I’ve mentioned before that I’m an old-school massively-multiplayer online game player (or, at least, I was). So I sort of keep up with gaming news and such because — as much as I try to get away from it — it just … keeps … pulling … ME … BACK IN! Yet, the idea of a Battlestar Galactica MMOG doesn’t excite me one bit.

Alright, so this game is only a crappy idea if we’re talking about basing it on the entire re-imagining of BSG. The last Battlestar Galactica series was a complete story, so putting people into that world seems pointless; as much as we want to forget it, we know how that ends. Though, I guess you could say the same thing about games based in World War II, as people still play as the Axis in those games, even though the Allies kicked the crap out of them.

The way this game could work is if it was based before the television series started, during the Cylon War. At least in that case there’s plenty of room for action and new characters, whereas if the game is restricted to zipping around space looking for Earth, there’s not much room to stray from the story. Imagine having to play through some of those dull episodes? Eesh. You could still have NPCs appearing in a game based on the Cylon War who are familiar to us — like a younger Adama and Tigh, for starters — which could be a cool element.

Something tells me, though, that my hopes for a Cylon War-based game will be dashed. You’ll be able to play this thing on Syfy’s website sometime this summer … ugh, a browser-based MMOG? This can’t get any worse.

What would you like to see come out of a MMOG based on Battlestar Galactica?

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Earlier today I listened in on a conference call with one James Marsters, as he will be starting a five episode stint on Caprica starting in tomorrow’s episode. Unfortunately, as is usual with these big conference calls, there’s not a whole lot of interesting stuff to reveal here from that call. He’ll be in five episodes, then there will be a hiatus, and maybe he’ll be back for more. That’s about it.

So, I’m going to do something a bit different here. See, I just finished watching the second and final season of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles as part of some … research (those following this site might have some idea of what I’m trying to do there). I had given up on the show toward the end of the first season, but fellow writer and bro-in-law Bob Degon convinced me that the show got really, really good. And, despite the show’s horrific ratings and inevitable demise, he was right — it kicked ass.

The point where I drew comparisons between Caprica (and Battlestar Galactica) and T:TSCC was the introduction of the cyborg-ized John Henry (Garret Dillahunt). Up until this point in the show, there wasn’t much to go on with regards to the Terminator technology and what makes them tick, other than the one protecting John Connor (Thomas Dekker), Cameron (Summer Glau). Once John Henry entered the picture, though, that’s where this T-888 put Cylons to shame.

If you haven’t seen T:TSCC, John Henry is basically a previously “lobotomized” (for lack of a better word) T-888 cyborg who, without his head chip, was pretty much a lump of junk. James Ellison steals the body away to ZeiraCorp, a mysterious company who has the pre-SkyNet computer known as “The Turk.” So, without his head chip, ZeiraCorp’s techs simply plug a fat wire into the T-888’s head from Turk and, voila, he has a brain again. However, since he’s wired to the computer he can’t leave the room, and, since this is a new brain, he doesn’t have the terminating tendencies he had before, and is basically like a child learning about the world that exists beyond the room he sits in.

Throughout the Terminator franchise, both in movies and TV, we never got a true picture of what moved the technology to rid the planet of humans (though I haven’t seen the latest movie yet). Damn, these machines were angry! What led them to hate us or think we were such a threat? John Henry’s interactions with James Ellison (Richard T. Jones), and sometimes with little Savannah Weaver, are what really get the ball rolling, with some fantastic, philosophical machine-to-man conversations.

Take this one from the episode “Adam Raised a Cain”:

John Henry: The human brain is an amazing computer. Its raw clock speed is 20 billion calculations per second. Its storage is functionally infinite. But it’s flawed.
James Ellison: How’s that?
John Henry: There’s no way to download it when you die.
James Ellison: Not exactly, no.
John Henry: Your Bible solves this problem by introducing a concept of Heaven.
James Ellison: Yes.
John Henry: Billions of souls with no bodies.
James Ellison: Okay.
John Henry: [Gesturing towards his server farm] Yet all this required simply to process the unique entity you call John Henry.
James Ellison: Yes.
John Henry: It’s possible the Heaven has a hardware problem.
James Ellison: It’s not that simple.
John Henry: I need to know what my brother is thinking, Mr. Ellison. I need to know what he plans to do. I don’t want to die again.

“Billions of souls with no bodies.” A chilling hint toward the ultimate outcome of SkyNet — it’s much easier to fix the “hardware problem” of no body for a computer than it is to put a bodiless, human soul in one.

It could be argued that the whole notion of downloading upon death came from BSG, though science fiction cultists will tell you that this idea came well before either series, in book form. And here’s another, from “Earthlings Welcome Here”:

James Ellison: Human beings aren’t like chess pieces. It matters if we live or die.
John Henry: Why does it matter? All humans die eventually.
James Ellison: Yes, that’s true. But our lives are … are sacred. Do you know what ’sacred’ means?
John Henry: Holy. Worthy of respect. Venerable.
James Ellison: Do you know why human life is sacred?
John Henry: Because so few humans are alive compared to the number that are dead?
James Ellison: No. Because we’re God’s creation. God made everything — the stars, the earth, everything on this planet. We are all God’s children.
John Henry: Am I God’s child?
James Ellison: That’s one of the things we’re here to talk about.

Short scenes, but man did it make me want to see more. This was the kind of philosophical banter I would have liked to have heard on BSG, and even better that it’s rather simplistic in its delivery … who wants to try to figure out what the frak people are saying at 10 PM on a Friday night?

Caprica is still young, so as long as it’s given the chance to do so, it has time to dive into those questions of God(s) and who deserves to live, die, and live again. It’s just a shame T:TSCC wasn’t given a chance beyond the two seasons it was given, because I really wanted to see more. Thanks for letting me rant a bit about that here. Now I’ll end with a great scene from one of the last episodes of the series:

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Yes, I’ve decided to blow the dust off my old column from the days of Battlestar Galactica and bring it back for Caprica — the name still works! At first I wasn’t so sure I’d be picking up this show, but each episode has definitely been interesting, to say the least. So, unless the show takes a drastic downward tumble in my book, the Frakkin’ Clack is back!

In a comment in my latest review of the show, long-time commenter bsgfan2003 pointed out a post over on io9 about a rumor/speculation/spoiler about the path Caprica may be taking this season. Let me warn you before I discuss this that it’s potentially a BIG spoiler, but it’s also one that, if true, could really become a “Blow the Hatch” moment for the series.

The speculation mentioned in the i09 post says this: what if little Bill Adama is not the Bill Adama who later commands the Battlestar Galactica?

Wait now … What?!

Yes, you heard me. What if little Willie Adama, the last person left in papa Joseph’s family, is suddenly — and most likely tragically — taken away from him? First of all, for anyone not having already read this rumor, seeing an episode where little Bill dies would certainly cause people to sit bolt upright on their couches. If he’s dead, then how the frak can this be the guy we saw in BSG? The answer: it’s not the same person.

According to the rumors, Joseph Adama has a pretty rocky road ahead of him, and he’s going to be facing some pretty nasty stuff in coming episodes. Nothing could be more nasty than him losing his son. Then, apparently, Joseph could remarry and have another son who he also names William. If that’s the case though, I have to imagine we wouldn’t see the “new” Bill Adama until much later in the series. I’m not sure I could picture Joseph having another child so soon after losing two, but I could be wrong.

From io9: “Supporting info includes the fact that Willie’s eyes are the wrong color, and Admiral Adama’s dossier in “Hero” said his mother was “Evelyn” not “Shannon.” (And we just met an Evelyn, the law clerk.)”

If this is true, it really could be the moment when viewers say the show Blew the Hatch. I will say that shaking things up like that in this series couldn’t hurt.

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FOX has been waiting all season to drop the big hammer, and the time has finally come. Idol returned last week, and the ripple effect of adding over 20 million viewers to Tuesday and Wednesday was felt by a number of shows, but not all of them. Despite Idol adding some 24 million viewers to the numbers that So You Think You Can Dance was delivering, Gibbs and his NCIS team still managed to garner 20.85 million viewers of their own.

FOX - In what was no surprise to anyone, Idol returned to huge numbers on Tuesday (29.94m/11.8) and Wednesday (26.39m/10.1). That was a pretty substantial drop for episode 2, but it’s hard to complain about anything approaching those numbers. Things were great earlier in the week as well. Fueled by a playoff football lead-in, The Simpsons (14.62m/6.9), and the Simpsons Anniversary Special (11.43m/5.5) had big numbers as well. The Cleveland Show (8.14m/3.8) finished up a very successful Sunday.

Monday, House (12.25m/4.6) was back, down a bit, but still very strong and finishing first in viewers and demo for the hour. Fringe (7.72m/2.8) got a shot following House on Monday, and matched what Lie To Me has been doing there. Another episode, in the regular Thursday (6.6m/2.6) spot continued to show slow growth in the demo, which is a good sign. That followed a very nice performance from Bones (10.75m/3.3) that took first in both measures. Dollhouse (2.09m/.8) finished the week on Friday.

CBS - The week started slowly, with only Cold Case (10.38m/1.9) offering a new episode on Sunday. Things picked up quickly on Monday, with How I Met Your Mother (9.77m/3.9), Accidentally On Purpose (8.43m/3.1), 2 ½ Men (17.27m/5.4), Big Bang Theory (15.82m/5.7), and CSI: Miami (13.7m/3.7) combining to make the network number one for the night by 3 million viewers and half a demo point.

As mentioned earlier, NCIS (20.85m/4.3) held up amazingly well when faced with Idol, dropping only half a million viewers and a tenth of a demo point over the previous week. That variance is completely within the norm, as the 12/15 episode finished with 20.69m/4.3. NCIS: LA (15.6m/3) took a bit more of a hit, but that’s still a solid number. The Good Wife (13.87m/3), fresh off a second season order, was strong as well.

There was a bit of a stumble on Wednesday, as Old Christine (5.97m/1.8) and Gary Unmarried (5.6m/1.9) saw drops against Idol. Fortunately, those were short lived as Criminal Minds (13.9m/3.8) and CSI: NY (14.03m/3.5) were both on pace. Thursday, CSI(15.33m/3.3) continued it’s post-Grissom struggles, and was once again beaten by The Mentalist (15.38m/3.4) in viewers and demo. Finally, Friday brought another easy win for the night, courtesy of Ghost Whisperer (8.63m/2.2), Medium (9.01m/2.2), and Numb3rs (9.52m/2.2).

ABC – The Sunday night lineup was just off the usual pace with Extreme Makeover (10.55m/3.3), Desperate Housewives (14.03m/4.7), and Brothers & Sisters (10.45m/3.5), but still strong. Monday was also successful, with The Bachelor (10.5m/3.6) and Castle (9.47m/2.6). The 2.6 for Castle is particularly encouraging, as that’s better than many of the weeks following Dancing With The Stars.

Tuesday, as has become the norm, it all went to hell. Better Off Ted (2.17m/.8), Scrubs (2.72m/1.2), and Better Off Ted (2.5m/1) did not hold up well versus Idol. The Forgotten (4.33m/1.2) finished the night at the usual disappointing levels. The Wednesday comedies, The Middle (5.95m/2.1), Modern Family (7.83m/3.3), and Cougar Town (7.27m/3.1) were also down against Idol, though still competitive in their slots. Ugly Betty (4.4m/1.6) continued to struggle in her new Wednesday digs.

There was more good news on Thursday, with Grey’s Anatomy (12.78m/4.8) and Private Practice (10.96m/4.2) both topped their hours in the demo. The week finished with Supernanny (5.39m/1.6), Shark Tank (4.44m/1.6), and 20/20 (5.41m/1.5) on Friday.

NBC - Chuck got the week off to a nice start. The return of everyone’s favorite spy team on Sunday (7.45m/2.9) marked the best numbers for the show since the post-Superbowl 3-D episode. The news was good on Monday (7.36m/2.6) as well. That still makes for a fourth place finish, but it is above where Chuck finished last season, and well above what Heroes has been managing Mondays at 8. Speaking of Heroes (4.72m/2.1), the move back to 9 didn’t offer any help.

Tuesday, The Biggest Loser (8.12m/3.2) took a substantial hit from Idol, dropping 3.5 million viewers and .6 in the demo.Wednesday’s lineup of Mercy (5.85m/1.5) and SVU (7.65m/2) was off the pace as well. Community (5.42m/2.4) and Parks & Recreation (4.63m/2.1) were both down in viewers on Thursday, despite Bones being the only new competition. Although, it is worth noting that Community topped both episodes of 30 Rock (5.12m/2.3 – 4.98m/2.3), which just doesn’t hold up when it doesn’t have The Office for a lead-in.

Friday, Law & Order (7.13m/1.4) and Dateline (7.75m/1.7) wrapped things up. I could give you the details on Leno, but isn’t it really enough to know that the show has been canceled?

CABLE - There were a number of premieres on cable last week, including Big Love (1.73m/.8), Southland (1.98m/.7), Leverage (3.69m/1.3), Archer (1.82m/.9), and Project Runway (2.94m/1.3). The other curious bit from the cable numbers came from Battlestar Galactica: The Plan (1.02m/.4). I’m going to assume that the low numbers can be chalked up to people having already seen it on DVD.  Other cable numbers of note:

• Secret Life Of The American Teenager (3.11m/1.2)
• Make It Or Break It (2.08m/.7)
• Men Of A Certain Age (2.87m/1)
• Nip/Tuck (1.96m/1)
• Ax Men (2.48m/1)
• Pawn Stars (1.92m/.7)
• Dirty Jobs (1.85m/.8)
• Howe & Howe Tech (1.42m/.7)
• Man vs Wild (1.5m/.6)

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Battlestar Galactica is long gone … well, actually, The Plan premieres on TV this coming Sunday, but you’ve all seen that, right? We all know what’s next: Syfy’s Caprica, which premieres January 22nd @ 9PM. We’ve done a preview/review of the pilot episode/movie already, and now we’re going to give away some stuff to our readers!

To enter our giveaway, simply comment on this post below with something Battlestar Galactica or Caprica related. We’ll pick two random comments to this post. One will receive a Caprica DVD and Caprica t-shirt, pictured above. The other will receive just the t-shirt.

Entries to this giveaway must be made by Friday, January 15th at 5 PM ET. We’ll pick two winning comments completely at random and alert the winners in the coming weeks (make sure your spam filters allows @cliqueclack.com addressed email!) Only one entry per person and you must have a valid U.S.-based mailing address. Not following these guidelines voids your entry. Good luck!

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• Battlestar Galactica: The Complete Series: 50% off (single seasons are also at least 50% off each!)
• Saturday Night Live – The Complete Fourth Season: 71% off ($19.99) — seasons one, two and three are also highly discounted
• Psych: The Complete Third Season: 55% off
• The Complete Monty Python’s 16 Ton Megaset: Flying Circus: 57% off
• Arrested Development – The Complete Series (Seasons 1, 2, 3): 55% off

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On the FIRST day of Christmas, CliqueClack gave to me: one year of witty posts and awesome commenters. Or, one legitimate Heroes death, if you’re not all that jazzed up about us as we are.

On the FIRST DAY AND A HALF of Christmas, NBC gave to me: 1.5 hours of SNL that we wish we could take back from almost every Saturday night.

On the SECOND day of Christmas, FOX gave to me: two American Idols: Adam Lambert and the actual winner.

On the THIRD day of Christmas, ABC gave to me: three great new comedies on Wednesday night with The Middle, Modern Family, and Cougar Town.

On the FOURTH day of Christmas, ABC gave to me: four episodes of V, and then yanked it off the schedule until March.

On the FIFTH day of Christmas NBC gave to me: five nights of Leno. Gee, thanks a lot, NBC. Worst. Present. Ever.

On the SIXTH day of Christmas, USA gave to me: six fun to watch programs: Psych, Monk, Burn Notice, In Plain Sight, White Collar and Royal Pains. Which is funny, since USA and NBC are owned by the same company.

On the SEVENTH day of Christmas, Syfy gave to me: Battlestar Galactica’s Cylon number seven, Daniel. Oh wait, no they didn’t.

On the EIGHTH day of Christmas, TLC gave to me: eight Gosselin children … who are no longer on the air, thankfully, and are in group therapy forever (or until the spring when TLC is able to air Kate Plus 8, and the cycle begins anew.)

On the NINTH day of Christmas, NBC gave to me: seven Greendale Community College students, one professor of Spanish and a Dean. Yep, that equals nine, and Community wouldn’t be the same without every one of them.

On the TENTH day of Christmas, The CW gave to me: a freakin’ tenth vampire-themed TV series with The Vampire Diaries. No bonus points for originality there.

On the ELEVENTH day of Christmas, FX gave to me: eleven gratuitous ass shots from Nip/Tuck.

On the TWELFTH day of Christmas, AMC gave to me twelve good episodes of Mad Men followed by a mind blowing, out-of-this world finale.

On the THIRTEENTH Day of Christmas CTV/Space gave to me all thirteen episodes of Defying Gravity (which is, like, way more than ABC gave.)

Let’s keep the numbers going — got any more to add? I wonder how high we can get….

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• Caprica: 65% off
• Battlestar Galactica – Season 4.0: 52% off
• Rescue Me: Season 5, Vol. 1: 70% off
• M.A.N.T.I. S: Complete Series: 49% off
• Sealab 2021 – Season 1: 50% off, as are all of the other seasons available
• The X-Files: The Complete Collector’s Edition: 47% off (Includes the first movie and all seasons of the show)
• Masters of Science Fiction: The Complete Series: 50% off
• The BBC High Definition Natural History Collection (Planet Earth / Wild China / Galapagos / Ganges) [Blu-ray]: 50% off

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• Farscape: The Complete Series: 61% off
• Farscape – The Peacekeeper Wars: 47% off
• How I Met Your Mother: Seasons 1-4: 62% off on Gold Box Deal = today only!
• Battlestar Galactica: The Complete Series [Blu-ray]: Still 42% off and a cool-as-hell box
• All seasons of Seinfeld are at least 57% off
• The Wire: The Complete Series: 51% off
• Moonlight – The Complete Series: 54% off

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• Battlestar Galactica: The Complete Series [Blu-ray]: 43% off
• Stargate Atlantis: The Complete Series Collection: Gold Box Deal of the Day! More info here.
• Mythbusters: Collection 1 (4pc): 50% off
• Rescue Me – The Complete Fourth Season: $14.99
• The Shield: Season Six: $14.99
• Family Guy, Vol. 7: $14.99
• Weeds: Season Four [Blu-ray]: $14.99
• The Office – Season One: $9.99 Lightning Deal between 11PM-3AM EST
• 24: Seasons 1-7: $79.99 Lightning Deal between 11AM-3PM EST

Other deal days this week (most still apply!): Monday – Tuesday – Wednesday

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The teaser of this week’s Lie to Me ended with the main character, Cal Lightman, seemingly shot dead. There’s been a buzz since the airing that, because there was never any doubt that by the time the end credits rolled the human lie detector would be back on his feet, the drama was all manufactured and, well, empty. Show runner Shawn Ryan has been fielding questions to that point on Twitter. The same sentiment can be found in the comments on Brett’s SG:U post. It begs the question: can television shows ever put their heroes in any realistic danger?

The quick answer — which I will largely ignore for the rest of this post — is no, because in this day and age of Internet spoilers, a main character’s departure from a show would most likely be widely known by airing. Some keep their secrets better than others — Lost, for an example — but in general, we know well before we rightly should as an audience. We actually had a running joke in the weekly Heroes Live-Blog/Chats last year about television characters being “Heroes dead.”

Joss Whedon has done a pretty good job of layering in that uncertainty. Eric Balfour was touted as a member of the cast on Buffy, but didn’t make it through two episodes. Even better was Doyle on Angel. By all reports, Whedon figured early on that Doyle didn’t really “mesh” with the other characters on the show, and decided very early on to make the change. Battlestar Galactica also set the tone well (still shocked by Dualla’s final scene).

The question, however, is deeper than if the audience has been “spoiled” or not. We knew at the end of Alias each week that Sydney would find some way, at the last minute, to get out of peril. You could go all the way back to Batman, and then well past that to the weekly pulp serials that influence so much of television today. So how can we, as an audience, buy into what’s going on on screen enough to believe that the principals of any given show are in danger?

I’ve given you a quick answer, and I’ve asked the question again. So, my real answer? I don’t really know. For me, it’s easy enough to suspend disbelief and enjoy the (hopefully) good performances by the actors and writers. For those that can’t do that, well, I don’t know what to say. Ryan’s point above sums up my opinion: if you can’t enjoy the ride for what it is, then you’re watching the wrong channel.

What do you think?

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With most of the big sets out of the way, our DVD attention now turns toward the older shows. This week does offer a couple of current things from Battlestar Galactica, Adult Swim, and The Secret Saturdays. The real gems, however, come from years gone by. My pick for the week would be the new Collector’s Edition of The Prisoner, but I already have the 40th Anniversary set. If you also find that particular collection checked off on your DVD to-do list, you may be interested in the various selections in the Monty Python section.

Reminder: Don’t forget to enter the latest CliqueClack DVD giveaway. Just leave a comment and you’ll be eligible to win the Adult Swim In A Box collection. The complete list of this week’s releases is after the jump.

• Battlestar Galactica: The Plan (Blu-ray)
• The Prisoner: The Complete Series Megaset (Collector’s Edition)
• Monty Python: Almost the Truth (Blu-ray)
• Monty Python: The Other British Invasion
• Monty Python: The Best of Monty Python – 40th Anniversary
• The Diary of Anne Frank (As Seen On BBC)
• Adult Swim In A Box
• The Secret Saturdays: Vol. 2
• The Guardian: The 1st Season
• The Fugitive: Season 3, Volume 1
• CBS News Sunday Morning: On the Road with Charles Kuralt: Set 1
• Tales from the Darkside: The 2nd Season
• Mannix: The 3rd Season
• Saturday Morning Cartoons: 1960’s Vol 2 – 1970’s Vol 2
• Dogfights: The Complete Series Megaset
• The Barbara Stanwyck Show: Volume 1
• Visions of Europe: Complete Series

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It’s been about seven months since we’ve seen a new episode of Battlestar Galactica. Sound like a long time? Well, actually, that’s about the same amount of time we had to wait to see the second half of the fourth season after the first half aired, so for BSG fans, this isn’t new. I’m talking, of course, about the upcoming direct-to-DVD (and online video) release of Battlestar Galactica: The Plan.

An official copy of the DVD arrived on my doorstep yesterday, and despite having a buttload of TV to watch, I couldn’t wait to give it a watch. So, here’s an early review of the movie with little to no spoilers, which is an easy task since there’s really nothing shocking or spoiler-worthy to worry about.

The story of The Plan is essentially all about what was going on with the Cylons throughout the first two seasons of the show (and the mini-series), up through the airlocking of the two copies of Number One (Cavil) on Galactica, in the second season finale. Through the magic of flashbacks, we’re brought back to some of the most pinnacle episodes of the series and how the Cylons all followed Cavil’s orders, or his “plan” — the annihilation of the rest of the surviving humans.

The most interesting aspect of the movie is what we see of some of the lesser-known models from the series, in particular Number Five (Doral), Number Two (Leoben) and, most especially, Number Four (Simon). Of course, we see all of the models throughout the movie, but there is a definite lack of presence from some of them. And I’m not kidding about seeing more about Number Four — he was so underutilized in the series, yet he gets to shine here and really makes for the movie to stand out. The Five, on the other hand, is a great moment of comedy, believe it or not, and I’m sure Cavil’s comments will ring true with more than a few BSG fans.

The movie does an excellent job of showing us just how much of a manipulator and asshole Cavil was to the other Cylons. The sacrifice he makes them go through for the sake of following the plan makes it easy to hate him, doing it so comfortably and while sleeping around with a half-naked Six (yes, half-naked!) and Eight (no, not half-naked). It certainly gives the appearance that, if it wasn’t for Cavil, maybe everyone would just have gotten along without all this “plan” nonsense. He also carries out something so incredibly evil toward the end of the movie that it may make some viewers really uncomfortable and, for everyone, show that he’s simply evil incarnate.

Something else the movie does well is in depicting the devastation of the colonies. In the mini-series, the depiction of Caprica’s destruction and aftermath, while evident, wasn’t all that jaw-dropping. Well, get ready to see the real execution and fallout of not only Caprica’s destruction, but of all the other colonial planets: Gemenon, Picon, Canceron….

Finally, one bit I really liked was seeing what Anders went through on Caprica, from when the bombs fell through when he was finally brought aboard Galactica. Initially he wasn’t the go-to person for his band of rebels on the planet’s surface, so seeing how that dynamic worked out and how it all fit together really worked out well.

One nitpick of mine is with some of the flashbacks. It’s clear that old footage was used along with newly filmed scenes, and after four years, the actors don’t quite look the same. I also wasn’t sure why, when we flashed to each of the final five Cylons, we had to be reminded that they were Cylons by flashing to them in their resurrection pools. Oh, and while there are a few scenes of female nudity, they are only of extras and, for those who like shlong, there’s an uncomfortably, obviously gratuitous close-up of one.

Got any questions you’d like answered about the DVD before you see it yourself? Let me know in the comments. I haven’t even gotten to the special features and commentary, so I may post an update if there’s anything there worth mentioning (the commentary is by Olmos and Espenson). Battlestar Galactica: The Plan comes out on DVD, Blu-ray and digital download on October 27 and, as I hear it, will air on TV on November 1 (but you’ll miss out on all that shower-scene shlong).

Related posts

• Caprica’s V-World has never heard of respawning
• Caprica – Can the robot close its eye?
• Caprica – A glimpse at a skinjob … kind of

Was it just me, or did this week seem a little off? Despite being funny, Psych put me to sleep (literally, not figuratively) with its not-so-interesting plot. Leverage was hilarious, but didn’t offer nearly as many good one-liners as it normally does. And depressingly, Bob’s Veronica Mars Virgin Diary is quickly coming to a close (which, I’ve got to warn you, means more Buffy quotes for everyone — I love shows that bring the wit). Alas, however, the Fall Season quickly approaches.

Psych

“Question: Where are all of the girls in the Catholic school-girl uniforms, Gus?!” — Shawn
“There’s one right over there.” — Gus
“No, that is a male bagpiper.” — Shawn

“Was she a fan of the game Grand Theft Auto? I know when I play it I become raving mad, foaming at the mouth.” — Shawn
“I had to taser him once.” — Gus
“Which I still feel was excessive.” — Shawn

“Carson D has Simon Baker on tonight. That’s can’t miss, OK, so I’m going to go. You guys keep exercising during the exorcism.” — Shawn

“Do you think she has PTSD?” — Lucy’s Mother
“I’m afraid this is more serious than a menstrual disorder.” — Shawn

“Oh, let me guess … relationship trouble.” — Henry
“Yeah, I hate it when we fight.” — Shawn
“I’m sure she feels the same way.” — Henry
“I’m not talking about Abigail, I’m talking about Gus.” — Shawn
“So was I.” — Henry

Mad Men

“Let’s assume we can get a girl to match Ann-Margret’s ability to be 25 and act 14.” — Peggy, on an ad to match the opening of Bye Bye Birdie

Leverage

“Katherine and I have known each other forever. Almost two years.” — Parker, at Sophie’s fake funeral

“Stop it….” — Sophie
“It’s like you’re haunting us.” — Parker
“Parker, I’m not really dead.  I’m not dead!” — Sophie

True Blood

“Jesus and I agreed to see other people, but that doesn’t mean we don’t still talk from time to time.” — Lafayette

“If only Miss Jeanette was still alive.” — Lettie Mae
“She don’t need no backwoods witch. She needs Thorazine and a padded cell.” — Lafayette

“Lord, smite me … Lord, smite me …  LORD, SMITE ME!!” — Sam

“You’ve been real good to this town, even if you are a sometime nudist.” — Andy

Selections from the Virgin Diaries

Battlestar Galactica

“There’s this one song that he taught me, it made me feel happy and sad all at the same time.” — Starbuck
“The best ones do.” — Slick

Veronica Mars

“Who wants out of jail?” — Cliff
“I do! I do!” — Veronica  (A bit that works better with Kristen Bell’s funny voice)

“Honey … why is there a pistol in the freezer?” — Keith
“Because there’s this guy, see?… And I want to put him on ice. Because revenge is a dish best served cold. Because I want to commit murder in the 28th degree?” — Veronica
“Stop.” — Keith

“What?” — Wallace, after worrying about Veronica seeing Parker and Logan together
“I’m just trying to figure out which Gilmore Girl you are.” — Veronica

House, M.D.

“Why’d you put me in charge of the department if you think I can’t handle it?” — Foreman
“Because it’s temporary, and because I was ordered to.” — Cuddy

“Do you know your phone is dead? Do you ever recharge the batteries?” — Wilson
“They recharge? I just keep buying new phones.” — House

“What does House say?” — Cameron
“The person you are trying to reach is out of the area or has turned off their phone.” — Foreman

“Cat fight and cataplexy on the cat walk.  Cool!” — House

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

“My. She’s cheeky, isn’t she? — Wesley, about Cordelia
“Uh, first word: jail; second word: bait.” — Faith

“And you say this demon wanted cash? That’s very unusual.” — Wesley
“Demons after money. Whatever happened to the still beating heart of a virgin? No one has any standards anymore.” — Giles

“I know this. It’s down by the bus station. Not the nicest part of town.” — Buffy
“Again. See, no standards. I mean, any self-respecting demon should be living in a pit of filth or a nice crypt.” — Giles

Related posts

• Quotation Marks – Butt cheeks, Buffy’s Graduation, and a yunkie
• Quotation Marks – Baiting, Treking, and Abstinence
• Quotation Marks – Leverage gets the Midwest wrong

Michael Jackson’s still making news, this time ensuring that his death was a tragedy. The official report out of the LA coroner’s office was that Jackson’s death was a homicide, brought on by the mixture of drugs he was being prescribed for his sleep disorder. So he very well may not have been too frail for those London concerts … but we’ll never know.

• In related news, A&E is going forward with the Jackson family reality show. Exploitation or honor? You decide!
• The passing of Ted Kennedy brought all kinds of specials honoring this last of the dynasty.
• VH1 is in full spin mode. After the murder-suicide of one of their reality losers, Ryan Jenkins. VH1’s programming model is to air crappy reality “love” shows, then spin contestants out of those into more crappy shows and on an one. So now they have to cancel two of them (Megan Wants a Millionaire & I Love Money 3) because Ryan Jenkins was in them. It’s a huge embarassment for the network, so now they have to pretend they hardly know how any of this happened, they can’t figure out how their network became the go-to places for sleazy reality shows, and vow to change their ways. Ain’t plausible deniability great.
• Dollhouse started lining up guest stars in an attempt to get more peepers on those hot bodies. Look for Summer Glau, Keith Carradine, Jamie Bamber, Alexis Denisof, Michael Hogan and more!
• Good news for 30 Rock fans, as Alec Baldwin has clarified that he won’t be challenging Joe Lieberman for his Senate seat in 2012. As a show of appreciation, Lieberman will not try to take Baldwin’s job on television.
• The UK has a hit on their hands with Skins, a very dark look at young life. MTV is bringing the original Skins creator stateside to do it all over again, only with fewer teen boobies because we still fear their power in the US.
• The official reveal of the Dancing With the Stars pairings came out. So why does ABC do this in two lumps a week apart? Is the extra publicity that necessary?
• While first season winner Richard Hatch rots in jail, CBS announced the 20 contestants competing in the 19th cycle of Survivor.
• Paula Abdul found work. It’s not as high profile as American Idol, but it does feature two former winners: Kelly Clarkson and Jordin Sparks. Abdul has been tapped to host the revival of Vh1 Divas.
• Back on Idol, the guest judge roulette wheel keeps spinning, landing on Neil Patrick Harris and Kristin Chenoweth.
• Not to be left out, The View offered guest slots to Kate Gosselin and LaToya Jackson.
• Chris Brown is trying to salvage his career, starting with an interview with Larry King. I suspect it’s over for him, though.
• You’re excited about the new fall season, fast approaching? That’s big news for the weeks ahead. To keep up with when it’s all coming down, be sure and keep CliqueClack’s guide to the fall season handy.
• The television landscape is a-changing. The networks failed to produce a single hit, with low ratings. At the same time, cable networks set ratings highs all over the place elevating the summer of 2009 to the most watched summer ever.
• Meanwhile, the median age of television viewers is at or near 50 for the big four networks. All while advertisers still target the 18-49 group. So what are the kids doing these days? Have they really abandoned television? DVR viewership median age is considerably lower. As someone who watches nothing live, I can attest to that. So much better to schedule TV around my time. The industry needs to figure these changes out.
• Oh, and A&E bought Lifetime, but I really have no thoughts about that. None at all.

Related posts

• Week in Clack – Premieres, previews and the just plain weird … and Neil Patrick Harris
• Reality Clack – Celebrity Apprentice, Survivor, The Bachelor, Amazing Race, American Idol
• BBC Babble – Episode 1: The British Menace

The rebellion was squashed. Ellen and Boomer made a grandiose return. Saul lost his lil’ Cylon baby. Those were the highlights of my last diary entry. Now, I’m nearing the end of this long and winding cherry-popping experience. Ronny Moore is running out of chapters to succinctly wrap up his epic tale of humanity’s last parade. There are plenty of loose ends to tie and vexing questions to answer. Will it all make sense? Probably not. Will I be satisfied? Uh … my fingers are crossed, but I’m feeling some bad vibes in the air.

“Someone to Watch Over Me”

Galactica is falling to pieces. The support beams are cracked and the Cylon goop doesn’t appear to be helping much. On top of the structural damage, the ship’s FTL drive is about to take a dump. That can’t be good. Something has to give here. It’s apparent this old bucket of bolts ain’t gonna last much longer. They better find a habitable environment posthaste.

Chief and Boomer’s relationship has always fascinated me. Chief’s always loved her, but I’ve never been certain if his feelings were reciprocated. For all the heinous shit she’s done, I think her Cylon projections were quite revealing. The quaint family life she conjured with Chief spoke louder than her actions. I have to admit, it was a little sad to see the life they would never share together.

However, Chief busting Boomer out of the brig was just plain dumb. When did she ever not have an ulterior motive? Man, that love shit is some powerful stuff. I’m not saying I wouldn’t have done the same thing for the chick of my dreams, but Chief had to know there was something up her sleeve. He’s a frakkin’ Cylon for Pete’s sake! Didn’t he sense Boomer wanted Hera?

So, Starbuck met her estranged father. The scenes between the two were intense and poignant. Starbuck is such a stand out character, I find it difficult not to care about her more than everyone else. The fact that she knew the damn “Watchtower” song made perfect sense. She’s the key. The song is key. They go together like peas and carrots. I have no idea what it all means, but it will cleared up, right?

“Islanded in a Stream of Stars”

Did they really name an episode after that annoying Kenny Rodgers/Dolly Parton duet, “Islands in the Stream?” Holy shit. Or was Ernest Hemingway’s 1970 novel the inspiration? Maybe it’s neither. Honestly, I don’t give a shit. I just found the episode moniker bothersome.

Ellen tells the powers that be about the Cylon Colony. Hmm. Me doth surmise a final episode confrontation is coming. The Cylons are all about saving Hera from the evil Cavil; Bill and Lee and Saul aren’t so sure. C’mon Admiral. What the hell are you going to do, float around in space another four years on a dying ship? You got people and machines getting blown out of holes. Needless to say, Bill’s decision to abandon Galactica was the only choice.

Oh, great … Gaius is back. Starbuck confides her secret to him. She had to know he’d blab his findings all over the ship. Seems like Kara is lookin’ for some closure. Angel, devil, ghost, zombie — might as well get it all out in the open. Of course, Gaius positioned her as proof of the afterlife. Anything to further his self-serving religious poppycock.

Then there is poor, poor Anders. They turned him into a Hybrid. He did reaffirm to Starbuck she’s the “harbinger of death.” Death of humans, or death of Cylons? I gotta believe a Hybrid would know about the one responsible for eradicating Cylons, not humans. I always felt the “harbinger” talk was meant to be a warning to Cylons.

Final Thoughts

One disc to go. Whew! It’s been a wild ride. How will it end? I expect mass destruction and a high body count. Oh, and they have to find someplace to live. I wonder if the Colony has spare rooms available?

Related posts

• Diary of a Battlestar Galactica Virgin – Worst. Rebellion. Ever.
• Diary of a Battlestar Galactica Virgin – Gee, that was depressing
• Battlestar Galactica – Baltar hits the science, Adama and Roslin hit the herb

Project Runway: All-Star Challenge

[You'll have to work with me on this one, but it's easily the quote of the week]

“When I see boobs going all over the place I get dizzy.” — Heidi [not liking that one of the models, who was wearing a really tight t-shirt, wasn't wearing a bra]
“Me too!” — our very own Brett Love watching at home

Mad Men

[Peggy and her secretary Lola, on the new British man in the office]
“He just always stops by concerning the strangest things. Yesterday it was my engagement ring.” — Lola
“Enough, Lola.” — Peggy
“You know there’s something about the way he talks. I could listen to him read the phone book.” — Lola
“Well, when he gets to ‘S’, I need Howard Sullivan at Lever Brothers.” — Peggy

“I’ve flown a few times, but I’ve never actually seen a stewardess that game.” – Sal [on the flirty flight attendant]
“Really?” – Don [he's a pimp]

“It’s like that show Mad Men, but it’s even better!”  — actor Vincent Kartheiser [describing the new season]

Entourage

“What are you doing buddy?” — Ari
“I’m waking you up with my mind.” — Ari’s Son
“Good work! What time is it?” — Ari
“It’s late.” — Ari’s Son
[looking at watch] “Oh shhioooot!” — Ari
“Daddy, you almost said ’shit!” — Ari’s Son

Psych

“I’m sure you’ve heard about what I do, and how cool it is. You’ve seen my hair, which means you’re doubly impressed. But lets not get wrapped up in gushy compliments, I get a little self conscious.” –Shawn

“If this turns into Blazing Saddles, I’m out of here.” — Gus

[Gus Trips]
“Gus…”
“Watch your feet” — Gus
“Watch my feet, I’m leading the way.” — Shawn
Your stride is too long, Shawn.” — Gus
“It’s your ridiculous gait, that’s the problem.” — Shawn
“No, your shoes are too large.” — Gus

“How about I wear the spurs?” — Gus
“How about the Sheriff wears the spurs?” — Shawn
“How about you kiss my blacksmith ass?” — Gus

“Look, Hank, we can fix the buildings … We’ll get some nails.” — Shawn
” .. And Febreze.” — Gus

“Well, Shawn, sometimes people you think are innocent turn out to be guilty and vice-versa. The important thing is, how are you going to help me get Hank’s blood out of my couch?” — Henry

“The only thing I don’t understand is, why would a ghost be mining for gold?” — Shawn

And, selections from the Virgin Diaries

Firefly

“Big stop just to renew your license to Companion. Can I use “Companion” as a verb?” — Wash

“What about cortical electrodes?” — Simon
“Oh! [long pause] We forget ‘em.” — Jayne
“Let’s try that again.” — Simon

“I’ll be in my bunk.” — Jayne [when Inara ... well ... just watch the damn DVDs :)]

“This should do.” — Book
“Preacher, don’t the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing?” — Zoe
“Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps.” — Book

Veronica Mars

“This is a bad idea.” — Veronica
“No, it’s not.” — Keith
“You only think it’s not because you came up with it.” — Veronica
“Ergo, how could it be bad? Math, sweetie. Me + idea = good.” — Keith

“When entering a frat house full of accused rapists, the pant suit is a solid wardrobe choice. It’s fashion’s way of saying, “Move along. Nothing to see here.” — Veronica [in voiceover]

“So what would Stan Marsh say in a situation like this? I think we all learned a valuable lesson about faith. You give it to the people you love. But the people who really deserve it are the ones who come through, even when you don’t love them enough.” — Veronica [in voiceover]

“So, not only did Chip get Kojak’d, someone put a Roman numeral on one of those little plastic Easter eggs, and stuck it in his… where-the-sun-don’t-shine place. And you know where that is.” — Dick
“Worst. Easter Egg Hunt. Ever.” — Veronica

“I’m fine. Seriously. I just told the two of you because I thought you should know. I’m not looking for a pity party.” — Veronica
“That’s good, ’cause I always get stuck blowing up the pity balloons.” — Wallace

Battlestar Galactica

“You swore an oath when you put that uniform on. You pledged to defend this ship and her crew.” — Adama
“You swore the same allegiance! What happened to your oath? For seven years, I have done my frakking job and for what? [motions to Tigh] To take orders from a Cylon? To let machines network our ship? No, you… you are not the leader you were when we started. You’re just a sad old man who has let his heart and his affection for a Cylon cloud his judgment.” — Gaeta
“I want you all to understand this! If you do this, there will be no forgiveness. No amnesty. This boy died honoring his uniform. You, you’ll die with nothing.” — Adama

“The Admiral is charged with treason, desertion, giving aid and comfort to the enemy, and gross dereliction of duty. The punishment for these crimes is death by firing squad.” — Zarek
“Well, I’m not a very good shot.” — Romo Lampkin

Related posts

• Quotations Marks – Psych is back. Back again. Psych is back. Tell your friends.
• Quotation Marks – Exorcisms, Ann Margret, and … a Gilmore Girl?
• Veronica Mars – CliqueClack Flashback

Last time on Battlestar Galactica season 4.5 virgin diary, the bumbling duo of Felix Gaeta and Tom Zarek joined forces to overthrow the military and government. They were none too pleased at the prospect of Cylons being allowed to become citizens of the fleet. I guess all those “toasters” and “skinjobs” walking around made them a wee nervous. Combine that with Felix still being perturbed about the whole leg thing, and Zarek being a power-hungry prick, and we’ve got ourselves a full-scale coup d’état. What could possibly go wrong? Uh… everything.

“The Oath”

All these seasons I thought Gaeta was nothing but a number-crunching nerd. Much to my surprise, the kid’s got balls. Good for him. However, pegging Zarek as a partner wasn’t very smart. It took the guy what, five minutes, before he killed someone? Tommy likes killing; his brutish ways are clashing with Gaeta’s more analytical approach. The team of frick and frak are hurtling toward failure.

Don’t Bill and Laura make an adorable couple? The Admiral and the President — coming to ABC this fall. So much for Laura’s staying out of presidential affairs. A sudden uprising really does put a damper on plans of rest and relaxation. Score one for Laura, though. Her idea to use Baltar’s wireless to communicate with the fleet was clever indeed. Bill, gallant as ever, made sure she was taken off Galactica.

Starbuck may be on edge, but she didn’t forget how to kick ass. She was guns blazing like Laura Croft when she saved Lee’s behind. Lee and Starbuck, together again — coming to NBC this fall. I dare say Starbuck could give Ellen Ripley a run for her money in the category of “hot chicks you don’t wanna fuck with.”

Damn! Was Adama pissed when Gaeta charged him with treason or what? I imagine once all this hullabaloo is over, Bill ain’t gonna be too forgiving to Mr. Gaeta. On a side note, I always felt Bill referring to Felix as “Mr. Gaeta” a little insulting. Wouldn’t it be more appropriate to call him Lieutenant? It’s almost as if Bill never really considered him a soldier.

“Blood on the Scales”

If not for “Hot Dog,” Laura might be space vapor. She barely landed on the Cylon base ship. Shrewd decision to hide amongst the fleet. Gaeta’s unwillingness to fire on the fleet was a huge mistake on his part. If he had, the base ship would be dust, and a powerful message would have been sent to the rest of the fleet: Don’t trifle with Felix Gaeta; he means business.

Man, Zarek is one bloodthirsty Vice President. Assassinating the Quorom of Twelve was hardcore, to say the least. You can’t leave the guy alone for two minutes without the body count rising. If only Gaeta shared Zarek’s us or them mentality, this spiraling out of control coup might have legs.

It was nice to see Romo Lampkin again, even if his role was limited. The half-assed trial of Adama was special. Gotta praise Bill for not backing down. He sat there and took it like a true leader should. Guilty as charged. Prepare to be executed, Admiral. Yeah, right. Nobody puts Bill Adama in the corner and shoots him. Nobody.

As expected, the Gaeta/Zarek plot took a dump. It was close at the end. Chief gets credit for the save by sabotaging the FTL drive. Nice to see Chief didn’t abandon his loyalties. Alas, one of the most ill-conceived rebellions in small screen history comes to an end. Bye, bye Felix. Bye, bye Tom.

“No Exit”

Anders took a bullet in the head last episode. I neglected to mention it because I forgot he was still on the show. At any rate, he’s filling in all the blanks about the history of Cylons. The Final Five created the skinjobs to stop war among the Centurions. The development of a human-like machine that believed in one true God seemed like a good notion. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out too well. Did the Five not peruse human history? We aren’t exactly a peace-loving species.

The origin of Ellen was cool. She’s basically the Queen bee among Cylons. She was the main creator. She developed resurrection technology. Really? And I thought she was just Saul’s ditsy whore of a wife. There is so much shit being stuffed into this chapter, I can’t keep track. It seems Ronald Moore knew he was running out of time and panicked.

Cavil and Ellen have issues. I loved his enraging speech about being trapped in a fallible human body. He’s no fan of religion, that’s for sure. Clearly, he represents the science side of things, while Ellen leans toward the spiritual. The revelations that Cavil murdered the Sevens and suffocated the Final Five were eye-opening. What a dick. He also let slip something about a “Colony” of Cylons. Hmm… I bet that’s not the last we hear of that.

Galactica is falling apart. It’s old. Chief’s magical Cylon goo seems like a temporary fix. I sense a last hurrah for the old girl soon. Perhaps a confrontation with the mysterious Cylon Colony is in store.

“Deadlock”

Great. A love triangle between Saul, Ellen and Caprica Six. Boring. This was more soap opera trash. Ellen is jealous. Caprica is freaking. Saul is confused. Blah, fucking, blah. The Cylon fetus dying was not surprising. I don’t care about any of this drivel.

Speaking of not caring, Gaius returned to his enclave. He’s playing Jesus again. Can someone crucify him, please? His story ran out of steam a long time ago. Even if he’s integral to the ultimate conclusion, I find his presence totally unnecessary.

Final Thoughts

“Blood on the Scales” was a good episode. The Ellen backstory was interesting. The rest was, meh. I just want it to be over at this point.

Related posts

• Diary of a Battlestar Galactica Virgin – The piano man
• Diary of a Battlestar Galactica Virgin – Gee, that was depressing
• Frakkin’ Clack – More about last week’s episode

How can you not be stoked that USA’s Psych is back? I was so excited, I completely forgot one of the most quotable shows on television last week! Just because I love you guys, I mixed in last week’s quotes in with this.

What were your favorite quotes this week? Mine was from our very own Bob Degon, announcing some suspect news to the CliqueClack team:

“They’re remaking BSG… again… Oy.”

Psych

“Note to self: be rich one day.” — Shawn

“He’s allergic to rich, white people.” — Shawn, addressing Gus’ coughing to family of wealthy murder victim

“I hope you have a plan of how we’re gonna find this crashed plane. And I hope that plan doesn’t end up having us being eaten by a bear.” — Gus
“Don’t worry Gus. I have a secret weapon” — Shawn
“A larger bear-eating bear?” — Gus

“Here’s the thing, Robert: I am a psychic.” — Shawn
“We work for the Santa Barbara Police Department. We’ve solved over forty-seven cases. I’m also a pharmaceutical rep, if that means anything to you.” — Gus
“You’ve seen The Mentalist, right?” — Shawn
“Yes.” — Robert
“It’s like that.” — Shawn
“Except that guy’s a fake.” — Gus
“Right. If I were a fake psychic, it would be eerily similar.” — Shawn
“Exactly the same.” — Gus
“A virtual carbon copy.” — Shawn

“You guys believe in Karma, don’t you?” — Victim’s Daughter
“Yes we do, but only because we are Karma Chameleons.” — Shawn
“We come and go.” — Gus

“He then confessed to me that his billion-dollar hedge fund was a giant ponzi scheme.” — Burned investor
“Stop right there. I simply refuse to believe that Henry Winkler had anything to do with this.” — Shawn

Weeds

“Drop the pants; dunk the dean nuts.” — Doug to Dean, getting back at him for slamming his dick in a desk drawer last week

“I was gonna be a drug kingpin! I was gonna be Tony Montana! I got nothin’.” — Dean to Doug

“Stealing drugs from a drug lord. Bold. Hot.” — Andy to Audra, upon finding her stealing medical supplies from Esteban

“Doctor Teeth.” — Andy, claiming that he does indeed know some jazz musicians
“He’s a Muppet.” — Audra
“He’s a JAZZ Muppet.” — Andy

True Blood

“Spill no blood on your way out.” — Godric basically confirming we’ve (or at the least, most certainly I) got no clue what’s going on

“I gave you everything for a lie.  You’re worse than Judas.” — Sarah
“Why, what did he do to you?” — Jason

“He’s your maker, isn’t he?” — Sookie
“Don’t use words you don’t understand.” — Eric
“You have a lot of love for him.” — Sookie
“Don’t use words I don’t understand.” — Eric

“I don’t know what you heard, but those were screams of pleasure!” — Hoyt

“I reckon I’ve already been to heaven … inside your wife!” — Jason

“I’m actually older than your Jesus. I wish I could have known him, but I missed it.” — Godric

“They say I sodomized a pine tree. Must be true … My pecker’s got all kinds of scratches on it.” — Mike Spencer

“I’m a cadet with the Light of Day Institute. I’m strapped.” — Jason

Better off Ted

“It’s like looking into some bizarre alternate universe where I can drive a bull and wear tall shoes with throwing stars attached to them.” — Phil

Leverage

“Pack your bags everyone, we’re going to D.C. to make news.” — Sophie
[Pause]
“That’s when you wanna….” — Nate
“Oh, that right there, yeah.  Pack your bags everyone, we’re going to D.C. to make news! [walks away]” — Sophie
“…she’s walking into the closet.” — Nate

“Do I sound that creepy when I….?” — Nate
“Hell. Yes.” — Eliot

“These conspiracies aren’t real, right?” — Parker
“What do you mean?” — Eliot
“Like that one over there that says that all the major wars of the past fifty years are decided by members of The Council.” — Parker
“I’m not cleared to discuss that with you.” — Eliot
“Well you’re not a member of The Council, are you? Eliot? Eliot? Is he?” — Parker

“Loch Ness monster.” — Parker
“Loch Ness submarine.” — Haridson
“No!” — Parker
“Waters are cold and deep, it’s a perfect place for testing.” — Eliot
“Area 51.” — Parker
“True.” — Nate
“No, she said Area 51. 51.” — Hardison
“I’m sorry, false. It’s Area 52.” — Eliot
“Been there.” — Hardison
“Yup.” — Nate

The Closer

“I’m having a hard time getting this guy out of your box … That didn’t sound right.” — Dr. Terence to Brenda

Make It or Break It

“I feel like we’re trapped in a Coldplay song … which is its own level in Dante’s Hell.” — Not-Razor (Damon) to Emily

And Selections from the Virgin Diaries

Firefly

[Kaylee has expressed her belief that Simon doesn't swear]
“I swear… when it’s appropriate.” — Simon
“Simon, the whole point of swearing is that it ain’t appropriate.” — Kaylee

“[singing] The hero of Canton, the man they call ‘me’. [speaking] Eggs! The living legend needs eggs!” — Jayne

[upon seeing Serenity for the first time]
“Ship like this, be with you till the day you die.” — Malcom
“Because it’s a death trap.” — Zoe

Battlestar Galactica

“Athena tells me the upgrades should… triple the Fleet’s jump capacity.” — Helo
“Absolutely. And that’s conservative. Their technology-our technology, is way ahead of ours. Yours.” — the Chief
“Maybe you’d like a chart to keep it all straight?” — Tigh

“I don’t know anything about being a father.” — Hot Dog
“It sucks… except the parts that don’t.” — the Chief

Veronica Mars

“If college is a boy buffet, she’s got two full plates and a purse full of boys wrapped in napkin. Look at her … she’s like boynip.” — Mac about Parker

“The ’70s had the Hustle. The ’80s, the moonwalk. We have the faux-lesbian dance.” — Veronica, in a quote that’s sure to make Brett a happy man

House, MD

“[to Foreman] Not because you think I’m right. Its because you’re taking the safe route. You’re a wuss….  Don’t worry, you’re secret is safe with me [walks out the door]. Hey Wilson, guess what Foreman just did?!?” — House

“At the Boy who Cried Wolf, the wolf really does come.  And he eats the sheep, and the boy, and the parents….” — House
“He doesn’t eat the parents.” — Chase
“He does when I tell it.” — House

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Last I left you in my Battlestar Galactica virgin diary, the human/Cylon contingent discovered Earth. Everything appeared hunky-dory for the remainder of the human race. Too bad Earth had been nuked into oblivion, thus rendering it uninhabitable. Shit. These guys and gals and robots just can’t buy a break. Just when they started looking on the bright side, Ronald D. Moore yanked the carpet from beneath their feet. Oh well; they’re use to disappointment. I’m sure this resilient bunch turned their frowns upside down. No way would they fall into severe depression and lose all hope. Right? Uh … wrong.

“Sometimes a Great Notion”

So, the 13th Colony were all Cylons. And 2,000 years ago they destroyed each other. And Saul and Chief and Anders and Tory all remember living on Earth. And they recall their own deaths. Okay. I assume then that they were resurrected a couple thousand years later. If that’s the case, who/what resurrected them? It couldn’t have been Cavil, because he claimed not to know the identity of the Final Five. Was he lying? I’m confused.

Starbuck is dead — she found her own corpse. But she’s still walking and talking. What the hell is she? Even Leoben freaked out after seeing her dead body. Needless to say, she ain’t too mentally stable these days. Watching her set her remains ablaze was powerful stuff. Poor Starbuck; she hasn’t experienced much happiness in her life. Is she a harbinger of death, or a guiding light of hope? I’m still leaning toward the latter.

Speaking of unhappy — Dee blew her brains out. She didn’t take the news of Earth being a wasteland too well. I can feel her pain, but I never would have pegged her as a suicide; especially after kinda sorta reconciling with Lee. I guess it’s better to die with a smile on your face. Bye, bye Dee. I always liked her, even though she was underused.

Saul and Bill had another classic face-to-face. Interesting to see Saul talk Bill down from the ledge for a change. As usual, Michael Hogan and Edward James Olmos kicked ass in the scene. I can’t blame Bill for wanting to say sayonara; things aboard Galactica are unraveling fast. Oh, and Ellen is the fifth Cylon. I saw that one coming. She seemed like the most obvious choice. This should make for an explosive reunion with Saul.

“A Disquiet Follows My Soul”

This episode really sucked. It felt more like a soap opera than one of the final chapters in a great sci-fi drama. Saul and his Six are having a baby. What a joyous occasion. I thought Cylons couldn’t produce offspring. Is Saul’s seed different from the other models? Why do I get the feeling there is a miscarriage in their future? It wouldn’t be a surprise considering the dark turn the series has made.

Gaeta and Zarek are joining forces to take control of the government, and I could give a shit. Gaeta’s transformation from computer geek to bitter prick is boring, and not believable. Zarek is just too damn annoying for me to care what the hell he’s plotting. He’s a power-hungry malcontent. I get it. Hopefully, he and Felix will get blown out of an airlock for their betrayal.

More baby shit. Chief isn’t the father of his kid. Is this important? Because if it isn’t, I find the whole subplot completely unnecessary. The only noteworthy part of this pointless distraction is the revelation that cute-as-a-button Cally banged Hot Dog. What the fuck?! She must have been hard-up for some action. Evidently, she wanted to see how “hot” his “dog” really was. Rimshot!

Speaking of banging: It took four years, but Laura and Bill finally did the deed. Laura has turned batty as she nears death; she’s tossed her pile of pills, and has taken to running laps through the halls of Galactica. She wants to live a little before she kicks it. Makes sense. Maybe her renewed outlook will rub off on the rest of the morbid assholes moping around the ship. Things are bleak as bleak can be.

Final Thoughts

I predicted I wouldn’t enjoy the post-Earth installments. So far, I’m not impressed. The only storyline that remotely intrigues me is Starbuck’s. Gaius is behaving like a pot smoking David Koresh. My fingers are crossed that he meets the same fate as the Waco wacko. Despite my reservations, I shall trek on; I think I can make it through another seven episodes.

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