets to shine here and really makes for the movie to stand out. The Five, on the other hand, is a great moment of comedy, believe it or not, and I’m sure Cavil’s comments will ring true with more than a few BSG fans.

The movie does an excellent job of showing us just how much of a manipulator and asshole Cavil was to the other Cylons. The sacrifice he makes them go through for the sake of following the plan makes it easy to hate him, doing it so comfortably and while sleeping around with a half-naked Six (yes, half-naked!) and Eight (no, not half-naked). It certainly gives the appearance that, if it wasn’t for Cavil, maybe everyone would just have gotten along without all this “plan” nonsense. He also carries out something so incredibly evil toward the end of the movie that it may make some viewers really uncomfortable and, for everyone, show that he’s simply evil incarnate.

Something else the movie does well is in depicting the devastation of the colonies. In the mini-series, the depiction of Caprica’s destruction and aftermath, while evident, wasn’t all that jaw-dropping. Well, get ready to see the real execution and fallout of not only Caprica’s destruction, but of all the other colonial planets: Gemenon, Picon, Canceron….

Finally, one bit I really liked was seeing what Anders went through on Caprica, from when the bombs fell through when he was finally brought aboard Galactica. Initially he wasn’t the go-to person for his band of rebels on the planet’s surface, so seeing how that dynamic worked out and how it all fit together really worked out well.

One nitpick of mine is with some of the flashbacks. It’s clear that old footage was used along with newly filmed scenes, and after four years, the actors don’t quite look the same. I also wasn’t sure why, when we flashed to each of the final five Cylons, we had to be reminded that they were Cylons by flashing to them in their resurrection pools. Oh, and while there are a few scenes of female nudity, they are only of extras and, for those who like shlong, there’s an uncomfortably, obviously gratuitous close-up of one.

Got any questions you’d like answered about the DVD before you see it yourself? Let me know in the comments. I haven’t even gotten to the special features and commentary, so I may post an update if there’s anything there worth mentioning (the commentary is by Olmos and Espenson). Battlestar Galactica: The Plan comes out on DVD, Blu-ray and digital download on October 27 and, as I hear it, will air on TV on November 1 (but you’ll miss out on all that shower-scene shlong).

Photo Credit: Universal

Quotation Marks – Exorcisms, Ann Margret, and … a Gilmore Girl?

Ivey West — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 20:30:06 +0000

Was it just me, or did this week seem a little off? Despite being funny, Psych put me to sleep (literally, not figuratively) with its not-so-interesting plot. Leverage was hilarious, but didn’t offer nearly as many good one-liners as it normally does. And depressingly, Bob’s Veronica Mars Virgin Diary is quickly coming to a close (which, I’ve got to warn you, means more Buffy quotes for everyone — I love shows that bring the wit). Alas, however, the Fall Season quickly approaches.

Psych

“Question: Where are all of the girls in the Catholic school-girl uniforms, Gus?!” — Shawn
“There’s one right over there.” — Gus
“No, that is a male bagpiper.” — Shawn

“Was she a fan of the game Grand Theft Auto? I know when I play it I become raving mad, foaming at the mouth.” — Shawn
“I had to taser him once.” — Gus
“Which I still feel was excessive.” — Shawn

“Carson D has Simon Baker on tonight. That’s can’t miss, OK, so I’m going to go. You guys keep exercising during the exorcism.” — Shawn

“Do you think she has PTSD?” — Lucy’s Mother
“I’m afraid this is more serious than a menstrual disorder.” — Shawn

“Oh, let me guess … relationship trouble.” — Henry
“Yeah, I hate it when we fight.” — Shawn
“I’m sure she feels the same way.” — Henry
“I’m not talking about Abigail, I’m talking about Gus.” — Shawn
“So was I.” — Henry

Mad Men

“Let’s assume we can get a girl to match Ann-Margret’s ability to be 25 and act 14.” — Peggy, on an ad to match the opening of Bye Bye Birdie

Leverage

“Katherine and I have known each other forever. Almost two years.” — Parker, at Sophie’s fake funeral

“Stop it….” — Sophie
“It’s like you’re haunting us.” — Parker
“Parker, I’m not really dead. I’m not dead!” — Sophie

True Blood

“Jesus and I agreed to see other people, but that doesn’t mean we don’t still talk from time to time.” — Lafayette

“If only Miss Jeanette was still alive.” — Lettie Mae
“She don’t need no backwoods witch. She needs Thorazine and a padded cell.” — Lafayette

“Lord, smite me … Lord, smite me … LORD, SMITE ME!!” — Sam

“You’ve been real good to this town, even if you are a sometime nudist.” — Andy

Selections from the Virgin Diaries

Battlestar Galactica

“There’s this one song that he taught me, it made me feel happy and sad all at the same time.” — Starbuck
“The best ones do.” — Slick

Veronica Mars

“Who wants out of jail?” — Cliff
“I do! I do!” — Veronica (A bit that works better with Kristen Bell’s funny voice)

“Honey … why is there a pistol in the freezer?” — Keith
“Because there’s this guy, see?… And I want to put him on ice. Because revenge is a dish best served cold. Because I want to commit murder in the 28th degree?” — Veronica
“Stop.” — Keith

“What?” — Wallace, after worrying about Veronica seeing Parker and Logan together
“I’m just trying to figure out which Gilmore Girl you are.” — Veronica

House, M.D.

“Why’d you put me in charge of the department if you think I can’t handle it?” — Foreman
“Because it’s temporary, and because I was ordered to.” — Cuddy

“Do you know your phone is dead? Do you ever recharge the batteries?” — Wilson
“They recharge? I just keep buying new phones.” — House

“What does House say?” — Cameron
“The person you are trying to reach is out of the area or has turned off their phone.” — Foreman

“Cat fight and cataplexy on the cat walk. Cool!” — House

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

“My. She’s cheeky, isn’t she? — Wesley, about Cordelia
“Uh, first word: jail; second word: bait.” — Faith

“And you say this demon wanted cash? That’s very unusual.” — Wesley
“Demons after money. Whatever happened to the still beating heart of a virgin? No one has any standards anymore.” — Giles

“I know this. It’s down by the bus station. Not the nicest part of town.” — Buffy
“Again. See, no standards. I mean, any self-respecting demon should be living in a pit of filth or a nice crypt.” — Giles

Photo Credit: USA Network

The Week in Clack – RIP Ted Kennedy

Jason Hughes — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 20:45:29 +0000

Michael Jackson’s still making news, this time ensuring that his death was a tragedy. The official report out of the LA coroner’s office was that Jackson’s death was a homicide, brought on by the mixture of drugs he was being prescribed for his sleep disorder. So he very well may not have been too frail for those London concerts … but we’ll never know.

In related news, A&E is going forward with the Jackson family reality show. Exploitation or honor? You decide!
The passing of Ted Kennedy brought all kinds of specials honoring this last of the dynasty.
VH1 is in full spin mode. After the murder-suicide of one of their reality losers, Ryan Jenkins. VH1’s programming model is to air crappy reality “love” shows, then spin contestants out of those into more crappy shows and on an one. So now they have to cancel two of them (Megan Wants a Millionaire & I Love Money 3) because Ryan Jenkins was in them. It’s a huge embarassment for the network, so now they have to pretend they hardly know how any of this happened, they can’t figure out how their network became the go-to places for sleazy reality shows, and vow to change their ways. Ain’t plausible deniability great.
Dollhouse started lining up guest stars in an attempt to get more peepers on those hot bodies. Look for Summer Glau, Keith Carradine, Jamie Bamber, Alexis Denisof, Michael Hogan and more!
Good news for 30 Rock fans, as Alec Baldwin has clarified that he won’t be challenging Joe Lieberman for his Senate seat in 2012. As a show of appreciation, Lieberman will not try to take Baldwin’s job on television.
The UK has a hit on their hands with Skins, a very dark look at young life. MTV is bringing the original Skins creator stateside to do it all over again, only with fewer teen boobies because we still fear their power in the US.
The official reveal of the Dancing With the Stars pairings came out. So why does ABC do this in two lumps a week apart? Is the extra publicity that necessary?
While first season winner Richard Hatch rots in jail, CBS announced the 20 contestants competing in the 19th cycle of Survivor.
Paula Abdul found work. It’s not as high profile as American Idol, but it does feature two former winners: Kelly Clarkson and Jordin Sparks. Abdul has been tapped to host the revival of Vh1 Divas.
Back on Idol, the guest judge roulette wheel keeps spinning, landing on Neil Patrick Harris and Kristin Chenoweth.
Not to be left out, The View offered guest slots to Kate Gosselin and LaToya Jackson.
Chris Brown is trying to salvage his career, starting with an interview with Larry King. I suspect it’s over for him, though.
You’re excited about the new fall season, fast approaching? That’s big news for the weeks ahead. To keep up with when it’s all coming down, be sure and keep CliqueClack’s guide to the fall season handy.
The television landscape is a-changing. The networks failed to produce a single hit, with low ratings. At the same time, cable networks set ratings highs all over the place elevating the summer of 2009 to the most watched summer ever.
Meanwhile, the median age of television viewers is at or near 50 for the big four networks. All while advertisers still target the 18-49 group. So what are the kids doing these days? Have they really abandoned television? DVR viewership median age is considerably lower. As someone who watches nothing live, I can attest to that. So much better to schedule TV around my time. The industry needs to figure these changes out.
Oh, and A&E bought Lifetime, but I really have no thoughts about that. None at all.

Photo Credit: Kennedy.Senate.gov

Diary of a Battlestar Galactica Virgin – The piano man

Scott Tunstall — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 15:00:56 +0000

The rebellion was squashed. Ellen and Boomer made a grandiose return. Saul lost his lil’ Cylon baby. Those were the highlights of my last diary entry. Now, I’m nearing the end of this long and winding cherry-popping experience. Ronny Moore is running out of chapters to succinctly wrap up his epic tale of humanity’s last parade. There are plenty of loose ends to tie and vexing questions to answer. Will it all make sense? Probably not. Will I be satisfied? Uh … my fingers are crossed, but I’m feeling some bad vibes in the air.

“Someone to Watch Over Me”

Galactica is falling to pieces. The support beams are cracked and the Cylon goop doesn’t appear to be helping much. On top of the structural damage, the ship’s FTL drive is about to take a dump. That can’t be good. Something has to give here. It’s apparent this old bucket of bolts ain’t gonna last much longer. They better find a habitable environment posthaste.

Chief and Boomer’s relationship has always fascinated me. Chief’s always loved her, but I’ve never been certain if his feelings were reciprocated. For all the heinous shit she’s done, I think her Cylon projections were quite revealing. The quaint family life she conjured with Chief spoke louder than her actions. I have to admit, it was a little sad to see the life they would never share together.

However, Chief busting Boomer out of the brig was just plain dumb. When did she ever not have an ulterior motive? Man, that love shit is some powerful stuff. I’m not saying I wouldn’t have done the same thing for the chick of my dreams, but Chief had to know there was something up her sleeve. He’s a frakkin’ Cylon for Pete’s sake! Didn’t he sense Boomer wanted Hera?

So, Starbuck met her estranged father. The scenes between the two were intense and poignant. Starbuck is such a stand out character, I find it difficult not to care about her more than everyone else. The fact that she knew the damn “Watchtower” song made perfect sense. She’s the key. The song is key. They go together like peas and carrots. I have no idea what it all means, but it will cleared up, right?

“Islanded in a Stream of Stars”

Did they really name an episode after that annoying Kenny Rodgers/Dolly Parton duet, “Islands in the Stream?” Holy shit. Or was Ernest Hemingway’s 1970 novel the inspiration? Maybe it’s neither. Honestly, I don’t give a shit. I just found the episode moniker bothersome.

Ellen tells the powers that be about the Cylon Colony. Hmm. Me doth surmise a final episode confrontation is coming. The Cylons are all about saving Hera from the evil Cavil; Bill and Lee and Saul aren’t so sure. C’mon Admiral. What the hell are you going to do, float around in space another four years on a dying ship? You got people and machines getting blown out of holes. Needless to say, Bill’s decision to abandon Galactica was the only choice.

Oh, great … Gaius is back. Starbuck confides her secret to him. She had to know he’d blab his findings all over the ship. Seems like Kara is lookin’ for some closure. Angel, devil, ghost, zombie — might as well get it all out in the open. Of course, Gaius positioned her as proof of the afterlife. Anything to further his self-serving religious poppycock.

Then there is poor, poor Anders. They turned him into a Hybrid. He did reaffirm to Starbuck she’s the “harbinger of death.” Death of humans, or death of Cylons? I gotta believe a Hybrid would know about the one responsible for eradicating Cylons, not humans. I always felt the “harbinger” talk was meant to be a warning to Cylons.

Final Thoughts

One disc to go. Whew! It’s been a wild ride. How will it end? I expect mass destruction and a high body count. Oh, and they have to find someplace to live. I wonder if the Colony has spare rooms available?

Photo Credit: Syfy

Quotation Marks – Brett really DOES watch Project Runway

Ivey West — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 18:00:04 +0000

Project Runway: All-Star Challenge

[You'll have to work with me on this one, but it's easily the quote of the week]

“When I see boobs going all over the place I get dizzy.” — Heidi [not liking that one of the models, who was wearing a really tight t-shirt, wasn't wearing a bra]
“Me too!” — our very own Brett Love watching at home

Mad Men

[Peggy and her secretary Lola, on the new British man in the office]
“He just always stops by concerning the strangest things. Yesterday it was my engagement ring.” — Lola
“Enough, Lola.” — Peggy
“You know there’s something about the way he talks. I could listen to him read the phone book.” — Lola
“Well, when he gets to ‘S’, I need Howard Sullivan at Lever Brothers.” — Peggy

“I’ve flown a few times, but I’ve never actually seen a stewardess that game.” – Sal [on the flirty flight attendant]
“Really?” – Don [he's a pimp]

“It’s like that show Mad Men, but it’s even better!” — actor Vincent Kartheiser [describing the new season]

Entourage

“What are you doing buddy?” — Ari
“I’m waking you up with my mind.” — Ari’s Son
“Good work! What time is it?” — Ari
“It’s late.” — Ari’s Son
[looking at watch] “Oh shhioooot!” — Ari
“Daddy, you almost said ’shit!” — Ari’s Son

Psych

“I’m sure you’ve heard about what I do, and how cool it is. You’ve seen my hair, which means you’re doubly impressed. But lets not get wrapped up in gushy compliments, I get a little self conscious.” –Shawn

“If this turns into Blazing Saddles, I’m out of here.” — Gus

[Gus Trips]
“Gus…”
“Watch your feet” — Gus
“Watch my feet, I’m leading the way.” — Shawn
Your stride is too long, Shawn.” — Gus
“It’s your ridiculous gait, that’s the problem.” — Shawn
“No, your shoes are too large.” — Gus

“How about I wear the spurs?” — Gus
“How about the Sheriff wears the spurs?” — Shawn
“How about you kiss my blacksmith ass?” — Gus

“Look, Hank, we can fix the buildings … We’ll get some nails.” — Shawn
” .. And Febreze.” — Gus

“Well, Shawn, sometimes people you think are innocent turn out to be guilty and vice-versa. The important thing is, how are you going to help me get Hank’s blood out of my couch?” — Henry

“The only thing I don’t understand is, why would a ghost be mining for gold?” — Shawn

And, selections from the Virgin Diaries

Firefly

“Big stop just to renew your license to Companion. Can I use “Companion” as a verb?” — Wash

“What about cortical electrodes?” — Simon
“Oh! [long pause] We forget ‘em.” — Jayne
“Let’s try that again.” — Simon

“I’ll be in my bunk.” — Jayne [when Inara ... well ... just watch the damn DVDs :)]

“This should do.” — Book
“Preacher, don’t the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing?” — Zoe
“Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps.” — Book

Veronica Mars

“This is a bad idea.” — Veronica
“No, it’s not.” — Keith
“You only think it’s not because you came up with it.” — Veronica
“Ergo, how could it be bad? Math, sweetie. Me + idea = good.” — Keith

“When entering a frat house full of accused rapists, the pant suit is a solid wardrobe choice. It’s fashion’s way of saying, “Move along. Nothing to see here.” — Veronica [in voiceover]

“So what would Stan Marsh say in a situation like this? I think we all learned a valuable lesson about faith. You give it to the people you love. But the people who really deserve it are the ones who come through, even when you don’t love them enough.” — Veronica [in voiceover]

“So, not only did Chip get Kojak’d, someone put a Roman numeral on one of those little plastic Easter eggs, and stuck it in his… where-the-sun-don’t-shine place. And you know where that is.” — Dick
“Worst. Easter Egg Hunt. Ever.” — Veronica

“I’m fine. Seriously. I just told the two of you because I thought you should know. I’m not looking for a pity party.” — Veronica
“That’s good, ’cause I always get stuck blowing up the pity balloons.” — Wallace

Battlestar Galactica

“You swore an oath when you put that uniform on. You pledged to defend this ship and her crew.” — Adama
“You swore the same allegiance! What happened to your oath? For seven years, I have done my frakking job and for what? [motions to Tigh] To take orders from a Cylon? To let machines network our ship? No, you… you are not the leader you were when we started. You’re just a sad old man who has let his heart and his affection for a Cylon cloud his judgment.” — Gaeta
“I want you all to understand this! If you do this, there will be no forgiveness. No amnesty. This boy died honoring his uniform. You, you’ll die with nothing.” — Adama

“The Admiral is charged with treason, desertion, giving aid and comfort to the enemy, and gross dereliction of duty. The punishment for these crimes is death by firing squad.” — Zarek
“Well, I’m not a very good shot.” — Romo Lampkin

Photo Credit: Lifetime

Diary of a Battlestar Galactica Virgin – Worst. Rebellion. Ever.

Scott Tunstall — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 15:00:34 +0000

Last time on Battlestar Galactica season 4.5 virgin diary, the bumbling duo of Felix Gaeta and Tom Zarek joined forces to overthrow the military and government. They were none too pleased at the prospect of Cylons being allowed to become citizens of the fleet. I guess all those “toasters” and “skinjobs” walking around made them a wee nervous. Combine that with Felix still being perturbed about the whole leg thing, and Zarek being a power-hungry prick, and we’ve got ourselves a full-scale coup d’état. What could possibly go wrong? Uh… everything.

“The Oath”

All these seasons I thought Gaeta was nothing but a number-crunching nerd. Much to my surprise, the kid’s got balls. Good for him. However, pegging Zarek as a partner wasn’t very smart. It took the guy what, five minutes, before he killed someone? Tommy likes killing; his brutish ways are clashing with Gaeta’s more analytical approach. The team of frick and frak are hurtling toward failure.

Don’t Bill and Laura make an adorable couple? The Admiral and the President — coming to ABC this fall. So much for Laura’s staying out of presidential affairs. A sudden uprising really does put a damper on plans of rest and relaxation. Score one for Laura, though. Her idea to use Baltar’s wireless to communicate with the fleet was clever indeed. Bill, gallant as ever, made sure she was taken off Galactica.

Starbuck may be on edge, but she didn’t forget how to kick ass. She was guns blazing like Laura Croft when she saved Lee’s behind. Lee and Starbuck, together again — coming to NBC this fall. I dare say Starbuck could give Ellen Ripley a run for her money in the category of “hot chicks you don’t wanna fuck with.”

Damn! Was Adama pissed when Gaeta charged him with treason or what? I imagine once all this hullabaloo is over, Bill ain’t gonna be too forgiving to Mr. Gaeta. On a side note, I always felt Bill referring to Felix as “Mr. Gaeta” a little insulting. Wouldn’t it be more appropriate to call him Lieutenant? It’s almost as if Bill never really considered him a soldier.

“Blood on the Scales”

If not for “Hot Dog,” Laura might be space vapor. She barely landed on the Cylon base ship. Shrewd decision to hide amongst the fleet. Gaeta’s unwillingness to fire on the fleet was a huge mistake on his part. If he had, the base ship would be dust, and a powerful message would have been sent to the rest of the fleet: Don’t trifle with Felix Gaeta; he means business.

Man, Zarek is one bloodthirsty Vice President. Assassinating the Quorom of Twelve was hardcore, to say the least. You can’t leave the guy alone for two minutes without the body count rising. If only Gaeta shared Zarek’s us or them mentality, this spiraling out of control coup might have legs.

It was nice to see Romo Lampkin again, even if his role was limited. The half-assed trial of Adama was special. Gotta praise Bill for not backing down. He sat there and took it like a true leader should. Guilty as charged. Prepare to be executed, Admiral. Yeah, right. Nobody puts Bill Adama in the corner and shoots him. Nobody.

As expected, the Gaeta/Zarek plot took a dump. It was close at the end. Chief gets credit for the save by sabotaging the FTL drive. Nice to see Chief didn’t abandon his loyalties. Alas, one of the most ill-conceived rebellions in small screen history comes to an end. Bye, bye Felix. Bye, bye Tom.

“No Exit”

Anders took a bullet in the head last episode. I neglected to mention it because I forgot he was still on the show. At any rate, he’s filling in all the blanks about the history of Cylons. The Final Five created the skinjobs to stop war among the Centurions. The development of a human-like machine that believed in one true God seemed like a good notion. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out too well. Did the Five not peruse human history? We aren’t exactly a peace-loving species.

The origin of Ellen was cool. She’s basically the Queen bee among Cylons. She was the main creator. She developed resurrection technology. Really? And I thought she was just Saul’s ditsy whore of a wife. There is so much shit being stuffed into this chapter, I can’t keep track. It seems Ronald Moore knew he was running out of time and panicked.

Cavil and Ellen have issues. I loved his enraging speech about being trapped in a fallible human body. He’s no fan of religion, that’s for sure. Clearly, he represents the science side of things, while Ellen leans toward the spiritual. The revelations that Cavil murdered the Sevens and suffocated the Final Five were eye-opening. What a dick. He also let slip something about a “Colony” of Cylons. Hmm… I bet that’s not the last we hear of that.

Galactica is falling apart. It’s old. Chief’s magical Cylon goo seems like a temporary fix. I sense a last hurrah for the old girl soon. Perhaps a confrontation with the mysterious Cylon Colony is in store.

“Deadlock”

Great. A love triangle between Saul, Ellen and Caprica Six. Boring. This was more soap opera trash. Ellen is jealous. Caprica is freaking. Saul is confused. Blah, fucking, blah. The Cylon fetus dying was not surprising. I don’t care about any of this drivel.

Speaking of not caring, Gaius returned to his enclave. He’s playing Jesus again. Can someone crucify him, please? His story ran out of steam a long time ago. Even if he’s integral to the ultimate conclusion, I find his presence totally unnecessary.

Final Thoughts

“Blood on the Scales” was a good episode. The Ellen backstory was interesting. The rest was, meh. I just want it to be over at this point.

Photo Credit: Syfy

Quotations Marks – Psych is back. Back again. Psych is back. Tell your friends.

Ivey West — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 16:00:54 +0000

How can you not be stoked that USA’s Psych is back? I was so excited, I completely forgot one of the most quotable shows on television last week! Just because I love you guys, I mixed in last week’s quotes in with this.

What were your favorite quotes this week? Mine was from our very own Bob Degon, announcing some suspect news to the CliqueClack team:

“They’re remaking BSG… again… Oy.”

Psych

“Note to self: be rich one day.” — Shawn

“He’s allergic to rich, white people.” — Shawn, addressing Gus’ coughing to family of wealthy murder victim

“I hope you have a plan of how we’re gonna find this crashed plane. And I hope that plan doesn’t end up having us being eaten by a bear.” — Gus
“Don’t worry Gus. I have a secret weapon” — Shawn
“A larger bear-eating bear?” — Gus

“Here’s the thing, Robert: I am a psychic.” — Shawn
“We work for the Santa Barbara Police Department. We’ve solved over forty-seven cases. I’m also a pharmaceutical rep, if that means anything to you.” — Gus
“You’ve seen The Mentalist, right?” — Shawn
“Yes.” — Robert
“It’s like that.” — Shawn
“Except that guy’s a fake.” — Gus
“Right. If I were a fake psychic, it would be eerily similar.” — Shawn
“Exactly the same.” — Gus
“A virtual carbon copy.” — Shawn

“You guys believe in Karma, don’t you?” — Victim’s Daughter
“Yes we do, but only because we are Karma Chameleons.” — Shawn
“We come and go.” — Gus

“He then confessed to me that his billion-dollar hedge fund was a giant ponzi scheme.” — Burned investor
“Stop right there. I simply refuse to believe that Henry Winkler had anything to do with this.” — Shawn

Weeds

“Drop the pants; dunk the dean nuts.” — Doug to Dean, getting back at him for slamming his dick in a desk drawer last week

“I was gonna be a drug kingpin! I was gonna be Tony Montana! I got nothin’.” — Dean to Doug

“Stealing drugs from a drug lord. Bold. Hot.” — Andy to Audra, upon finding her stealing medical supplies from Esteban

“Doctor Teeth.” — Andy, claiming that he does indeed know some jazz musicians
“He’s a Muppet.” — Audra
“He’s a JAZZ Muppet.” — Andy

True Blood

“Spill no blood on your way out.” — Godric basically confirming we’ve (or at the least, most certainly I) got no clue what’s going on

“I gave you everything for a lie. You’re worse than Judas.” — Sarah
“Why, what did he do to you?” — Jason

“He’s your maker, isn’t he?” — Sookie
“Don’t use words you don’t understand.” — Eric
“You have a lot of love for him.” — Sookie
“Don’t use words I don’t understand.” — Eric

“I don’t know what you heard, but those were screams of pleasure!” — Hoyt

“I reckon I’ve already been to heaven … inside your wife!” — Jason

“I’m actually older than your Jesus. I wish I could have known him, but I missed it.” — Godric

“They say I sodomized a pine tree. Must be true … My pecker’s got all kinds of scratches on it.” — Mike Spencer

“I’m a cadet with the Light of Day Institute. I’m strapped.” — Jason

Better off Ted

“It’s like looking into some bizarre alternate universe where I can drive a bull and wear tall shoes with throwing stars attached to them.” — Phil

Leverage

“Pack your bags everyone, we’re going to D.C. to make news.” — Sophie
[Pause]
“That’s when you wanna….” — Nate
“Oh, that right there, yeah. Pack your bags everyone, we’re going to D.C. to make news! [walks away]” — Sophie
“…she’s walking into the closet.” — Nate

“Do I sound that creepy when I….?” — Nate
“Hell. Yes.” — Eliot

“These conspiracies aren’t real, right?” — Parker
“What do you mean?” — Eliot
“Like that one over there that says that all the major wars of the past fifty years are decided by members of The Council.” — Parker
“I’m not cleared to discuss that with you.” — Eliot
“Well you’re not a member of The Council, are you? Eliot? Eliot? Is he?” — Parker

“Loch Ness monster.” — Parker
“Loch Ness submarine.” — Haridson
“No!” — Parker
“Waters are cold and deep, it’s a perfect place for testing.” — Eliot
“Area 51.” — Parker
“True.” — Nate
“No, she said Area 51. 51.” — Hardison
“I’m sorry, false. It’s Area 52.” — Eliot
“Been there.” — Hardison
“Yup.” — Nate

The Closer

“I’m having a hard time getting this guy out of your box … That didn’t sound right.” — Dr. Terence to Brenda

Make It or Break It

“I feel like we’re trapped in a Coldplay song … which is its own level in Dante’s Hell.” — Not-Razor (Damon) to Emily

And Selections from the Virgin Diaries

Firefly

[Kaylee has expressed her belief that Simon doesn't swear]
“I swear… when it’s appropriate.” — Simon
“Simon, the whole point of swearing is that it ain’t appropriate.” — Kaylee

“[singing] The hero of Canton, the man they call ‘me’. [speaking] Eggs! The living legend needs eggs!” — Jayne

[upon seeing Serenity for the first time]
“Ship like this, be with you till the day you die.” — Malcom
“Because it’s a death trap.” — Zoe

Battlestar Galactica

“Athena tells me the upgrades should… triple the Fleet’s jump capacity.” — Helo
“Absolutely. And that’s conservative. Their technology-our technology, is way ahead of ours. Yours.” — the Chief
“Maybe you’d like a chart to keep it all straight?” — Tigh

“I don’t know anything about being a father.” — Hot Dog
“It sucks… except the parts that don’t.” — the Chief

Veronica Mars

“If college is a boy buffet, she’s got two full plates and a purse full of boys wrapped in napkin. Look at her … she’s like boynip.” — Mac about Parker

“The ’70s had the Hustle. The ’80s, the moonwalk. We have the faux-lesbian dance.” — Veronica, in a quote that’s sure to make Brett a happy man

House, MD

“[to Foreman] Not because you think I’m right. Its because you’re taking the safe route. You’re a wuss…. Don’t worry, you’re secret is safe with me [walks out the door]. Hey Wilson, guess what Foreman just did?!?” — House

“At the Boy who Cried Wolf, the wolf really does come. And he eats the sheep, and the boy, and the parents….” — House
“He doesn’t eat the parents.” — Chase
“He does when I tell it.” — House

Photo Credit: USA

Diary of a Battlestar Galactica Virgin – Gee, that was depressing

Scott Tunstall — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 16:00:25 +0000

Last I left you in my Battlestar Galactica virgin diary, the human/Cylon contingent discovered Earth. Everything appeared hunky-dory for the remainder of the human race. Too bad Earth had been nuked into oblivion, thus rendering it uninhabitable. Shit. These guys and gals and robots just can’t buy a break. Just when they started looking on the bright side, Ronald D. Moore yanked the carpet from beneath their feet. Oh well; they’re use to disappointment. I’m sure this resilient bunch turned their frowns upside down. No way would they fall into severe depression and lose all hope. Right? Uh … wrong.

“Sometimes a Great Notion”

So, the 13th Colony were all Cylons. And 2,000 years ago they destroyed each other. And Saul and Chief and Anders and Tory all remember living on Earth. And they recall their own deaths. Okay. I assume then that they were resurrected a couple thousand years later. If that’s the case, who/what resurrected them? It couldn’t have been Cavil, because he claimed not to know the identity of the Final Five. Was he lying? I’m confused.

Starbuck is dead — she found her own corpse. But she’s still walking and talking. What the hell is she? Even Leoben freaked out after seeing her dead body. Needless to say, she ain’t too mentally stable these days. Watching her set her remains ablaze was powerful stuff. Poor Starbuck; she hasn’t experienced much happiness in her life. Is she a harbinger of death, or a guiding light of hope? I’m still leaning toward the latter.

Speaking of unhappy — Dee blew her brains out. She didn’t take the news of Earth being a wasteland too well. I can feel her pain, but I never would have pegged her as a suicide; especially after kinda sorta reconciling with Lee. I guess it’s better to die with a smile on your face. Bye, bye Dee. I always liked her, even though she was underused.

Saul and Bill had another classic face-to-face. Interesting to see Saul talk Bill down from the ledge for a change. As usual, Michael Hogan and Edward James Olmos kicked ass in the scene. I can’t blame Bill for wanting to say sayonara; things aboard Galactica are unraveling fast. Oh, and Ellen is the fifth Cylon. I saw that one coming. She seemed like the most obvious choice. This should make for an explosive reunion with Saul.

“A Disquiet Follows My Soul”

This episode really sucked. It felt more like a soap opera than one of the final chapters in a great sci-fi drama. Saul and his Six are having a baby. What a joyous occasion. I thought Cylons couldn’t produce offspring. Is Saul’s seed different from the other models? Why do I get the feeling there is a miscarriage in their future? It wouldn’t be a surprise considering the dark turn the series has made.

Gaeta and Zarek are joining forces to take control of the government, and I could give a shit. Gaeta’s transformation from computer geek to bitter prick is boring, and not believable. Zarek is just too damn annoying for me to care what the hell he’s plotting. He’s a power-hungry malcontent. I get it. Hopefully, he and Felix will get blown out of an airlock for their betrayal.

More baby shit. Chief isn’t the father of his kid. Is this important? Because if it isn’t, I find the whole subplot completely unnecessary. The only noteworthy part of this pointless distraction is the revelation that cute-as-a-button Cally banged Hot Dog. What the fuck?! She must have been hard-up for some action. Evidently, she wanted to see how “hot” his “dog” really was. Rimshot!

Speaking of banging: It took four years, but Laura and Bill finally did the deed. Laura has turned batty as she nears death; she’s tossed her pile of pills, and has taken to running laps through the halls of Galactica. She wants to live a little before she kicks it. Makes sense. Maybe her renewed outlook will rub off on the rest of the morbid assholes moping around the ship. Things are bleak as bleak can be.

Final Thoughts

I predicted I wouldn’t enjoy the post-Earth installments. So far, I’m not impressed. The only storyline that remotely intrigues me is Starbuck’s. Gaius is behaving like a pot smoking David Koresh. My fingers are crossed that he meets the same fate as the Waco wacko. Despite my reservations, I shall trek on; I think I can make it through another seven episodes.

Photo Credit: Syfy

The Week In Clack – Paula quits, Paris on Supernatural, and Anna engaged

Brett Love — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 17:00:34 +0000

With the big TCA presentations going on, it’s been a pretty big week for TV news. However, all of the talk about what we can look forward to in the fall was trumped by one short little burst on Twitter, from Paula Abdul. She chose that unconventional venue to announce that she’s leaving American Idol. What does that mean for the show? With any luck, the beginning of a steady decline that ends in cancellation. Until we are visited by those glorious days, it looks like it will be business as usual.

Kara DioGuardi will be back. According to Mike Darnell, president of alternative at FOX, “Kara’s spitfire personality and sharp musical sensibility infused American Idol with a new energy last year.” Well, one man’s “spitfire personality” is another’s “bitchy haranguing.” Paula will be replaced during the auditions by a collection of pop stars. So far, that includes Katy Perry and Victoria Beckham. I like that idea, but I hope they’re ready. Those are some awfully crazy shoes to fill. It’s unclear what will happen once the competition begins.

Lots of non-Idol news, after the jump.

So You Think You Can Dance has a winner. I won’t spoil who it is, because it was just last night. You’ll have to click through the link to see, but you should click this link anyway. Liane Bonin at Hitfix does the best SYTYCD recaps.
Paris Hilton is going to guest star on Supernatural. Crap. I know, I know, you have to trust Kripke. And he’ll probably find a way to make it not suck out loud. But still….
Joss Whedon has a story for the next Dr. Horrible adventure. There’s not much more info available, but confirmation that the sequel is being worked on is good.
Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer went and got engaged. If that’s not enough, their show, True Blood, also hit another ratings high this week.
Laurence Fishburne’s character on CSI is getting a “makeover”. Yeah, that’ll do it. Unless that makeover includes some kind of Freaky Friday body swap with William Petersen, don’t look for a return to the Grissom numbers.
Bryan Singer is making a miniseries for Syfy. It’s a six hour tale revolving around doomsday prophesies involving the Mayan calendar and the year 2012. I love crazy Mayan conspiracy, so this one has potential.
NBC had a rough week at the TCAs. They spent most of their time talking in circles and avoiding actually answering questions. It prompted one critic to begin his inquiry with, “We’re sorry we keep asking questions that apparently we’re asking to the wrong people.”
Battlestar Galactica was named Program of the Year at the TCA awards. Big Bang Theory, Mad Men, Bryan Cranston, and Jim Parsons also took home awards.
“Good news everyone.” The OG Futurama cast has come to an agreement with the studio and will be part of the new episodes set to air next year.

Finally, the picture? That’s Katie Cassidy from the Melrose Place reboot coming this fall on CW. It has nothing to do with the news really, but isn’t it better than a picture of Paula Abdul?

Photo Credit: The CW

TV on DVD for July 28th – The Middleman!

Brett Love — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 15:00:45 +0000

Man, it’s a big week for DVD releases. I mean, really, who hasn’t been waiting for Charles In Charge Season 5 and that Knight Rider reboot? OK, maybe they’re not all blockbusters. But after that, the list is mighty impressive. You may find the shelves at your local DVD purveyor in danger of collapsing under all of the awesome. Joining The Middleman, we have Dollhouse, Doctor Who: Planet Of The Dead, Battlestar Galactica 4.5, and Torchwood: Children Of The Earth. Crikey. And that’s not all. There are even more releases, links, and me prattling on about all manner of nonsense, after the jump.

The Middleman: The Complete Series

This is the one I’ve been waiting for. If you haven’t seen it, I don’t even know how to explain the show. It’s just crazy. But crazy in that really good way. The cast is terrific and the writing is fantastic. There are so many clever references and gags that you can’t possibly catch them all on the first go. The only downside to this little gem of a show is that this is ‘the complete series.’ Damn. Of all the shows that have taken the one-season jack-boot to the crotch, this one was probably the most disappointing. And not just because the next script featured Wendy in the Slave Leia costume. Although, let’s be honest, that does factor in.

Dollhouse: Season 1 (Also available in Blu-ray)

Well, by this point we all know the story, right? The latest effort from Joss Whedon struggled mightily in the ratings department, but was somehow saved in the 11th hour (heh, yet Eleventh Hour wasn’t saved) to return in the fall. The show opened to mixed reviews, but most agree that business picked up toward the end of the season. The set also includes the unaired episode, “Epitaph One.” And really, if you haven’t seen that one, that alone is worth the price of admission.

Battlestar Galactica: Season 4.5

The epic conclusion to Ronald D. Moore’s re-imagining of Battlestar. Taken on the whole, in that big picture perspective, it truly is an amazing creation. To think that this show came from the original is almost laughable looking back now. Sure, the big finale was rather controversial, and people are still analyzing and talking about whether or not it actually worked. That’s the thing though, they’re talking about it. It’s the kind of show that even when you hit a rough spot, you want to keep watching, because you just don’t see TV like this very often.

Doctor Who: Planet Of The Dead (Also available on Blu-ray)

Ahhh, the Doctor, and his crazy U.K. television production schedule. I’m sure I’ll never understand the machinations behind the scheduling for each new series, or how they decide on when to do the specials, but at this point I just don’t care. I’ve long since been won over by the updated Doctor Who, and eagerly await each installment, whenever it happens to show up. This time, surprisingly enough, the Doctor is tasked with saving the world. I know! Fortunately, he has the aid of Lady Christina, played by Michelle Ryan. I was all for the idea of Lady Christina returning for a stint as the Doctor’s companion, but apparently that’s a no go. They haven’t ruled out the idea of her returning at some point in the future though. So we have that going for us, which is nice.

Also in stores today:

Torchwood: Children Of The Earth – If I ever meet Russell T. Davies, I may punch him for the evil deeds he’s done with regards to the Torchwood cast. That said, “Children Of The Earth” was a good 5 episode run.
Knight Rider: Season 1 – Season 1? You have to love the optimism. I joke about the show, but once they trimmed down the cast, it wasn’t bad.
Life On Mars: Series 1 – The OG Life On Mars from across the pond. See how it all started, and what went wrong with the reboot.
Early Edition: The Second Season – Just think of it as a FNL prequel. Coach Taylor in his carefree newsgathering days.
Charles In Charge: Season 5 – Don’t you want to know how it all ends? We know Jamie got that sweet life guard gig, and Buddy made those crazy Bibleman movies, but does Charles get into Princeton?
The Donna Reed Show: The Complete Second Season – More good family fun with the Stones.
The Judy Garland Show: Volume 1 – The first 13 episodes from the 26 episode run of her critically acclaimed variety show.
Armchair Thriller: Set 1 – Four installments from the British series. “How do ordinary people react when confronted by extraordinary circumstances?”
A Touch Of Frost – Season 14 – David Jason is back as Detective Jack Frost, with three new episodes.
Doc Martin: Series 2 – Think of it as House, if House had to go to work in a Cornish fishing village.
The Spectacular Spider-Man: The Complete 1st Season – Really, who doesn’t like Spidey?
The Red Hand Gang – I’m told it was hugely popular in the ’70s and ’80s, but I totally missed it. It sounds to me a lot like The Three Investigators, if that helps.

Photo Credit: ABC Family

Whoopi diagnosed by Romo Lampkin: serial contrarian

Guest Clacker — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 19:00:36 +0000

Long-time commenter bsgfan2003 (or Rosie, if you prefer) is back guest clacking for us today….

Much of my spare time is spent in mystic contemplation in the bathtub, very similar to a Battlestar Galactica hybrid in a goo tank. I ponder many mysteries like: Why do men shave their legs? (No good epiphanies yet), what is better than a young Clint Eastwood? (That’s easy, an older Clint Eastwood.) Tonight, I was thinking about Romo Lamkin’s (BSG) assertion that Apollo is a serial contrarian because he always takes up for the other side, much to the aggravation of everyone else.

I, myself, suffer the agonies of a serial contrarian. For example, I used to visit Perez Hilton’s site until he wore a Halloween costume mocking Jesus. After I saw that, I never went back to his site. Then, when he was recently punched in the face, and it became cool to hate him, and enjoy his misery, I felt really sorry for him. I found myself hoping that Carrie Prejean would reach out to him, to show him that it is biblically correct to show love, mercy and compassion.

Then, there was David Letterman, and his offensive remark about one of Sarah Palin’s children. I took Sarah Palin’s side. I’m a mother, too, and if someone attempted to wrong one of my children, I would be offended as well. (Just ask the woman who raised her fist to my son at a football game.) I resolved never to watch David Letterman’s show again. When the mob came calling for his job, the serial contrarian bloomed in me again. It did not seem just that the mob wanted to see his ear nailed to the public pillory, so everyone could spit on him.

Now, we have Whoopi, who is taking some heat for indulging the hoax conspiracy about the moon landing. I totally disagree with her, but I don’t think she’s nuts either. Whoopi is a serial contrarian too. I recall Whoopi taking up for Sean Hannity when she did not have to. She related a story about her infamous “Bush” joke. She said when all the Democrats deserted her, Sean Hannity stood up for her free speech. Whoopi always seems to be viewing things differently. Turning things over, looking at the other side.

Sine Qua Non (Without Which Not), is another fine quote from Battlestar Galactica. Perhaps it is a conceit of mine, but I believe we can’t live without the serial contrarians, those willing to look at the other side. So can we give Whoopi a pass? Please. Besides, her smile makes me happy.

Photo Credit: Syfy

The trouble with MacGuffins – BSG, Earth, and Cylons run amok

Bob Degon — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 16:00:01 +0000

The impetus behind this whole summer series for me was the final season of Battlestar Galactica. Now cut me some slack here. This article is going to make me come off as a hater, but I really did love the series. I enjoyed the final season, even though I thought the show really lost its way. The MacGuffin management, which the show excelled at early in its run, became clumsy, and (in the ultimate sin of a MacGuffin) took over the show.

The MacGuffins that I specifically want to discuss are the search for Earth and the Cylons.

Let’s start with the Cylons, because I see them as the most egregious sin. In general I liked the Cylons. I thought they were a great villain early in the series, and they became complex and even more interesting during the civil war plot line. The problem for me, however, came with the “final five.”

The reveal at the end of season three made for a great moment, but the execution and completion of the “final five” story line left me really disappointed. Over the course of the final season, the series seemed to be overtaken with the “final five” and their history. This wouldn’t have been such a problem, but their story was complicated, and frankly, I didn’t find it interesting at all. I thought it was bizarre and didn’t make a whole lot of sense that the skin jobs were created thousands of years ago, and somehow humans developed the same exact Cylons independently on another planet.

It seemed to me that so much of the final episodes were about the final five, trying to adequately explain their existence. Why did it have to be so boring? Was the best that the writers could come up with really just having Anders spout exposition for ten minutes? This was the most exciting way that the viewers could be informed about the Cylons’ history? Suffice it to say, I was disappointed. I won’t even go into the missing number seven that was practically dismissed in passing or the changing rules about resurrection.

I suppose the point that I’m trying to make is that the Cylons began as a villain, a driving force for the action of the show; a MacGuffin. By the end of the series, the show had degraded into “Days of our Cylons,” and while some may have enjoyed it, it didn’t work for me.

Then there is the whole Earth business. For the most part it was relegated to the background of the show, where I thought it belonged. I know it was supposed to be the one goal for the fleet, a symbol of hope for all the survivors. Frankly, though, I never thought the show needed Earth to succeed. In the end, I thought the reveal of Earth in the finale was more cheesy than it was effective. As soon as they landed and spotted cavemen walking around I giggled. Personally, I would have preferred something a little more open ended.

With Scott giving the final episodes of the series the Virgin Diary treatment, I’m really interested to see what he has to say about the finale. Looking back at the series as a whole, I still think it far exceeded so many shows on television and I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend it to friends, but I did feel a little let down. I wish that Ron Moore had taken his own advice and remembered that it was “about the characters,” and not focused so much on the things that I considered to be MacGuffins.

Photo Credit: SyFy

Diary of a Battlestar Galactica Virgin – Earth is found, but Earth sucks

Scott Tunstall — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 14:00:47 +0000

My brother warned me. He told me when I started watching Battlestar Galactica I would reach a point of “no mas.” He didn’t tell me when this would happen, but he assured me it definitely would. His sentiments seem to jive with most other die-hard fans of the series. As much as I’ve tried to conceal myself from any potential spoilers, bits and pieces of info have managed to seep into my consciousness. At any rate, last I left you, the Hybrid decided to jump the Base Ship with Laura and Gaius on board. Where did they go? I got my answer and many more in the final chapter of season 4.0.

“Sine Qua Non”

It’s mass hysteria among the fleet. The president is gone, Tom Zarek has assumed power, and the Quorum of Twelve is in a tizzy. Lee decides to search for an interim president with assistance from one of my favorite characters, Romo Lampkin. Romo seems a tad off-kilter to me. Despite his window, I think he’s going batty in his cramped quarters. When he pulls a gun on Lee and shows him the corpse of his dead kitty, I’m hardly surprised. Good episode for Jamie Bamber. The scene where he talks Lampkin down is well done. I’ve been critical of politician Lee, but giving him some meat to chew on might be the solution.

Saul questions the Six prisoner on the whereabouts of the Resurrection Hub. Only the Hybrid knows. Wait, the Six is knocked up? What the frak! Did I miss it and Saul doing the deed? I know he thinks it’s Ellen, but I don’t recall them banging. Maybe I wasn’t paying close enough attention. The Bill and Saul tussle was entertaining. I really like watching them together in scenes. They rarely disappoint.

Like Starbuck before him, Bill embarks on a perilous mission: To sit and wait for the Base Ship to jump back. He admits he can’t live without Laura. I quite enjoy the irony of him handing over command of Galactica to Saul the Cylon. Oh, if he only knew. Meanwhile, Lee becomes interim president. Saw that coming from a mile out. Who else would it be? I think I’ll like Lee as president. He’s better in a leadership role. Giving Lampkin a pooch was a nice touch. Lee really is, as Lampkin contends, “a beacon of hope.”

“The Hub”

Finally, I get to see what happened to the Base Ship. It’s on its way to destroy the Hub, as originally planned. The Hybrid is one panicky Pete. Although, I would be too if I had to listen to Laura and Gaius pepper me with stupid questions. Watching these two is like watching a bickering husband and wife argue about how to properly punish a child. It’s only fitting that Laura be the one to “save” a dying Gaius. Damn, I wish she let him kick. C’mon, he confesses to giving the access codes to the Cylons. Alas, Laura discovers love is the key to the survival of the human race.

Welcome back D’Anna. Her smashing Cavil’s face drew applause from me. The Cylon rebellion needs a leader, and she seems like the perfect choice. I have to say, I missed the Threes. They didn’t take shit from anyone. I can’t wait to see how D’Anna handles matters. I doubt she will be as trusting as the Six leader, or the Eights.

Helo, as ordered, takes D’Anna to Laura. I dig Helo. He’s one of the few humans who can rationally see things from both perspectives. He hates betraying the Eight, but he has no choice. Obviously, being married to Sharon has opened his eyes; however, he’s always struck me as someone who gets it. All this killing is counterproductive, and does nothing to advance the human race. Anyway, the Hub is nuked and the Base Ship jumps back to where Bill is waiting. At long last, he and Laura embrace and share a tender moment.

“Revelations”

And here is where I reach my “no mas” point. Ahem. D’Anna predictably takes the humans hostage. She wants the Final Four. Needless to say, they are a wee bit nervous upon her arrival on Galactica. Surprise, surprise, Tory willingly accepts the invite from D’Anna. She relishes breaking the news to Laura that she’s a Cylon. What a bitch. I really do hope she gets her comeuppance.

Saul is in a damn tight spot. He could convince Chief and Anders to leave, but that would be foolish. The annoying music has returned. It leads the three of them to Starbuck’s mysterious Viper. I knew that Viper was hinky. The moment I’ve been waiting for finally arrives. Saul reveals his true identity. Bill’s freak-out reaction is what I anticipated. Saul offering himself up as bait to stop D’Anna is right in line with his character. For all his faults, Saul is a man’s man, or a machine’s machine, if you prefer.

Needless to say, Starbuck learning Anders is a Cylon comes as a shock. At least she listened to his premonitions about the Viper. She could’ve ignored his Cylon ass, but to her credit, she investigates her phantom ship. A game of chicken is under way. D’Anna wants her Cylons. Laura and Lee realize giving them up means waving goodbye to Earth. Starbuck, once again, saves the day. Lee and D’Anna hold hands, and humans and Cylons all sing “Kumbaya.”

So, they jump to Earth. Hooray!! All the story-lines have been neatly tied up. The three-year search for a planet to call their own is over. Case closed. A great series comes to a rousing, and satisfying conclusion. What’s that sound? Oh, it’s the deafening screech of wheels falling off the happy bus. Earth is a post-apocalyptic wasteland devoid of life. Major bummer, dude.

Final Thoughts

Curse you, Syfy channel. Curse you Ronald D. Moore. You blew it! You had a golden opportunity to end on a high note, but you had to keep composing. Ugh. Why do I get the feeling I won’t like the direction season 4.5 heads? Begrudgingly, I shall soldier on.

Photo Credit: Syfy

TV in the Movies – Ten reasons why TV is better than the movies

Scott Tunstall — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 15:01:23 +0000

Fifteen years ago the chances I would write anything singing the praises of television were remote. I was a movie guy first, last, always. The ’90s was a banner decade for film. I won’t bore you with a list of great movies. If you follow the big screen at all, you know the titles. With the exception of Seinfeld and NYPD Blue, I pretty much ignored television during the ’90s. I’m sure there were other good shows, but I wouldn’t know.

Since the 21st century kicked off, I’ve changed my tune considerably. Television, for the most part, has usurped cinema as my go-to entertainment medium. Movies have lost their edge. They rely too much on overrated stars and overblown special effects to pull in audiences. This strategy may work at the box office, but the number of quality films has been in severe decline since 2000. Meanwhile, the TV product has dramatically improved.

Here are ten reasons why TV beats the movies:

10) It’s serialized – At least the shows I watch are. If I’m really into a narrative, I want more of it. I have thoroughly enjoyed the exploits of the survivors of Oceanic Flight 815 and the crew of 62 Truck over the last five years.

9) Multiple characters – Ensemble casts in movies work, but normally there are two to three central characters who get the majority of face time. Series like Lost and The Wire are able to ping pong between many disparate personae, which prevents matters from getting stale.

8) One bad apple doesn’t spoil the bunch – A shitty movie is a shitty movie. There’s no going back once you fork out your ten bucks. If your favorite series drops a couple clunkers, no biggie. Just wait until next week and everything will be hunky-dory.

7) Cliffhangers – Unless you’re in the middle of a trilogy, like The Empire Strikes Back, big screen cliffhangers are usually taboo. Being ambiguous is fine, but leaving the audience hanging in a stand alone flick would be career suicide for all those involved. Television can conclude an episode or a season with a whodunit with zero complaint.

6) Loyal fan bases – Lots of movies have avid followings, but I dare you to pick a fight with a Lost, Battlestar Galactica or Seinfeld loyalist. They will defend their show to the death should you utter a disparaging remark. I like that kinda attitude.

5) Cast turnover – How many actors appeared on ER during its forty-year run? I stopped watching after Clooney exited, but I was in the minority. No matter how many new faces showed up each new season, the series kept chugging along.

4) Killing a major character is cool – Imagine if Han Solo got whacked during the first ten minutes of Return of the Jedi. George Lucas would be more hated than he already is by the Star Wars faithful. Dispose of Detective Bobby Simone and the show goes on.

3) It’s recyclable – This applies to reality series like The Real World, Survivor and American Idol. A new season means a new set of characters, but if you’re a fan of these shows you’ll keep coming back for more. It’s the premise, not the cast that makes these types of series appealing.

2) Awful shows get canceled – If only horrendous cinema could get canceled, maybe we wouldn’t have been subjected to numerous mind-numbing Friday the 13th and Scary Movie installments.

1) Cable – Whether it’s HBO or FX, cable television has leveled the playing field with movies. Unfettered by the same restrictions as Network TV, cable has been able to produce excellent adult entertainment such as The Sopranos, The Wire, Nip Tuck (first two seasons), Rescue Me and Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Movies have taken some shots in recent years, but they’re not completely dead and buried. I’ll be back next week with some reasons why the big screen trumps its little brother.

Photo Credit: ABC

Diary of a Battlestar Galactica Virgin – Mutiny, and Starbuck goes all Jackson Pollock

Scott Tunstall — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 19:00:23 +0000

Where was I? Oh, yeah. Last I left you, Chief was still mourning cute-as-a-button Cally after she was blown out the airlock by evil Tory; Gaius was spewing his “God loves perfection, and since humans are perfect, God loves humans” jargon; Saul was hallucinating that Ellen was the Six prisoner; the Cylons were smack dab in the middle of a Civil War; and Starbuck and her ragtag crew of deep space explorers were still scouring the Universe for the elusive orb known as Earth. So far, I was digging the direction season four was heading. Do I still feel that way?

“The Road Less Traveled”

Chief got a buzzcut. He looks odd, but it’s not like he’s trying to impress anyone what with his wife a corpse and his one-true-love performing lap dances for Cavil. He does suspect foul play in Cally’s death. Of course, Tory is doing her bitchy best to throw him off the scent. Can’t really blame her. I imagine when/if Chief finds out what she did, he’ll throw her a beat down worse than the one he gave Cally.

Starbuck has gone Looney Tunes. She’s painting pretty, pretty colors all over the walls of her quarters. There’s a planet and some stars and a comet, or something. Art confuses me. My favorite Cylon, besides Six, is back: the always entertaining Leoben. He tells Starbuck the Cylons are at war and offers a truce. He then works his verbal voodoo on Kara and convinces her she’s an angel who will lead her people to salvation. Damn, Leoben is one smooth machine.

The idea of joining forces with the toasters doesn’t sit well with the crew. Uh oh. I smell a Crimson Tide mutiny aboard the Demetrius. Helo is taking over. This can’t be good, but what the hell is supposed to do? I mean Starbuck is out of her frakkin’ mind at this point. She wants them to go where, and do what? What we got here is one of them good ol’ fashioned pissing contests. I fear blood will be shed.

Ugh. Gaius the pious is still walking and talking. Could the writers at least give him a broken jaw. Now he’s got Tory beating the God drum. Even if she’s a spy, she appears to buying into his crap. Gaius even reaches out to console Chief. I am so glad Chief told him to frak off. Unfortunately, I have a feeling these two will make nice. Sigh.

“Faith”

Holy shit! Poor little Felix just got his leg shattered by a bullet from Anders’s gun. Sucks for him. All of this hullabaloo and Starbuck and Sharon end up jumping to Leoben’s base ship anyway. That figures. At least her manic scribblings came to fruition. So the base ship was the comet. I see. Starbuck’s chat with the Hybrid was puzzling. Will she lead humans or Cylons to their deaths? Because if it’s humans, I’d stop following this nutty broad.

Lots of Cylon interaction going on. Sharon meets her “sisters” and looks creeped out. I wouldn’t mind a dozen or so Eight models hanging at my place. I’m sure we could keep ourselves occupied. The Six leader is the shit, by the way. She whacks one of her own as compensation for “it” killing Barolay. An eye for an eye. No wonder these Cylons broke away from the pack. They act just like humans.

I feel awful for Laura. Seeing her pallid and bald is sad. I guess only fetal blood can cure her cancer. I’m sure that was explained somewhere and I missed it. Regardless, she has to fill her role as dying leader if the ancient prophecies are to come true. How about her wacky visions? First the The Opera House, now her Barbara Bush lookalike dead mother. Weird, wild stuff, folks.

Man, the destination Earth bandwagon just got a lot more crowded. Leoben’s base ship and Starbuck’s gang are ready to roll. They’ll have some serious ’splainin′ to do when they jump back to the fleet.

“Guess What’s Coming to Dinner”

What an appropriate title for this episode. Easy, but clever. Surprise, surprise, the base ship jumps without the Demetrius. Luckily, Saul’s Cylon sense saves the day. I love the look on Adama’s face after Saul issues his weapons hold command. “What the frak are you doing you drunk bastard?” had to be running through his head. Saul seems to be taking his new identity in stride. He has to lose it sometime, right?

The Six leader lays it all out in the open: the war, the rebellion, the boxed Three model, the whole kit and kaboodle. She even offers up the Resurrection ship. She and the rest want to feel mortality. Crazy. Her revelation that the final five Cylons are in the fleet has got to cause some wandering eyes. I for one would be freaked my neighbor might be a frakkin’ toaster. One eye open and a pistol under my pillow. Every night.

Hey look, it’s Lee. I knew I wouldn’t like him in a suit. He’s trying to stay relevant, but it’s not working. I don’t give a shit how he feels about Laura sharing visions with Cylons. Climb back into a Viper and maybe I’ll pay attention. Hell, I care more about Gaius at this stage of the game.

This ending ruled. The Six leader wanted to feel death, but probably not so soon. Sharon blowing her away came as a complete shock. I liked the Six big time. She even had a change of heart about double-crossing the humans. Damn, this sucks. Then the Hybrid jumps with Laura and Gaius aboard. Where the hell did it go? Back where it came from? To the Cylon fleet? I’ll have to wait for my answer.

Final Thoughts

The pieces to this massive puzzle are beginning to come together. I’m still not sure any of the Cylons can be fully trusted. And what is the deal with the mysterious Opera House? I still can’t make heads or tails of its meaning. Well, time to slide the last disc of Season 4 into the top of my Netflix queue.

Photo Credit: Syfy

Quotations Marks – Keith and Veronica Mars banter like rock stars

Ivey West — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 20:00:27 +0000

I do have to admit. I’m a bit jealous Bob. I’ve been a Veronica Mars fan for day one, so its definitely one of those shows that I wish I could go back and watch fresh. One of the best parts of putting together this post is getting to cull through quotes from the Virgin Diary reviews, and Veronica Mars is always one of the best reads.

Better Off Ted

“A machine that causes vomiting… that could have all kinds of applications for the military… and fashion modeling.” – Ted

The Colbert Report

“I also express anger through cheering and applause. It’s like my left hand is Al Franken and my right hand keeps slapping him.” – Stephen Colbert

True Blood

“You surprise me, and that is a rare quality in a breather.” – Eric
“You disgust me.” – Sookie
“Perhaps I’ll grow on you.” – Eric
“I prefer cancer.” – Sookie

The Closer

“No, I don’t want to be one of those women who puts her cat in a urn … on the mantle with a ribbon and a bell. I want to find some other way to properly honor Kitty.” – Brenda as she moves Kitty’s ashes to a Tupperware container

Selections from the Virgin Diaries

Supernatural

“Don’t you recognize me? Oh, I forgot, I’m wearing a pediatrician.” – Alastair the demon, to Dean

“An angel and a demon riding in the back seat. It’s like a setup to a bad joke. Or a penthouse forum letter.” – Dean, driving with Anna and Ruby in the backseat of his car

“Sam, TMI.” – Dean, to Sam when he told Dean that he and Ruby slept together
“I told you I was coming clean.” – Sam
“But now I feel dirty.” – Dean

Veronica Mars

“Afternoon delight? Ooh, considerably better than fifth period English.” – Logan
“Ugh, you need to not remind me you’re in high school. There’s an ‘ick’ factor.” – Kendall
“Is that so?” – Logan
“Yeah. School in general? Not very hot. Unless I’m wearing a naughty school girl uniform. Then it’s very hot.” – Kendall
“I’m sure it would be, for the ten seconds you had it on.” – Logan

“So, senior year. How was your first day at school honey?” – Keith
“Great! I beat up a freshman, stole his lunch money and then skipped out after lunch.” – Veronica
“What, no pre-marital sex?” – Keith
“Oh, yeah … yes. But don’t worry dad, I swear you’re gonna like these guys.” – Veronica
“That’s my girl.” – Keith

“Hey Dad!” – Veronica
“Yeah honey.” – Keith
“If I know the name of a business how do I find out the names of it’s shareholders?” – Veronica
“You get the strangest homework in health class.” – Keith

X-Files

“You got a brother, don’t you, Scully?” – Mulder
“Yeah, I’ve got an older one and a younger one.” – Scully
“Well, have you ever thought about calling one of them all day long and then all of a sudden the phone rings and it’s one of them calling you?” – Mulder
“Does this pitch somehow end with a way for me to lower my long distance charges?” – Scully

Battlestar Galactica

“No, no no no. Hey, no. Kara, no. Listen to me. If you’re a Cylon, then you’ve been one from the beginning.” – Anders
“Like Boomer. Spend my entire life thinking I’m one thing….” – Starbuck
“…And then you wake up one day and discover you’re another. Still doesn’t change who you really are. Still doesn’t change the fact that I love you, no matter what.” – Anders
“You are a better person than I am because if I found out that you’re a Cylon I’d put a bullet between your eyes.” – Starbuck

“A what? A miracle? Is that what you want to call this? Go ahead,say it. Grab your piece of the golden arrow. I want to hear admiral atheist say that a miracle happened.” – Laura
“You shot at her and missed at close range.” – Adama
“Doloxan fraks with your aim.” – Laura
“So does doubt.” – Adama

House

“Like I always say, there’s no ‘I’ in ‘team.’ There is a ‘me,’ though, if you jumble it up.” – House

“So your philosophy is, ‘If they don’t want treatment, they get it shoved down their throat, but if it might cure their paralysis, whoa, better slow down.’” – Wilson
“Yeah. My old philosophy used to be ‘Live and let live,’ but I’m taking this needlepoint class and they gave us these really big pillows.” – House

“You know, in some cultures, it’s considered almost rude for one friend to spy on another. Of course, in Swedish, the word ‘friend’ can also be translated as ‘limping twerp.’” – Wilson

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

“Oh, Will, you’re supposed to use your powers for good!” – Buffy
“I just wanna learn stuff.” – Willow
“Like how to build your own serial killer?” – Cordelia
“Uh, it’s so hard to rent one nowadays.” – Xander

Photo Credit: The CW

Diary of a Battlestar Galactica Virgin – Starting with season four

Scott Tunstall — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 19:00:18 +0000

Technically, this is more along the lines of a born-again virgin diary. I had a grand plan to watch and review Battlestar Galactica from the start, but I blew it by voraciously attacking the first two seasons worse than Kirstie Alley attacks a buffet. Wocka, Wocka, Wocka! By the time I awoke from my week long DVD viewing marathon, I was on the first disc of season three. Hey, blame Ronald D. Moore for creating such a damn compelling series. At any rate, I’m beginning this diary with what BSG fans tell me is the “all is revealed” season. We shall see.

As season three concluded, there was plenty to talk about. Gaius was a free man, Laura’s cancer returned, Lee quit the military, Starbuck came back alive, and the identities of four Cylons were revealed. Whew! That’s a lot to digest. Enough of my rambling. It’s time to pop some season four cherry.

“He That Believeth in Me”

A full-scale Cylon vs Human space war is a great way to kick things off. So, Anders’ stare down with a Raider causes the toasters to retreat. Hmm. How the hell is he going to explain that one? It makes sense, though. I’m sure the Raiders are programmed to recognize their own kind. Speaking of the “four.” They aren’t hearing “All Along the Watchtower” anymore. Good. I hope I never hear it again. I found its use as a motif silly. Although, I’m pretty sure I haven’t heard the last of it.

Starbuck has no memory of being gone for two months. Her Viper is brand new. The nav computer contains no data. Come on, she’s dead, right? Or at the very least some sort of angel. With all the religious mumbo jumbo dominating the plots, it’s only fitting she’s back to lead the human race to salvation. However, holding a gun to Laura’s head won’t exactly ingratiate herself with the masses.

Gaius Baltar needs to just go away already. I loved the dude when he was a philandering douchebag. Now he’s the philandering leader of a religious cult comprised mostly of nubile women. I can’t fault him for accepting the crown, but he’s turning into a King of Fools. He asks God to save the dying kid, and surprise, surprise, the kid lives. Gaius needs to be the center of attention. I get it. But the whole “Jesus” routine is getting old.

“Six of One”

First off, Katee Sackhoff absolutely killed it in this episode. Starbuck is really losing her shit. Her confrontation with Adama was intense. Her liplock with Lee was long overdue. It’s a shame those two kids just can’t find a way to work things out. She has to love herself before she can love anyone else, and I doubt that’s ever going to happen. Especially, since she’s dead.

The Cylon rebellion angle intrigues me. Boomer continues to be a bitch-on-metal-wheels. Six giving Centurions the power to reason was an astute power play. I dig it when Cavil gets pissed, and he is none too happy. War among the Cylons will put a serious damper on their plans to crush humanity.

I have a feeling I will not like Lee as a politician. The dude rocked as the lovelorn space jockey. A suit and tie, really? Meh. It seems like the writers don’t know what to do with his character. Gaius is Jesus. Starbuck is the key to finding Earth. Laura is dying again. Saul, Chief and Anders are Cylons. By comparison, Lee’s foray into the world of politics is boring.

“The Ties That Bind”

Once I realized Cally was the central figure in the episode, I knew she was a goner. It reminded me of when Kat bought it back in season three. Tory is becoming a major problem. First she hops in the sack with Gaius, now she’s blowing chicks out of airlocks. I suspect Chief won’t be thrilled when and if he discovers she whacked his wife. Tory is hot, but not very likable.

Here’s my issue with Starbuck getting her own ship to find Earth. Adama gives her Anders, Helo, Sharon, Gaeta, Hotdog and a bunch more of his best warriors for what could be a suicide mission. I’m sure it won’t turn out that way, but if I was an Admiral, I wouldn’t hand over that many quality soldiers. Just a thought.

Six continues to be a nudge. Taking over Cavil’s ship with aid from the Centurions was bold, indeed. Watching the so-called superior machines resort to human like behavior makes me giddy. Despite all their technological advancement, the toasters just can’t get along. When you model a machine after a flawed being, can you really expect them to be any different? I think not.

“Escape Velocity”

What a trippy episode. Chief’s goodbye to Cally was tough. I liked the Cally character and wish she had been utilized more. I’m probably in the minority. Chief is not in a good place. His admission to still being hung up on Boomer was a little shocking. I wonder if his still strong feelings for Boomer has anything to do with both of them being Cylons. Or is he just overcome with grief?

Gaius is officially the King of Dogville. Ugh. I wish the thugs who invaded his enclave would have chopped off his annoying head. His “love yourself” and “we are all perfect in God’s eyes” spiel is mind-numbing. Does he really believe what he’s preaching, or is he just placating his followers? With Gaius, I can never tell. Again, I used to like the cat, but now I wish he would die a horrific death.

Saul’s got a thing for the Six prisoner. He’s even hallucinating that she’s Ellen. Hmm. Could Ellen be the fifth Cylon? It could be anyone, I suppose, but I have a suspicion we haven’t seen the last of Ellen. Her sudden arrival on Galactica always bothered me. In other news, Tory has turned into a sexual freak. Nice. She’s eating up Baltar’s loins and his religious ramblings. For my money, these two are a perfect match.

Final Thoughts

Overall, I am liking the direction of season four. Will Starbuck find Earth? How will the Cylon rebellion play out? Are Chief, Saul, Anders and Tory capable of keeping their true identities a secret? Will anyone do me a favor and kill Gaius? So many questions. Such is life as a kinda sorta Battlestar Galactica virgin. Until next time….

Photo Credit: Syfy

Open Letter – What happened to eventful Event Television?

Ivey West — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 17:00:49 +0000

Dear Network Television,

I’m finally getting around to watching the second half of NBC’s Impact that aired this past Sunday. I will admit, this was definitely one of those circumstances where I started watching the first installment because there was nothing on. The cast helped, as I’m a fan of both David James Elliott (from JAG) and Natasha Henstridge (specifically because of Eli Stone). Plus, Steven Culp. How can you not like Steven Culp?

In case you hadn’t heard, the movie was pretty bad. Its a shame, though, because in today’s pantheon of pop culture, we really needed another asteroid movie (Yes, I know in this, it’s technically the moon … But you get my drift, right?). I’m not going to say that Impact outright stole story elements from Deep Impact or Armageddon, but … Wait, yeah, I totally am. We had the tearful goodbye scene in mission control, the guy stuck on the rock sacrificing himself to save them all. All of the tropes were there. But it didn’t need to steal to be bad. I won’t even talk about the American Boy Scouts that find a meteorite, and the scientists from Berlin that they show it to (well, I guess I just did). The movie was My Mother the Car kinds of bad.

But was it so long ago that mini-series and Made for TV movies were a much different fare? Historically, you’ve got titles like Roots, V, Shogun, North and South…. The list could quite literally go on forever. My all time favorite mini-series was Stephen King’s The Stand, which did an admirable job telling such an epic story. Shorter form standouts include The Day After and Duel. I remember being just a little freaked out by the War of the Worlds-inspired Without Warning which CBS aired in 1994.

The quick answer to where all of the good material has gone is a a familiar one, if you’ve heard me ramble before. Predictably, they’ve gone to cable. My all time favorite television anything was HBO’s Band of Brothers (read Scott’s superb CliqueClack Flashback) but they get credit for Generation Kill, And the Band Played On, From the Earth to the Moon, Angels in America, and Recount. Just to prove that the premium networks aren’t carrying the whole load, basic cable has given us the likes of Joseph and Into the West (TNT), Battlestar Galatica (Sci-Fi/Sky One), and … well, OK, HBO really does rule the roost here.

If they can get it done on Cable, then I don’t understand why the broadcast networks can’t get in the game, too. Yes, money is an issue. Band of Brothers cost in the neighborhood of $125m to make eight years ago, and its companion piece, The Pacific, is reported to be in the $250m range. But you don’t have to spend a ton of money to make a quality product. You do, however, need to find these projects and foster their growth.

What you need to do is get away from the idea of movies like Impact, or limited runs of stuff like Superstars or Million Dollar Password. Give me something that I actually want to watch, not that I get stuck watching because nothing else was on a Sunday night, and my XBox 360 is broken.

Sincerely,

Dorv

Photo Credit: ABC

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