Like I said from the start, it’s just not fair at all to compare this series to the original Prisoner. It bares little resemblance, and really stands on its own, right up to the end. Well, I guess one way in which it doesn’t stand on its own is it’s another complete “Why The Face” through and through, including an ending that, for most, is completely unsatisfying.

After watching the third and fourth hours of The Prisoner last night I popped in the DVD with the final two hours, hoping things would start to make more sense and help strike this series as being one for the books. Well, it did that alright, only the books it made it into aren’t the good ones. I can’t begin to fathom why this series sounded like a good idea when the entire script was presented to … anyone. Did Caviezel and McKellan see anything beyond the first couple of episodes before committing to do the series?

What really felt odd about how this series went down was how each hour really did feel like an episode, and not like another hour of a long TV movie. In fact, at times I thought the show would have done better to have consisted of more hours, in order to establish the story a bit more and make more sense out of it, give us a reason to want to see it through other than thinking, “I’ve seen two hours so far, with four more to go. It would be a waste not to see it through now.” The Prisoner is making you a prisoner to watching the whole thing!

It’s quite possible that this series was simply completely beyond me, and called for a lot deeper contemplation and analysis than I’m able and willing to give. That’s a shame, because I really, really wanted AMC to hit this one out of the park. The fact that the buzz for the series strangely died down after its first announcement makes me wonder if the people at AMC thought, “Wow, this is just not going to be good. Quick, tone back the promotion so we can save some face before it’s too late!”

Let me know what you think if you decide to make the full commitment and sit through all six hours of this series. I’d love to hear from anyone who disagrees with me, along with what good you got out of it. Maybe it’ll trigger more contemplation out of me. Oh, who am I kidding?… This was painful and I’m glad it’s over.

Related posts

• AMC’s The Prisoner isn’t The Prisoner of yore
• AMC’s The Prisoner reboot – CliqueClack giveaway
• The Prisoner is free (and online)

Apparently we do. FOX has decided to bring over the Masterchef concept from jolly ol’ England to air in America because, frankly, we don’t have enough cooking shows out there that start or end with Master. The show will be hosted by Ramsay, who will challenge everyday backyard BBQers, homemakers, and folks who can’t boil water to prepare delicious dishes on their way to becoming a MasterChef. As with Ramsay’s 500 other shows, he’ll gently put these innocent folks through their paces to create amazing, culinary creations. That, or he’ll make them crying heaps of Jello.

When you have folks like Regis Philbin, Drew Carey or, dare I say it, Ryan Seacrest monopolizing blocks of primetime programming, it isn’t a big deal. Normally, they’re innocuous enough that they don’t bother the average viewer. When you give someone like Ramsay multiple blocks of programming time, it’s a different story. It’s not like he’s really that much different between Hell’s Kitchen and Kitchen Nightmares; he’s pretty acerbic on both shows. Adding a third show where he freely insults the contestants is reaching saturation levels.

On top of that, does television really need another cooking competition show? Between Bravo and Food Network it seems that the whole genre is filled up with Top Chef, Top Chef Masters, Next Iron Chef, Next Food Network Star, Food Network Challenge, Chopped, and Kate Gosselin Plus 8 Cooks (you know, so she can keep milking her television appearances). Is the country really ready to watch Billy Bob Joetom, who normally grills whatever he can find on the road while wearing an “I’m with Dick Cheney” apron, whip up beef tenderloin in a white wine cream sauce with grilled Raddichio, while Gordon berates him about his body odor? Well, when you put it that way….

Related posts

• If I hate reality TV, why am I drawn to Hell’s Kitchen?
• Reality Clack – Hell’s Kitchen, The Bachelor, American Idol, Survivor
• Reality Clack – American Idol, Amazing Race, Dancing With the Stars

So, we’re about a month into a new television season and, frankly, things are looking okay. Save for the cancellation of CW’s The Beautiful Life: TBL (which was produced by Ashton Kutcher, so you knew it was going to be canned), most of the new and returning shows are doing okay (except for Dollhouse, which is really an entity unto itself). We’ve even had some full season pickups come out. In fact, I’ve heard Glee has been renewed for the next five decades!

However, this only pertains to CBS, ABC, FOX, CW, the Spice Network, and most of the other global television networks. NBC, on the other hand, is going in reverse. Instead of giving full season orders to their new programs, they’re actually pulling a FOX and canceling shows before they premiere. Case in point: Southland. After drawing solid numbers in the former ER slot last season, and being renewed for this season, the network has decided to cancel the John Wells-produced program even before it aired its first cold open. Instead, they’ve decided to air episodes of Dateline in its place.

Idiots!

Here’s network television, struggling to do something relevant in the ever-growing field of cable programming and high-quality web series, and NBC is trying to put an end to it all by pulling a stunt like this. They can really say that Dateline is pulling in higher numbers than a show that hasn’t even aired? Does Jeff Zucker, head muckity at UNBC, hop into his souped-up DeLorean to see what the results will be?

This is just another example on how NBC really doesn’t give a crap about television anymore. Well, about programming a network. Getting the money from the shows it now airs… well, that’s a different story. Sure, The Jay Leno Show could be sinking and dragging everything down around it in the process, but the pricey network executives don’t care because the advertisers are still buying time and the money tree is still producing twenty-dollar-bills.

However, that will not last forever. Especially if viewers really start leaving the network in droves. No matter what Zucker and the other NBC execs say, ratings still drive revenue. And, when you’re down to just seven hours of scripted programming, there’s a chance that you’ll be losing the audience that you built for so many years. At that point, the whole theory that ratings don’t matter falls on deaf ears.

I hope that Wells and his team find a new home for Southland. Perhaps on A&E, AMC, or TNT. When that happens they can begin to pummel NBC and garner the critical awards while executives at their former network try to blame someone for letting go of the show in the first place. It is a day I wait for with high anticipation.

Related posts

• Southland is officially moving to TNT, but will we get new episodes?
• Ten reasons why last night’s Trauma proves that its cancellation sucks
• Heroes – Things are starting to align

Even months before FOX’s Dollhouse premiered, campaigns to save the show appeared on the Internet. Still haunted by the memories of the treatment their beloved Firefly received by the very same network, Whedon fans were desperate to see their master’s new work last. In some ways they were right to be scared. News of the pilot being reshot caused alarm bells to sound, especially when it seemed to be against Joss’s plans. Yet, the show did make it to not only air, but it carried out the complete season and got a surprising renewal.

During its first season, those “Save Dollhouse” campaigns were little heard from. Apparently, even the ratings not being so hot — and the show in danger of not getting a second season pickup — didn’t worry the fans. The renewal was granted, and there was much celebration. And Dollhouse was no longer in need of being saved.

Jump to season two, and after only two episodes, the Save Dollhouse campaigns are at it again. Petitions are posted and Twitter avatars are changed in hopes they’ll change the minds of the FOX powers-that-be, should they be sharpening their hatchet. There’s good reason for them to think it might be in danger: it IS in danger. I mean, come on, those are pitiful ratings. And you know what? It deserves those ratings.

Yes, I said it. It deserves those ratings. Because it stinks. Don’t blame its position on Friday night. Don’t blame FOX. Because, until we hear evidence to the contrary, you can blame Joss Whedon for this.

Dollhouse getting a second season was a surprise to many. Hell, I know I was surprised, but I was happy. I was happy that, with a new season ahead of him, Joss could make this show what he wanted it to be. He wouldn’t be forced to do what the networks wanted him to. Since its first season was iffy in the ratings, and more time had been put into understanding what a Friday audience likes to see, I had full faith that Joss could bring season two in with a BANG. I had faith it would excite fans and would give reason for new viewers to see what all the fuss was about. And he failed us.

That first episode of the second season was Joss’s (and FOX’s) chance to bring new life to the show. They had a prime opportunity to deliver a season premiere that kicked all kinds of major ass and kept people on blogs, Twitter and in lunch rooms talking for days. Instead it went ahead and showed the talented Amy Acker the door and nearly put people to sleep. Are you kidding me?

Close your Dollhouse petition books. Change back your avatars to something with a more noble cause. Dollhouse does not deserve saving. I say that Joss Whedon needs saving, because whatever alien that is eating that man’s brain has caused him to allow Dollhouse to taint his otherwise awesome resume. He shouldn’t be pushing out stuff like this! He cannot be. He’s been kidnapped and a doppelganger is in his place, I tell you. There’s an alien disguised as a hoodie attached to his back, or Topher wiped the man’s mind and forgot to flip the funny bit when he reflashed his brain.

Somebody, please save Joss Whedon from Dollhouse. FOX, go ahead and swing that ax so that it cuts the alienesque umbilical cord from the creature in Joss’s head that it’s feeding, and allow him to give us what we know he’s capable of, like Buffy, Firefly and Dr. Horrible. If there is hope for Joss — and all the rest of us — this Friday will be the last we see of a show that just needs to be sent to the attic.

Related posts

• Why Dollhouse should be renewed
• Dollhouse season 2: Is Whedon preaching to the choir?
• Epitaph One – Why we all should be happy Dollhouse was renewed

I thought Bianco nailed it on the head by comparing Season six’s premiere to an ABC AfterSchool Special. Look at all of these likable crazy people! Let’s hug! Blech. I still maintain that House’s treatment warranted at least a three-episode arc, if not the entire season. Why not juxtapose his recovery with the struggling diagnostics department under Foreman’s leadership?

One more beef before I sit down and crawl back under my rock: Wasn’t the condition of House remaining in treatment that he would participate in order to practice medicine again? So, what the hell kind of artifice is it then to have House fearful to return to work and his former environment? Only to discover, on the verge of taking drugs, that going online to diagnose people is more fun! And how on earth did he find this exact patient’s postings? It was just “online”? The web is a big place. This show has researchers. Can’t you either find or invent a website where all of this would be posted and easy to Google?  It would have been GREAT to have the patient posting his questions to the late Lawrence Kutner’s website. Talk about full circle.

At any rate, though, it was ridiculous (for the writers, not his therapist, who was as surprised by his quitting as Cuddy and Foreman were) to keep House from practicing medicine when that has always been his raison d’etre, and it shouldn’t have been a huge revelation that his puzzles are the key to his mental health (and I am not sure they actually led to his undoing). And what about Cuddy? He had been hallucinating about her curing him, hallucinating about holding her lipstick– isn’t it perhaps his feelings about Cuddy, paired with the deaths of his colleagues, that caused his breakdown, rather than the Vicodin and medical practice?

Come on, House writers. Get with the program.

Related posts

• House’s sixth season is now cooking with gas
• Dr. House is in da crazy house!
• Euthanasia. We all do it (on House).

Standing in line at the supermarket a few days ago, the trash mags caught my eye. Don’t judge me — you know you read the headlines to pass the time. Scanning one of the soap opera weeklies, I noticed they had an article with the low-down on The Vampire Diaries.

Wha…? Why would they have a story about a show that isn’t a soap taking up precious cover space? Instantly, I became irrational. I’ve always been a fan of the vamp genre, so of course I would watch this show. You know you’re still looking for the next Buffy, just like the rest of us. I wouldn’t watch a soap opera.

My feelings of irrationality became erratic — those people are crazy; it is most definitely not a soap opera. Oh, I think I hate myself for watching a soap opera. Then — then! — realization hit me, and rational thoughts started to creep back in.

Maybe, just maybe, The Vampire Diaries has some similarities to a soap opera. There is a sappy love story, soon to be a love triangle. There’s a damaged family (or two), suffering loss and handling it in their own ways. The characters are young — a big draw for most soaps — especially the new-fangled nighttime ones, like 90210 and Gossip Girl.

Admittedly, I’ve traveled down the path of daytime and nighttime soaps in the past, and none of them are all bad. Especially Dark Shadows, though I remember the 1991 revival better than the original (’cause I was actually born). Now we have another (possible) vampire-based nighttime soap, following in the footsteps of a cult favorite, while also borrowing from Buffy, Angel, Twilight, True Blood, Moonlight, and Being Human … and probably many more.

So even if The Vampire Diaries is a soap opera, that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Right? I am right … right?

Other posts

• The Week Ahead – A Torchwood 5-night event and a Doctor Who movie
• Things That Didn’t Suck This Week – Jon Hamm, baby
• Where’s our Life on Mars cliffhanger resolution?

Hey, assh—s! I have a f–kin question to ask you. What’s the G– damn deal with all the motherf–kin swearing that goes takes place on those s–tty reality programs? I mean, they swear so f–kin much that it’s f–kin hard to f–kin hear them say a G– damn word! What the F–k?

And, that’s one of my pet peeves with reality programming. That, and the fact that reality programming is still around and keeps propagating like a horny rabbit on Viagra. Be that as it may, if reality programming is still around, I wonder if all the swearing is helping it out. Especially since you can’t understand a friggin’ word they say sometimes.

A perfect example of this is the well-publicized catfight on this season of Bravo’s The Real Housewives of Atlanta. For what seemed like 15 minutes there was nothing but beeps coming out of the mouths of Kim, Kandi and NeNe as they called each other names, pulled at each others hair, and scratched each other’s eyes out. I may be wrong, but there isn’t that much swearing in a porn movie featuring the same scene (except that they’re naked, covered in oil). When you can say that the language in a porno is cleaner than a reality program, it means the world is going topsy-turvy.

Frankly, I found this scene, as well as others in the world of reality, hard to watch, and not because the “real-life” acting was poor. It was hard to watch because I couldn’t grasp the context of the argument. Sure, it was mentioned very quickly at the beginning of the discussion, but it was completely lost as the beeps began beeping. By the time the fight went outside, I had completely forgotten what the whole thing was about.

Yes, I understand that reality programming is designed to show people’s lives in the raw. But, this seems a bit too much. How can we connect with these folks if we don’t hear a word they’re saying. If the show creators, or the “actors” themselves, are doing it to enhance the drama, then it’s a bad idea. Instead of feeling good or bad about an individual person, all you feel is confusion as to what the hell they said.

Either it’s time to reign in some of the cussin’ or just drop the beeps all together and let them swear to their heart’s content. We’ll hear the swears, but will eventually become numb to them. Soon enough, we’ll be able to understand what they’re talking about and maybe come to connect with them. I shudder to think about that!

Related posts

• Reality Clack – The Celebrity Apprentice, American Idol, The Amazing Race, Survivor, Dancing With the Stars
• Reality Clack – Celebrity Rehab, The Biggest Loser, Real Housewives of Atlanta, American Idol
• See Jane Clack – sexy vampires, dumb housewives, and Mighty Mendit

In the opening segment of The Office season premiere last night, a bunch of the office mates were engaging in something called “parkour” — basically trying to do the most extreme thing possible to get from point A to point B. There were a few really funny scenes in there, especially when Andy took a dive into the empty refrigerator box. In case you don’t know what parkour is, check out this YouTube video.

Today, host of G4’s Web Soup, Nerdist, made a really interesting observation via Twitter. G4’s Web Soup did a very similar video called “Extreme Office Parkour,” only they did theirs two months ago — well before even The Office season premiere screeners went out. Check it out below.

And here’s The Office version (via Hulu — sorry if you can’t view it):

Similar? Well, hell yeah, they are. There are several ways to interpret this, though:

• The Office blatantly ripped off Web Soup’s skit. The episode could have wrapped long go, but that doesn’t mean they couldn’t have made a last minute change.
• Web Soup caught wind of this scene from The Office through someone connected to the show (or just someone in the know) and decided it was a cool enough idea to try on their own first.
• The Office meant to do this, paying homage to Web Soup … y’know, without clearly saying so.
• It’s a complete coincidence. Parkour is, after all, hard core!

What do you think?

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Related posts

• The Office “Gossip” and the one true rumor -- CliqueClack Preview
• The Office season premiere -- Rumors and gossip aplenty
• The Office season six premiere -- Live-blog/chat

Nation, at this tumultuous time in history, ask not what you can do for your country, but ask where the hell are your manners, young man?

Look, I can be a totally rude person, even for the extraordinarily low standards set for my generation. I burp. I fart. I praise other people for burping and farting in my presence. (This makes me very popular with children.) I have no issues with bluntly discussing any and every function my body or any body does (hemorrhoids? Bring those puppies on), or various orifices and the things people do with them in almost any company.

But I do have standards. I say please and thank you to everyone. I hold the door. I say “bless you” to strangers in public locations and “excuse me” if I bump into them. Most importantly, I do not interrupt people when they’re speaking, especially in an extremely rude manner. And if I do, because such things do happen by accident, I apologize.

So why doesn’t anyone else?

I’m willing to have some latitude when it comes to unfortunate outbursts. When Serena Williams lost her cool at the US Open, I was willing to let that slide. Sure, it’s irregular for tennis, but as someone who grew up watching baseball, that kind of yelling and threatening seems quaint to me, sports-wise. (So few expletives, Serena? Your mother clearly raised you right.)

There’s that, which was at least at a semi-appropriate time and place, and then there’s taking that level of vitriol and using it at the wrong place and really, really, really wrong time. Like Joe Wilson’s outburst at President Obama during  his speech to a joint session of Congress. (Made especially stupid by the fact that he shouted “you lie!” when Obama said any health care plan would not cover illegal immigrants which was… a lie. Now if he had shouted that when Obama said something about the health care plan being totally paid for by current inefficiencies, which is probably not exactly true, that would at least make his actions slightly less completely ridiculous.)

And then, of course, there was Kanye West at the MTV VMAs last night.

For the five of you who didn’t see what happened before Viacom went on a copyright deleting spree on the Youtubes, Taylor Swift got on stage to accept her Best Female Video win, at which point out of nowhere Kanye West comes, takes the microphone from her, and proceeds to tell the audience that Beyonce was totally robbed because her video was pretty much the greatest video of all time. No, wait, I’m sorry, the century. Some large amount of time.

Now at least in this instance, Beyonce acted with total class. She looked horrified at Kanye’s shout-out and, upon winning Best Video of the Year, brought Taylor Swift on-stage to finish thanking who she wanted to thank. Hell, Kanye even apologized. Sort of. And then he took it down.

It isn’t just the fact that these two things happened that bothers me. What bothers me is why these two things happened. Both Joe Wilson and Kanye West threw verbal tantrums. With both of them, we’ll never really know if it was because some higher power (like MTV or John Boehner) egged them on, or they spontaneously decide themselves that it was a good idea, but both of them did it. Both Kanye and Joe Wilson have a history of going on inappropriate rants (though Kanye’s are more famous). And so both of them know, just like every toddler knows, that when they do it, they get attention. It would be ridiculous to suggest that we ignore these outbursts the way we ignore a child kicking their feet and screaming. The whole point of these is that they are impossible to ignore, that they inspire shock and gossip and instant reactions and accusations thrown left and right of things like, oh dear lord, racism. The second racism gets added to a discussion, the resulting explosion goes nuclear.

What I don’t understand is why anyone, anywhere, would ever be so attention-starved that they thought to themselves, “you know what would be a good idea? To throw a giant public hissy fit at the expense of someone else.”

For shame, you two. You’re full-grown men, and you should know better.  You’re grounded, misters. Now go to your rooms and think on what you’ve done.

Related posts

• Saturday Night Live – Taylor Swift
• See Jane Clack: A reality show starring Jon Gosselin, Richard Heene, and other stupid celebs
• SNL’s Best of the Season – Save Broadway

Of that, I’m really not sure. It seems to me that Whedon is preaching to the choir. Sure, his fans were thrilled to see him working with Eliza Dushku again. Even more so with Amy Acker joining the fold. The problem is that Whedon’s fans being thrilled didn’t really translate to ratings success. When everyone is shocked that the show was actually renewed, something needs to be done.

Casting people from Battlestar isn’t the something. That’s not meant to slag the show, or Bamber and Hogan. As I said, I’m looking forward to both of their episodes. But Battlestar, while a huge success for SciFi, had even less viewers than Dollhouse. I’m sure they’ll be great, but I don’t see promotions for their episode catching the eye of the House fan that has never watched Dollhouse. The same goes for Denisof. With the exception of a couple guest spots, he’s been sadly absent from our televisions since Angel went off the air. And Glau? I know, “It’s River!” That’s just ducky, but “River” is available to play in the Dollhouse because nobody watched her on Terminator. Again, great for Whedon fans….

The best bit of casting news is that Keith Carradine (Dexter) has signed on. He’s a much more recognizable name, and has had a few really great guest spots over the past few years. His turn as Frank on Criminal Minds is a particular favorite. It should be very cool. Still, it’s still not the big splash I’m waiting for. What Dollhouse really needs is a guest star that they can promote the hell out of. Something that gets the attention of fans watching House, Glee, and Bones.

I’m not ready to give up on the show. I think there is enough there for it to find an audience and finally start to take off. But that is going to require eyeballs. And to bring those eyeballs to the sets, it’s time to start casting some actors with actual name recognition, as opposed to those with geek recognition.

Related posts

• Dollhouse – It’s better to burn out, than fade away
• Dollhouse: Epitaph One – Giving the whole thing away
• Dollhouse – Waco… yeah… that’ll draw the kids in

I think I was wrong when I thought I figured out the reason behind Turtle’s rant on Seth Rogen in last week’s episode of Entourage. Rather than it being a statement about the media’s reaction to Jerry Ferrara’s relationship with Jamie-Lynn Sigler, I see it more as a lead-in to this episode. While Turtle’s saying “WTF” about Seth Rogen, after last night’s episode I’m definitely saying “WTF” about Turtle.

Let’s go over what Turtle’s birthday consisted of:

- Gourmet breakfast made for him while he hung out with friends on the patio of a posh Los Angeles home.

- Stepping into a walk-in closet in that same house that’d make a woman green with envy. Picks from hundreds of flashy and expensive hats and sneakers.

- A morning of racing exotic sports cars with the same buds, capped off with being handed the keys to a $250k Ferrari as a gift.

- Cocktails on the same patio with same friends, hitting off a few puffs from a joint, then being summoned by his hot actress girlfriend….

- ….who just bought him a brand-new Porsche as a birthday present.

- Walks unquestioned into one of the hottest talent agencies in Los Angeles to ask one of the agency heads for help, and he gets his ear.

- Free dinner with same friends and girlfriend at a hot L.A. restaurant, including four bottles of said restaurant’s most expensive wine.

- Gets his education paid for.

In the middle of all of that, Turtle whines because he doesn’t like being handed stuff. Seriously, after all these years, now he decides he doesn’t like being handed shit? What has Turtle done for Vince besides being his “good luck charm?” The least he could do is beef up and be Vince’s security.

Sorry writers, but I can’t figure out one reason why we’re supposed to feel bad for this guy.

Related posts

• Undeclared – CliqueClack Flashback
• Entourage – Matt Damon sucker punches Vince with a Bono conference call
• Entourage – Eric cuts Ashley loose, and Drama sticks with Lloyd

Dear folks in charge of Burn Notice –

I’m a huge fan of your show. I can’t begin to tell you how stoked I am that the new season has begun, and the show is just as good as it’s always been. Jeffery Donovan is in top form, Bruce Campbell is as witty and sharp as ever, and Gabrielle Anwar had lunch in one of the last two episodes that I think included a cheeseburger. Things are great! There’s just one teeny, tiny little thing that’s bugging the hell out of me this season so far: your overuse of the clever subtitles.

In the first season, the typical subtitle would simply indicate when Michael landed a new client. At first, it wasn’t clever at all — there’s the client, here’s a subtitle telling you he/she is the client. Then you got cute with the subtitles and would indicate someone as being a client the moment they changed status from something else to “The Client.” Maybe the person would be introduced as “Mike’s Old Friend” and then, when a big problem was revealed, the scene would freeze on the person and we’d get a subtitle “The Client.”

Later, the subtitles went a step further. We started to get subtitles akin to “The Guy They’re Looking For” and others that gave us a chuckle. When not overused, they were something I’d actually look forward to seeing. What would they do next time? Lately, though, these clever subtitles have become so commonplace on the show that they’re getting tiring and unsurprising. And, I’ve gotta say, they’re getting eye-rollingly annoying.

Guys, please take it easy with the character subtitles. I know you’re all better than this. Pick one to use per episode at most, and run with that. Don’t throw us two or even three for every episode — it’s just not as funny or unexpected anymore. It’s starting to come across as a lame parlor trick rather than that little bit of spice that gave the show a bit of humor, reminding us that there was still some not-so-serious fun to be had with this show.

Other than that, keep up the stellar writing. I’m always looking forward to more!

Keith
The Fan

Related posts

• Diary of a Burn Notice Virgin – Season 2 comes to an end
• Diary of a Burn Notice Virgin – Carla returns and explosions follow
• Diary of a Burn Notice Virgin – Where’s Carla?

When the last couple of minutes of last weeks Harper’s Island rolled past last Saturday, the first thing I wanted to do was write out about how horrible the ending was. Fortunately for our readers, Keith and Debbie had the responsibility for posting their thoughts first. I got to wait a couple of days and really think out what I thought about how things ended. Unfortunately for fans of the show — and I know CliqueClack has more than a few of them — I still thought it stunk.

CBS marketed this show as a murder mystery. One look at their “Characters” section on the website reveals the “whodunit” nature of what they were telling me the show was going to be. I watched the show because I like trying to figure things out, playing with the clues and red herrings along the way. What the producers gave us, in my eyes, was a ending with a couple of psychopaths and an illogical explanation as to the whole premise of the show.

Before the premier, I was on the fence on whether or not I would watch. I set the DVR to record the episodes just in case I wanted to go back and catch up. Two of my favorite CliqueClack readers, cjcubs and modwild, basically harassed me via Twitter until I relented (And yes, you both did. It’s OK, though. Despite the ending, I forgive you both).

The show started off rather slow, but not necessarily in the bad way. It was more of a slow burn, as members of the wedding party began to be picked off by an unknown force. Based on circumstances, it was several days (and even more episodes) before others began to miss their unfortunate friends, which on one hand was rather annoying, but on the other, let the story develop methodically.

The story of John Wakefield was introduced to us very early in the process, but in the beginning it was more to explain the backdrop to which our story would be told. A spooky island with a history of death and terror sets up a better tone for a mystery than, say, Hilton Head would. When the mug shots and newspapers allowed us to see who Wakefield “was,” Keith so correctly pointed out that you don’t cast a Cylon without planning on using him, and I silently quoted the old Sci-Fi trope, “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

Like I said, I was attracted to the mystery concept of the show, and looked forward to answering the websites’ question of Who the Murderer was. Once I saw Callum Keith Rennie in the pictures of Wakefield, most of that curiosity was gone. I mean, you don’t walk into a Halloween movie without knowing that Michael Myers is the guy that will be doing all of the killing. Well, I generally don’t walk into a Halloween movie regardless.

I’ve never been a big fan of the horror genre, for one simple reason: little change occurs, other than death, in most horror stories. Myers, Freddy, and Leatherface live to murder another day, and most of the characters that we have gotten to know are victims by the time the credits role. I’ve gone on record with my opinion that characters, and character development, are the best part of all good stories. In this genre, the most development you can hope for is that the young, nubile girl might be cheating on her boyfriend by sleeping with both guys in the car.

Like I said before, Harper’s Island started different. Most of the characters were given an intricate and often times interlacing back story. Several members of the wedding party had a history on the island. The bride’s family had some serious issues woven throughout. The groomsmen’s fight over the money had meaning because of how badly Malcolm needed it. And if you didn’t fall in love with Cal and Chloe, well, then you’ve just got no heart.

The ending of the story, however, crapped over all of that. The money? Explained in a throwaway line. The wedding: hell, Henry’s whole relationship with Trish just a means to an end, that of which was just getting Abby on the island, and everyone else off. The entire Wellington clan were just victims, and one big family full of red herrings. Yeah, Jimmy and Abby will probably live happily ever after (and, let’s face it, I am a sucker for a happy ending), but by way of Henry just magically turning out to be coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs, nothing else that happened makes any sense.

Logic and rationality are not too big of things to ask for. With the vast number of cop shows on television today, I — and I would assume most viewers — have been conditioned to look for a motive in all crime. Motive explains and justifies the unjustifiable actions of criminals. In this case, however, Henry was excused from having a logical motive because he was bat-shit crazy. Unfortunately, in my eyes, making him crazy was just a cop out for having to come up with a real answer to the question CBS presumably posed, “whodunit?” other than the one I came up with in the end: Who cares???

Related posts

• Harper’s Island – You don’t cast a Cylon without using him
• Harper’s Island is horrific whodunnit fun
• Did we see Red John on The Mentalist?

I got a peep at HBO’s Hung about a week before it premiered, and though I didn’t watch more than the first episode, I’m wondering why people are all hung up on the show already. With all the hype surrounding the show, I sorta felt like I was given the shaft.

Let’s go over a few of the meatier points of why I felt Hung fell flat:

- The main character — Ray Drecker (Thomas Jane) is pretty much like any ol’ Tom, Dick or Harry — though maybe a bit more of a tool — and has got one massive thing going for him: a big dick. And … that’s pretty much it. He doesn’t have anything else going for him really except that, maybe, he’s good at plotting a full-court press for a bunch of sweaty guys.

- It’s humorless — Someone forgot to turn the funny knob up a few notches on Hung, because with a show premise and title like that, it’s gotta have something funny so I can get my rocks off. I could’ve done without the dicking around and had them get right to something that would get more than a short chuckle out of me.

- The kids are unlikable — I get that it’s the first episode here, but the kids are hard to swallow. I felt like the show’s creators were so hard up to inject some sort of drama into Ray’s life that they had to throw these two ungrateful dorks at us.

- The plot makes no sense — Why would Ray stoop down to the level of a man whore when his biggest asset would be better suited — and better used! — in porn? Not just video porn, but just take a few pictures of it for magazines and keep your mug out of it. Why a bell didn’t dong in Ray’s head for him to realize this would keep him from being hosed when he was ID’ed is beyond me; I’m stumped.

That’s about all I’ve got. I know a bunch of fans will come gushing at me like a full-open fire hose to tell me how wrong I am and that I should go piss off. Well, hopefully you’re right and the next few episodes will get a whole lot better. Until the writers are able to erect a better story with funnier lines for me, I’m simply going to find it hard for this show to get a rise out of me.

Penis.

Related posts

• Hung goes for the top-shelf hooch
• Hung – That is one beautiful penis, Ray
• Hung – So, when do we get to see it?

I gave up on Grey’s Anatomy sometime early last season, and if it wasn’t for Deb wanting to keep up with it, I would have given up a long time ago. Thankfully she’s learned of the sheer suckitude that Grey’s has become and we can occupy that time watching something that doesn’t cause me to grow breasts.

As you can see from the embedded video above, it appears that the new Grey’s Anatomy Wii game is just as good as the show; as in, it’s a trainwreck full of emotional baggage with a sprinking of surgery thrown in to remind you you’re supposed to be watching qualified doctors at work. The thing is, this appears to be dead-on what I’d expect out of a game based on the show. I wonder if the goal is to see if you can possibly get fired — now that would be a challenge!

Related posts

• The CollegeHumor Show deserves MTV

(Season One, Episodes 1 & 2)

So compared to the grand scheme of our Virgin Diaries series, I feel I should be completely honest. I actually started watching Moonlight when it premiered. I was intrigued by the comparisons to one of my favorite shows, Angel, and, well, it looked pretty cool. However, as I watched, I don’t think I was able to stop comparing it (Noir-ish L.A. based vampire private detective. Nope, no similarities whatsoever). So I gave it up, even when I heard the show got a lot better as it went along. Well, I gave it up until now.

Truthfully, it was tough not to watch at first. Not because of any loyalty to Jason Dohring (As I’m a fan from the Veronica Mars days), but because I had a little bird in my ear telling me what I was missing. And by telling me what I was missing, I mean bugging me at every turn. I had always suspected her appreciation and dedication had a lot more to do with Alex O’Loughlin than the actual quality of the show. I hope to be proven wrong as I go through these sixteen episodes that constitute the first and only season. (And no, I’m not talking about my mother. I promise.)

“No Such Thing as a Vampire”

As we enter a new fantasy world with vampires, we have to be taught all of the rules. Vampires can be in sunlight, it just makes them sick (more so the longer they are exposed). Super-speed, check. Super-strength, check. Fire and beheadings are bad, but the standard tropes of crucifixes and garlic are laughable annoyances (and sources of bad breath, says our hero Mick).  Our hero is a private eye by trade, and has been one for a while.  We’re also introduced to Beth, an investigative reporter for a internet-based news program. Obviously, they’ll have tons of time to meet over cases, and, you know, compare “notes.”

The case of the week involves a string of vampire-like murders, and a rather creepy college professor. The case is secondary, though, to the introduction of the characters and the world, and is rather straightforward (though it tried to be a little twisty at the end, but not so much). More important was the glimpse we got of Beth’s back story — kidnapped as a child by a vampire (our hero’s Ex, apparently), and saved by Mick. So, if he saved her as a child, and is being setup as a possible love interest. I have to be honest and say that it feels kind of creepy. Oh, and Josef is totally Logan Echolls as a vampire, which isn’t a bad thing.

“Out of the Past”

This episode’s plot was a bit more interesting, and to me marks where this is will be a different kind of show. Not every story has to be based in the world of vampires (though, this one still kind of is, but kind of isn’t). Mick is involved in a case where a convicted murderer is being released after spending years in prison. The catch is that Mick tried to kill him before he was caught (for murdering his client), and the convict, Lee Jay, has pretty much sussed out what Mick really is.

I liked this storyline because, while it was about Mick being a vampire, it was the second time the show was about a human crime and a human murderer. It feels, weirdly, more real than immediately drilling into the vampire subculture in a major way this early on. What I don’t like is Beth’s boyfriend. First off, the character is vanilla, and we’re talking fat-free, completely boring vanilla. It seems he’s just there to be another barrier to the Mick/Beth relationship. As if the whole creepiness factor wasn’t enough. I hope they get rid of him soon. As much as I don’t like Mick and Beth as a couple (at least yet), the boyfriend needs to go regardless.

Related posts

• Diary of a Moonlight virgin – Beth: tastes great or less filling?
• Diary of a Moonlight virgin: Best two episodes yet
• Diary of a Moonlight Virgin: Vamp fights are cool

Thursday I found myself at work in the IT cave, secure in the knowledge that my DVR was programmed to record  Washington vs. Georgia in the opening round of the NCAA Women’s College World Series on ESPN. As game time approached, this message popped up  from Michele Smith on twitter:

“we are starting on ESPN Classic … the “Bee” on ESPN is running long!!”

That’s not a regular season game, or even a playoff game. It’s game one of the College World Series! Bumped for round 6 of the spelling bee. Am I the only one who thinks that’s just wrong? Shouldn’t there be some sort of priority there? Well, I assume there is a priority, and my problem is that ESPN has their priorities all bungled up. How is it that the spelling bee has more stroke on the ‘World Wide Leader In Sports’ than an NCAA championship? And ESPN Classic? Not even The Deuce¹? I don’t know what your cable lineup looks like, but here you need a Thomas Guide and a miner’s helmet to find Classic.

I haven’t seen the ratings that ESPN had for either of the programs, but the odd popularity of the bee suggests you could at least make the argument that it’s the higher rated program. It’s a reason to justify the move, but even if we take that as a given, I still don’t agree. Certainly, part of that is the fact that I really like Women’s College Softball, and the hometown team was playing. In addition though, at some point, the philosophy behind the channel has to count for something.

Just like I don’t want ECW on SciFi, Cheaters on G4, or Saved By The Bell on adult swim, I don’t want spelling bees trumping actual sports on ESPN. Am I wrong there? I know, it’s not like this is the Heidi Bowl or anything, but man, it drives me nutty. Or maybe it’s just the nagging annoyance of coming home to find 35 minutes of spelling pregame before joining the World Series, already in progress? On a happier note, how about that Danielle Lawrie? And, of course, congratulations to Kavya Shivashankar.

¹The Deuce had Tsonga vs Monaco at the French Open, so, real sport, understandable.

Related posts

• Webisode Clack – Yeah, lesbians like Buffy. Alert the media.
• It’s a Thanksgiving Miracle! Kenny Mayne’s new web-only comedy show doesn’t suck
• Business suits and football – Guest Clack

I, however, did not share in the excitement. I read through the schedule, and then looked again, slowly going from hour to hour, day to day. I couldn’t believe it! Not a single thing piqued my interest until I hit Sunday night, where Animation Domination rules. In truth, I only semi-enjoy the offerings, but I’ve been diligently recording The Simpsons and Family Guy for so long now, that, not only do I plan to continue, I will also check out Seth MacFarlane’s newest drunken experiment, The Cleveland Show.

And, yes, I have no predetermined opinion about the handful of new offerings from FOX, most of which are set to premiere in the spring, suckling at the teat that is American Idol. However, the shows that make up the majority of the lineup? From House on Monday’s at 8, to America’s Most Wanted on Saturdays at 9, each show, and each hour, gets a quick pass from me.

What do you care, right?

Okay, haters, I’ll grant that yours is a valid opinion. But here’s why it should matter: I watch a lot of TV. My tastes are broad, and I will usually try close to 60% of new fare, even alongside my already over-crowded weekly dose of television. So, when a major network releases its new schedule, its fair to assume that I’ll have at least a handful of favorites returning, alongside a healthy dose of new series to ponder.

So, whose failure is it when fifteen hours of scheduled, primetime television can only come up with three half-hour animated shows that are of interest to an eclectic viewer like me? Come on! For sure I’m not alone in avoiding crazy doctors, human lie-detectors, dancers, a forensic love saga, freaky scientists, Brad Garrett’s ill-fated experiment, Joss Whedon’s latest mind-tickler, and the true crime Saturday night lineup. Plus, who’s looking forward to a show about a glee club, and a sitcom involving Michael Strahan and his handicapped brother? What?

It’s been a long time since FOX has sparked my interest in anything, and of late I even dread American Idol for its lack of talent, and 24 for its lack of good (I have five hours of 24 stacked up on my TiVo box, and am dreading that marathon.) I have to go back a year to find anything that I loved tuning my television to FOX for, and that was doomed for many months before last May: Back to You. In truth, the only shows I’ve enjoyed from FOX in recent years have been new ones that didn’t make the cut, from K-Ville to Standoff, The Winner to Vanished, and Justice, too.

I suppose that my recent history with the network may lead to some enjoyment, with the myriad of new shows slated for the coming fall and spring, but it does nothing to address my shock at a major network offering me absolutely nothing that gets me excited.

Particularly amusing was how Peter Rice, Chairman of Entertainment at FOX, chose to open up the announcement of the schedule: “As the No.1 network for the last five years, FOX is the first place viewers go to connect with the stories and characters they love.”

Maybe if he’s in charge of punching up FOX’s comedy scripts, they have a chance of being high on laughs. But if Rice is their main source for reality programming … he’s got a lot to learn about what’s going on in the market today.

Related posts

• A few notes for Seth MacFarlane on his cartoon kingdom
• FOX Sunday night lineup – Clacking the dream
• FOX’s Animation Domination – 11/2/2008

SPOILER WARNING: If you didn’t watch the season finale of House or have no idea what’s to take place during the season finale of Bones, then DO NOT read any further than this sentence. Should you do that your face may melt like that guy from Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Let’s talk, FOX. And, why don’t you grab the writers and creators of House and Bones into this conversation as well, because they’re just as guilty. Here’s the thing: stop messing with our emotions! For weeks — nay, months — you’ve been promoting the culmination of romantic tensions between House and Cuddy on House, and Tempe and Seeley on Bones. You’ve even gone so far and to present previews where we’ve seen Huddy (House and Cuddy) in a passionate, spit-swapping embrace and Bones nakedly canoodling with Booth under the blankets.

This is what many fans have been wishing for both couples. Yet, they don’t seem to be true.

We already know that House and Cuddy’s little encounter was part of the good doctor’s continued descent into insanity (well, more insane than he usually is). And, although the creator of Bones is saying Booth and Bones’ season finale sex scene is not a dream or hallucination, it’s certainly shaping up to be something like a “what if” scenario that looks at an alternate version of the characters.

This begs the question of why, oh why, do you want us to think that these romances are finally coming to pass? Don’t you like us? I mean, we tune into your silly network each week so you can make the money you need to green light shows that you’ll cancel after a few episodes. We dial your phone numbers to vote performers off of American Idol that you promoted as the winner weeks before. Hell, we even tolerate the schedule merry-go-round that you start up each winter when AI and 24 return.

Needless to say, repayment is a bitch to us. So, do us a favor and, in the future, hold back on these little false teasers. If these two couples are eventually going to get together (and the jury is still out if either of these pairings is such a good idea), then let it be a surprise. Don’t promote it on Twitter, or with Ausiello, and don’t have conference calls with the producers so we can all speculate. Just. Let. It. Happen. I’m sure the response from both the fans and the press will be more favorable to you.

Related posts

• Bones – Gordon Gordon Wyatt opens Booth’s eyes
• Bones – A glimpse of things to come
• Why can’t Booth and Brennan get together?

Yesterday FOX put out some show pick-up news that’s mixed with the good and the bad. First, let’s start with the good news. FOX picked up a new show titled Human Target, based on the DC comic book of the same name, and it’s got a terrific cast: Mark Valley and Chi McBride, for example. Sounds like a great premise too.

Now, the bad news. FOX also picked up a new series titled Sons of Tucson, which by itself is OK news but it’s who’s featured in the cast that stings: Tyler Labine, who currently plays Sock in CW’s Reaper.

I love Labine and he’s my favorite character on Reaper, right behind Ray Wise’s Devil. The part that stings, of course, is that this pretty much solidifies the fate of Reaper — it’s done, folks. There’s that teeny, tiny chance that the show’s going to Blow the Hatch on us and kill off Sock in the finale, but I highly doubt it. And even then, since Reaper’s all about souls and the afterlife, it would make no sense to never see Sock again. This blows.

I was really hoping Reaper would make it at least another season and let things wrap up. I want to know what the contract with Sam’s dad was all about and why Sam is so special. I wanted to see more, dammit! It really looks like this is the end, but we’ll know for sure next week during the Upfronts.

Related posts

• Reaper’s fate: behind the scenes at CliqueClack TV
• Reaper “90%” likely to live on at Syfy
• Reaper – Canceled, but going out swinging