This afternoon, CliqueClack received a press release from The CW. It seems that they’ve picked up five of their shows for the 2010-2011 season early, following suit with a lot of the other networks who’ve been doing this. For better or for worse, on your screen come next fall, you’ll be seeing The Vampire Diaries, Gossip Girl, 90210 and America’s Next Top Model, and Supernatural. My reactions, in this order are, “Yay!” and, “Whatever….” and, “Really? No, really?” and, “Who cares?” and, “Hmmmm….”

I love Supernatural as much as the next rabid viewer and will, without reservation, call this show the best one on television right now. As much as I welcome another season of Sam, Dean, Castiel and Bobby on my screen, I can’t say I don’t feel some trepidation about a season six.

When the series was originally conceived, Eric Kripke planned for five seasons with a definitive ending. And here we are, very, very close to that ending, which is nothing less than the Apocalypse. Though I’ve read recently that Kripke was warming to the idea of a season six (and why not, because most of the fans will be happy and he gets to line his pockets for another nine months) I only hope that it can measure up to the first five.

On the one hand, I trust Kripke and his writing team completely. They have never let me down (although I was nervous for a few episodes in the middle of season four) and have always come up with better story lines and characterizations than I could have ever dreamed possible. They’ve taken what could have been a simple horror procedural and turned it into something really special.

That said, can Kripke follow up the Apocalypse? I won’t say “top” here, because I don’t think that’s what any show is trying to do (or should do) when the next season rolls around. But where do you go from the Apocalypse? I’m not even going to attempt to theorize because if anyone can do it, it’s Kripke. But I’ve seen so many shows that just didn’t know when to call it quits, so they fizzled out rather than ended on the high note they deserved.

Let’s just leave it at this: I can’t wait to see what Kripke and friends do with season six, and I’m all for it as long as they keep doing what they have done for the last five seasons. Just write the good write, team, and this fan will be there watching, having her mind blown each week, as usual.

What do you think — yes or no to season six of Supernatural?

(This post contains 2 pages. Please visit the website to continue reading. Thank you.)

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The commercial below for Dove Men + Care (“The Journey To Comfort”) debuted during Super Bowl XLIV this past weekend:

While mildly humorous, I got to wondering: Would any one man run out and purchase the new Dove Men + Care?

And, if not, I wondered if any one man who saw this would add it to his shopping list?

Furthermore, I wondered if any woman who saw it would presuppose to purchase it for her man?

Take a gander:

I conducted a little personal survey on this piece. Here are some of the results:

• Chuckling and on the verge of mocking me, four guys said: “You’re kidding … right?”
• Another: “How much you gonna pay me?”
• Three people said “No. Absolutely not.”

Hmmmmmm. Not exactly ringing endorsements for Dove so far. Others commented:

• “I don’t use soap.”
• “Probably not … because of the smells.”
• “Unless they’re pricing their bar soap cheaper than Dial … why bother?”
• “Nope. I don’t need a ‘mens’ version of soap.”
• “The point of bathing is to not smell like man stink, isn’t it? Let alone artificial lab-grown man stink.”

Several respondents burst out in uncontrollable laughter.

• “I use whatever magically appears in the shower/tub enclosure.”
• “My son refuses to even look at an Axe or Tag body wash / shampoo / body spray product because of the advertisements. He says if it makes girls behave like skanks then he doesn’t want to use it.”

Eighteen people outright said: “Nope.”

• “Hey … the Holiday Inn and Motel 6 provide me with more than enough soap throughout the year. Why in the world would I buy anything?”
• “I bathe once a week, sometimes twice. In between, I use the anti-bacterial soap in the kitchen sink to wash my hair. Works for me. Otherwise, whatever’s in the tub suffices.”
• “Ain’t. No. Way.”
• “I’m an Irish Spring kinda guy ….. Dove is girly soap.”
• “I have six words for ya, Buddy: Three. Bars. For. Ninety. Nine. Cents.”
• “You work for the census, don’tcha?”

Three people told me to stick it.

And one guy told me: “If there’s money involved, you can give me all the ‘Dove Stuff For Guys’ you want, BobbaLugga …..”

If I were a betting man, I’d be willing to lay money down the ad agency that put this little gem together is laughing all the way to the bank …..

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After seven short months and two weeks of intense and entertaining battles, the era of Conan O’Brien as Tonight Show host is coming to an end. Under a recently signed agreement, Conan will receive a $45 million payout ($12 million going to his staff for severance pay) and be able to return to the airwaves on September 1st. Unfortunately, he will not be able to take along some of his intellectual property, such as Triumph or the wavy thing that grows out of his hair.

Jay Leno, the man the network asked to leave the Tonight Show six years ago in order to promote O’Brien, will be taking over hosting duties comes March 1st. It’s as if, despite everything the network has tried, they can’t get rid of Jay.  This bodes the question: why? I have some theories.

The first is that Jay has something on the executives, both current and past. And I’m not talking about pictures of them having affairs or stealing money from their talent, nor torturing network stars in the NBC dungeon; those things are done on a regular basis. I mean something beyond horrible. Like dropping puppies off of overpasses, performing human sacrifices or, Lord help us, letting their crops wither and die in Farmville. Things that executives know Jay would reveal it he were fired.

Or, perhaps he’s a real-life Lord Voldermort and has the Imperius Curse on all of them. Actually, this makes sense. Think about it for a moment: network executives begin to think that Jay is a hindrance to their plans so they decide to cancel The Jay Leno Show and move it to a 30-minute slot. This gives them the leverage to get rid of Jay. In anger, Jay shouts “Imperio!” and, bang, everyone is in his court saying that he should take back the Tonight Show. Come to think of it, I think I’ve seen Jay speak Parcel tongue to Kevin on occasion.

Then there’s this theory: While a nice average guy on the outside, Jay Leno is a manipulative bastard who will do anything to get what he wants. Even if he has to screw over his friends to do it.

Nah! I still think the second theory is the best.

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We have some Hoffsome news for you — something that will make you jump for joy while shouting “Hoffray!”. The A&E network, short for Asinine & Eeediotic, has green-lighted a new docu-series starring everyone’s favorite drunk guy in denial, David Hasselhoff.

According to the press release that was hand-delivered to the CliqueClack offices by the president of the “Hoff for President” fan club, the ten episode series will take a behind-the-scenes look at his life as a single dad raising two teenage daughters. While A&E says the show will be a reality series, there’s a good chance it’ll be more scripted than actual reality. Our thoughts are that it will be somewhere between the simple plot lines of Keeping Up With the Kardashians and the “Holy crap! Where’s the laugh track?” scripting of Gene Simmons Family Jewels.

Though no episode summaries have been released yet, we were able to coax (AKA: beat) one of the plots out of an A&E executive. It seems the producers of the show gently urge (AKA: pay enormous sums of money to) William Daniels to reprise his role of  KITT from the original Knight Rider in order to assist the Hoff after one of his after-hours work activities (AKA: benders). However, KITT doesn’t race around Los Angeles or jump over ravines. Instead, the car slowly cruises on auto-pilot because the Hoff is drunk and needs cheeseburgers.

In an ongoing theme of the episode, KITT keeps wheeling up to rehabs, then dejectedly sighs and puts himself in reverse as the Hoff yells “I’m fine, I’m just dehydrated!” This as ketchup from his cheeseburgers dribbles down his chin and onto KITT’s leather seats.  Then there’s this exchange between Hoff and his imaginary talking car:

KITT: David, you really need to get into rehab.
Hoff: Call me Michael, dammit!
KITT: What?
Hoff: Michael. Michael friggin’ Knight. That’s who I am, you idiotic car!
KITT: (sighs) Okay. Michael, you need to get into rehab.
Hoff: Screw you. And call me Hoff, you piece of crap!
KITT: (off camera, to producers) Really, you need to pony up some more cash for this shit!
Hoff: (mumbling while slumping over steering wheel) Call me Michaeldostobmsmmfff.

Hofflarious!

Thanks to members of the CliqueClack staff for helping with the imaginary episode plot. You will not be named in the eventual libel suit.

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Here’s the thing about Ghost Hunters — I don’t necessarily believe in ghosts. I watch Ghost Hunters, but I don’t sit on the edge of my seat with white knuckles, thinking that these guys are actually talking to spirits from beyond. I will say, though, that I’m a sucker for the show in that I’d like to believe they are not lying — that these odd things going on aren’t something they’re knowingly staging or someone is putting them on. Many or most of you will think me a fool for being so gullible, but so what — I’m entertained.

I got a chance to catch A&E’s newest Syfy rip-off show a few weeks ago, Paranormal Cops (the first rip-off was Paranormal State, which I’d compare to Syfy’s Destination Truth). I hadn’t written anything about it yet because, well, I didn’t want to waste my time on it. In hindsight I wish I had written about it earlier, so I could warn you all to stay away from this train wreck. Maybe I’m not too late, as it airs later tonight.

Paranormal Cops would have been an awesome show if it didn’t actually try to take itself seriously and instead was an out-and-out parody of Ghost Hunters, maybe like Reno 911! is to Cops. But, no, these guys are — as far as I can tell — serious. This is the “CPD,” or Chicago Paranormal Detectives. They’re actual Chicago cops (at least some of them are) who moonlight as these “paranormal cops,” basically doing what the Ghost Hunters do, only laughably so. Oh, if you watch Ghost Hunters and laugh at that already, then you’re in for a bowl full of hilarity watching this show.

The head CPD detective is Ron Fabiani, an actual Chicago police officer who is seriously a caricature of himself. He wears a gatsby hat, drools all over a disgusting cigar (all. the. TIME.), and sports an accent fitting of the old SNL Super Fans. They even show shots of him arresting people with that drippy stoggie hanging off his lip. Hey, I have nothing against cigars, but this is just comical.

The premise is just too similar to Ghost Hunters to ignore, up to the fact that they heavily market the “moonlighting ghost investigators” angle. The way the team handles evidence is just too silly to bear, actually using police evidence bags and police-line tape during their investigations. They also start their investigations with something called a “protection circle,” where they say a few words so evil forces won’t hurt them during their work. Yes, it’s as supremely hokey as it sounds.

After having watched Paranormal Cops, I really hope few people who haven’t watched Ghost Hunters before don’t watch this and draw assumptions to what Ghost Hunters is like. Even I am embarrassed after having watched this show. Me! A guy who defends Ghost Hunters! That’s got to say something.

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So for those of you who haven’t seen this weekend’s SNL, Rihanna was the musical guest. Since she’s too awesome to be contained to the stage, they brought her into the digital short with Andy Samburg. They also had her do this hilarious sketch where she was giving an interview about the beating she suffered at the hands of her ex-boyfriend, Chris Brown, except she kept on getting interrupted by Brown beating her some more. HAHAHAHHA.

Oh, wait. That’s not what the sketch was, because that would be completely fucking insane.

Instead, the sketch was about Tiger Woods being repeatedly beaten by his wife, because when you reverse the sexes, domestic violence is less of a horrifying problem, and more of a zany premise for a movie that ends with a lot of laughing around a kitchen table and resigned sighs about those “crazy broads.”

I know female-on-male domestic violence isn’t as huge of an issue as male on female violence, but it is an issue, and not merely a punchline. Men are generally stronger and more aggressive than women, so when a woman attacks a man, it’s somehow seen as a novelty, or a joke, or even “cute.” However, the guy I saw in the ER this morning, who was being questioned by a sheriff’s deputy about the fight he had with his wife or girlfriend, while a terrifying amount of blood was pouring down his face, would probably disagree.

Look, I don’t think SNL is evil because they decided to do this sketch. I don’t even think that they should apologize, or anything like that, because their job is to make jokes, not to be completely unoffensive. They certainly aren’t the first ones to joke about the alleged incident between Tiger Woods and his wife, and they certainly won’t be the last. My problem with it is the lack of common sense that they seemed to display.

They would never, in a million years, do a Chris Brown/Rihanna sketch, so why, with Rihanna in the studio, serving as a physical reminder, would they think that this sketch was a good idea? But then again, in an episode that featured exactly two funny things, both of which were UPS commercials, I guess I shouldn’t expect that much.

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I had high hopes for AMC’s reboot of The Prisoner. In hindsight, I guess it’s a bit silly to call this a “reboot” and not something else, since it only took up six hours of my life and didn’t attempt to keep the story going beyond that. I’m going to try to save a bunch of you from wasting any more hours on this mini-series, because it’s just not worth it.

Like I said from the start, it’s just not fair at all to compare this series to the original Prisoner. It bares little resemblance, and really stands on its own, right up to the end. Well, I guess one way in which it doesn’t stand on its own is it’s another complete “Why The Face” through and through, including an ending that, for most, is completely unsatisfying.

After watching the third and fourth hours of The Prisoner last night I popped in the DVD with the final two hours, hoping things would start to make more sense and help strike this series as being one for the books. Well, it did that alright, only the books it made it into aren’t the good ones. I can’t begin to fathom why this series sounded like a good idea when the entire script was presented to … anyone. Did Caviezel and McKellan see anything beyond the first couple of episodes before committing to do the series?

What really felt odd about how this series went down was how each hour really did feel like an episode, and not like another hour of a long TV movie. In fact, at times I thought the show would have done better to have consisted of more hours, in order to establish the story a bit more and make more sense out of it, give us a reason to want to see it through other than thinking, “I’ve seen two hours so far, with four more to go. It would be a waste not to see it through now.” The Prisoner is making you a prisoner to watching the whole thing!

It’s quite possible that this series was simply completely beyond me, and called for a lot deeper contemplation and analysis than I’m able and willing to give. That’s a shame, because I really, really wanted AMC to hit this one out of the park. The fact that the buzz for the series strangely died down after its first announcement makes me wonder if the people at AMC thought, “Wow, this is just not going to be good. Quick, tone back the promotion so we can save some face before it’s too late!”

Let me know what you think if you decide to make the full commitment and sit through all six hours of this series. I’d love to hear from anyone who disagrees with me, along with what good you got out of it. Maybe it’ll trigger more contemplation out of me. Oh, who am I kidding?… This was painful and I’m glad it’s over.

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Apparently we do. FOX has decided to bring over the Masterchef concept from jolly ol’ England to air in America because, frankly, we don’t have enough cooking shows out there that start or end with Master. The show will be hosted by Ramsay, who will challenge everyday backyard BBQers, homemakers, and folks who can’t boil water to prepare delicious dishes on their way to becoming a MasterChef. As with Ramsay’s 500 other shows, he’ll gently put these innocent folks through their paces to create amazing, culinary creations. That, or he’ll make them crying heaps of Jello.

When you have folks like Regis Philbin, Drew Carey or, dare I say it, Ryan Seacrest monopolizing blocks of primetime programming, it isn’t a big deal. Normally, they’re innocuous enough that they don’t bother the average viewer. When you give someone like Ramsay multiple blocks of programming time, it’s a different story. It’s not like he’s really that much different between Hell’s Kitchen and Kitchen Nightmares; he’s pretty acerbic on both shows. Adding a third show where he freely insults the contestants is reaching saturation levels.

On top of that, does television really need another cooking competition show? Between Bravo and Food Network it seems that the whole genre is filled up with Top Chef, Top Chef Masters, Next Iron Chef, Next Food Network Star, Food Network Challenge, Chopped, and Kate Gosselin Plus 8 Cooks (you know, so she can keep milking her television appearances). Is the country really ready to watch Billy Bob Joetom, who normally grills whatever he can find on the road while wearing an “I’m with Dick Cheney” apron, whip up beef tenderloin in a white wine cream sauce with grilled Raddichio, while Gordon berates him about his body odor? Well, when you put it that way….

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So, we’re about a month into a new television season and, frankly, things are looking okay. Save for the cancellation of CW’s The Beautiful Life: TBL (which was produced by Ashton Kutcher, so you knew it was going to be canned), most of the new and returning shows are doing okay (except for Dollhouse, which is really an entity unto itself). We’ve even had some full season pickups come out. In fact, I’ve heard Glee has been renewed for the next five decades!

However, this only pertains to CBS, ABC, FOX, CW, the Spice Network, and most of the other global television networks. NBC, on the other hand, is going in reverse. Instead of giving full season orders to their new programs, they’re actually pulling a FOX and canceling shows before they premiere. Case in point: Southland. After drawing solid numbers in the former ER slot last season, and being renewed for this season, the network has decided to cancel the John Wells-produced program even before it aired its first cold open. Instead, they’ve decided to air episodes of Dateline in its place.

Idiots!

Here’s network television, struggling to do something relevant in the ever-growing field of cable programming and high-quality web series, and NBC is trying to put an end to it all by pulling a stunt like this. They can really say that Dateline is pulling in higher numbers than a show that hasn’t even aired? Does Jeff Zucker, head muckity at UNBC, hop into his souped-up DeLorean to see what the results will be?

This is just another example on how NBC really doesn’t give a crap about television anymore. Well, about programming a network. Getting the money from the shows it now airs… well, that’s a different story. Sure, The Jay Leno Show could be sinking and dragging everything down around it in the process, but the pricey network executives don’t care because the advertisers are still buying time and the money tree is still producing twenty-dollar-bills.

However, that will not last forever. Especially if viewers really start leaving the network in droves. No matter what Zucker and the other NBC execs say, ratings still drive revenue. And, when you’re down to just seven hours of scripted programming, there’s a chance that you’ll be losing the audience that you built for so many years. At that point, the whole theory that ratings don’t matter falls on deaf ears.

I hope that Wells and his team find a new home for Southland. Perhaps on A&E, AMC, or TNT. When that happens they can begin to pummel NBC and garner the critical awards while executives at their former network try to blame someone for letting go of the show in the first place. It is a day I wait for with high anticipation.

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Even months before FOX’s Dollhouse premiered, campaigns to save the show appeared on the Internet. Still haunted by the memories of the treatment their beloved Firefly received by the very same network, Whedon fans were desperate to see their master’s new work last. In some ways they were right to be scared. News of the pilot being reshot caused alarm bells to sound, especially when it seemed to be against Joss’s plans. Yet, the show did make it to not only air, but it carried out the complete season and got a surprising renewal.

During its first season, those “Save Dollhouse” campaigns were little heard from. Apparently, even the ratings not being so hot — and the show in danger of not getting a second season pickup — didn’t worry the fans. The renewal was granted, and there was much celebration. And Dollhouse was no longer in need of being saved.

Jump to season two, and after only two episodes, the Save Dollhouse campaigns are at it again. Petitions are posted and Twitter avatars are changed in hopes they’ll change the minds of the FOX powers-that-be, should they be sharpening their hatchet. There’s good reason for them to think it might be in danger: it IS in danger. I mean, come on, those are pitiful ratings. And you know what? It deserves those ratings.

Yes, I said it. It deserves those ratings. Because it stinks. Don’t blame its position on Friday night. Don’t blame FOX. Because, until we hear evidence to the contrary, you can blame Joss Whedon for this.

Dollhouse getting a second season was a surprise to many. Hell, I know I was surprised, but I was happy. I was happy that, with a new season ahead of him, Joss could make this show what he wanted it to be. He wouldn’t be forced to do what the networks wanted him to. Since its first season was iffy in the ratings, and more time had been put into understanding what a Friday audience likes to see, I had full faith that Joss could bring season two in with a BANG. I had faith it would excite fans and would give reason for new viewers to see what all the fuss was about. And he failed us.

That first episode of the second season was Joss’s (and FOX’s) chance to bring new life to the show. They had a prime opportunity to deliver a season premiere that kicked all kinds of major ass and kept people on blogs, Twitter and in lunch rooms talking for days. Instead it went ahead and showed the talented Amy Acker the door and nearly put people to sleep. Are you kidding me?

Close your Dollhouse petition books. Change back your avatars to something with a more noble cause. Dollhouse does not deserve saving. I say that Joss Whedon needs saving, because whatever alien that is eating that man’s brain has caused him to allow Dollhouse to taint his otherwise awesome resume. He shouldn’t be pushing out stuff like this! He cannot be. He’s been kidnapped and a doppelganger is in his place, I tell you. There’s an alien disguised as a hoodie attached to his back, or Topher wiped the man’s mind and forgot to flip the funny bit when he reflashed his brain.

Somebody, please save Joss Whedon from Dollhouse. FOX, go ahead and swing that ax so that it cuts the alienesque umbilical cord from the creature in Joss’s head that it’s feeding, and allow him to give us what we know he’s capable of, like Buffy, Firefly and Dr. Horrible. If there is hope for Joss — and all the rest of us — this Friday will be the last we see of a show that just needs to be sent to the attic.

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I thought Bianco nailed it on the head by comparing Season six’s premiere to an ABC AfterSchool Special. Look at all of these likable crazy people! Let’s hug! Blech. I still maintain that House’s treatment warranted at least a three-episode arc, if not the entire season. Why not juxtapose his recovery with the struggling diagnostics department under Foreman’s leadership?

One more beef before I sit down and crawl back under my rock: Wasn’t the condition of House remaining in treatment that he would participate in order to practice medicine again? So, what the hell kind of artifice is it then to have House fearful to return to work and his former environment? Only to discover, on the verge of taking drugs, that going online to diagnose people is more fun! And how on earth did he find this exact patient’s postings? It was just “online”? The web is a big place. This show has researchers. Can’t you either find or invent a website where all of this would be posted and easy to Google?  It would have been GREAT to have the patient posting his questions to the late Lawrence Kutner’s website. Talk about full circle.

At any rate, though, it was ridiculous (for the writers, not his therapist, who was as surprised by his quitting as Cuddy and Foreman were) to keep House from practicing medicine when that has always been his raison d’etre, and it shouldn’t have been a huge revelation that his puzzles are the key to his mental health (and I am not sure they actually led to his undoing). And what about Cuddy? He had been hallucinating about her curing him, hallucinating about holding her lipstick– isn’t it perhaps his feelings about Cuddy, paired with the deaths of his colleagues, that caused his breakdown, rather than the Vicodin and medical practice?

Come on, House writers. Get with the program.

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Standing in line at the supermarket a few days ago, the trash mags caught my eye. Don’t judge me — you know you read the headlines to pass the time. Scanning one of the soap opera weeklies, I noticed they had an article with the low-down on The Vampire Diaries.

Wha…? Why would they have a story about a show that isn’t a soap taking up precious cover space? Instantly, I became irrational. I’ve always been a fan of the vamp genre, so of course I would watch this show. You know you’re still looking for the next Buffy, just like the rest of us. I wouldn’t watch a soap opera.

My feelings of irrationality became erratic — those people are crazy; it is most definitely not a soap opera. Oh, I think I hate myself for watching a soap opera. Then — then! — realization hit me, and rational thoughts started to creep back in.

Maybe, just maybe, The Vampire Diaries has some similarities to a soap opera. There is a sappy love story, soon to be a love triangle. There’s a damaged family (or two), suffering loss and handling it in their own ways. The characters are young — a big draw for most soaps — especially the new-fangled nighttime ones, like 90210 and Gossip Girl.

Admittedly, I’ve traveled down the path of daytime and nighttime soaps in the past, and none of them are all bad. Especially Dark Shadows, though I remember the 1991 revival better than the original (’cause I was actually born). Now we have another (possible) vampire-based nighttime soap, following in the footsteps of a cult favorite, while also borrowing from Buffy, Angel, Twilight, True Blood, Moonlight, and Being Human … and probably many more.

So even if The Vampire Diaries is a soap opera, that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Right? I am right … right?

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Hey, assh—s! I have a f–kin question to ask you. What’s the G– damn deal with all the motherf–kin swearing that goes takes place on those s–tty reality programs? I mean, they swear so f–kin much that it’s f–kin hard to f–kin hear them say a G– damn word! What the F–k?

And, that’s one of my pet peeves with reality programming. That, and the fact that reality programming is still around and keeps propagating like a horny rabbit on Viagra. Be that as it may, if reality programming is still around, I wonder if all the swearing is helping it out. Especially since you can’t understand a friggin’ word they say sometimes.

A perfect example of this is the well-publicized catfight on this season of Bravo’s The Real Housewives of Atlanta. For what seemed like 15 minutes there was nothing but beeps coming out of the mouths of Kim, Kandi and NeNe as they called each other names, pulled at each others hair, and scratched each other’s eyes out. I may be wrong, but there isn’t that much swearing in a porn movie featuring the same scene (except that they’re naked, covered in oil). When you can say that the language in a porno is cleaner than a reality program, it means the world is going topsy-turvy.

Frankly, I found this scene, as well as others in the world of reality, hard to watch, and not because the “real-life” acting was poor. It was hard to watch because I couldn’t grasp the context of the argument. Sure, it was mentioned very quickly at the beginning of the discussion, but it was completely lost as the beeps began beeping. By the time the fight went outside, I had completely forgotten what the whole thing was about.

Yes, I understand that reality programming is designed to show people’s lives in the raw. But, this seems a bit too much. How can we connect with these folks if we don’t hear a word they’re saying. If the show creators, or the “actors” themselves, are doing it to enhance the drama, then it’s a bad idea. Instead of feeling good or bad about an individual person, all you feel is confusion as to what the hell they said.

Either it’s time to reign in some of the cussin’ or just drop the beeps all together and let them swear to their heart’s content. We’ll hear the swears, but will eventually become numb to them. Soon enough, we’ll be able to understand what they’re talking about and maybe come to connect with them. I shudder to think about that!

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In the opening segment of The Office season premiere last night, a bunch of the office mates were engaging in something called “parkour” — basically trying to do the most extreme thing possible to get from point A to point B. There were a few really funny scenes in there, especially when Andy took a dive into the empty refrigerator box. In case you don’t know what parkour is, check out this YouTube video.

Today, host of G4’s Web Soup, Nerdist, made a really interesting observation via Twitter. G4’s Web Soup did a very similar video called “Extreme Office Parkour,” only they did theirs two months ago — well before even The Office season premiere screeners went out. Check it out below.

And here’s The Office version (via Hulu — sorry if you can’t view it):

Similar? Well, hell yeah, they are. There are several ways to interpret this, though:

• The Office blatantly ripped off Web Soup’s skit. The episode could have wrapped long go, but that doesn’t mean they couldn’t have made a last minute change.
• Web Soup caught wind of this scene from The Office through someone connected to the show (or just someone in the know) and decided it was a cool enough idea to try on their own first.
• The Office meant to do this, paying homage to Web Soup … y’know, without clearly saying so.
• It’s a complete coincidence. Parkour is, after all, hard core!

What do you think?

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

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Nation, at this tumultuous time in history, ask not what you can do for your country, but ask where the hell are your manners, young man?

Look, I can be a totally rude person, even for the extraordinarily low standards set for my generation. I burp. I fart. I praise other people for burping and farting in my presence. (This makes me very popular with children.) I have no issues with bluntly discussing any and every function my body or any body does (hemorrhoids? Bring those puppies on), or various orifices and the things people do with them in almost any company.

But I do have standards. I say please and thank you to everyone. I hold the door. I say “bless you” to strangers in public locations and “excuse me” if I bump into them. Most importantly, I do not interrupt people when they’re speaking, especially in an extremely rude manner. And if I do, because such things do happen by accident, I apologize.

So why doesn’t anyone else?

I’m willing to have some latitude when it comes to unfortunate outbursts. When Serena Williams lost her cool at the US Open, I was willing to let that slide. Sure, it’s irregular for tennis, but as someone who grew up watching baseball, that kind of yelling and threatening seems quaint to me, sports-wise. (So few expletives, Serena? Your mother clearly raised you right.)

There’s that, which was at least at a semi-appropriate time and place, and then there’s taking that level of vitriol and using it at the wrong place and really, really, really wrong time. Like Joe Wilson’s outburst at President Obama during  his speech to a joint session of Congress. (Made especially stupid by the fact that he shouted “you lie!” when Obama said any health care plan would not cover illegal immigrants which was… a lie. Now if he had shouted that when Obama said something about the health care plan being totally paid for by current inefficiencies, which is probably not exactly true, that would at least make his actions slightly less completely ridiculous.)

And then, of course, there was Kanye West at the MTV VMAs last night.

For the five of you who didn’t see what happened before Viacom went on a copyright deleting spree on the Youtubes, Taylor Swift got on stage to accept her Best Female Video win, at which point out of nowhere Kanye West comes, takes the microphone from her, and proceeds to tell the audience that Beyonce was totally robbed because her video was pretty much the greatest video of all time. No, wait, I’m sorry, the century. Some large amount of time.

Now at least in this instance, Beyonce acted with total class. She looked horrified at Kanye’s shout-out and, upon winning Best Video of the Year, brought Taylor Swift on-stage to finish thanking who she wanted to thank. Hell, Kanye even apologized. Sort of. And then he took it down.

It isn’t just the fact that these two things happened that bothers me. What bothers me is why these two things happened. Both Joe Wilson and Kanye West threw verbal tantrums. With both of them, we’ll never really know if it was because some higher power (like MTV or John Boehner) egged them on, or they spontaneously decide themselves that it was a good idea, but both of them did it. Both Kanye and Joe Wilson have a history of going on inappropriate rants (though Kanye’s are more famous). And so both of them know, just like every toddler knows, that when they do it, they get attention. It would be ridiculous to suggest that we ignore these outbursts the way we ignore a child kicking their feet and screaming. The whole point of these is that they are impossible to ignore, that they inspire shock and gossip and instant reactions and accusations thrown left and right of things like, oh dear lord, racism. The second racism gets added to a discussion, the resulting explosion goes nuclear.

What I don’t understand is why anyone, anywhere, would ever be so attention-starved that they thought to themselves, “you know what would be a good idea? To throw a giant public hissy fit at the expense of someone else.”

For shame, you two. You’re full-grown men, and you should know better.  You’re grounded, misters. Now go to your rooms and think on what you’ve done.

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Of that, I’m really not sure. It seems to me that Whedon is preaching to the choir. Sure, his fans were thrilled to see him working with Eliza Dushku again. Even more so with Amy Acker joining the fold. The problem is that Whedon’s fans being thrilled didn’t really translate to ratings success. When everyone is shocked that the show was actually renewed, something needs to be done.

Casting people from Battlestar isn’t the something. That’s not meant to slag the show, or Bamber and Hogan. As I said, I’m looking forward to both of their episodes. But Battlestar, while a huge success for SciFi, had even less viewers than Dollhouse. I’m sure they’ll be great, but I don’t see promotions for their episode catching the eye of the House fan that has never watched Dollhouse. The same goes for Denisof. With the exception of a couple guest spots, he’s been sadly absent from our televisions since Angel went off the air. And Glau? I know, “It’s River!” That’s just ducky, but “River” is available to play in the Dollhouse because nobody watched her on Terminator. Again, great for Whedon fans….

The best bit of casting news is that Keith Carradine (Dexter) has signed on. He’s a much more recognizable name, and has had a few really great guest spots over the past few years. His turn as Frank on Criminal Minds is a particular favorite. It should be very cool. Still, it’s still not the big splash I’m waiting for. What Dollhouse really needs is a guest star that they can promote the hell out of. Something that gets the attention of fans watching House, Glee, and Bones.

I’m not ready to give up on the show. I think there is enough there for it to find an audience and finally start to take off. But that is going to require eyeballs. And to bring those eyeballs to the sets, it’s time to start casting some actors with actual name recognition, as opposed to those with geek recognition.

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I think I was wrong when I thought I figured out the reason behind Turtle’s rant on Seth Rogen in last week’s episode of Entourage. Rather than it being a statement about the media’s reaction to Jerry Ferrara’s relationship with Jamie-Lynn Sigler, I see it more as a lead-in to this episode. While Turtle’s saying “WTF” about Seth Rogen, after last night’s episode I’m definitely saying “WTF” about Turtle.

Let’s go over what Turtle’s birthday consisted of:

- Gourmet breakfast made for him while he hung out with friends on the patio of a posh Los Angeles home.

- Stepping into a walk-in closet in that same house that’d make a woman green with envy. Picks from hundreds of flashy and expensive hats and sneakers.

- A morning of racing exotic sports cars with the same buds, capped off with being handed the keys to a $250k Ferrari as a gift.

- Cocktails on the same patio with same friends, hitting off a few puffs from a joint, then being summoned by his hot actress girlfriend….

- ….who just bought him a brand-new Porsche as a birthday present.

- Walks unquestioned into one of the hottest talent agencies in Los Angeles to ask one of the agency heads for help, and he gets his ear.

- Free dinner with same friends and girlfriend at a hot L.A. restaurant, including four bottles of said restaurant’s most expensive wine.

- Gets his education paid for.

In the middle of all of that, Turtle whines because he doesn’t like being handed stuff. Seriously, after all these years, now he decides he doesn’t like being handed shit? What has Turtle done for Vince besides being his “good luck charm?” The least he could do is beef up and be Vince’s security.

Sorry writers, but I can’t figure out one reason why we’re supposed to feel bad for this guy.

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Dear folks in charge of Burn Notice –

I’m a huge fan of your show. I can’t begin to tell you how stoked I am that the new season has begun, and the show is just as good as it’s always been. Jeffery Donovan is in top form, Bruce Campbell is as witty and sharp as ever, and Gabrielle Anwar had lunch in one of the last two episodes that I think included a cheeseburger. Things are great! There’s just one teeny, tiny little thing that’s bugging the hell out of me this season so far: your overuse of the clever subtitles.

In the first season, the typical subtitle would simply indicate when Michael landed a new client. At first, it wasn’t clever at all — there’s the client, here’s a subtitle telling you he/she is the client. Then you got cute with the subtitles and would indicate someone as being a client the moment they changed status from something else to “The Client.” Maybe the person would be introduced as “Mike’s Old Friend” and then, when a big problem was revealed, the scene would freeze on the person and we’d get a subtitle “The Client.”

Later, the subtitles went a step further. We started to get subtitles akin to “The Guy They’re Looking For” and others that gave us a chuckle. When not overused, they were something I’d actually look forward to seeing. What would they do next time? Lately, though, these clever subtitles have become so commonplace on the show that they’re getting tiring and unsurprising. And, I’ve gotta say, they’re getting eye-rollingly annoying.

Guys, please take it easy with the character subtitles. I know you’re all better than this. Pick one to use per episode at most, and run with that. Don’t throw us two or even three for every episode — it’s just not as funny or unexpected anymore. It’s starting to come across as a lame parlor trick rather than that little bit of spice that gave the show a bit of humor, reminding us that there was still some not-so-serious fun to be had with this show.

Other than that, keep up the stellar writing. I’m always looking forward to more!

Keith
The Fan

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When the last couple of minutes of last weeks Harper’s Island rolled past last Saturday, the first thing I wanted to do was write out about how horrible the ending was. Fortunately for our readers, Keith and Debbie had the responsibility for posting their thoughts first. I got to wait a couple of days and really think out what I thought about how things ended. Unfortunately for fans of the show — and I know CliqueClack has more than a few of them — I still thought it stunk.

CBS marketed this show as a murder mystery. One look at their “Characters” section on the website reveals the “whodunit” nature of what they were telling me the show was going to be. I watched the show because I like trying to figure things out, playing with the clues and red herrings along the way. What the producers gave us, in my eyes, was a ending with a couple of psychopaths and an illogical explanation as to the whole premise of the show.

Before the premier, I was on the fence on whether or not I would watch. I set the DVR to record the episodes just in case I wanted to go back and catch up. Two of my favorite CliqueClack readers, cjcubs and modwild, basically harassed me via Twitter until I relented (And yes, you both did. It’s OK, though. Despite the ending, I forgive you both).

The show started off rather slow, but not necessarily in the bad way. It was more of a slow burn, as members of the wedding party began to be picked off by an unknown force. Based on circumstances, it was several days (and even more episodes) before others began to miss their unfortunate friends, which on one hand was rather annoying, but on the other, let the story develop methodically.

The story of John Wakefield was introduced to us very early in the process, but in the beginning it was more to explain the backdrop to which our story would be told. A spooky island with a history of death and terror sets up a better tone for a mystery than, say, Hilton Head would. When the mug shots and newspapers allowed us to see who Wakefield “was,” Keith so correctly pointed out that you don’t cast a Cylon without planning on using him, and I silently quoted the old Sci-Fi trope, “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

Like I said, I was attracted to the mystery concept of the show, and looked forward to answering the websites’ question of Who the Murderer was. Once I saw Callum Keith Rennie in the pictures of Wakefield, most of that curiosity was gone. I mean, you don’t walk into a Halloween movie without knowing that Michael Myers is the guy that will be doing all of the killing. Well, I generally don’t walk into a Halloween movie regardless.

I’ve never been a big fan of the horror genre, for one simple reason: little change occurs, other than death, in most horror stories. Myers, Freddy, and Leatherface live to murder another day, and most of the characters that we have gotten to know are victims by the time the credits role. I’ve gone on record with my opinion that characters, and character development, are the best part of all good stories. In this genre, the most development you can hope for is that the young, nubile girl might be cheating on her boyfriend by sleeping with both guys in the car.

Like I said before, Harper’s Island started different. Most of the characters were given an intricate and often times interlacing back story. Several members of the wedding party had a history on the island. The bride’s family had some serious issues woven throughout. The groomsmen’s fight over the money had meaning because of how badly Malcolm needed it. And if you didn’t fall in love with Cal and Chloe, well, then you’ve just got no heart.

The ending of the story, however, crapped over all of that. The money? Explained in a throwaway line. The wedding: hell, Henry’s whole relationship with Trish just a means to an end, that of which was just getting Abby on the island, and everyone else off. The entire Wellington clan were just victims, and one big family full of red herrings. Yeah, Jimmy and Abby will probably live happily ever after (and, let’s face it, I am a sucker for a happy ending), but by way of Henry just magically turning out to be coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs, nothing else that happened makes any sense.

Logic and rationality are not too big of things to ask for. With the vast number of cop shows on television today, I — and I would assume most viewers — have been conditioned to look for a motive in all crime. Motive explains and justifies the unjustifiable actions of criminals. In this case, however, Henry was excused from having a logical motive because he was bat-shit crazy. Unfortunately, in my eyes, making him crazy was just a cop out for having to come up with a real answer to the question CBS presumably posed, “whodunit?” other than the one I came up with in the end: Who cares???

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I got a peep at HBO’s Hung about a week before it premiered, and though I didn’t watch more than the first episode, I’m wondering why people are all hung up on the show already. With all the hype surrounding the show, I sorta felt like I was given the shaft.

Let’s go over a few of the meatier points of why I felt Hung fell flat:

- The main character — Ray Drecker (Thomas Jane) is pretty much like any ol’ Tom, Dick or Harry — though maybe a bit more of a tool — and has got one massive thing going for him: a big dick. And … that’s pretty much it. He doesn’t have anything else going for him really except that, maybe, he’s good at plotting a full-court press for a bunch of sweaty guys.

- It’s humorless — Someone forgot to turn the funny knob up a few notches on Hung, because with a show premise and title like that, it’s gotta have something funny so I can get my rocks off. I could’ve done without the dicking around and had them get right to something that would get more than a short chuckle out of me.

- The kids are unlikable — I get that it’s the first episode here, but the kids are hard to swallow. I felt like the show’s creators were so hard up to inject some sort of drama into Ray’s life that they had to throw these two ungrateful dorks at us.

- The plot makes no sense — Why would Ray stoop down to the level of a man whore when his biggest asset would be better suited — and better used! — in porn? Not just video porn, but just take a few pictures of it for magazines and keep your mug out of it. Why a bell didn’t dong in Ray’s head for him to realize this would keep him from being hosed when he was ID’ed is beyond me; I’m stumped.

That’s about all I’ve got. I know a bunch of fans will come gushing at me like a full-open fire hose to tell me how wrong I am and that I should go piss off. Well, hopefully you’re right and the next few episodes will get a whole lot better. Until the writers are able to erect a better story with funnier lines for me, I’m simply going to find it hard for this show to get a rise out of me.

Penis.

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