If you haven’t heard yet, ABC declined to order anymore episodes of Eastwick, essentially canceling the series. The obligatory “Save Eastwick” campaigns have already begun, but the chance of anything happening is small. Sure, the show had some fans, but when Jay Leno is beating you in the ratings, it’s certainly not a good sign.

I know I was looking forward to the show before the season started, as I was a fan of the movie and the book, but I was ultimately disappointed. Indeed, the series was very, very loosely based on either pieces of source material and clearly was not targeted toward single 27 year old males, such as myself.

So why did the series fail? I have some thoughts.

The simple answer would be that the show just wasn’t very good, but it’s so much more complicated than that. Here are some of the reasons that I picked up on:

• Expectations: By basing a series on something as well known and popular as The Witches of Eastwick, there are certain expectations that are created. The series did some things smartly, such as making all three women completely different characters, but the memories of the movie and book still existed and the show was never able to meet them. Indeed, I think this show would have been better off just renaming itself and cutting any connection to The Witches of Eastwick.
• Mood and Tone: The series completely missed the boat when it came to matching the mood and tone of the movie or the darker book. I’m sure that was a decision made by the writers and creators, but I know, at least for me, it was a big sticking point. The show was missing the wicked streak that was in the movie, and even more present in the book. Where was the controversy? Where was the scandal? Everything seemed watered down in the show.
• Darryl Van Horne: The show reinvented all the main women on the show, but they tried to recreate Darryl Van Horne to match the devilish character from the source material. Unfortunately, that meant calling on Paul Gross to try to fill the shoes of the legendary Jack Nicholson. It just didn’t work.
• Uneven focus: It seemed like the show was almost fighting against itself at times. At one moment, there would be something goofy and silly happening, with Lindsay Price’s character usually, and in the next scene someone would die a horrific death or get assaulted. The dark and the “fun” just didn’t mesh well.
• Not enough sex and magic: That’s what this show should have been all about. In both the book and the movie, the women are seduced by Darryl and the magic that they find themselves possessing. In the show that was boiled down to mere flirtation, and all the ladies were given other relationships to focus on. As far as magic is concerned, it just wasn’t fun. Let’s face it, what we really needed were some cherries!

Am I way off base here? Am I too hung up on the source material? Are you sad to see Eastwick go?

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It was awfully nice of the folks at FOX to send over a copy of Glee’s Volume 1 CD. It probably wasn’t so nice of me not to share it with any of the staffers here at CliqueClack, but this one’s mine, all mine!

These many weeks off from my Glee fix could have been a little difficult (well, aside from the fact that I got to preview Wednesday’s episode already … ahem) without my soundtrack. I’ve gotten Owen addicted to the driving beat of “Bust-a-Move,” learned all the words to “Defying Gravity” (yes, I’m ashamed I didn’t know them before), and embarrassed myself at stoplights singing “Don’t Stop Believin’” at the top of my lungs.

My one disappointment was that the awesome version of one song that you’ll hear in the upcoming episode wasn’t on it, while another song featured in that episode was. I’ll spill it all after the jump, but don’t read on unless you want a spoiler about what song I adore in Wednesday’s upcoming episode.

They sing “Proud Mary” as a whole cast and I was so, so proud. This song’s a favorite of mine (which you could probably have guessed if you’ve been following along at all … recorded in 1969 — oh yeah!), and my disappointment was palpable when I discovered it was missing from the soundtrack, while “Dancing With Myself,” an Artie solo, made it on there. How could that one have made the cut and the awesome ensemble number be omitted?

Well, never fear — it seems that the song list for Glee: The Music, Volume 2 has been revealed, and there it is, the very first track: “Proud Mary.” There’s also some other tracks with real promise and I can’t wait to hear them performed. And just in time for Christmas, Glee: The Music, Volume 2 will be available on December 8 and you can pre-order it at Amazon now.

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I adore TNT. For me, they seem to have come out of nowhere when Leverage boomed onto the scene (I know, I’m a late bloomer), but I’ve been keeping a good eye on them since then, and every decision they have made has been a winner.

Before Leverage, TNT was going strong with The Closer and Saving Grace, two unique series driven by strong women. Nothing bad about that angle! Since then they’ve realized their original programming is kind of kick-ass, so they’ve debuted Dark Blue and HawthoRNe. It’s like watching a good game of poker, as Kenny Rogers said: “You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em (Leverage), know when to fold ‘em (Trust Me), know when to walk away (Saving Grace being allowed to finish out), know when to run (*cough*Trust Me*cough*)….”

TNT also knows just how to pick the shows they air in syndication: Angel, Bones, Charmed … someone’s got a crush on David Boreanaz (no need to feel embarrassed), and someone likes to dabble in the supernatural over at the TNT Powers That Be.

Now, two recent decisions on TNT’s part solidifies that someone working there has cornered the market on savvy, especially when it comes to knowing what the viewers want and the networks can’t deliver. First of all, they picked up NBC’s canceled Southland, which they’ll at least finish out. Time will tell if they decide to film new episodes.

And in a press release today, we’ve learned that TNT has acquired exclusive syndication rights to The Mentalist. Could that show fit in any better with TNT’s lineup? A stroke of brilliance, I tell ya!

If I were NBC, I’d plant an inside man to find out who is making all of these great decisions, and start wooing them away. It’s clear that NBC needs some help from someone with a proven track record.

Read on to the next page for TNT’s official press release on The Mentalist pick-up.

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Apparently we do. FOX has decided to bring over the Masterchef concept from jolly ol’ England to air in America because, frankly, we don’t have enough cooking shows out there that start or end with Master. The show will be hosted by Ramsay, who will challenge everyday backyard BBQers, homemakers, and folks who can’t boil water to prepare delicious dishes on their way to becoming a MasterChef. As with Ramsay’s 500 other shows, he’ll gently put these innocent folks through their paces to create amazing, culinary creations. That, or he’ll make them crying heaps of Jello.

When you have folks like Regis Philbin, Drew Carey or, dare I say it, Ryan Seacrest monopolizing blocks of primetime programming, it isn’t a big deal. Normally, they’re innocuous enough that they don’t bother the average viewer. When you give someone like Ramsay multiple blocks of programming time, it’s a different story. It’s not like he’s really that much different between Hell’s Kitchen and Kitchen Nightmares; he’s pretty acerbic on both shows. Adding a third show where he freely insults the contestants is reaching saturation levels.

On top of that, does television really need another cooking competition show? Between Bravo and Food Network it seems that the whole genre is filled up with Top Chef, Top Chef Masters, Next Iron Chef, Next Food Network Star, Food Network Challenge, Chopped, and Kate Gosselin Plus 8 Cooks (you know, so she can keep milking her television appearances). Is the country really ready to watch Billy Bob Joetom, who normally grills whatever he can find on the road while wearing an “I’m with Dick Cheney” apron, whip up beef tenderloin in a white wine cream sauce with grilled Raddichio, while Gordon berates him about his body odor? Well, when you put it that way….

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I mentioned previously that I dug ABC’s Shark Tank. What I liked about it wasn’t that the “sharks” picked on the people who presented, it was that I got a sense of how people tend to pitch their ideas in a somewhat closed setting and, ultimately, what ideas seem to sell. This was all before I got to watch BBC’s Dragons’ Den, which is definitely what Shark Tank was based on, but it’s a much different feel and one that caters more to helping out the entrepreneur.

As part of my whole addiction to listening about ideas and how they are presented, I started downloading the This Week in Startups podcast, hosted by my former boss at TV Squad, Jason Calacanis. The show actually airs live on UStream every Friday afternoon at 1 PM, but I grab it for the road the next day. As part of the show, Jason does his own form of Shark Tank, allowing a caller 60 second to pitch their idea to him, while he gives his advice.

In the October 24th show, Jason mentioned that, before Shark Tank made it on the air, he was approached by producer Mark Burnett’s people as possibly being one of the four (or perhaps, then, five?) sharks on Shark Tank. After Jason’s assistant attempted to contact Burnett’s people for more details, with no call-back, he gave up. Jason’s response now is: “Mark Burnett, kiss my ass.” You can hear his brief story on TWiST show #24 at the 25:40 mark, and then his little Shark Tank parody video at 36:40.

Also mentioned in that exchange was guest Gary Vaynerchuck saying that he had confirmation that Shark Tank was canceled and not returning for a second season on ABC. However, if you look at one of Shark Tank co-host Robert Herjavec’s recent Twitter posts, he says ABC ordered more episodes (and, then, Jason’s reply to that post by Herjavec, saying “Shark Tank is lame.”) So, I’d probably go with the co-host’s news over what Gary Vee says, but who the hell knows.

What do you think of the idea of Jason C. on Shark Tank? Would it make you watch or tune you out even more than you already do? I don’t disagree with Jason’s opinion of the show, mind you, but it will be interesting if his feedback or that from anyone else will change the show into being more helpful than rude.

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As often as NBC fails, there are certain things that they do well more often than other networks. I’m in love with their current Thursday night comedy block, and they have a tendency to put out really great police procedurals. Unfortunately, this is where the fail comes in. Life is an amazing show, but we’ll never see a season 3. Southland was also much better than I expected it to be: the 7 episodes that NBC aired pulled from the best aspects of Homicide: Life on the Street and Law & Order. Yet NBC still canceled it, after initially picking it up for a second season.

So as soon as NBC pulled that boneheaded move, the speculation began as to who was going to swoop in and save this show. Early on, TNT was named as a top contender, and now it’s official: TNT has announced that it will be airing Southland. Honestly, when I first heard the news, I didn’t really care. After all, the current deal that’s in place is to air the seven episode first season that already aired on TNT, and follow it up with the six episodes that have already been shot for season 2. But what about new episodes? Is 13 all we’re going to get?

The press release that TNT put out announcing this news makes no mention of the possibility of new episodes. Which begs the question, what’s the point? If I’ve only seen a few episodes of a show, and I hear it’s canceled, generally I stop watching. My TV schedule is busy and I don’t have time to get invested in a show that I already know is going to die. I mean, what am I, a Joss Whedon fan?

So before I reinvest in Southland, I wanted to find out if production has completely shut down, or if there’s still a glimmer of hope that new episodes will be made. Since some people were already assuming the worst, I did what any half-assed reporter would do: I took it to Twitter.

Seth Miller, who runs TNT’s Twitter account, says, “As with all of our series, TNT will evaluate the performance of Southland before deciding whether to order more episodes.” What’s that smell, ladies and gentlemen? Well I believe that’s the smell of hope. If you’re a fan of Southland, you can still make a difference. Take the plunge; reinvest in Southland and watch it when TNT airs it, starting Tuesday, January 12 at 10 PM, and make TNT earn their new slogan: “TNT: We Know Drama and How to Undo NBC’s Collossal Fuckups.”

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One of the things that kills me anytime a show I love doesn’t get picked up for additional seasons — or is flat-out canceled mid-season — is dangling storylines. Being that I’m into sci-fi shows, enduring long story arcs is pretty commonplace. So, when word came that Defying Gravity was not only not getting a second season, but it wouldn’t be airing the final handful of episodes in the U.S., it was par for the course. But dammit, I wanted to know what was going to happen next!

Via powerful, mystical, magical items that I won’t reveal here, for fear the secret will fall into the wrong hands, I was able to watch the final episodes of the first and only season of Defying Gravity. Ivey’s already written about them, the final episode having aired on Canada’s CTV and SPACE channels last weekend. Unlike another sci-fi show that was cut short soon — the U.S. version of Life on Mars — Defying Gravity wasn’t allowed to wrap up its story. In fact, even if it had the time to prepare for it, there’s just no way it could wrap everything up in one season. The season only got better in the latter episodes, which makes the show being gone all the more disappointing.

Still, I had to know how the show was meant to end. If there was truly no hope that the show would get picked up somewhere else, I had to jump at a chance to find out what was going to happen next. So, I went straight to the source and contacted the show’s creator, James Parriott, to get a reading from the next book from the Defying Gravity bible. And, lordy, did he read.

First of all, let’s get the basics out of the way. Parriott confirmed to me that the actors have all been released and the sets have been destroyed, so the show is “pretty much dead” — no real hope now of seeing the show get the CPR it needs to continue on into another season or a wrap-up movie.

So, why did the show not do better in the first place, if it’s as good as I say? As Parriott explained, the show wasn’t officially picked up by ABC until a mere three weeks before the first episode aired, virtually giving them no time to market the show properly. By that time, all ad space they needed for the show to get the awareness it needed was spoken for.

Getting back to what I said about a show “bible,” Parriott said that in order to sell the show, he had to have the show worked out, and he does indeed have a bible for it. In fact, he has the first three years of the show all worked out, along with how it would ultimately end. Because Parriott has what he said is “a tremendous respect for science fiction and its fans,” he didn’t want to string viewers along too long without anything significant to reveal, which is why Beta was revealed in episode nine and not somewhere in season two; he wasn’t about to leave us with “a big hole in the ground” at the finale. Lost fans know what he’s talking about.

Speaking of Lost, here’s a fun bit he had to say about the show and how it relates to how he went into putting Defying Gravity together:

“I love the show [Lost], and Damon [Lindelof] and Carlton [Cuse]. I did a lot with Grey’s Anatomy during the first couple of years of Grey’s, and that first year of Grey’s was the first year of Lost, and I did a lot of dinners with ABC buyers with those two guys and Shonda Rhimes from Grey’s. Carlton is a really bright and funny guy, and he gets up, and the first question out of the foreign buyers’ mouths is ‘where’s it going to go? Do you know where it’s going to go?’, and he said ‘I haven’t a clue.’ And then he sits down across from me at the dinner table, and I remember saying ‘Damon, come on, that’s bullshit, right? I mean, you know where it’s going to go.’ And he says, ‘Jim, I haven’t a clue. I’m four episodes out; that’s all I know.’

“And I just thought to myself, y’know, that’s really dangerous. And then when I got into doing this show, I said I don’t want to do that; I don’t want to be in that position. First of all, I’d have ulcers if I did that, which would just be crazy, and I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night. So I went in pretty much knowing where it was going to go.”

I’ve often said that having the “Grey’s Anatomy” tag on this show really hurt it. Sci-fi fans ran for the hills when they saw it was going to be Grey’s-in-space, so it never took off. So, I asked Parriott about that.

“First of all, ABC literally bought the show three weeks before it aired. ABC, I think, in their own way, were trying to kill it. They had been planning to buy the show all summer long, so they had us on a hook. But they wouldn’t commit, wouldn’t commit, wouldn’t commit. While they weren’t committing, they were cutting trailers and were preparing to launch, but they weren’t telling anybody. And then they finally committed three weeks before launch.”

Essentially, the only people who saw the promos were the 1.5 million viewers through ABC’s summer schedule.

“[Having the Grey's Anatomy tag] probably hurt the show ultimately. But in terms of trying to sell the show, as sort of a quick pitch … for the buyers, it had to be ‘look, it’s a show in space, but it’s not a space show. This is a space show that’s going to attract women.’ That seemed to be the easiest thing to do. In fact, I don’t think we ever really coined the phrase that it’s Grey’s in space; someone had just said that and we said ‘OK.’”

So why wasn’t the show pitched instead to Syfy? Couldn’t the show have shined there and gotten the attention it needed and deserved? “You know, it could have. But we were always trying to create a network show and not a cable show. So if you go out and just say “we’re sci-fi,” the networks sort of balk at that. They want to know it’s bigger and the potential audience is broader than a sci-fi audience. However, when it became clear that ABC wasn’t going to give us a big summer launch and not be promoted as well as we wanted, I was encouraging the studio not to sell it and go to Syfy. And in fact they did go to them, but they did it too late and after we already aired two episodes. I said, ‘would you guys buy this if we pulled it from ABC and give it to you for free on rerun and buy us into a second season?’ But then you’ve already aired and you’re taking the wind out of Syfy’s sails, because they can’t promote it as ‘their’ show. And Mark Stern [Syfy Exec VP of Original Content] was very interested in it, but once it aired on ABC you lose your caché. And you’re done. But we could have survived on Syfy and done many seasons.

If it had been an ABC developed show, believe me, we would have been promoted and been put into a better time slot.”

Now, let’s get into the answers to some of the unanswered questions from the show. First of all, Parriott won’t yet reveal to me the ending of the show, as he’s still holding onto hopes that something will come out of left field and cause it to be revived again, in one for or another. If, in six months, the show doesn’t see the light of day again, then we may get our answer.

Let’s go over the characters Parriott and I discussed:

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I’m trying, in my head, to come up with the last smart decision that NBC made. Leno? Nope. Chuck? I’m a fan of the move, but I’m not sure it was a smart move (though I really hope things work out … more Chuck is a good thing in my eyes). Giving us more SNL during an election year was pretty good, but doing it again this year? Not so much. I heard someone somewhere say recently that NBC isn’t even a major network anymore, and it’s a sentiment that I can’t disagree with.

The Live Feed is reporting that NBC is canceling Trauma. They will most likely be airing the thirteen episodes originally ordered, though, as we know, that promise is always a crapshoot. What I don’t get is that this comes after they decided to air the show during November Sweeps following a little ratings rebound.  I know the show hasn’t performed up to expectations, and I get that it’s an incredibly expensive show. I don’t just don’t think cancellation was the right option.

Dramatically, the show worked well. I’ve said the relationship between Nancy and Rabbit is comparable to Ross and Hathaway from ER. I know that’s high praise, but I think it’s well deserved. They click in a way that allows them to have great chemistry even though they are not in a relationship and aren’t trying be in one. Cliff Curtis and Anastasia Griffith are very talented actors that I hope will bounce back quickly. Curtis has danced on the outskirts of landing a great leading role for quite some time now (Not unlike another great actor from another recently canceled show I loved), and I truly hope this doesn’t hinder his career growth.

If I were running NBC (and really, are there those out there that don’t think they could do a better job?), I would have asked the producers to rework the budget. I know the theme of the show demands a lot of money for those special effects, but there’s always ways to do things cheaper (Just take a look at “Epitaph One” if you’re curious on how to do it). There are certainly some opportunities there for saving on some expense, and considering that Heroes is still around, you’d think they’d have more sympathy for a show on Monday night.

I’ve stated that I think that Trauma was probably my new favorite show of the fall (not called Glee, obviously), and it’s a damn shame to see it go. I’ve provided the week by week ratings below (courtesy of Brett, resident ratings guru) for your information.

(Oh, the last time NBC made a good decision? Easy: Partnering with DirecTV to keep Friday Night Lights on the air)

9/28 6.68m/2.2
10/05 5.37m/1.7
10/12 5.49m/1.8
10/19 5.46m/1.8
10/26 5.7m/1.9

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My first thought when I heard the news was that Whedon was being brought in to kill someone off  (In fact, my words were literally “What…  They want to kill off a beloved, unsuspecting character already?”). Apparently I’m not the only one who had that reaction, so much so that Joss actually jumped onto Whedonesque.com to deny the “rumors” (that I may have started) about a death.

Whom will I kill? When will that go away? Is death really the only thing I’m known for? I’d hope not. You know how many people in the world actually die? ALL OF THEM. You know how many I’ve killed? Statistically, somewhat fewer. Can’t we focus on another element of my work? Having said that, probably Principal Figgins. (No! I kid! God.)

Is the first season too early to kill someone off? I don’t think so. Angel saw Doyle leave after nine episodes. Heck, on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, a character we were lead to believe was a main member of the cast didn’t make it to episode three. I think fans of Glee everywhere could get behind the death of a certain not-pregnant character, right?

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Saturday Night Live seems to go through many up and down cycles. Heck, even from episode to episode the quality of the show can vary greatly. Through it all, though, one thing has remained constant: SNL has always satirized and mocked the politicians and current events of the day. The program has hysterically lampooned just about every politician who has found him/herself on the front page of the papers. Some say that Tina Fey’s scathing impersonations played a big part in the downfall of the McCain/Palin campaign. I’m not sure if that’s actually true, but it brings up the question: Is SNL the most important political show on television?

It seems like a completely ridiculous question, right? I never even would have considered the question, if I hadn’t seen this commentary article on CNN. It really got me thinking about the power that SNL has when it parodies politicians. Ed Rollins framed his article around the cold open of this past week’s episode which featured Fred Armisen doing a particularly weak Barack Obama impression, talking about all the things that Obama has not completed yet in his term. The video in question is embedded below. Rollins wonders if the skit is going to start a rash of criticism toward the president.

Rollins believes that the Palin skits from a year ago did play a role in the election. He also brings up Dana Carvey’s George H. W. Bush and Chevy Chase’s Gerald Ford as lasting impressions that have overtaken the actual images of the former presidents. It’s hard to argue with that. Practically all of my memories of the first President Bush involve something that SNL made fun of back in the day.

I found the article interesting and wonder just how powerful satire and humor can be. There are certainly a lot of serious political shows on television, especially in this day and age of 24 hour “news” channels. They just don’t seem to have the same impact that SNL has, though. When SNL comes out with a great political sketch it is instant water cooler talk, becoming a point of discussion on all of those news networks. Maybe there’s something to it. Perhaps a good skewering at the hands of a bunch of comedians can be a whole lot more damaging than anything any of those talking heads can spout.

What do you think? Is SNL the most important political show on TV?

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After I posted my quasi-theory on what the Firefly Easter egg might be on the Castle set, a commenter noted that there was a rumor going around that Castle would be dressing up as the one and only Captain Mal Reynolds of the Firefly class ship, Serenity. Some quick searching found the right-side image (click to embiggen), which looks as though it was taken with a cellphone camera, but it certainly looks quite legitimate. The Castle set is definitely in the background, and that’s sure as hell Nathan Fillion dressed as Mal from Firefly. But was it ’shopped? And, if not, is he wearing the get-up for an episode?

I have a super secret source of mine who, without stating definitively yes or no on the subject, seems to be hinting very much that this rumor is indeed true. While this is definitely very cool and fellow Browncoats will be giddy with joy upon seeing the episode, I’m not sure I’d call it an “Easter egg” to look out for. Maybe Fillion isn’t clear on what that means and, well, this is what we’re supposed to be looking out for.

I imagine we’ll see this play out in the October 26 episode of the show (close to Halloween, get it?), which apparently doesn’t have a title yet.

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Today news was released that a screenplay is in the works, but, the article notes, that doesn’t mean we should expect anything, since none of the actors have signed on.

Maybe it’s shows like Community that have me longing for more Arrested Development. After all Community also features the younger, socially-incapable guy (Abed) and the older, trying-to-be-cool guy (Pierce). There was a beauty pageant plot on Parks and Recreation, which bore some strong resemblance to the episode where Maeby wins an inner beauty pageant and George Michael decides to join the army after Steve Holt and his dad compete in a triathlon together. That whole storyline with Andy questioning his sexuality on The Office made me miss Tobias more than I think anyone ever should.

Plus, those Bluth actors are everywhere when I turn on my television. If it’s not a commercial for Jason Bateman’s new movie Couples Retreat (which, I am convinced, is on some channel at all points of the day, and I could keep myself entertained for hours trying to find it), it’s a commercial for Alia Shawkat’s Whip It, or maybe David Cross will show up on The Daily Show again. Really hit me where it hurts.

Then again, part of me is glad this movie seems like it will never be made.  I can’t conceive of a way 90 minutes of film is going to somehow improve upon Arrested Development and not ruin the memory of it for me forever. Can they even get away with making something that’s as wildly offensive as the show was? Is that allowed?

Call me crazy, but despite this news, I’m not feeling like this movie’s getting made. They’ve teased us with it for so long — too long, in fact. And while I feel like it would be great to have more Arrested Development in my life, I doubt I’m getting it. I think, one day, maybe the rest of the world and I will find some way be okay with that. It might take a bit, though.

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The Late Show With David Letterman

—-

Jill: “Was that for real?”

Jack: “You betcha. You’ve seen him like that before.”

Jill: “No. I haven’t. That’s why I asked if it was for real. He seemed … weird … about it.”

Jack: “You mean … he seemed serious while injecting bits and pieces of jibes and sarcasm here and there?”

Jill: “Yeah! That’s why I asked if it was for real.”

Jack: “Funny thing about Dave: He does that when he’s serious about a subject.”

Jill: “But … I don’t understand. Why did he use ’scary’ the way he did? Why did he keep saying ‘creepy’ so … so … creepily?”

Jack: “I’m not certain, but I probably would have done the same thing in playing it out as he did. I kind of figure he was genuinely scared … scared for his family, scared for himself, scared for the women who were involved. I mean, he said he was worried several times over. The guy does have feelings.”

Jill: “It’s just odd the way he did it.”

Jack: “He did more or less the same thing when the Sarah Palin hullabaloo went viral. He had the same mannerisms then. And it wasn’t even his fault outside of telling a poor joke. He was cracking wise about one thing, a few boneheads blew it out of proportion and they convinced gaggles more he had said something he really hadn’t. But still, the dude stood up and apologized for instigating the entire thing. Now, he’s standing up and apologizing again.”

Jill: “… just odd …”

Jack: “Maybe so … but how many times do you see someone getting the jump on a situation of his or her own making like this — and in this way — and apologizing to millions and millions of people? Not often. And not often enough.”

Jill: “Well … I’ve lost respect for him, I can tell you that.”

Jack: “Not me. I’m tipping my hat to him for nipping this thing in the bud this quickly and not letting it become a circus side show act like that Palin incident. The dude may be a big goober, but he’s got some class.”

Jill: “Class? He’s got class when he fools around like he did behind someone’s back?”

Jack: “Let’s not jump to any conclusions just yet. The truth will come. Give it time to shake out.”

Jill: “And when did this happen, anyway? While he was married? He hasn’t been married that long! Did he do it while he was with Regina the entire time?”

Jack: “Again. No clue. Let it shake out and we’ll see eventually.”

Jill: “Well … I don’t know if I can watch him anymore. Not after this.”

Jack: “If dirt like this was spilled out on all the actors and actresses the same way this is going down, people would be hard pressed to watch any of their “favorites”, be it on television or in the movies. They’re people too, you know … and they have lives. And they have foibles. And they have skeletons. And some of them are even boring. Boil it down and many of them are just like you and me. Their mistakes are just amplified by their very public positions.”

———-

After the break ….

David Letterman: “During the commercial I thought it was a good idea to take some questions from the audience. So we turned up the house lights and I took a couple questions and one guy raised his hand.

“He said: ‘Uh, Dave?’

“I said ‘Yeah?’

“‘Uh … I’d kinda like to see that movie ….’”

Deep down, there are a lot of people out there who would, Dave.

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It would appear that the executives down at CBS HQ are all still drunk on the celebratory champagne that arrived with the NCIS/NCIS:LA premiere numbers. How else do you explain the recent news that they are now all hot and bothered to try out a Criminal Minds spinoff? That’s not to say I don’t like the show. It’s a solid part of the crime-time family. And given the premiere ratings (15.8m/4.4), it’s a legitimate hit. But a spinoff? Doesn’t that feel like going to the well one too many times?

At present, the plan is to do the pilot as an episode of Criminal Minds in the spring, with the hope of bringing the new show to viewers next fall. You can certainly see where the idea comes from. The network does have a history of making this move successfully. That’s how we got from CSI to CSI: Miami and CSI: NY. And from JAG to NCIS and NCIS:LA. With Criminal Minds though, I’m just not seeing it.

To start, while successful, when compared to the successes of CSI and NCIS, the show is a distant third. CSI has spent years as the #1 show on the network, and the #1 or #2 scripted show on TV. NCIS hasn’t been quite as successful as CSI in originals, but you also can’t discount its syndication success. It’s not unusual at all to see repeats of NCIS on USA in the top 20 of all cable broadcasts for a week.

In addition, Criminal Minds long ago lost its best asset. You can place a lot of the credit for the continued success of CSI and NCIS at the feet of the G-men, Grissom and Gibbs. Neither of them have much at all to do with the various spinoffs, but they drew viewers in and helped to foster something of a brand loyalty. Criminal Minds had their own G-man, Gideon (Mandy Patinkin), but he’s long gone. And as good as Joe Mantegna is, Rossi is no Gideon. It’s just another thing that makes this a harder sell.

Add it all up, and it just doesn’t seem like the best idea. There is an entirely different feeling that comes from hearing Criminal Minds spinoff, as opposed to NCIS spinoff. My best guess is that the end result will be another solid episode for the show next spring, that probably never makes the jump to series. And if it does, it will be just successful enough to ride the will-they / won’t-they cancellation bubble that we saw The Unit struggle with recently.

What do you think? Is there any real viewer interest in a Criminal Minds spinoff? Have I missed the crazed internet following that is clamoring for this show to be made? Or is this a case of the network trying to force the successful model of one show onto one where it really doesn’t fit?

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Damages begins filming its third season tomorrow, and to celebrate the occasion, FX sent out a very curious press release. Two actors have joined as series regulars for the new season. The first, Campbell Scott, we had heard about a couple weeks ago. I think he’s a perfect fit for the show and will fill the void left by some of last year’s departing cast.

The other actor joining the cast? Martin Short. Yes, that Martin Short.

I’m keeping an open mind, but at first glance this certainly seems like a strange choice. It’s not that I’m questioning Short’s acting chops (although maybe I should be), but he certainly brings a whole lot of preconceived notions with him. Am I going to be able to take his character seriously or am I just going to be waiting for him to break into Ed Grimley or Jiminy Glick?

Last year, Darrell Hammond had a large role in Damages, and I know that it bothered a lot of people. Personally, I thought Hammond did a fine job, but it was slightly distracting for him to be there. In a show that is rife with suspense and intrigue, one look at Hammond completely took me out of the moment and mood of the show whenever he was on screen. It wasn’t any fault of his or his performance, but … he’s Darrell Hammond. I looked at him and expected him to make a joke.

Also joining the cast in guest star roles are Keith Carradine and … Lily Tomlin, another accomplished comedian. I’m a little less worried about the casting of Tomlin, as she has proven her chops in non-comedic roles more so than Short. “Worried” probably isn’t even the right word to describe my feelings about Short’s casting. I think “intrigued” would be more accurate. This is certainly a bold casting choice, and I’m excited to see how it works out. More importantly, I’m just excited for Damages to get back on my TV.

What do you think about the new cast for season three?

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Apparently the conversation that’s been happening at my house (”I LOVE YOU, ADAM!!”) has been happening Chez Everyone, and So You Think You Can Dance has been listening, because Adam Shankman has been named a permenant third judge.

Don’t worry, there’s a fourth seat that producer/judge/fine, upstanding douhchebag Nigel Lythgoe was quick to assure the public remained open for guest judges. Which means that sure to fill those seats are standbys like Debbie Allen (who manages to make everything she says sound ridiculously profound) and Lil’ C (who manages to make everything he says sound profoundly ridiculous). But this development leaves the choreographers to do what they do best — choreograph, and not judge. Can I get an amen hallelujah?

Between this and naming Ellen DeGeneres as the third Idol judge, I think we’ve just proved that Token Gay Judge is the new Token Black Judge. Now if only we could find a judge that brings the two together, well, with that we could just take over the world. (Are you listening, Ms. J? I believe that’s your cue.)

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Even if you’ve never heard of the novels, I think I can entice you with some of the casting (particularly if you’re a fan of genre TV)….

There has been a flurry of casting news coming out lately for A Game of Thrones, and most of it has been pretty impressive. One of the biggest roles in the show was cast early, and it also brings the biggest name to the program: Sean Bean as Ned Stark, patriarch of one of the main families in the series. Fans of the genre will remember him as Boromir in The Lord of the Rings films.

The other family is lead by three siblings, and all have been cast with familiar faces. The pair of devious twins, Cersei and Jamie, will be played by Lena Headey (Sarah Connor from the dearly departed Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles) and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (New Amsterdam, Virtuality). The third sibling, the smart and impish dwarf, Tyrion will be played by Peter Dinklage (recently seen in Nip/Tuck and 30 Rock).

I think each one of these castings is pretty much a slam dunk. Headey is a great actress and I think she’ll do a fine job as the seriously nasty Queen Cersei, probably the most important role, in my opinion. Martin himself declared Dinklage to be the “dream casting” for the role.

I know that it’s a little crazy to be getting this excited about a show when the pilot hasn’t even filmed yet, but if you’ve read the books you know the awesome potential that this show could have. If you haven’t read the books, maybe the prospect of this show will get you to go check them out. At least you have time to get through the long, dense novels before the series hits the air.

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Multiple media outlets, starting with, as far as I can tell, aceshowbiz.com, have reported that Defying Gravity has been canceled. The show, as Brett has continued to make fun of me for report, has not done well in the ratings, quickly losing the 3.88 million or so viewers it had on its premiere. In light of that, I don’t really fault ABC for its decision (unofficial as it is at this point) to axe the show, but what I’m most curious about was the choice to pick up the show in the first place, and when they scheduled it for.

I’ve got to ask first, however, why hasn’t ABC chimed in on this? Apparently the teasers and previews for last night’s airings were tagged with Series Finale (I didn’t watch it live, so I’m not sure myself). Plus,  TVbytheNumbers reported that tonight has been the last scheduled airing for a couple of weeks now. So, what gives, ABC? Can you throw us a bone and let us know for sure what’s going on?

Second, its been pointed out that ABC might not necessarily be the best home for Gravity in the US. I wouldn’t disagree with that sentiment at all. SyFy is obviously a much better home for the show, and I’m sure it was in their price range, too. Heck, even ABC Family is a better home for it than ABC (Well, except for the drinking … and the sex … and the sex while drinking…. Come to think of it, maybe not so much ABC Family).

Finally, why the hell did it start so late in the summer? Eight episodes ran in eight weeks, but there is only one weekend left before ABC starts up their fall programing on Sundays. How did they expect to air all thirteen episodes in that time period? (Short answer? They didn’t, is my guess).

There’s still a nice opportunity to complete the final five episodes on Hulu each week. What few fans DG had were fairly loyal, if the response to our coverage and a quick Twitter search are any indication (I’m not in college anymore, but I do recognize that’s not exactly scientific proof), so I think they might be able to pull through some decent online traffic if they did so. Plus it would give me an opportunity to continue to cover it here, and see if I can make it through the whole season before anyone catches onto the references in each of the post titles.

Update: Hold your horses … The Futon Critic is reporting that Defying Gravity isn’t dead yet, and that ABC is still “mulling scheduling options going forward.” Which, as Kona pointed out to me, may just be code for “not canceled yet.” (Thanks to Modwild for the heads up)

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Nation, at this tumultuous time in history, ask not what you can do for your country, but ask where the hell are your manners, young man?

Look, I can be a totally rude person, even for the extraordinarily low standards set for my generation. I burp. I fart. I praise other people for burping and farting in my presence. (This makes me very popular with children.) I have no issues with bluntly discussing any and every function my body or any body does (hemorrhoids? Bring those puppies on), or various orifices and the things people do with them in almost any company.

But I do have standards. I say please and thank you to everyone. I hold the door. I say “bless you” to strangers in public locations and “excuse me” if I bump into them. Most importantly, I do not interrupt people when they’re speaking, especially in an extremely rude manner. And if I do, because such things do happen by accident, I apologize.

So why doesn’t anyone else?

I’m willing to have some latitude when it comes to unfortunate outbursts. When Serena Williams lost her cool at the US Open, I was willing to let that slide. Sure, it’s irregular for tennis, but as someone who grew up watching baseball, that kind of yelling and threatening seems quaint to me, sports-wise. (So few expletives, Serena? Your mother clearly raised you right.)

There’s that, which was at least at a semi-appropriate time and place, and then there’s taking that level of vitriol and using it at the wrong place and really, really, really wrong time. Like Joe Wilson’s outburst at President Obama during  his speech to a joint session of Congress. (Made especially stupid by the fact that he shouted “you lie!” when Obama said any health care plan would not cover illegal immigrants which was… a lie. Now if he had shouted that when Obama said something about the health care plan being totally paid for by current inefficiencies, which is probably not exactly true, that would at least make his actions slightly less completely ridiculous.)

And then, of course, there was Kanye West at the MTV VMAs last night.

For the five of you who didn’t see what happened before Viacom went on a copyright deleting spree on the Youtubes, Taylor Swift got on stage to accept her Best Female Video win, at which point out of nowhere Kanye West comes, takes the microphone from her, and proceeds to tell the audience that Beyonce was totally robbed because her video was pretty much the greatest video of all time. No, wait, I’m sorry, the century. Some large amount of time.

Now at least in this instance, Beyonce acted with total class. She looked horrified at Kanye’s shout-out and, upon winning Best Video of the Year, brought Taylor Swift on-stage to finish thanking who she wanted to thank. Hell, Kanye even apologized. Sort of. And then he took it down.

It isn’t just the fact that these two things happened that bothers me. What bothers me is why these two things happened. Both Joe Wilson and Kanye West threw verbal tantrums. With both of them, we’ll never really know if it was because some higher power (like MTV or John Boehner) egged them on, or they spontaneously decide themselves that it was a good idea, but both of them did it. Both Kanye and Joe Wilson have a history of going on inappropriate rants (though Kanye’s are more famous). And so both of them know, just like every toddler knows, that when they do it, they get attention. It would be ridiculous to suggest that we ignore these outbursts the way we ignore a child kicking their feet and screaming. The whole point of these is that they are impossible to ignore, that they inspire shock and gossip and instant reactions and accusations thrown left and right of things like, oh dear lord, racism. The second racism gets added to a discussion, the resulting explosion goes nuclear.

What I don’t understand is why anyone, anywhere, would ever be so attention-starved that they thought to themselves, “you know what would be a good idea? To throw a giant public hissy fit at the expense of someone else.”

For shame, you two. You’re full-grown men, and you should know better.  You’re grounded, misters. Now go to your rooms and think on what you’ve done.

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If it does, will this spell the slow decline of expensive quality scripted fare on television? And what about expensive less-than-quality programming like ‘Til Death and Brothers? These shows need homes on the schedule as well … for some reason.

• The big news, of course, is the crowing of Ellen DeGeneres as the new permanent Paula Abdul on American Idol. She’ll certainly be able to bring the funny, I just worry that she might offer less valuable criticism to the singers than even Abdul did.
• Teens have all the power on ABC Family, earning 10 Things I Hate About You a second season renewal. So if The CW collapses, maybe ABC Family can pick up their entire lineup.
• Due to her ongoing cancer treatment, Maura Tierney has been forced to pull out of Parenthood completely. I’m sure the ensemble can move on without her, but it’s sad news regardless. Here’s hoping for a speedy and full recovery for her!
• Wil Wheaton is making a guest appearance on The Big Bang Theory this season. For once, I hope a guest star simply plays himself, as I think the boys meeting the real Wesley Crusher would likely be funnier than any character they could come up with for him. Luckily, Wil looks exactly the same as he did when he was … what? … like 7-years old on TNG.
• President Obama addressed the nation again about his health care plan, and again FOX was the only big network that opted out of covering it. They had Glee and SYTYCD to premiere!
• September 14 will see the next Oprah Winfrey Show spin-off as Dr. Oz follows Dr. Phil into his own syndicated talk show. I’m changing my name to Dr. J (not that one) and start appearing on Oprah so I can get my own show!
• After adding two lovely young ladies to SNL last week, Lorne Michaels canned Michaela Watkins and Casey Wilson this week. I guess they’d hit their estrogen quota. Then came the accusation that Wilson was fired for being too fat, but since she’s not Hollywood skinny that accusation was inevitable. Even with Wilson saying it’s not true, many still believe it. I love America!
• Scooby-Doo turned 40, just in time to learn his origin in the new Scooby-Doo: The Mystery Begins. These things make me sad and old.
• It makes me happy that Britain’s Got Talent sensation Susan Boyle will be performing on America’s Got Talent’s finale this week. I think I like her charming personality better than her voice.
• Jon told GMA that he hates Kate, which kind of proves he stayed with her for the show … for the fame and money. He also said she’s a monster who can unhinge her jaw and swallow children whole (they used to have 18 kids and counting).
• And this weekend is the season finales of Hung and True Blood. So all those vamp lovers will have to switch over to The CW and watch The Vampire Diaries for much less sex and much more pining teenagers.
• They can join the throngs that found the show’s premiere this week. The Vampire Diaries kicked off their season in strong fashion by proving that teenage girls will watch anything humanoid with fangs. The series premiere set ratings records for the netlet. With Guiding Light going away, it just might be time to bring back Dark Shadows. And if they can keep the girls of VD out of the slammer, they might just have a network-saving hit on their hands.
• Speaking of ratings, Sons of Anarchy launched its second season and saw a 95% boost in ratings to 4.3 million from the first season premiere.  That is … ridiculous!
• Big Brother even improved this summer, enough to warrant CBS renewing it for another run this summer. Gotta start practicing my general douchebaggery.
• On a more personal note, this week saw me reach 300 posts here at CliqueClack, which is exciting for the sixteen of you who pay attention to who writes what around here, and the one out of those who actually like what I write. I know you’re out there Mom! Now if I could just convince the powers that be to send me 300 chocolate frosted cupcakes, we’d be golden!

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