I wasn’t totally in love with last week’s episode of Community, but this week it came back fighting. While Jeff’s complete and utter mental breakdown in the face of a “cooler” classmate was pretty funny, it was really Tony Hale’s aversion to “Ghosting” that made the episode for me, especially because I’d bet that storyline comes out of a real truth. Can you imagine how many  people in the past 20 years have made a Ghost joke any time they’ve gotten within 10 feet of a potter’s wheel? My conservative estimate would be all of them.

As much as I agree with the writers’ decision to vary the plot and mix up the characters a little bit, I have to say that not seeing Troy and Abed together at all in this episode made me a little sad. As much as I love Ken Jeong, at the end of each episode, I look forward to seeing another Troy and Abed adventure. So while I did get a kick out of Senor Chang getting robbed at the YMCA yet again, I missed Troy and Abed.

As far as the sailing class goes, it was all about Pierce. The writers have done a really good job of not making him a completely pathetic character. Even though he’s a truly ridiculous individual, he shows enough glimmers of insight to make him believable, instead of some pathetic sad-sack. That way, we don’t feel nearly as guilty when we laugh at him.

Community also went the extra mile when it came to the payoff to the pottery story. I really see this as a two part thing: the first part was when Jeff exited the class with a bang, or an Unchained Melody, as it were. I love that he looked at the situation, realized he was screwed, and decided to just make it a grand exit. The second part was the very end, when it was revealed that not only was Rich an expert pottery maker, but he was nearly Norman Bates-like in his obsession with it. I don’t know why, but having the voice-over of his mother telling him that practicing being a doctor wasn’t going to bring his brother back, completely cracked me up.

What was your favorite part of the episode?

Related posts

• Community – Spanish studyin’ is better when you’re buddyin’
• Community – Somewhere out where dreams come true
• Community – Katharine McPhee is a grifter

As has been the pattern lately, the big awards shows continue to impress. At least, where the numbers are concerned. We’ll leave the discussion of the Oscar dancefest for another time. Looking at just the numbers, the show was a huge win for ABC. Or, the complete opposite of what the return of Scrubs meant for the network. Scrubs joined the big Wednesday comedy block and was quickly put on life support. Perhaps they’ll bump into the folks from Trauma while they recover. That one also took a jack-boot to the crotch in returning to the NBC fold. In happier news, if that really was the last episode we’ll ever see from Numb3rs, the show went out on top.

ABC - The Academy Awards (41.7m/13.3) were huge, and easily the number 1 show of the week. Unfortunately, they weren’t able to use that success to boost any of the other nights. Things were a little slow on Monday. The Bachelor special for Jason and Molly’s wedding (9.3m/2.8) did all right, but was well off the pace for where the regular series has been lately. Without the full Bachelor lead-in, Castle (9.11m/2.4) is back to its early season pace.

Lost (9.49m/4.2) seems to have found its number, and looks to dominate its hour in the demo for the remainder of the season. The Forgotten (4.85m/1.5), meanwhile, is just waiting to disappear. The big news on Wednesday was the addition of Scrubs (4.28m/1.5) to the comedy block. I’m tempted to say that those sub-Hank numbers put the final nail in the coffin, but you have to consider the According To Jim angle. Syndication money could make it worth foisting another crappy Scrubs season on viewers. The Middle (6.3m/2.3) and Cougar Town (6.1m/2.5) were also off the pace on Wednesday, but Modern Family (9.02m/3.8) has solidified itself as a genuine hit.

Thursday, Grey’s Anatomy (10.94m/3.9) still managed to win the hour in the demo, but the recent struggles are starting to look like a trend. Those struggles aren’t doing any favors for Private Practice (7.66m/2.8) either. Things wrapped up Friday with a double-shot of Supernanny (4.86m/1.4 – 4.17m/1.2) and 20/20 (5.58m/1.7).

CBS - The Amazing Race (8.11m/2.6) was the only show that dared face down the Oscars, and it took the expected hit. No worries there though. Things were much better on Monday with How I Met Your Mother (10.06m/3.9), Rules Of Engagement (10.07m/3.6), 2 ½ Men (17.61m/5.8), Big Bang Theory (16.32m/5.9), and CSI: Miami (11.93m/3.3). Notable is that Engagement is edging HIMYM in viewers. It doesn’t speak well for Accidentally On Purpose.

More good news on Tuesday with NCIS (19.58m/3.8), NCIS:LA (16.99m/3.5), and The Good Wife (13.95m/2.8). As we’ve seen in the past, Gibbs is nearly immune to Idol, and the LA team is holding up very well faced with Lost. Comedy remains a problem on Wednesday, with Old Christine (7.67m/2.2) and Gary Unmarried (6.68m/2.2). Criminal Minds (13.29m/3.4) hasn’t been hurt by that, but it looks like CSI:NY (11.07m/2.6) has suffered a hit from the return of SVU to 10PM.

Thursday was mostly as expected. Survivor (12.12m/3.6) was solid against Idol, and CSI (15.25m/3.3) is still popular, if not what it once was. The most interesting bit came from The Mentalist (16.02m/3.4), which again topped CSI in both measures. Finally, Ghost Whisperer (7.84m/1.9), Medium (8.15m/1.8), and Numb3rs (8.74m/1.8) all won their hours on Friday. If that was the series finale of Numb3rs, it went out as the most watched show of the night. And it was also a very well done series finale episode.

FOX - House (12.82m/4.8) kicked off the week, returning to the top spot at 8. 24 (8.86m/2.8) was up just a bit, but is starting to show where those final season rumors are grounded. American Idol took over with shows on Tuesday (22.75m/8.2), Wednesday (20.7m/7.5), and Thursday (19.34m/6.3). More interesting than those numbers was the results for a repeat Glee (7.55m/2.9) that followed. That bodes well for the show’s return. Human Target (7.83m/2.4) was able to win the 8PM hour on Wednesday, and Kitchen Nightmares (7.19m/3) was solid on Thursday.

NBC - The week started with another Chuck (6.37m/2.3) that looked just good enough to get the show renewed. It’s not a slam-dunk, but the show is looking like the best option among the network’s bubble shows. Trauma (4.76m/1.4), on the other hand, doesn’t look good at all. Those numbers are really bad, but you do have to wonder how pulling the show, possibly canceling it, and then bringing it back fed into it. Law & Order (5.21m/1.5) wasn’t  much better.

By comparison, things were much better on Tuesday. The Biggest Loser (7.91m/3) continues to slip versus Idol, but is still better than everything except The Office. Parenthood (6.09m/2.6) took a pretty sizable hit in week two, so the jury is still out on that one. On Wednesday, Mercy (6.31m/1.5) can say that it beat Scrubs. Unfortunately, neither of them can say that they beat Next Top Model in the demo. And if a CW show beats a big network show in the adult demo, that show should be done. There was better news from the L&O: SVU (8.53m/2.6) return to 10PM. That’s still off the pace of  what the show once did, but it tied CSI:NY for first in the demo.

With Thursday, I just keep asking, “They renewed all of this?” Community (4.6m/1.9) and Parks & Recreation (4.55m/2.1) continue to be a black hole anchoring the night. For some perspective on that, the 8PM numbers from 3/05/09 were My Name Is Earl (5.45m / 2.2) – Kath & Kim (4.09m/1.8). The Office (7.43m/3.8) is still solid. Second in the demo on Thursday at 9 is hard to argue with. 30 Rock (5.77m/2.9), on the other hand, continues to only (marginally) succeed when Michael Scott hands off a ready-made audience. Friday, Who Do You Think You Are (7.15m/1.8) continues to look like a solid bit of Friday programming. That was followed up with two entries from Dateline (7.8m/1.7 – 8.29m/1.8).

CW – Finally, after weeks and weeks, there was something resembling a schedule from the little network. Life Unexpected (1.94m/.9) moved to 8, to make way for the return of Gossip Girl (1.74m/1). Gossip Girl has a large lead where the young female audience is concerned, but it is notable that LUX topped it in viewers. Likewise, LUX also bested 90210 (1.7m/.8) and Melrose Place (1.16m/.5) in both measures. The big news though, was the return of Next Top Model (3.66m/1.6). That 1.6 was good enough for third place at 8PM. The week finished with the premiere of High Society (1.26m/.5), which looks to continue the CW tradition of squandering the valuable Top Model lead-in.

CABLE - USA wrapped up the goofy split seasons for White Collar (4.04m/1.4) and Psych (2.95m/1.1) this week. The other successful note from the world of cable came from E!’s Red Carpet Special (3.54m/1.4). Not only is that a good number for E!, the show should also serve as a huge source of embarrassment to ABC. Their pathetic red carpet train-wreck doesn’t begin to compare. Other cable numbers:

• Big Love (1.71m/.8)
• Secret Life Of The American Teenager (3.21m/1.1)
• Make It Or Break It (2.5m/.8)
• Greek (1.03m/.4)
• Damages (.92m/.2)
• Southland (2.06m/.7)
• Hannah Montana (6.32m/1.3)
• How To Make It In America (.48m/.3)
• Blue Mountain State (.8m/.4)
• Sarah Silverman Program (.58m/.3)
• Archer (1.08m/.6)
• American Pickers (4.55m/1.8)
• Pawn Stars (5.82m/2.5 – 5.41m/2.3)
• Ghost Hunters (2.21m/1)
• Project Runway (2.54m/1)

Related posts

• Ratings Clack – We now rejoin your regularly scheduled programming
• Ratings Clack – The Grammy Awards beat Idol
• Ratings Clack – Football and Olympics take over

There’s no time like a week full of juicy quotes to fully appreciate just which moments make you laugh the hardest. Whenever I need something light and enjoyable to watch, obviously I put on a sitcom. But the best laughs always seem to come when they’re least expected, don’t they? Like in the middle of a highly tense trial, or a deathly serious medical emergency. They may be few and far between, but when they do hit….

30 Rock

“It was a disaster. We were so awkward that the waitress gave us separate checks without asking, and a priest came over and asked us who we lost.” – Liz, on her first date with Wesley

“Are you going to Mr. Jordan’s show again? I’m sure he’d appreciate your support.” – Kenneth
“Oh, I don’t think so. If I wanted to see a black man make a fool of himself, I’d sleep with KFed again.” – Jenna

The Colbert Report

“If you are anywhere between 21 and 53 … you will watch this series and feel like a big fat pussy.” – Tom Hanks, on his upcoming HBO miniseries, The Pacific

Community

“Disappointing you is like choking the Little Mermaid with a bike chain.” – Jeff to Annie

(After Jeff breaks up with his girlfriend) “Oh no, that’s so sad. I’ll give Jeff a shoulder to cry on, you boys go put a dead bird in that bitch’s glove compartment.” – Shirley

“I hope they’re not twins. Twins freak me out. They always know what the other one is–” – Abed
“Thinking.” – Troy
“Yeah. And they’re always finishing each others–” – Abed
“Pie.” – Troy
“It’s creepy.” – Abed

“Looks like Pierce broke the piggy bank at the escort service this time.” – Chang
“Hey duck sauce, that was rude. The call girls I frequent are not nearly as attractive as my daughter.” – Pierce

Greek

“I always thought that Al Gore was rather hunky.” – Katherine, on her “bad boy” fetish

“I am prepared to dance for you.” – Katherine to Rusty, before they were going to have sex

“… And if he doesn’t find his way back to Cyprus tonight, well then res ipsa loquitur….” – Casey, on Pete
“Ooh; is that Harry Potter talk?” – Ashleigh
“It’s lawyer talk, for ‘the thing speaks for itself’.” – Casey
“Fancy!” – Ashleigh

House

“Giving him a computer is like giving plutonium to Dr. No.” – Wilson about House, when he finds the doctored movie posters

(House makes his classic diagnosis face) “You’d better not be faking this to get out of a tough conversation.” – Wilson

How I Met Your Mother

“Where’s the D-bag taking you? Aw, that’s not a good nickname for Don. I’ll think of another one.” – Marshall to Robin

The Middle

“So catch me up; these zombies … why are they seeking revenge?” – Brick to Sue, before beginning their zombie movie

Modern Family

“Women on the Internet in their thirties are like ninjas. They get in their little black outfits and try to sneak their way into your marriage.” – Claire

(To a beeping car) “Go around! We’re re-creating a faux pas!” – Cam

“I’m Colombian. I know a fake crime scene when I see one.” – Gloria

“You had a girlfriend before mom?” – Luke
“Try two. Trust me, I had plenty of fun in my time. Then I met your mom.” – Phil

“I still have my cheerleader outfit.” – Denise
“So do I but this still can’t happen.” – Phil

“It might have been a little bit louder. There was traffic. I almost had to shout.” – Mitchell
“You almost had to what?” – Cam
“Shout.” – Mitchell
“A little bit louder now.” – Cam
“Shout.” – Mitchell
“A little bit louder now.” – Cam
“Shout!” – Mitchell
“Hey, hey, hey, hey!” – Cam

The Office

“It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.” – Michael, on St. Patrick’s Day

“How do I put this delicately? Does her family owe your family something in terms of a past injustice?” – Michael, asking Darryl how he got on Jo’s good side

The Practice virgin diary

“Contrary to the myth, not all child molesters are rocket scientists.” – Bobby, on his ability to crack a convicted child molester on the stand

Psych

“You should have told us. We would have gotten you a house chilling gift.” – Shawn to Mary when they heard he’d never left Santa Barbara

“I think that bailiff from Night Court is spot-on.” – Mary, about deputy McNab

“She gets overly stimulated by color.” – Jailer about Yang
“What about my face?” – Gus

Rules of Engagement

“We don’t have set sides of the bed.” – Jen
“We sort of lie down wherever.” – Adam
“What are you, farm animals?” – Jeff

Scrubs

[Mocking Drew] “… About as ridiculous as your five o’clock shadow. Honest to God, sometimes during rounds, I look over at you and it’s like I’m teaching Yasser Arafat.” – Dr. Cox
“Really? I see a slightly gayer George Michael.” – Denise
“Oh, so see that!” – Dr. Cox

Related posts

• Quotation Marks – Elephant’s scrotum, Andy’s crotch, and Camel penises
• Quotation Marks – Road trips, treasure quests, and marlin hunts
• Quotation Marks – Dockers, Tab-booty calls, and the letter R

This episode caught me off guard. I wasn’t expecting a whole lot from former American Idol runner-up Katharine McPhee, but I was pleasantly surprised by her performance. However, this episode as a whole was by far one of the weaker ones we’ve seen. Maybe it was because they focused so much on McPhee and had to split the group up, but there were very few laugh-out-loud moments.

Katharine McPhee was a way better actress than I expected, but I wouldn’t call her funny. Troy and Abed were split up, Britta spent the entire episode looking for a switch, and Annie just flitted around in the hallways acting as Jeff’s conscience. Even Jeff’s girlfriend was only brought back to serve as a way for him to go after Amber. Everything was disjointed, and the flow just wasn’t there this week.

Chevy Chase is hilarious in general, and Pierce is funny when he’s a bumbling, vaguely racist, sexist old man who has a disturbing thing for Shirley. When you get too deep and see how truly pathetic it is, it’s just kind of sad. We’ve seen glimpses of that before, but this is the first time we’ve really gotten an entire episode of it.

This entire episode felt like the “special lesson” part of an episode of Full House. Shirley gets told she’s a good mom while helping a repressed young girl, Troy helps Britta stop being quite so ridiculous, and Jeff helps Pierce realize he has a family. This is all quite lovely, but it’s not that interesting, and it’s definitely not that funny.

With all that said, there is one moment in this episode that makes up for everything I didn’t like about it, and really just sums up the character of Annie better than anything else I’ve ever heard. In fact, I would go so far as to say that it sums up any character better than anything else I’ve ever heard: when Jeff agrees to help Pierce because Annie asked him to and he tells her, “You’re becoming dangerous; it’s those doe eyes. Disappointing you is like choking The Little Mermaid with a bike chain.” Now that’s what I’m talking about.

Related posts

• Community – BCI: Booty Call Implications
• Community – Absolutely no Ghosting!
• American Idol: Paint it bland

This week, to celebrate the fact that the lame-ass Olympics are done with, I’ve decided to celebrate some comedies. There were a lot of shows that made me laugh a lot and pee a little this week. From Abed’s Don Draper impression to Pam breastfeeding the wrong baby, television was pretty amazing this week.

Luke and Phil bond on Modern Family

This entire episode of Modern Family was pretty genius, but I really adore the way Phil and Luke bonded during it. Teaching my son that the treasure we find doesn’t matter, but on what we spend the money we get for it that matters instead. I want an indoor pool in my condo real bad.

Pam breastfeeding the wrong baby on The Office

This isn’t a parenting blog, so I won’t rant about what an evil bitch Pam’s nurse was on The Office (but she totally was). The entire birth/aftermath portrayal was pretty realistic, which made it even funnier. The hands-down funniest moment though, was when Pam found out she had been breastfeeding the wrong child. My jaw hit the floor, and then I laughed hysterically, mainly because she and Jim reacted in the exact same way I would have.

Abed’s Don Draper impression on Community

I’ve already talked about how brilliant this is, and how my mind was completely blown after I watched it, so I’ll just say this: Abed and Annie really should have kissed on Community. Also, as a bonus, we have Troy talking about how dope Calvin not Coolidge is.

Zach Galifianakis pops up on some NBC shows on SNL

Zach Galifianakis was arguably the best part of The Hangover, so it’s great that SNL had him host this week. Although his monologue was pretty genius, I have a special spot in my heart for Law & Order, so it was great to see Lupo and Bernard incorporated into an SNL short.

Related posts

• A boy’s club and a mess of Sopranos – Daily Rerun Roundup
• The plucked peacock
• SNL’s ‘Pageant Talk’ sketch video: it’s finally here!

The Olympics wrapped up last Sunday, and that means two things. First, we’re now just four short years from the next time NBC actually wins a week in the ratings. And more importantly, new episodes everywhere. The week also brought the premieres of three new shows for NBC in The Marriage Ref, Parenthood, and Who Do You Think You Are. The first two premiered to time-slot winning numbers, but still have a ways to go before we crown them hits.

FOX - With the Olympics gone, American Idol easily pushed FOX back to the top of the heap. With three showings on Tuesday (23.53m/8.6), Wednesday (23.56m/8.5), and Thursday (19.42m/6.5), the singing kids did the heavy lifting for the week. Also joining the party, 24 (8.63m/2.5) is anxiously awaiting the return of Dr. House. Kitchen Nightmares (7.89m/3.3) finished the week with another strong outing.

CBS - Undercover Boss (15.15m/5.1) is in no hurry to come back to Earth. Facing the closing ceremonies of the Olympics, the numbers were outstanding. That came on the heels of another solid outing for Amazing Race (10.21m/3.2). Cold Case (9.83m/2.4) wasn’t up to that pace in finishing off Sunday night. Monday also brought good numbers from How I Met Your Mother (10.37m/3.9), Rules Of Engagement (9.73m/3.4), 2 ½ Men (16.86m/5.7), and Big Bang Theory (15.73m/5.9), and CSI: Miami (12.07m/3.4). Those Rules results make things very curious where Accidentally On Purpose is concerned.

Tuesday was successful as well, opening with NCIS (19.62m/4). NCIS: LA (14.84m/3.1) took a bit of a hit up against Idol and Lost, while The Good Wife (13.32m/2.7) fell just short of the Parenthood demo. Old Christine (5.56m/1.6) and Gary Unmarried (5.57m/1.8) remain the weak link in the schedule on Wednesday. You have to think something will be done with that comedy block next season. Criminal Minds (13m/3.4) and CSI: NY (12.35m/3) were both solid following.

The first full Thursday of programming in quite some time looked good as well, with Survivor (12.72m/3.8), CSI (15.59m/3.7), and The Mentalist (14.87m/3.2). Ghost Whisperer (7.39m/1.7), Medium (7.88m/1.9), and Numb3rs (8.1m/1.7) finished things off winning all three hours Friday night.

ABC - Desperate Housewives (10.89m/3.7) and Brothers & Sisters (7.92m/2.5) have not done well against event programming, and the closing of the Olympics was no different. I’m still looking for them to bounce back when everything is back to normal. Not needing a rebound was The Bachelor (15.15m/5.3), and the companion show After The Final Rose (13.91m/5.3). You can look forward to more Bachelor in the future.

The final season of Lost (9.29m/4.1) continued on Tuesday, and the show was down while going against NCIS:LA and Idol, but that is still a very good demo number. 20-20 (5.2m/1.7) stepped into The Forgotten’s spot, with similar results. Wednesday was a little odd. Modern Family (8.01m/3.4) held up despite being against SVU, Criminal Minds, and Idol. The Middle (5.89m/2.1) and Cougar Town (5.35m/2.3) didn’t handle it nearly as well. Oprah’s Oscar Special (4.34m/1.3) failed to find much of an audience.

Thursday, the struggles for Grey’s Anatomy (11.83m/4) and Private Practice (7.57m/2.7) continued. Those aren’t bad numbers, but they’re down. I’m chalking that up to the baby episode of The Office and looking for those numbers to go up in coming weeks. The week ended with Supernanny (4.36m/1.2) and 20/20 (6.28m/1.4 – 6.73m/1.6) on Friday.

NBC - The last blast of the Olympics (21.4m/5.5) kicked things off on Sunday, and made for great premiere numbers from The Marriage Ref (14.45m/4.9). Things slowed down on Monday where Chuck (6.7m/2.4) held steady while Law & Order (7.76m/2) moved over to fill in. The Biggest Loser (8.27m/3.2) continues to feel the effects of Idol, but is holding strong on Tuesday. The bigger news though was the premiere of Parenthood (8.1m/3.1). That’s a good number, but you could argue it’s a little soft given all the promotion the show received during the Olympics. It will be interesting to see what the next couple outings bring.

Thursday, Community (5.02m/2.3) and Parks & Recreation (4.61m/2.3) were at their usual leisurely pace. The Office (9.02m/4.7), on the other hand, again proved that a baby episode still commands eyeballs. That gave a nice push to the second outing of The Marriage Ref (7.71m/3.4), but I’ll be very curious to see what following 30 Rock does to the numbers. Friday brought the premiere of Who Do You Think You Are (6.85m/1.6). Not great, but not bad for a really cheap Friday show. Things wrapped up with a double dose of Dateline (6.6m/1.4 – 7.74m/1.9).

CW – Working in scheduling at CW must be a great gig. There’s so little to do. And so much time off. The week brought exactly one new hour of programming. Life Unexpected (1.78m/.8) continued to fall just short of numbers that would offer confidence about a second season. It’s not done, by any means, but it’s firmly on the bubble.

CABLE - The big news on cable was probably the premiere of Southland (2.49m/1). TNT has finally burned through all of the episodes that NBC aired, and brought out their first ‘new’ episode. I have to think that number is a bit of a disappointment. And it kind of supports NBC’s case for cancellation. Certainly, you can’t expect a cable show to do network numbers. But if this really was a big mistake that NBC was making you could expect it to at least be competitive with The Closer and Leverage. And it’s not. Other cable numbers:

• Big Love (1.92m/.9)
• How To Make It In America (.72m/.4)
• Secret Life Of The American Teenager (3.14m/1.1)
• Make It Or Break It (2.14m/.7)
• Greek (.94m/.4)
• Damages (.97m/.3)
• Southland (2.49m/1)
• White Collar (3.48m/1.1)
• Nip/Tuck (1.88m/.9)
• Psych (2.87m/1)
• Burn Notice (4.32m/1.6)
• American Pickers (3.86m/1.5)
• Pawn Stars (4.93m/2 – 5.34m/2.3)
• Ghost Hunters (2.41m/1)
• Project Runway (2.38m/.9)
• LA Ink (1.28m/.7)

Related posts

• Ratings Clack – How do you beat Idol? Oscar.
• Ratings Clack – The Grammy Awards beat Idol
• Ratings Clack – Football and Olympics take over

Television certainly returned with a force this past week following the Olympics, but that doesn’t mean it’s all the way back. Personally, I found that for a complete slate of new episodes, the week was rather wanting on the quotes side. Or maybe our team here at CliqueClack was simply caught unprepared for the subtle humor that your favorite show spews forth week after week. If so, let me know what we missed!

Community

“Oh, come on. If all Chinese were psychic you would’ve started using birth control centuries ago.” – Pierce to Chang

Greek

“Sorry … did you say your name was Beaver?” – Mrs. Hilgendorf
“Well, it’s short for The Beaver.” – Beaver

How I Met Your Mother

“Our girl parts are like spider webs … sometimes you catch things you don’t want.” – Robin

The Middle

“Saturday’s my day to decompress.” – Brick, on why he didn’t want to compete in the Orson County Bee

“I had the lowest of expectations, and I’m still disappointed.” – Axl, upon arriving at the world’s largest tree stump

Modern Family

“You never want your kids to see you scared. You want to be that rock they can grab a hold of in a stormy sea. Actually, a rock would sink. So a floating rock.” – Phil

“You know it’s because you’re Asian, right? No, I’m sorry, am I just supposed to ignore the giant panda in the room?” – Cam, when Lily calls her pediatrician “mommy” (a gay dad’s worst fear)

“Hey Cam, where did we get this dolly from?” – Mitchell
“Janice and Olivia. They brought it over yesterday. Lily loves it.” – Cam
“Seems a little frilly, you know, coming from them.” – Mitchell
“Because they’re lesbians? That’s sort of an offensive stereotype, don’t you think?” – Cam
“I suppose. I’m sorry. Hey, did they bring back our coffee maker?” – Mitchell
“No, it was too big. They were on their motorcycle.” – Cam

Psych

“We’re one and the same. We’re Shassie now. We’re Sharlton. We’re Spenciter.” – Shawn to Lassiter

“We’re gonna go out and hunt some Marlin.” – Henry
“Wayans? Well, it’s about time. Get out there quick before they make another White Chicks.” – Shawn

Rules of Engagement

“Oh right … your marriage is at the point where you like to introduce new characters.” – Russell’s take on kids

Related posts

• Quotation Marks – Is crime scene faking a required course in Colombia?
• Quotation Marks – Elephant’s scrotum, Andy’s crotch, and Camel penises
• Quotation Marks – Ascots, belly buttons, and Crocs

NBC announced some uncharacteristically good news yesterday: Community, The Office and 30 Rock have all been renewed for another season (along with the already-announced renewal for Parks & Recreation). I was most excited about the news for Community, because it really has gotten better with each episode, and I’m thrilled to see it into another season.

The news of Community’s pickup got me thinking: was there a point when Community really excelled and brought it from an it’s OK-funny show to an OMG-this-is-hilarious show? Within about three seconds of asking Deb that very question, she answered it for me: “Introduction to Statistics.” Or, as it will be forever remembered, the Batman episode.

I’m totally into the Halloween season, so this episode hit me on a high note already with its Halloween theme. Abed as Batman, though, was where this episode truly outshined those before it. The Dark Knight has been spoofed plenty of times before, mostly due to that absurdly raspy voice of Christian Bale’s in the movie. This episode simply took all of those spoofs to the next level, and where the show officially Blew the Hatch.

Here’s a long scene of what was probably the best part of the episode:

When did Community Blow the Hatch for you? Or has it yet to do anything for you yet? If so, at least there’s now a whole new season for them to grab you.

Related posts

• Angel blew the hatch with Wesley’s road to bad-assery
• The Shield Blew the Hatch with the money train
• Sports Night Blows the Hatch -- Dan makes an apology

This week’s episode sort of answered my prayers. Oddly, I’m not talking about Joel McHale’s Tiger print boxer briefs– although those were certainly interesting. I’ve been wanting Abed to get a love interest (besides Troy) for quite some time, and while he didn’t end up riding off into the sunset with the girl of his dreams, we did learn some very important things about Abed: he has self-confidence coming out of his butt, and he does a shockingly good Don Draper impression.

Speaking of his Don Draper impression, does it hurt anyone else’s brain that that show exists in the world of Community? When Abed/Don Draper was wooing Annie, who is played by Allison Brie, who plays Trudy, Pete Campbell’s wife on Mad Men, I think my brain leaked out of my ear a little bit. Call me simple, but I can’t handle that much meta, and I swear to God, if The Soup somehow exists as well, I’m probably going to have a seizure and die.

I like how Community doesn’t constantly try to make Abed some sort of charity case or object of pity. Up until this point, where he pretty much just spells it out for everybody, he’s stealthily been the coolest, most put-together person in the group. He’s the only one out of all of them who hasn’t tried to change, or had any sort of identity crisis, or even an unsure moment. As Jeff says, he’s almost some sort of God.

Speaking of Jeff, as funny as his storyline was this week, it was a little weird that it took place so outside of the group. They really didn’t get involved at all, until the very end when they came to cheer him on in his showdown and see every awkward, naked angle a guy can possibly put himself into.

I was a little surprised at a couple of things though: one, that it was so obvious that Annie was taking a lot of peeks, but we didn’t really see much of Britta’s reaction, and two, that everybody came so close to him and patted him on the shoulders and whatnot to congratulate him after his win. I know Joel McHale’s a good-looking dude and all, but in my experience, when someone gets unexpectedly naked in public, you generally don’t get too close to them. It’s almost as if their embarrassing nudity is contagious — you kind of want to keep your distance.

While it’s hard to top the amazing holiday episode that they did, Community consistently gets better and better. Watching it this week makes me glad that the Olympics are finally over, and the stuff I love is back on. And what I love is the version of Abed that may be a vampire.

Related posts

• Community – I’m in love with Abed
• Community – It’s about time study group just devolved into a big orgy
• Community – What would baby Jesus do?

Admit it … NBC’s Must See TV Thursday was one wet and wild ride. Since the slogan’s creation back in the fall of 1982 — when NBC’s Thursday night lineup consisted of Fame, Cheers, Taxi, and Hill Street Blues — the amount of superior programming to air on the Peacock’s big night has been mind-boggling. The Cosby Show, Family Ties, Night Court, L.A. Law, A Different World, Dear John, Wings, Seinfeld, Mad About You, Frasier, ER, Friends, Just Shoot Me, Will & Grace, Scrubs, The Office, 30 Rock…. Landing a spot in the lineup must have been the holy grail for an NBC series.

Today? Not so much. No, I’m not here to disparage NBC’s current crop of 30-minute sitcoms, and I do include 30 Rock and The Office in my weekly show selections, but how does a night of Community, Parks and Recreation, The Office, and 30 Rock stack up against what amounts to an endless smorgasbord of potential combinations that I could throw at you right now?

In a word, it doesn’t so much. But is anyone doing it any better?

CBS has been hitting homeruns with the procedural for a while now. At the same time, The Eye has quietly thrown three hours of comedy into its weekly repertoire. While I’m not a fan of either, there’s no arguing that Two and a Half Men and The Big Bang Theory are two of the most beloved shows of any genre on TV. Julia Louis-Dreyfus can’t stop being nominated for awards for The New Adventures of Old Christine, and Gary Unmarried supplies us with free DVDs for your enjoyment. While I’ve been disappointed in How I Met Your Mother this season, its success continues to grow, and Accidentally on Purpose … well Rules of Engagement, which replaces Accidentally on Purpose in March, is one of my favorite sitcoms on TV these days. You can’t not love David Puddy (Patrick Warburton) repurposed.

Over on ABC, meanwhile, a couple of brilliant moves have propelled the Alphabet into a pretty strong sitcom position. Picking up Scrubs last year and then (somewhat) successfully retooling it was ingenious — it saves on focus-grouping a pilot and spending money to build a fan base — while bringing Better Off Ted (a show I do not watch) back for a second chance has earned a lot of goodwill and admiration from the demographic of fans who are waiting impatiently for an Arrested Development movie.

And in one fell swoop the network also established a sitcom tent-pole on Wednesday nights. Cougar Town (don’t watch it) has surprised most everyone, and has catapulted Courteney Cox back to relevancy, while Modern Family is doing a great job taking the recently overexposed documentary style and making it work to its advantage, with characters so enjoyable that we just need to hear the real story behind whatever Phil (Ty Burrell) may have just said. And The Middle?… Probably the best new show of the season for me.

But then you have to ask yourself the following question: have we become indoctrinated with the idea that Thursday night is laughs night? Because I only got used to watching sitcoms on Monday night near the end of Everybody Loves Raymond’s run … Tuesday and Wednesday nights still feel like the middle of nowhere to me. Which really would reverse the question back on what I was looking to avoid in the first place — does NBC’s current Thursday night lineup stand up to its storied past?

Personally, I give ABC and CBS high marks for airing high quality programming, but neither has replaced NBC in my mind as the network that’s known for sitcoms. I’m still stuck on NBC falling short of its bar, as opposed to having the bar now reside at a different address.

How about for you? Is NBC still living up to its storied comedic past? Has ABC or CBS passed it by? Or maybe FOX has, with Animation Domination, ‘Til Death, and Brothers…. Let me know in the comments below.

Related posts

• Modern Family’s weird kids, gay jokes and sneaky laughs
• NBC – The ultimate Must See TV
• My Name is Earl – Whither the Crab Man?

You didn’t have to be a faithful follower of the numbers to know what was going to come out on top last week. Of course, Super Bowl XLIV was going to be huge. It wasn’t just huge. It finally knocked off the M.A.S.H. finale as the most watched program ever. That made for a great start to the week for CBS. With more great numbers for the Monday comedies, the NCIS duo, and the return of Survivor, the good news lasted all week. At the other end of the week, NBC took over. The opening ceremonies for the Winter Olympics were well below Super Bowl levels, but rather impressive all on their own.

CBS - Super Bowl XLIV (101.43m/38.2) managed to top 100 million viewers. Jiminy. With that many people tuned in, even a trainwreck like Undercover Boss (38.65m/16.2) can look like a world beater. Round two of that one is obviously going to take a huge hit. The question now is how much it will drop. Can Undercover Boss stand on its own? Monday night, with How I Met Your Mother (10m/3.8), Accidentally On Purpose (9.1m/3.3), 2 ½ Men (17.67m/5.7), Big Bang Theory (16.26m/6), and CSI: Miami (13.53m/3.9) looked to have received a bit of a Bowl boost as well. Check out that 6 in the demo for Big Bang. I’m sure it makes the Belarusian rip-off a little easier to swallow.

Things were good on Tuesday as well. NCIS (19.75m/4.1) remains virtually unphased by Idol. And NCIS:LA (17.91m/4.1) managed to keep all of Jethro’s demo for the first time, even while airing against Lost. The Good Wife (14.75m/3.1) was strong as well. Wednesday wasn’t as exciting to start, but Old Christine (8.1m/2.3) and Gary Unmarried (7.5m/2.4) were both up. Criminal Minds (14.33m/3.6) remained steady versus Idol while CSI:NY (12.98m/3.3) easily won its hour. Thursday brought the return of Survivor (14.15m/4.5), and it looks like people like the Heroes vs Villains. That two hour premiere led to a nice performance from The Mentalist (15.86m/3.7).

NBC - The week started on Monday, with Chuck (6.6m/2.2) slipping a bit more while Heroes (4.43m/2) limped through a season (series?) finale. The Biggest Loser (8.89m/3.5) looked better on Tuesday, although it has taken a sizable hit from the return of Idol. Wednesday, Mercy (6.78m/1.8) continued to struggle. That’s good for a 4th place, losing to the 834th repeat of the Charlie Brown Valentines episode.

Community (5.15m/2.3), Parks & Recreation (4.98m/2.3), The Office (7.44m/3.7), and 30 Rock (6m/2.8) were all about where one would expect on Thursday. The big news came Friday, as millions of people tuned in to see Catriona Le May Doan light the flame in the opening for the Winter Olympics (32.6m/7.7). The Olympics made for an oddly active Saturday night as well, with NBC reporting an average of 26.2 million viewers for the night.

FOX - House (13.6m/5.1) was again on top to kick off Monday, followed by another solid outing for 24 (10.27m/3.3). American Idol took over from there, with “Hollywood Week” bringing good numbers on Tuesday (27.89m/10.1) and Wednesday (25.17m/9.5). Past Life was just ok, following Idol on Tuesday (8.32m/2.8), and then collapsed completely standing on its own on Thursday (5.31m/1.4). Human Target (8.91m/2.5) again led off Wednesday, with a number that puts it squarely on the bubble.

ABC - The Bachelor (12.35m/4.1) wasn’t the number one show on the network, but it might have been the most impressive, given expectations. Castle (9.54m/2.5) followed, and was down, but still looks good considering the rest of the 10PM schedule. Round two for Lost (11.05m/5) looked very good on Tuesday. That wasn’t too far off the premiere number, and it was the #1 demo for the network. That made for a small boost to The Forgotten (5.92m/2).

Wednesday, The Middle (7.83m/2.9) continued to grow, and Modern Family (9.84m/4.1) put up great numbers against Idol. Cougar Town (6.41m/2.7) didn’t stand up nearly as well against the increased competition. Ugly Betty (4.68m/1.6) seems to have found its Wednesday level. On Thursday, the bad news continued for The Deep End (5.7m/1.5). And, while not bad news, Grey’s Anatomy (12.74m/4.4) remained off the pace. Private Practice (9.04m/3.1) was solid at 10.

CW - It was more of the same from the three night CW schedule. Monday, One Tree Hill (2.17m/1.1) was normal and Life Unexpected (2m/.9) took another small dip. Thursday found Vampire Diaries (3.51m/1.5) and Supernatural (2.51m/1) down  a bit against the return of Survivor. And Friday, Smallville (2.48m/1) continued to plug along.

CABLE - There’s good news, and bad news. The good news is that White Collar (3.83m/1.3) and Psych (3.57m/1.3) both bounced back after an off week. The bad news comes from Caprica (1.13m/.4). The numbers are in from the February 5th episode, and the show took another sizable hit. Other cable numbers for the week:

• Big Love (1.31m/.6)
• Secret Life Of The American Teenager (2.99m/1)
• Make It Or Break It (2.29m/.8)
• Greek (.98m/.5)
• Damages (1.08m/.2)
• Southland (1.29m/.4)
• Nip/Tuck (1.73m/.9)
• Leverage (2.78m/.8)
• Burn Notice (4.66m/1.7)
• Blue Mountain State (.81m/.4)
• The Sarah Silverman Program (.61m/.3)
• Archer (.76m/.3)
• American Pickers (3.31m/1.1)
• Pawn Stars (4.44m/1.7 – 4.68m/1.9)
• Dirty Jobs (1.78m/.8)
• Shear Genius (1.1m/.5)
• Project Runway (2.92m/1.2)

Related posts

• Ratings Clack – Heroes: Sack The Cheerleader… Save The Network?
• Ratings Clack – The Grammy Awards beat Idol
• Ratings Clack – How do you beat Idol? Oscar.

If that title doesn’t scream Happy Valentine’s Day….

The Olympics spell the death of television for the next few weeks, but lucky for us this past week has been jammed packed with worthy quotes, funny moments, and cheesy romance. Of course, the salty side of love wasn’t forgotten, just referred to in a far more vulgar way than usual in honor of the “little flying fat kid[’s]” special day. That’s right Stephen Colbert … I’m looking at you!

30 Rock

“On Valentine’s day Angie and I rent a room with a heart shaped hot tub and cook chili in it. Then we take it to a soup kitchen and that’s where it gets sexy!” – Tracy

“I always knew this would end some day. I just thought it would be with me in the trunk of a rental car.” – Jenna, on being dumped by her stalker

“I learned to talk to gorillas when I worked for GE medical. [While signing] We’re going to test poisons on you.” – Jack

“Wow, Avery Jessup, she’s hot. She was on Maxim’s ‘I’d Rape That 100′” – Liz

American Idol

“So this is it, huh? I come on … you leave.” – Ellen DeGeneres to Simon Cowell on night one of Hollywood Week

Community

“She [Britta] has more arguments that don’t matter than a comment section on a YouTube video.” – Jeff

Cougar Town

“Where’s Jules? Andy and I are going on a romantic couple’s lunch and we want her to come with us.” – Ellie

Daily Show/Colbert Report

“Is that your face? I thought you were wearing a ski mask made from an elephant’s scrotum.” – Stephen Colbert to Jon Stewart

Greek

“I don’t know what cliché means.” – Beaver to Ashleigh, in the batting cage

“He’s just so … so … mentally challenged.” – Ashleigh to Casey, about Beaver

Grey’s Anatomy

“It’s Valentine’s Day.” – Derek and Owen
“We don’t do Valentine’s Day!” – Cristina and Meredith

“These are all half-eaten!” – Cristina
“Now you can see what they are.” – Karev

How I Met Your Mother

“Robin, you’re going to marry this guy so fricking hard. Right in the butt.” – Marshall

“I can’t do that Ted. I just can’t hook up with a girl if there is a hotter girl out there with whom Up can be Hooked.” – Barney

“And wait, this is the best part, I’ve been working on this for a while … I’ll duck out.” – Ted

Leverage

“James Sterling, Interpol. It just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?” – Sterling

“I never get to do anything fun.” – Parker, as she dives off the side of a building

“Be still my heart, if my heart was somewhere in my pants.” – The Mayor, when he saw the plans for the ballpark

Life Unexpected

“Oh, you’re just bitter that you’re buying too many dinners and not enough breakfasts.” – Cate

“I’m married … with step-kids.” – Alice
“I’m out.” – Jamie

“They picked out kids like they were puppies … or cars.” – Lux

The Middle

“Hey, Lady Gaga, love your music.” – Axl to Sue, upon seeing her dressed for her party

“You look so pretty in all of that makeup. Like a Kardashian.” – Carly to Sue, right in all the wrong ways

“They said they’d take him for the night. A deal’s a deal!” – Mike to Frankie, when Zack’s mother calls to have Brick picked up

Modern Family

“Are you in town for a convention or something or do you forget your name a lot?” – Claire to Phil’s “Clive Bixby,” who’s wearing a Hello tag.

“You look so strong and sexy, like an Olympic wrestler, but with money.” – Gloria to Jay

“All women should look as tasty as you when they’re old.” – Dylan to Claire as he gives her a Valentine’s Day rose

The Office

“These sure are pretty dogs.” – Andy
“They love a good crotch.” – Jo
“Yeah, they sure do.” – Andy
“You should take that as a compliment.” – Jo
“Oh, I do.” – Andy, followed by Erin smiling her encouragement/agreement?

“Oh, a bird and a dog.” – Erin
“Yeah, well it’s Snoopy and Woodstock .” – Andy
“You named them?” – Erin
“Ah, Charles Schulz did.” – Andy

“Camel cigarettes did the same thing with Joe Camel by making him look like a penis. I can’t even go near a cigarette now without thinking of a penis. And vice versa.” – Michael, on saying the word “manager” a lot to Jo

Parks and Recreation

“It’s the most romantic story ever. It makes The Notebook look like Saw V.” – Leslie, on the story her mother told at Galentin’s day about the lifeguard

Psych

“You sat there and ate Munchos while I called my contacts in Sacramento.” – Henry
“I was on the missing persons website.” – Shawn
“The band Missing Persons.” – Henry

Supernatural

“You mean the little flying fat kid in diapers?” – Dean, referring to the legendary Cupid
“They’re not incontinent.” – Castiel

White Collar

“Peter, are you serious? Mi casa es su casa.” – Neal
“Su casa isn’t even su casa.” – Peter

Related posts

• Quotation Marks – Deloreans, baby daddys, and what Penny does
• Quotation Marks – Batman, Emperor Palpatine, and sexy kittens
• Quotation Marks – Is crime scene faking a required course in Colombia?

It’s Valentine’s day weekend, and I don’t know about you, but for me, that pretty much means… absolutely nothing. Until next year, that is, when I officially stop ignoring the holiday and start expecting my kid to make me things. That’s going to be sweet. Anyway, most of this week’s TV was Valentine’s Day-themed, and whether it was funny or sad, Valentine’s Day on television is invariably better than actual Valentine’s Day. This is the beauty of television.

Pretty kitty has nails on Modern Family

On Modern Family, Phil and Claire decided to break from their normal routine of going to a family-style Italian restaurant and spend a night in a hotel together. Not only that, but they decided to spice things up with a little role playing in the bar. I’ve got to hand it to them: not many couples who have been married nearly 20 years would be up for this, but as awkward as it is, they give an admirable effort.

A long-lost son comes to visit on Ugly Betty

Here’s what weirds me: the child that Claire gave birth to and then gave up for adoption on Ugly Betty is significantly younger than her two other children, yet seemingly, no one remembers her being pregnant. Seriously: Daniel is like 10 years older than this dude, and he doesn’t remember a baby in mommy’s tummy when he was in the fourth grade? Anyway, despite this head-scratcher, the scene between Claire and Tyler in which he asks if she is his mother, was extremely well done. Neal Bledsoe, who plays Tyler, hasn’t been in a whole lot, but I hope to see him in a lot more after this.

Jeff and Abed get awkwardly drunk on Community

While I do prefer the dynamic duo of Troy and Abed, Jeff and Abed getting drunk together was pretty hilarious. The best part about it is, even though they got drunk in a very ’80s teen movie kind of way, Abed got so drunk that all of his ’80s teen movie knowledge was knocked right out of him. I believe that is what Ms. Alanis Morrisette would call “ironic.”

A head waiter confesses his love on Grey’s Anatomy

Yes, this is totally sappy, but I’m completely susceptible to this kind of thing; I can’t help it. A roof collapses at a restaurant, leading to an influx of injured people coming to Seattle Grace. Here, the head waiter at the restaurant has a lovely monologue about loving a woman from afar for over 15 years– and she hears everything he says!

Related posts

• 30 Rock – Liz is alone for Valentine’s Day
• Community – BCI: Booty Call Implications
• The Big Bang Theory – Leonard’s Valentine’s Day snafu

Am I the only one who gets sad when the show doesn’t end with Troy and Abed? Granted, I’m pretty sure this is only the second or third time it’s happened, but the episode feels somehow incomplete when it’s anyone but the two of them. Speaking of which, I find it funny that we’ve had so much Troy and Abed bromance lately, but none at all in the Valentine’s day episode. Perhaps they were afraid that people wouldn’t understand their special brand of love.

Instead, we get some quality Jeff and Abed time. the montage of the two of them getting drunk was so well-done that I spent the entire time wanting to vomit. In fact, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if I woke up tomorrow with a little bit of a hangover. As much as I love Abed’s dedication to his craft, I’m a little worried that Jeff broke him so thoroughly that not only was he unable to make a proper Breakfast Club reference, but he couldn’t even make it to the Valentine’s Day dance. It must be tough to be such a visionary.

The whole drunk dialing thing kind of confused me. It’s obvious that Britta has been totally in love with Jeff for a while, but she doesn’t want to admit it to herself. They’re at the point where they could probably make it happen, but Jeff sticks with Slater instead of going after the girl he’s wanted all season. I don’t really get it. It’s the same thing that happened to Troy and Annie last week. Annie has been after Troy for years, but still chose Vaughn? It doesn’t seem that believable to me in any situation other than needing to drag it out longer for the show.

In fact, I’m growing tired of the whole “will they or won’t they” thing in general. Community has done a really good job lately of pushing the nonsense into the background and just letting Jeff and Britta be friends. Those interactions have been much more interesting, so I’m sad to see it veer back into the “I want to see you naked” territory if no one is actually going to see anyone naked.

What I’m really pulling for though, is for Shirley to find a man. Everyone has gotten a love interest except for Shirley and Abed, and Abed is doing okay on his own. Shirley, however, needs to bounce back from her divorce, and I’d love to see someone come on to help her out with that. Maybe Taye Diggs could spare some time? Who would you like to see?

Related posts

• Community – Our Back-Door Library Conundrum
• Community – Katharine McPhee is a grifter
• Community – It’s about time study group just devolved into a big orgy

American Idol has become such a ratings juggernaut that it’s always a little surprising when something actually tops it. The Grammy Awards were able to do just that last week, thanks to the best ratings for the show since 2004. The other big event for the week was the return of Lost on ABC. It didn’t approach the Idol or Grammy numbers, but it did finish the week as the number one scripted show in the adult demo. Granted, it was the season premiere, but knocking off Grey’s, House, 2 ½ Men, and Big Bang Theory is always worth noting. On cable, the big surprise was probably the performance from USA’s White Collar and Psych. Both were well down from last week.

CBS - I was surprised by the numbers for The Grammy Awards (25.87m/9.9). I watched most of it, and just didn’t think the show was that good. That could just be that my musical taste has aged beyond what works for television. Whatever the case, it made for a great start to the week. The success continued on Monday with How I Met Your Mother (9.28m/3.7), Accidentally On Purpose (8.43m/3), 2 ½ Men (16.51m/5.1), Big Bang Theory (15.51m/5.4), and CSI: Miami (13.44m/3.7) teaming up to win the night in viewers and demo.

The news was good on Tuesday as well, despite the crazy competition. NCIS (19.23m/4.3) held up to Idol, and the boost ABC saw from the Lost recap. Even better than that, the more impressive number came from NCIS: LA, which faced much stiffer  competition this week. Week to week, ABC, NBC, and FOX were up 8.14m viewers and 4.7 in the demo. Despite that, NCIS: LA only dropped .49m viewers and .1 in the demo. The Good Wife (12.81m/2.6) also held up well, considering the increase from Lost over The Forgotten.

Things kept rolling on Wednesday, with the Superbowl Commercials Special (10.99m/2.9) and CSI: NY (14.16m/3.4) winning their hours while Criminal Minds (14.75m/3.8) held strong against Idol. Thursday was also solid, with the Surviving Survivor (8.11m/2.4) special, CSI (14.49m/3.2), and The Mentalist (14.68m/3.3). Friday, as usual, brought easy wins in all three hours for Ghost Whisperer (8.77m/2.2), Medium (9.1m/2.2), and Numb3rs (9.18m/2).

FOX - The week started off slowly, with The Grammys taking their toll on the animation block of The Simpsons (4.95m/2.4), Cleveland (4.5m/2.2), Family Guy (6.19m/3.2), and American Dad (5.06m/2.5). Business picked up on Monday, thanks to House (13.38m/4.8). 24 (9.96m/3.1) was down, but remains above the Lie To Me numbers. Tuesday, American Idol (24.71m/9) won the night, and Kitchen Nightmares (8.99m/3.8) made its debut at 9.

Wednesday was rather curious. After the ratings dive that Lie To Me took last year when the network moved Idol to 9, I didn’t think they would do it again. But they did, and the results were as expected for Human Target (7.8m/2.4). The surprise this time was that Idol (21m/7.8) took a hit as well. It’s not hard to make the case that if those two were swapped, both would go up. Bones (12.37m/3.3) and Fringe (7.4m/2.6) wrapped up the week with another strong Thursday. It will be interesting to see what happens with these two when they return and Survivor is back in full swing.

ABC - As we saw with the Golden Globes, the ABC Sunday takes a hit from awards shows. That was the case with The Grammy Awards, with Extreme Makeover (8.54m/2.2), Desperate Housewives (11.44m/3.7), and Brothers & Sisters (7.65m/2.4) all down. The news was better on Monday, with The Bachelor (11.73m/4.1) finishing second in the 8pm and 9pm hours. Tuesday was all about Lost. The recap (9.97m/4.1) was well above what Ted and Scrubs have been offering, and the premiere episode (12.09m/5.5) was the number one scripted show of the week in the demo. It’s a great start to the final season.

There was good news on Wednesday as well. The Middle (7.32m/2.7) seems to have found its legs, and Modern Family (9.19m/3.9) weathered the relocation of Idol to 9 very well. Cougar Town (6.26m/2.9) was off a bit, and Ugly Betty (4.03m/1.4) is now just finishing out the run. Thursday, the news wasn’t good for The Deep End (5.08m/1.3). That’s a fifth place finish in the demo. Grey’s Anatomy (12.55m/4.5) and Private Practice (9.25m/3.3) looked good by comparison, but those numbers are low for both of them. Friday finished things off with Supernanny (5.39m/1.5), Shark Tank (4.66m/1.4), and 20/20 (8.66m/1.8).

NBC – Not even trying to compete with The Grammys, NBC rolled out another SNL Special (3.06m/1.2) to start the week. Chuck (6.73m/2.4) brought better news Monday, holding fairly steady against a full complement of competition. Heroes (4.42m/2) was again a distant fourth at 9. The Biggest Loser (9.48m/3.7) moved to 9 on Tuesday, and had a very good night against heavy competition.

Mercy (6.21m/1.6) was flying solo on Wednesday, and still hasn’t found any traction. Thursday, Community (5.23m/2.3) and Parks & Recreation (4.88m/2.3) were both up slightly, but remain well off the pace. The Office (7.37m/3.8) was much more competitive, moving up to number two in the demo. 30 Rock (5.79m/2.9) was okay to wrap the night. Dateline (6.49m/1.5) finished things off on Friday.

CW - Another short week started with One Tree Hill (2.14m/1) and Life Unexpected (2.07m/1) down on Monday. At these levels, and considering that it is repeating better than other shows, Life Unexpected should be very interesting when renewal time comes around. Vampire Diaries (3.99m/1.9) remained the network’s big hit on Thursday, bumping ABC for fourth in the demo. Supernatural (2.28m/1.1) was down for the week. Friday, the big Smallville (2.77m/1.2) movie event made a good showing.

CABLE - There were curious numbers for White Collar (2.89m/.9) and Psych (2.86m/1.1) this week that might have USA rethinking that new schedule. Burn Notice (4.25m/1.7) didn’t suffer the same fate. You can make a pretty good guess that the Lost premiere could have hurt White Collar, but I have no idea what to make of the big drop for Psych. Elsewhere, and late, the numbers for the second episode of Caprica (1.41m/.5) are in. It’s in the same ballpark as where Stargate Universe ended its winter run (1.34m/.5). Other cable numbers for the week:

• Big Love (1.52m/.7)
• Secret Life Of The American Teenager (2.89m/1.1)
• Make It Or Break It (2.16m/.7)
• Greek (1.07m/.5)
• Damages (1.02m/.2)
• Men Of A Certain Age (2.26m/.6)
• Southland (1.21m/.3)
• Nip/Tuck (1.54m/.8)
• Leverage (2.91m/.9)
• The Sarah Silverman Program (.77m/.4)
• Archer (.62m/.4)
• NFL Pro Bowl (12.3m/4.2)
• Keeping Up With The Kardashians (2.84m/1.6)
• Ax Men (2.26m/.9)
• American Pickers (3.4m/1.1)
• Pawn Stars (3.85m/1.5 – 4.12m/1.6)
• Dirty Jobs (2.15m/1)
• Teen Mom (3.11m/1.7)
• Shear Genius (1.1m/.5)
• Project Runway (2.75m/1.2)

Related posts

• Ratings Clack – Football and Olympics take over
• Ratings Clack – Heroes: Sack The Cheerleader… Save The Network?
• Ratings Clack – Idol, Olympics, and the Kardashians

Obviously, the big news in TV this week was the return of Lost. They’re back at LAX! No they’re not! Juliet’s alive! No she’s not! It was all very confusing, but there was one smoky moment that stood out for me. In other TV news, Modern Family got pixilated, the study group on Community finally acknowledged the growing sexual tension, and NBC’s Thursday night was quite musical. Here are some of the things that didn’t suck this week:

John Locke is a Dot-Matrix printer on Lost.

Wait, that’s not right. John Locke is actually the smoke monster! Except, it’s not John Locke, it’s the Man in Black. Right? Right? I’m so bad at Lost that I don’t even know. However, what I do know is that Ol’ Smokey laying waste to an entire room full of people was pretty bad ass.

A moon landing on Modern Family

Because I am four years old, when Jay and Cameron had their awkward run-in while in the locker room, I started giggling uncontrollably and squeaking, “They touched butts, they touched butts!” But seriously: are “moon landings” and splashdowns” real things?

The study group on Community wants to jump each other’s bones.

This was my favorite part of this week’s episode: each look is funnier than the last, plus it serves as a nice callback to previous episodes. Personally, I’m rooting for Troy and Shirley.

Vaughn likes Annie’s nose on Community

Vaughn is back, and this time he’s singing to the new object of his affection, Annie. The part about Eskimos in his mouth is kind of creepy, but it’s creepy in the kind of way that an 18-year-old girl would love.

30 Rock doesn’t want you to go to sleep with a frown in your pocket

I really like the fact that Liz’s and Kenneth’s mothers both sang them the same song when they were little. Sometimes it’s the little things that connect us in life.

Dunder-Mifflin is a part of Sabre on The Office

I’m much happier to have this song stuck in my head, then the ubiquitous Miley Cyrus original, “Party in the U.S.A.” God, I hate that song.

Related posts

• What about John Locke? – Open Letters
• The Office – Did Dwight really need to taste the garbage bag to know that it was new?
• The Office – What did happen to Meredith’s kids?

As wonderful as Annie’s crush on Vaughn was to watch, I’m Team Troy, so watching him mack on her, only to be cruelly rejected, hurt. Luckily for Troy, even though Annie may have brushed him aside (for now), he still has Abed, his other half.

Abed, as it turns out, is not exclusive to Troy. He waggled his eyebrows at just about everyone at the study group table when they were all contemplating each other as sexual partners. The funniest pairings? Annie and Britta’s longing looks at each other, and Troy’s “yeah, I could see it” at Shirley.

Here’s what worried me though: was it just me, or did Jeff and Annie’s looks at each other linger just a little bit too long? Sure, they kissed during the debate, and as a dude, Jeff understands that Annie is hot, but I really liked the fact that he realized that she’s 18, and anything happening between them would be completely inappropriate. It was nice that as big of a sleazeball as Jeff is, he drew the line there. If they back off from that, I’m going to be very sad– unless it happens in season 4 or something.

It’s great that the writers have worked on making Britta more relatable lately, instead of just the stand-offish bitch she was at the beginning of the season. For the first time, I’m actually rooting for her and Jeff to get together, although their friendship is working quite well right now.

At this point, we’ve had a love interest for everyone on the show other than Shirley and Abed. While I doubt they’d end up together, I’d love to see these two get a little more action on the show. Shirley needs someone to make her feel young and alive again, and Abed, well, Abed needs Troy in a wig. Which I’m sure could be arranged.

Related posts

• Community – Non-erotic naked pool
• Community – BCI: Booty Call Implications
• Community – Our Back-Door Library Conundrum

The complete implosion of Heroes just never gets old. I’m fascinated by it, and the show found an all new low last week. Over the years we’ve seen plenty of shows fall from their once lofty heights. But to see one crash so fast, and in such a dramatic fashion, is a rare thing. On a brighter note, the week that was also brought a host of premieres, including 24, Human Target, White Collar, Burn Notice, and American Pickers. And if you want to see some really crazy numbers, click through and take a look at what iCarly did.

NBC - The Golden Globes (16.98m/5.5) got the week started on a high note. That’s not quite a Sunday Night Football number, but it’s awfully close. Hopefully, it softened the blow that was to come on Monday. Chuck (6.65m/2.5) remains in fourth place. The fact that the demo held up from the premiere is a good sign though. Heroes (3.98m/1.8)… what can you say? There aren’t enough DVDs, DVRs, or Hulu views to not make that number suck out loud.

To give a little perspective on just how bad the Heroes numbers were this week… On the four major networks, last week there were 47 shows that beat Heroes in viewers and demo, and that includes a boatload of repeats. Worse, the closest year to year comparison we can make is to February of last year (8.54m/4). The show has lost more than half its audience, again. And worst of all, more people watched Jersey Shore (4.83m) last week. Jersey Shore, people! NBC has a lot to do to pull the network out of its 4th place quagmire, but step one should be putting this show out of its misery.

Happier thoughts arrived Tuesday. The Biggest Loser (9.95m/4.1) bounced back when only having to face one hour of Idol. Unfortunately, the happy didn’t carry over to Wednesday. Mercy (5.86m/1.4) continues to struggle. The NBC Thursday remains a mixed bag. You have to c0nsider Community (4.75m/2.1) and Parks & Recreation (4.36m/2) a disappointment. Not only are the numbers down (less than a million viewers ahead of CW), they were also beaten by Big Bang repeats on CBS. The Office (7.28m/3.7) was a bit off the pace, but I’ll chalk that up to the episode being a clip-show. It’s still worth noting that it was ahead of CSI in the demo. 30 Rock (5.54m/2.7) had a typical week. It won some more awards, and nobody bothered to watch.

FOX - It was a big week for FOX. American Idol, of course, led the ratings news with two more number-crushing outings on Tuesday (26.38m/10.1) and Wednesday (26.85m/9.9), which were both up year-to-year. The week also brought the premiere of Human Target (10.12m/2.9) and the return of 24 (11.44m/3.9) on Sunday. Jack followed up that debut performance with another two hours on Monday (11.11m/3.5). Those numbers are solid enough, and should make for a nice upgrade to Mondays.

Human Target got a second performance as well, with episode two airing in the regular slot on Wednesday (10.46m/3.4). Those numbers look okay, but you have to take into account that the show was following Idol. Expectations are higher. Last year at this time, Fringe (11.96m/4.6) and Lie To Me (12.37m/4.9) both did considerably better post-Idol. There was more good news on Thursday, as Bones (11.97m/3.5) was far and away #1 at 8. Fringe (6.9m/2.6) remains in 4th place, but continues to slowly grow, as do the chances for renewal.

CBS - Cold Case (10.62m/2.4) opened the week solo on Sunday, and remains decent, if not remarkable. Things were much more exciting Monday, with How I Met Your Mother (10.41m/4), Accidentally On Purpose (9.56m/3.5), 2 ½ Men (16.31m/5.3), Big Bang Theory (15.05m/5.3), and CSI: Miami (13.22m/3.6) combining to win the night in both measures. Tuesday was all repeats, but Jethro and the team at NCIS still managed over 14 million viewers.

Wednesday started slow, with Old Christine (6.21m/1.9) and Gary Unmarried (5.89m/1.8) continuing to just tread water. Business picked up at 9, with Criminal Minds (14.91m/4.2) and CSI: NY (13.54m/3.1) both topping their hours. Thursday, without the benefit of Survivor, CSI (14.29m/3.1) continued to slip, hitting a series low. I would really like to see what would happen to the numbers if William Petersen returned. The Mentalist (14.56m/3.1) was at series low levels as well.

ABC - Desperate Housewives (11.32m/3.8) and Brothers & Sisters (7.97m/2.6) didn’t have a good go of it versus the Golden Globes. Both hours were down, but I suspect they’ll rebound when not facing an awards show. Monday, The Bachelor (10.66m/3.8) and Castle (9.48m/2.8) were both up just a tad. Tuesday continues to be a train-wreck. Nobody is watching Scrubs (3.04m/1.3) and Better Off Ted (2.92m/1.2).

There was better news Wednesday. Modern Family (9.83m/4.2) and Cougar Town (7.54m/3.4) looked much better with Idol contained in the 8-9 hour. Ugly Betty (4.53m/1.6) on the other hand, hasn’t found her audience at 10. Thursday didn’t start that well either. The Deep End (7.11m/1.8) premiered well below what Flash Forward had been doing. The news was better for Grey’s Anatomy (12.7m/4.7). That was the top demo of the night, but it was also a low for the season. Private Practice (9.64m/3.6) was solid at 10.

CW - Look at that. Somebody woke up the CW programming department, and they managed four new hours. Monday brought the usual numbers from One Tree Hill (2.18m/1.1) and a solid premiere performance from Life Unexpected (2.83m/1.2). The week continued on Thursday, with the return of Vampire Diaries (3.68m/1.6) and Supernatural (2.85m/1.3).

CABLE - It was a big week for USA. White Collar (4.72m/1.6) and Burn Notice (5.35m/1.9) both returned to the schedule at expected levels. It will be interesting to watch how the new scheduling works out as we get a few episodes into these runs. Last week was also the premiere of American Pickers (3.1m/1.2) on History. The crazy stat of the week for cable comes from iCarly (11.16m/1.8). I have no idea what Carly was up to last week, but 11 million viewers is always impressive on cable. Some other cable numbers:

• Big Love (1.54m/.8)
• Secret Life Of The American Teenager (2.97m/1)
• Make It Or Break It (2.37m/.7)
• Southland (1.61m/.5)
• Nip/Tuck (1.89m/.9)
• Leverage (3m/1)
• Blue Mountain State (.92m/.5)
• Archer (1.23m/.7)
• Ax Men (2.27m/1.1)
• Pawn Stars (3.64m/1.6 – 3.97m/1.8)
• Dirty Jobs (2.13m/.9)
• Man vs Wild (1.64m/.8)
• Project Runway (2.71m/1.1)

Related posts

• Ratings Clack – Football and Olympics take over
• Ratings Clack – The Grammy Awards beat Idol
• Ratings Clack – Idol returns, and Jethro doesn’t care

This week’s post could have been quotes from the Golden Globes from top to bottom. We hosted a Live-Blog/Chat, and had a blast watching the award show together. Check the chat transcripts for all of our snarky commentary, and many, many quotes from acceptance speeches. I’ve provided a couple here, but i’ts only the tip of the iceberg.

The Golden Globes

“I like a drink as much as the next man, unless the next man is Mel Gibson.” — Ricky Gervais, introducing Mel Gibson while drinking a beer

“First of all, I’d like to thank Susan Downey for saying Matt Damon is going to win, so don’t bother to do a speech.” — Robert Downey Jr. at the beginning of his acceptance speech

“If you want attention, sit next to Paul McCartney. I don’t think I’ve ever had so many texts in my life.” — Julia Roberts

Quotes from the Ether

“It’s a shame that all this montage episode told us is how crappy the show’s been lately, by showing us when it was great.” — Keith McDuffee, about The Office
“That’s what every montage episode does.” — Rich Keller

“Keith is right… if Lynch didn’t get the nod, I really don’t see Glee getting it….” — Ivey West (You know, me), about 10 minutes before I ate those words in the Globes Live-Blog/Chat

The Office

“The principles that I’m applying to the office are the same ones that made Lady Gaga a star … or any number of drag queens.” – Michael

Modern Family

“I came out of the closet in my mid-twenties. I had to come out to my dad three times before he finally acknowledged it. I’m not sure if maybe he was hoping he heard it wrong, like I’d said, ‘Dad, I’m gray.’” — Mitchell

“We have a saying in my country that means love is just around the corner… I come from a neighborhood with a lot of prostitutes.” — Gloria

“Would he refer to Phil as a friend of Claire’s? No.” — Mitchell, after Cam told him that Jay introduced him to his friends as “a friend of my son”
“I’ve heard him call Phil a lot worse.” — Cameron

“Imagine our home theater system is a human body. So then the receiver is the brain. The TV is the face.” — Phil
“I know what part you are.” — Claire

“Look at that — two things flaming at once.” — Mitchell to florist, as Cam OMGs about flaming flowers

Bones

“And even if they use condoms, Wendell is young. His sperm is extremely motile.” — Brennan

“Dr. Brennan doesn’t make life choices without a Boolean flow chart.” — Cam

“No, this is America, baby, we can conjecture all we want.” — Booth

“Oh, that was totally ninja. Maybe some anger issues there, but you kicked ass.” — Sweets

Community

“Before we start, I’d like to have a preliminary pow-wow, or prelimiwow, about what I’m calling our library’s back-door conundrum.” — Annie
“That sounds like a porno starring Kate Winslet.” — Abed

“Girls are supposed to dance, that’s why God gave them parts that jiggle.” — Troy

Parks and Recreation

“I just want this dinner party to go well. There are very few things I’ve asked for in this world; to build a park from scratch, to one day become president, and to one day solve a murder on a train. I think it’s fair to add this to the list.” — Leslie

30 Rock

“Cross-promotional, deal mechanics, revenue stream, jargon, synergy.” — Liz, trying to convince Jack to take TGS to Florida
“That’s the best presentation I’ve ever seen. Get started right away.” — Jack

Burn Notice

“In the world of espionage, there are a lot of ways to introduce yourself. You can use official channels, you can use a cover ID, you can use encrypted communication. Whatever the method, that contact tells you a lot about a person, especially when someone introduces themselves by fire-bombing a hotel room.” — Michael

Cougar Town

“I can’t believe you got all the way naked for me last night. I love you.” — Andy to Ellie

“There’s not that many men out there looking for a forty-something mom who needs lots of foreplay and is a mediocre cook.” — Jules

Leverage

“If you are a stay-at-home mom, you break out the wine and the Xanax, ’cause we’re having snow days here, people.” — Hardison during his fake blizzard forecast

“It’s different than before. Before, I used to think that I was OK when I was drunk. Now, I know I’m not OK.” — Nate

Grey’s Anatomy

“Alex and I … We’ve done it before. It was like recycling…  It was good for the environment.” — Lexi

“Don’t McDreamy me.” — Derek
“McDreamy is being a McAss.” — Meredith

Related posts

• Quotation Marks – Elephant’s scrotum, Andy’s crotch, and Camel penises
• Quotation Marks – Deloreans, baby daddys, and what Penny does
• Quotation Marks – Bazinga, Ice Bullets, and the Sue Sylvester Express

It was a very relationship-heavy episode of Community this week, and I really appreciated it. I’m a stickler when it comes to dropped storylines, and sitcoms can be the worst offenders. That’s why I was thrilled when Professor Slater, to whom we were first introduced in the Halloween episode, returned as a love interest for Jeff. It’s kind of fun seeing Jeff date a grown-up, and actually trying to fit into the “boyfriend” role.

We also were reminded about Annie’s feelings for Troy, which we haven’t really touched on in a few episodes. I love how subtle it was. All it took was Annie’s terrified squeak when Britta and Troy held hands for not only everybody in the Spanish group to know what was going on, but also everybody at home. They didn’t even have to do much with the Annie/Troy storyline: just acknowledge that it was still there. Annie’s obvious discomfort during his dance with Britta was enough to let us know that there’s going to be plenty more to this down the road.

Community manages to have a delicate (and hilarious) touch, even when it’s dealing in total cliches. How many times have we seen the woman who wants to be “just friends” realize that she wants the guy as soon as he’s with someone else? Yet somehow, it manages not to annoy me in this episode. Probably because I’m pretty certain it’s not going to be some huge, overwrought thing– it’ll just be in the background like it usually is in real life.

Troy’s dancing storyline is another one that’s been done to death, but it was done with enough humor (“Girls are supposed to dance. That’s why God gave them parts that jiggle”) that it doesn’t matter that “the football player who takes dance to help with his coordination” is one of the tiredest stories out there.

Community doesn’t seem to be in any hurry, which is good, as they have to find some way to justify keeping these people in community college for years on end. It doesn’t feel like they’re letting plot lines languish, but they’re keeping enough things on the burner to make each episode exciting, kind of like the Kate Winslet porno, Our Library’s Back-Door Conundrum.

Related posts

• Community – BCI: Booty Call Implications
• Community – It’s about time study group just devolved into a big orgy
• Community – Absolutely no Ghosting!