Today’s Guest Clack is from Izzy Plumbly, a writer from Manchester, England who has a full-blown addiction to TV and has never quite gotten over the mess that was Buffy season six. Or the last episode of Angel. But The Wire and Sons of Anarchy soon made up for those, as did Mad Men, Bones … the list goes on….

First things first, let’s get this straight. I loved Defying Gravity. Thirteen beautifully crafted episodes that paid off bit by bit, readying me for the big reveal — that I’m pretty sure would have been metered out morsel by tasty morsel over the series — Ron Livingston doing his “man with a difficult past” routine, Christina Cox’s awesome tough-girl act … I could go on.

However, thanks to the popularity of shows effectively the mental equivalent of Paris Hilton reading the phone book, Defying Gravity never stood a chance. Why would viewers invest their time in another multi-layered and twisty-turny plot when they can get everything they want from this week’s Melrose Place or NCIS:LA (which, yes, I have actually watched, tempted by LL Cool J’s once-upon-a-time-coolness, only to find I’d been horribly duped and he’s just terrible. And alongside Chris O’Donnell. There’s a reason why that guy never made it past being a bland sidekick).

Think about it. You turn on Melrose, you get some nice colours, some pretty girls, moderately hot men, quick storylines with just the right amount of naughtiness, a face from the old version of the show (hello Sydney, Jane, Michael and Jo, next Amanda, rescuing Heather Locklear from spending the rest of her career in moderate oblivion) … it’s so easy. And for a few moments, it makes you feel great.

Defying Gravity was something different. There wasn’t much exposition, a shiny blob in one bit of the spaceship turning everyone a bit mad, Livingston’s aforementioned puppy dog and furrowed brow not-at-all-suggesting-that-something- happened-in-his-murky-past and mysterious flashbacks. Unless you commit to watching this, there’s no point at all. And most people can’t be bothered. Between each episode you’re left wondering what Paula is hiding because no one is that bothered about a dog, why Nadia’s hallucination looked like her in a dude’s outfit and what the hell fractal tomatoes are. It really turned my cogs. And that’s not meant in a dodgy way (get your mind out of the gutter. I know what you were thinking).

But the payoff, gentle viewers, would have been fantastic. If James Pariott’s vision would have been allowed to continue, we would have been in for a treat; I was particularly looking forward to when the Antares reached Saturn, when Rollie inevitably told Jen about the crash and when everyone realized Goss was a total wally and revoked his clearance. And when Peter Howitt did some more Dick van Dyke impressions. Wait, that’s not what he was doing?

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Being a fan of both the books and the series, I find it interesting to spot the different nuances between the two. However, there is something to be said about seeing one of your favorite stories come to life right before your eyes. From the discovery of the tear in the veil, to the Keeper’s mark delivered by the ethereal Darken Rahl, Legend of the Seeker’s elements are excellently brought to life from the pages of the Sword of Truth saga written by Terry Goodkind … even if it is in another direction. However, the direction the series has taken, and is taking, will probably lead the story right back to the potential confrontation between Richard and the Keeper.

I’ve enjoyed the series since the first episode of Season One. But Season Two’s premiere left me wanting for more. How are they going to find the Stone of Tears? What’s going to happen to the Midlands without Kahlan at Aydindril? The Midlands needs their Mother Confessor. Are there more of those screelings lurking about? What other creatures have escaped from the Underworld? How are they going to use the Stone to defeat the Keeper? It has been said that the Stone is the key to closing the tear and keeping the Keeper locked away in the Underworld. But how…? I guess these eager questions will be answered in due time.

Seeing Richard again was like seeing an old friend you haven’t seen in months. He seems to have grown a bit, though, since last year’s season finale. His hair is a little longer and he’s sporting a Cliff Clavin-wannabe beard. However, he seems to have more of an on-screen command than last season. He’s more mature. Of course, now that he has some of the D’Haran soldiers and the Midlands militia on his side, I can definitely see his transformation from youthful woods-guide to full grown Seeker.

Kahlan and Zedd were in their usual fashion. The confessor seeing the truth in the D’Haran general’s recount of the past, and then threatening to confess a Mord’Sith. The D’Haran general tells our heroes that Richard and Darken are actually brothers (a major difference from the books). And there’s a prophecy Shota the witch shares with Zedd that tells of Richard not being able to defeat the Keeper. Of course, we all know how prophecies can play out. Like Zedd said, “Richard isn’t a believer in prophecies.” Wait? Do you have to believe in prophecies in order for them to happen?

Finally, I leave you with this: Charisma Carpenter. ‘Nuff said.

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Ruby T., a writer from Chicago and a science-fiction/fantasy aficionado (all right, a geek), is Guest Clacking for us again today with thoughts on the second season premiere of Legend of the Seeker.

As I watched the opening scenes of “Marked,” the first episode of Legend of the Seeker’s sophomore season, I was a bit anxious. The people were celebrating Richard’s defeat of the tyrant Darken Rahl with a victory feast, complete with children singing in the Seeker’s honor. Just as I was wondering whether the show would have enough conflict, danger, swordplay, fill-in-the-blank, now that the Seeker had fulfilled the prophecy and killed the main baddie, a creature from the Underworld interrupts the feast, sends the people scrambling, and gives Richard an opportunity to wield the Sword of Truth once more. (He looked as relieved as I was not to have to listen to any more singing.) Well, that didn’t last long, I thought.

Legend of the Seeker had such a solid first season because it offered everything you’d expect from a fantasy adventure series — epic New Zealand scenery, action, romance, a beautiful heroine, a funny wizard, a noble hero, and a mustachioed villain. The best episodes were the ones that that drew a bit more from the Terry Goodkind novel Wizard’s First Rule and that featured the evil, svelte, soft-spoken Darken Rahl (played by Craig Parker, a.k.a. Haldir the redshirt Elf from Peter Jackson’s The Two Towers). The Mord’Sith were also Season 1 fan favorites, adding a dash of excitement whenever they show up in their red-leather dominatrix gear and beat the crap out of someone. “Marked” has me looking forward to Season 2 for a few reasons.

First, Darken Rahl is still around, albeit in the Underworld. The new major story arc for this season seems to be that there is a crack in the earth (created when Richard used the Boxes of Orden to defeat Rahl), and the Keeper of the Underworld plans to escape through the crack with his creepy minions and kill every living thing. Thanks to a bunch of exposition from Zedd and Kahlan (still a weakness of the show), we learn that Richard can seal the crack using the Stone of Tears. Now, if Darken Rahl was not still around to taunt Richard, I don’t know whether this would be a compelling storyline. A great villain is essential for a show like this, and the disembodied voice of the Keeper is not enough. So, hurray for Darken Rahl!

Second, the Mord’Sith Cara has joined the Seeker’s company, providing some badness to offset Richard, Kahlan, and Zedd’s squeaky goodness. In particular, she offers a contrast and conflict for Kahlan, who sees Cara not only as a threat but also as a potential rival for Richard’s affections. Cara adds beauty, wry humor, and danger to the mix, so fans should be pleased, as they will be getting a weekly dose of Mord’Sith awesomeness.

Third, the writers have piled on challenges for the Seeker to overcome. Richard was prophesied to defeat Darken Rahl, so we knew he would. It was just a question of when and what it would cost him. I was surprised that it happened so soon; the story could have been drawn out for a couple of seasons. Instead, the show changed direction (which is great). Richard now has been prophesied to fail. Also, this season Richard, as Darken Rahl’s long lost brother, is the new Lord Rahl. Even though he turns down the title, it surely will present some interesting conflict for him.

I plan to read Stone of Tears because I know the writers will change enough of the story that I still will be surprised by how things work out. Are you amazed at how many liberties have been taken with Goodkind’s story? Sometimes, I’m glad because it keeps the show fresh; sometimes I’m disappointed because I think it would be more daring to stick to the story (for example, letting Richard accept the title of Lord Rahl instead of turning it down presumably to preserve the adventure-of-the-week formula).

“Marked” had a lot going on — I would call it scattered — but it promises some good stuff for season 2. What did you think of the episode and where Legend of the Seeker is headed?

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• Legend of the Seeker – The greatest harm can result from the best intention
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Today’s Guest-clacker is JJ, who lives in Austin, TX and is a Systems Engineer. He claims he watches waaaayyyy too much TV and he’s always looking for the next “better” show. To date, he’s never found anything better than Showtime’s Brotherhood.

First off I think I should preface by saying I’m a pretty big fan of Criminal Minds. I started watching it religiously, probably back mid-season two, and have watched Aaron Hotchner (Thomas Gibson) grow as a leader then turn around and fall as a failure. This episode is the first episode where Hotchner is no longer the team lead and in the “changing of the guards” Derek Morgan (Shemar Moore) becomes the lead FBI agent.

This episode is pretty straight forward; it’s focused on the new leadership style of Morgan and didn’t have many — if any — twists in the episode, which is very unlike Criminal Minds. It had the typical start of the dark and depressing “killer beginning” attempting to set the mood of the episode, but honestly feels as if it fell short.

I did notice something that isn’t very typical for Criminal Minds which is we actually see a majority of the killer’s face in the first few scenes; the show usually attempts to hide the killer with overcasting shadows. This actually turned me off from the episode almost instantly because unlike the norm for the show, they concentrated on the character development instead of the crime.

Another thing about this episode that just got under my skin was that the religious undertones were too contrived, almost to the point where it was ludicrous. Something I’ve always loved about Criminal Minds is that it distances itself from any major hot button issue, and tells original interesting stories. This episode, it just seems that it just didn’t care; this just stunk of a filler episode. Religion is always a hot button issue, and they did a horrible job attempting to hide the influences. A couple examples being: the cross that Morgan gets, the “savior” for his off-limits love interest and the BAU, the Buddhist, “my sister can’t rest in peace because she’s not complete,” and the quote of scripture “Matthew 5:29.”

I do feel that Morgan will be a great leader, but this episode just didn’t give him the assertiveness that he needs. Close to the end of the episode, Hotch did do something that Morgan would have done, and then showed complete role reversal, Morgan scolding and Hotch smiling, but this also seemed contrived and fake. I have better hopes for the episodes to come.

In all seriousness though, if you’re a fan of the show, you do need to watch this episode, it’s truly the “changing of the guard feeling” (I can’t stress how much I felt that watching this), but if you catch episodes here and there, stay away, FAR FAR AWAY. I give this episode a lame 4/10.

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Before Friday’s episode of Stargate Universe, I was certain that Robert C. Cooper and Brad Wright had merely taken the Battlestar Galactica character sketches, filed off the serial numbers, and tossed them through the Stargate.  I now know the truth, which is that they stole them from Arrested Development instead.

Dr. Nicholas Rush (Michael Bluth) is definitely the main star of the ensemble cast.  As such, I couldn’t figure out why they had made him so unlikable, childish and condescending.  The mistake I had made was in not viewing the entire show from his perspective.  He is the good son of the family, surrounded by self-absorbed, narcissistic imbeciles.  All he’s trying to do is fulfill their destiny by trying to get the Destiny (Bluth Construction, and also the model home) up and running smoothly, solvent and assets unfrozen by the Ancients (the SEC).  But at every turn he is stymied, mocked and waylaid by these grasping mouth-breathers, always whining about wanting to sell off all their shares in the company and selfishly retire back to Earth.  Here he discovers how they’ve been sucking the Destiny dry through commingling and embezzlement of its precious resources (cash) to fuel their decadent lifestyles of showering, button-pushing and breathing.  But he’s cut them off from the company ledger, and I think we’re all going to learn a valuable lesson from this.  Tough love!

Col. Everett Young (George Bluth, Sr.) should have been running things, but had been sidelined by his injuries.  He’ll also be trading his place in jail from time to time with Col. David Telford (Oscar Bluth).  Oscar was a milquetoast whereas Telford’s an ass, but they’re about equally as dumb.  Those who have read the SPOILERS for upcoming episodes know that there’s at least one “I’m Oscar” moment coming up.

1st Lt. Matthew Scott (Gob Bluth) grew up without the love of his parents, and consequently is a horndog who can’t keep it in his pants.  Ill-equipped for his new responsibility, he likes to bluster and talk tough, but doesn’t have the competence or confidence of his brother, Rush.  The part in the pilot where he barks at Rush to help them and then leans in to whisper “please” was a classic Gob and Michael bit.

Eli Wallace (George-Michael Bluth) is utterly unprepared to be thrust into this family.  He’s nervous, makes lame jokes, and even stammered a little this week, but generally can be counted upon to come through with a good idea or moral stance.  Right now he’s probably the closest to Rush of any of them.  Oh, and he’s also already made a close connection with…

Chloe Armstrong (Mae “Maeby” Fünke), who is privileged and spoiled, but also politically savvy with some daddy issues.  There may be some compositing with Ann Veal, who was also bossy, sanctimonious, and quite annoying to Michael.  We’ll know for sure if Rush starts referring to Chloe as “Her?”  Or if Scott does start making out with the girl whom Eli likes, as the previews seem to imply.

1st Lt. Tamara Johansen is definitely a composite (Lindsay and Tobias Fünke).  Now perpetually stuck between careers (and without a medical license?), she did show this week that she can get along well with Rush in the rare moments when she isn’t as stupid as the rest of the family.  If she starts to exhibit sexual identity confusion, it might help to draw in more viewers.  Tobias’s blowhard/martyr side was sectioned out and is currently vacuum-sealed in Shuttle One.

MSgt. Ronald Greer (Kitty Sanchez), despite his anger issues, is thus far unflinchingly loyal to Young and hostile to Rush.  Though thankfully he opts for a beatdown in lieu of flashing the man while screaming “Take a good look, ’cause it’s the last time you’re gonna see these.”

Camile Wray (Lucille Bluth).  Just kidding.  The character wishes she could be a soused, manipulative Bitch on Wheels.  After some laughable scenes in the pilot and zero dialogue in the third episode, I did not have high hopes. At least now she’s resuming her mutually respectful relationship and joint governance of the family with Young, so we’ll see where they take her from here.

And General Jack O’Neil has definitely become Michael’s attorney, Wayne Jarvis.  He was supposed to help them but so far has contributed nothing.

So will the first humanoid alien to join the crew be young, good-looking and dumb (Steve Holt), innocuous but treacherous (Hel-loh “Annyong” Bluth), or a hot whackadoodle (Charlize Theron’s Rita Leeds)?

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Santuary’s on Syfy tonight, and frequent reader of CliqueClack, Ruby T., is Guest Clacking today with a few reasons why you should be tuning in to the show. Ruby is a writer from Chicago and a science-fiction/fantasy aficionado (all right, a geek).

1) It’s derivative, but in a fun way. I always enjoy spotting a nice sci-fi homage (or rip-off, if you prefer). Sanctuary as a whole is a kind of mash-up of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and X-Men, with the ageless Helen Magnus as a Mina Harker/Prof. X character. But it gets better. I don’t even have to know the actual names of the episodes anymore. It’s just “that Tribbles episode” or “the Fight Club episode” or “the Cloverfield episode.” Tell me, what self-respecting geek would not be intrigued by this? (Okay, if you want to look up those episodes, their real titles are “Nubbins,” “Warriors,” and “Instinct.”) On a side note, you can also play “Spot-the-Syfy-Star” with Sanctuary’s guest roster featuring names like Rekha Sharma of Battlestar Galactica and Michael Shanks of Stargate.

2) The cast is getting hotter. Over the course of the first season, nerdy Will lost his glasses and got a girlfriend who can turn invisible (when she takes all her clothes off; they don’t turn invisible with her). Ashley Magnus appears to be moving away from the stupid blunt bangs (the ones that made her look so infantile that I would laugh at the screen whenever she took down the bad guys, “Haha! Helen Magnus’s toddler just wupped your ass!”).

And to complete the addition by subtraction: I expect, based on the season two premiere, that “Bigfoot” the Neanderthal may die. His demise would add an instant ten points to the Sanctuary cast’s hotness factor.

The other hot addition, besides Will’s invisible girlfriend, is Nikola Tesla (played by Jonathan Young); let’s face it, anyone who can turn into a vampire at will is hot. Even good old Henry is looking good now that we know he’s a werewolf like Jacob Black.

3) Season two is off to a good start. I won’t spoil it for you (I mean, besides the “Bigfoot is dying” part). The premiere is available on Syfy.com, and it looks like Helen Magnus, Jack the Ripper, and company are in for a little surprise from Miss Ashley. New episodes air each Friday on Syfy and are available online the following day.

Are you revisiting Sanctuary this season? Sound off in the comments.

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

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Elizabeth’s back, sharing her ideas about Fringe this time, after musing on the musical TV shows and Glee’s success so far.

So now we’ve spent all summer shocked, amazed and desperate to know just why William Bell wanted to talk to Olivia in the still-existing World Trade Center. And … they waited another two and a half episodes to show us. It’s a strange cliffhanger, to be sure, being drawn out like that, but now at least she’s finally remembered her conversation with Bell, and the shapeshifting-soldier plot is moving forward — not to mention poor Charlie Francis is off the show for sure now. As character sendoffs go, it’s a pretty good one — both important to the plot and emotionally effective. He even gets Olivia to mourn him. At least he got one last chance to do something other than give exposition and act baffled.

Speaking of characters getting to do something more, Peter’s stepped up to take more of a leadership role while Olivia was out of circulation, which is a big step for his character but a welcome one. For now he’s gone back to helping out Olivia and making excuses for his father, so we’ll see what happens later on — especially if he finds out he’s not the “real” Peter, as that Rebecca woman Walter also used to experiment on saw without realizing. Now that he’s starting to have dreams that might be memories of having been taken by this world’s Walter, this new assertiveness of Peter’s could start causing trouble for everybody.

We’ll also have to wait and see if Broyles has any further trouble with office politics after the season premiere. Now they’ve gotten to the “oh no, the Establishment is shutting us down” stage already, which does not make this show seem less like the X-Files, though at least one of the administrators chewing out Broyles does mention “the old X designation.” Maybe Agent Doggett is still part of the FBI. Hopefully, if the producers of Fringe have been paying enough attention to the way X-Files turned out, they’ll know better than to keep starting up plot threads and turning the mythology into a huge, ungainly mess. So far, so good, but they better not start talking about bees.

In the third episode, Walter promises to get Olivia’s memory back with a kind of worm smoothie, which apparently tastes as good as it sounds (though he was going to mix it with strawberries). It does work, though, once he starts ringing bells as part of a “therapy” session with someone else. At least Olivia didn’t have to get pumped up with LSD this time.

It’s been a while since anybody mentioned the ghost of John Scott, so if the traces of him in her brain are really gone, does this mean she won’t be going back into the vision tank again? And does that mean she can stop worrying about color-coordinated underwear? These are important plot points to be settled.

Clearly the experiments Walter and Bell did on her as a child will continue to be important, and the Watcher may be playing into the ZFT plot. We’ve even seen Olivia’s sister again, if only in a quick scene. As long as the ratings can hold out against both CSI and Grey’s Anatomy, we might even find out if a new version of Robert David Jones or Charlie comes back from the other universe. Mr. Jones, of course, is now in 1963 New York (on Mad Men), but we know he’s gotten away from some tight spots before. Overall, so far it’s a strong new season.

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Elizabeth Gendler, today’s Guest-clacker, is another aspiring writer who came to LA from the Midwest after college. She’s worked as an intern, script reader, secretary, and shipping clerk (most of it even for pay!). Not having done much in the way of blogging before, she’s excited to be using her compulsive TV-watching for good rather than evil.

Probably the most interesting thing about Glee is that it’s already done so much better with the audience than anything else centered around music. As some of us are lucky — or maybe unlucky — enough to know, that pretty much consists of Cop Rock and Viva Laughlin (If you don’t know either of those shows, well, that’s my point.)

But after Fox showed the pilot of Glee last spring and started releasing clips, lots of people have been talking about it — saying good things, even, which is really more than either Cop Rock or Viva Laughlin had going for them. Glee was met with a little skepticism that it might be a little too High School Musical-esque for a general audience, and a portion of the audience still thinks it is, but there are still a lot of people watching and excited about it.

There are a lot of things Glee does right that Cop Rock, or Viva Laughlin (which I actually sat through), didn’t. For one thing, Glee works the musical numbers in much more organically: most are actually being performed by the characters themselves, and the rest are played as taking place in somebody’s mind, a kind of imaginary performance. The movie version of Chicago a few years ago did the same thing and was also successful. So far, Glee has been able to avoid the problem of kids spontaneously breaking out in choreographed song-and-dance numbers.

Most importantly, the writers have clearly worked hard to get the tone right. While the show has respect for the characters (well, you know, to an extent) and is sympathetic to them (again, you, know…), as a whole it doesn’t take itself too seriously and keeps the tone light. You know, like those ’80s family sitcoms, but not as lame.

Which brings up another question: is Glee a family show? Well, that depends on the family. It does provide some good opportunities for really, really uncomfortable conversations between teenagers and their parents (which as we all know is such an important part of family life), and it shows a less melodramatic perspective on teen sexuality and social lives than you usually find on ABC Family or Lifetime.

So the real reason Glee works as well as it does is that it hasn’t lost sight of the sense of fun that’s so important to any musical. Some parts of the audience already thinks it’s a pretty ridiculous show, and it might get more so in the future, but right now they’ve managed to walk the line pretty well. Considering that the creator, Ryan Murphy, is also the guy behind Nip/Tuck, he already knows a lot about how far to push boundaries without alienating too much of the audience. Can he manage the same thing with network TV standards? Only time will tell which side blinks first.

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We’ve got some fresh meat … er, new Guest Clacking coming at you today. Cameron Archer is a freelance writer from Ontario.  He writes for his site at URBMN and has also contributed to blogcritics.org.

I didn’t enjoy The Goode Family’s pilot episode. As a longtime King of the Hill fan, The Goode Family felt like a weaker King of the Hill with political leanings reversed. Ubuntu came across as an idiot savant, while Gerald and Helen Goode were ciphers. The pilot had a subplot about purity rings, something South Park covered to greater comedic effect in its thirteenth-season premiere.

Having followed the show since the pilot, I have a higher opinion of The Goode Family. Ubuntu is more an awkward enigma at this point. Gerald is more competent than his employer, the Hank Hill of academia. The Goode Family is starting to feel like King of the Hill without being its blown-up negative. It’s just too bad no one watches the show.

ABC is finished with The Goode Family (the finale airs tonight). Being the weakest performer on the Friday night gulag will do that to a show. Even Mike Judge concedes that ABC was not the best network for the show. I do think Mike Judge’s newest cartoon would be better on King of the Hill’s longtime home, FOX. Anemic ratings aside, that move could honestly help The Goode Family. Here’s why:

The Goode Family has been paired with Surviving Suburbia. Even when King of the Hill aired 7:30 PM Sundays on FOX, it was part of a coherent animation block. Being the lead-in to The Simpsons isn’t a bad gig, the more realistic yin to Homer Simpson’s yang. I see less connection between a satire about the politically correct and a standard-issue sitcom starring Bob Saget. It’s hard to see an overlap between the two shows’ audiences.

There’s precedent for the move. The Critic moved to FOX after its run on ABC. Granted, FOX’s version of The Critic was off-model — character redesigns, more broad-based humour, overall quality lacking relative to the ABC run. The show was still funny, since that show had Franklin Sherman and his Guernica-fighting antics.

There was the rumour earlier this year that King of the Hill would move to ABC, so The Goode Family could feasibly move to FOX. It’s not rare for a modern animated sitcom to find a home on another network or cable channel — Home Movies found success on [adult swim], while The PJs was on WB for a season. Futurama’s direct-to-video revival helped it get on Comedy Central. Animated sitcoms just have that staying power.

FOX is the only broadcast network that can handle an animated sitcom. I admit that statement isn’t always true. Sit Down, Shut Up recently moved from 8:30 PM to 7:00 PM before FOX yanked it off the air. Come fall, Sit Down, Shut Up will live out its run getting its ass kicked by Saturday Night Live. Family Guy and Futurama weren’t treated well by FOX during their first runs, but they’ve endured.

At the same time, FOX is the only broadcast network with some degree of success airing animated sitcoms, since Futurama managed a four-season run and Family Guy 1.0 went three seasons. Capitol Critters and Clerks, both ABC shows, can’t make the same distinctions. Let’s not forget Creature Comforts‘ three episodes on CBS.

Hell, as much as I miss Dilbert, that it lasted two seasons on UPN is a minor miracle. It seems like FOX, [adult swim] and (to a lesser extent) Comedy Central are the only places where adult-themed animation can flourish on a more than minor scale.

It’ll give FOX a standby if The Cleveland Show fails. As popular as Family Guy and American Dad! are, Seth MacFarlane’s not infallible. His live-action series starring Rob Corddry, The Winner, was a low-rated misfire. If The Cleveland Show bombs, FOX is on hook for 35 episodes.

King of the Hill will have lasted fourteen seasons on FOX by the end of its run, so floating The Goode Family to see if it can become more than “overt political correctness is stupid” is not a terrible strategy. Judge’s track record with animation — he’s had at least one series on the air since 1993 — is fairly strong. I’d like to see how The Goode Family does in the slot between The Simpsons and Family Guy, since 90 minutes of Seth MacFarlane could get tiresome real fast.

The Goode Family will most likely finish out its run in two weeks and then blip from the television landscape. I’m not saying The Goode Family is as good as Kings, but it’d be a shame if The Goode Family ends up the latest rusted car on the ABC parking lot. It at least has more to offer than Surviving Suburbia.

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Much of my spare time is spent in mystic contemplation in the bathtub, very similar to a Battlestar Galactica hybrid in a goo tank. I ponder many mysteries like: Why do men shave their legs? (No good epiphanies yet), what is better than a young Clint Eastwood? (That’s easy, an older Clint Eastwood.) Tonight, I was thinking about Romo Lamkin’s (BSG) assertion that Apollo is a serial contrarian because he always takes up for the other side, much to the aggravation of everyone else.

I, myself, suffer the agonies of a serial contrarian. For example, I used to visit Perez Hilton’s site until he wore a Halloween costume mocking Jesus. After I saw that, I never went back to his site. Then, when he was recently punched in the face, and it became cool to hate him, and enjoy his misery, I felt really sorry for him. I found myself hoping that Carrie Prejean would reach out to him, to show him that it is biblically correct to show love, mercy and compassion.

Then, there was David Letterman, and his offensive remark about one of Sarah Palin’s children. I took Sarah Palin’s side. I’m a mother, too, and if someone attempted to wrong one of my children, I would be offended as well. (Just ask the woman who raised her fist to my son at a football game.) I resolved never to watch David Letterman’s show again. When the mob came calling for his job, the serial contrarian bloomed in me again. It did not seem just that the mob wanted to see his ear nailed to the public pillory, so everyone could spit on him.

Now, we have Whoopi, who is taking some heat for indulging the hoax conspiracy about the moon landing. I totally disagree with her, but I don’t think she’s nuts either. Whoopi is a serial contrarian too. I recall Whoopi taking up for Sean Hannity when she did not have to. She related a story about her infamous “Bush” joke. She said when all the Democrats deserted her, Sean Hannity stood up for her free speech. Whoopi always seems to be viewing things differently. Turning things over, looking at the other side.

Sine Qua Non (Without Which Not), is another fine quote from Battlestar Galactica. Perhaps it is a conceit of mine, but I believe we can’t live without the serial contrarians, those willing to look at the other side. So can we give Whoopi a pass? Please. Besides, her smile makes me happy.

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True Blood, Moonlight, Reaper and the upcoming Vampire Diaries: I don’t doubt that these shows have clever writing, talented actors, and engrossing stories. In the case of Buffy and Angel, I assume the writing and acting are top notch, because I’m a fan of Joss Whedon’s other work. However, I have seen enough commercials, and read enough plot explanations to know that these shows are not for me.

I have many reasons for passing on EV-TV (Evil Television). Generally speaking, EV-TV muddles truths, twists things of beauty, and profanes what I find sacred. The frightening imagery also does not sit well with me. Even during a commercial for one of these shows, the distorted evil faces make me want to jump out of my skin. Being frightened is just not a feeling I would like to subject myself to on a regular basis.

I can watch Good battle Evil when the roles are clearly defined. When the lines are blurred, and perverse creatures with fangs or horns coming out of their heads are honored and called good: I’m out.

The bummer here, especially in the case of Buffy and Angel, is Joss Whedon. Because of my sincere appreciation for Firefly, Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog, and even Dollhouse, I know that I’m missing some good writing, and it stings a bit. Especially in summer, when I could be enjoying a CliqueClack Virgin Diary. Bottom line, though:, it’s just never going to happen between EV-TV and I.

I do, however, enjoy the mystical and amazing. I don’t think I’m alone is saying I’d like to see more well written, mystical and amazing shows that shun the frightening.

I have an idea too. Far fetched and improbable that it would come to fruition, but it’s a nice thought I’ve been massaging. I’d like to see the clever and talented write — and act — the mystical and amazing for the side of good: namely, the Saints. (Don’t anyone roll your eyes, and Sebastian, I can feel you coming for me like a heat seeking missile. Cool your jets and keep reading.) Saints do radical things like pray for those who persecute them. They throw off the chains of earthly comforts and live their lives in pursuit of doing good works for others. As for the mystical and amazing, they more than have it covered. Here are two examples:

St. Francis of Assisi (1181-1226)

Went from naughty, selfish party boy to kissing the hand of a leper. He wore rags and sang in the woods. When robbers beat him and took his clothes he “climbed out of a ditch” and went off singing again. He famously preached to the birds about their beautiful clothes God gave them, while they sat peacefully, not bothering to fly off until he was finished. He intervened when a wolf was preying upon the inhabitants of a village. He talked the wolf into never killing the villagers again. The wolf became a pet of the village and they all kept it fed.

St. Pio of Pietrelcina (Padre Pio) (1887-1968)

He was granted Stigmata, Visions, and Ecstasies. There are eyewitness accounts of bilocation (the ability to be in two places at once) by Padre Pio. He also felt pains of the Passion of Christ, crowning of thorns and scourging.

In my mind’s eye, I can see their stories played out on a show, and it would be wholly absorbing.

Again, I don’t know about the feasibility of such a show. Who would/could take on such a project? What network would pick it up? But, I am entirely convinced that there is a market for the mystical and amazing, minus the overt glorification of evil.

Can I get an Amen?

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Sebastian’s back Guest-clacking for us again, after sharing his thoughts about The Listener’s second episode with us last time.

OK, I’m the first to admit it — this episode was confusing, to say the least. First of all, I didn’t really know who Johnny Rotten was so that pop culture reference fell flat for me. Also, it was more than annoying that it took the show more than half of the episode to reveal at least a little bit about why on earth said Johnny Rotten hobo-guy visited the girl in the locked room without actually letting her out, or helping her or whatever. To say I was annoyed when I first saw this episode is an understatement.

On top of that, Oz trying to help Toby resulted in him getting the third degree from George Ryder, his and Toby’s boss. What a douche that guy is. It’s kind of funny when you literally see Oz starting to sweat in Ryder’s presence but honestly, if you had to imagine working under that guy … at least for me that would be hell on earth.

But let’s focus on the positive aspects — Toby is trying to rekindle things with Olivia. He’s also working more and more with Charlie (the cop lady in case you were wondering). And even though Toby puts a little bit too much on the line when trying to get the location of the girl out of Johnny Rotten, basically dragging victim after victim into the ER seems to be reason enough for Olivia. And Charlie seems to only care about results and lets everything else slide now, instead of suspecting Toby of theft or other things.

As promised, there were also more flashbacks to Toby’s past. It seems he has a sibling and his mother made Toby run away when the usual “bad people” came to get the kids from her. Ray (Toby’s psychiatrist/doctor) isn’t too happy about Toby remembering. It’s the usual shtick about people with paranormal abilities, I know. There’s a secret they want to find out more about, they change, they start investigating, they hurt the people around them… you could say that you’ve seen this all before — and you’d be right — but what makes The Listener interesting in this is the character interaction of which we’ll get a lot more.

As long as NBC keeps the show on the air. The ratings aren’t that good (while still above Dollhouse numbers) but if you don’t like the show after episode six you have my permission to drop it. Things aren’t that interesting right now because Toby’s still trying to find his role in life, his purpose, and the show merely reflects that. It’s what makes it feel as if something was off, which it actually is since Toby hasn’t found his way yet. But he will, trust me, and with him the other people in his life. Oz being the first.

And remember, there’s nothing else on anyway, right?

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Yes, that means low testosterone. With HBO’s Entourage season six starting July 12th (10:30 PM), I’d like to review my theory with everyone. Certainly Low-T does not apply to Ari in any way. The boys I’m referring to are: Vince, Johnny, Turtle, and E. I see it written here and there on the Internet: some of the audience thinks they are soft. (Although, not I, because I am a non-judgmental dove.)

To explain my theory I must relate something I saw many years ago as a teen. We were gathered in a parking lot to watch two opposing brutes and their entourages do battle. The exchanged perverse insults:

Brute #1: “I don’t like the cut of your jib, mister!”

Brute #2: “You have inelegant penmanship!”

(Words changed to protect innocent eyes.)

Then, to our horror, Brute #1 ripped off his shirt, pulled out a wicked sharp razor, and drew it across his chest. He sliced his nipple in half and said, “No pain.” Brute #2 and his entourage recognized superior craziness, backed down and dispersed posthaste.

Mightily impressed at the display, we all executed perfect golf claps and went away in search of other diversions.

Ari, to be sure is Brute #1, having many nipple slicing moments. As a result, he is a fan favorite, and the brutes (us audience) leave him alone. Even when he is brought low, he exhibits high octane testosterone awesomeness. Vince, Johnny, Turtle and E very seldom show the audience (us brutes) those high octane testosterone moments.

So here’s my challenge to Vince, Johnny, Turtle and E. Make us brutes back down. Show us your greatness, show us your virility! Here are some situation suggestions to help you get your chance:

• A good stalker, nothing scary though.
• A baby daddy situation? It happens.
• A Viking Quest movie. (Unoriginal, I know, but only audience joy can come from it.)

What say you my fellow brutes? What can Vince, Johnny, Turtle and E do to show they are not suffering from Low-T?

Do you think putting Zac Efron in a storyline will help?

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Food writer Jeff Love starts a journey with a tale that’s best to begin here, with its conclusion to come later on CliqueClack Food in his always awesome Redneck Cooking column.

I got an email the other day from Keith. He asked me to do him a favor. I asked what the favor was. He said, “I need you to drink a six-pack of beer.”

Now that is the kind of favor I like my friends to ask me for. I quickly agreed to do the favor. I asked, “what kind of beer do I have to drink?” He said a six-pack of the Land Shark Lager he reviewed recently in his brew review column. After reading the review, it didn’t sound too bad, so I still was willing to do Keith the favor. In the back of my mind I kept thinking, “Keith has never been this nice to me before, so what’s he got up his sleeve?” Has Keith finally became a saint?

After several emails back and forth I was feeling pretty good about this “favor” Keith wanted. In his last email, he showed that he was not a saint, but more a sadistic bastard. Keith did not want me to do a review of the beer; instead he wanted me to watch an episode of According to Jim after drinking a six-pack of beer to see if the show was funnier.

So I started looking around for an episode of According to Jim to use for this test. I decided on the show finale that just aired. Now, I have not watched this show for a long time. I gave up on it after the first couple of episodes because it was not funny then; I have no idea what it is like now. I decided that a control review needed to be done. I sat down on Saturday night and watched the show, and no, this Saturday night I didn’t have anything better to do. So with my bag of microwave popcorn and bottle of soda in hand, I sat down to review the show.

The series finale is titled “Heaven Opposed to Hell.” The basic plot is that Jim chokes on a shrimp puff and dies. When he gets to the gates of Heaven he is red flagged and has to go before God — played poorly by Lee Majors — to weigh the merits of his life to decide if he should get into Heaven or go to Hell. For the series finale, the best they could come up with was a bad rip-off of the Albert Brooks movie Defending Your Life? To defend Jim, they brought in the person that loved him the most in his life: predictably Andy, not Sheryl. It was also predictable that Dana was the one who despised Jim the most and was brought in to represent the Devil, played poorly by Eric Estrada.

The highlight of the show was the appearance by Dan Aykroyd. He was not particularly funny, but I always like to see him on TV.

All of the jokes were predictable and were of a third- or fourth-grade level. As most people grow older they mature and do grow wiser. Jim and Andy have been going backwards. I thought when I quit watching this show in the first season that I would like it if I were still a high school boy, but it was a bit below my level of comedy as a grown man. After watching this final episode I realized how far the show had degenerated. I was really expecting fart jokes, as I always liked those, too, when I was in elementary school.

When Dana, Ryan, and Andy arrived at the house to visit and announce their good news, Jim’s outburst to show how excited he was only showed what a jackass he was, and if I were to act that way in front of my wife, I would not even be allowed to sleep in the dog house; I would be banned to the wood plot out in back to sleep with the other animals.

The producers did try to go out with a bang by bringing in Aykroyd, Estrada, and Majors, but even these guest appearances could not drag this show out of the gutter. I do not know how this show has stayed on the air for as long as it has, but thankfully it is now over and will fade into the realm of syndication.

So there is my sober review of the show. Next weekend I will review the show again after drinking the six-pack of Land Shark Lager and see if it improves the show any.

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Sebastian’s back Guest-clacking for us again, after reviewing the first episode of The Listener.

Did you spot the two major flaws in this week’s episode? I’m really sorry, I know I promised you that this show would become compelling but I’ll need you to stick with it a little bit longer. I’m going to tell you one of the flaws and leave the comment section up for guesses what the second one was. Main flaw this episode: Toby saw the fire gushing through the ventilator shafts even before the building exploded. So even if this fellow foster kid/meth cooker did see the flames, the explosion would’ve followed immediately afterwards, and not at least half a minute later. I mean honestly, the guy would’ve gotten the propane tank out of the way if he’d already seen the flames coming through the vents.

Let’s just say this whole episode is furthering the characters’ backgrounds. First of all, Toby has a hard time dealing with the fact that he broke up with Emergency Room Doc Olivia (or ‘Livia), who now seems to try to move on with a firefighter. You are allowed to guess where this might be going. Olivia being at the ready to patch Toby up seemed a little all too eager, didn’t it, and it seems said firefighter has a bunch of problems of his own, didn’t he? And Toby might’ve noticed that together with opening up to the thoughts and emotions of the people surrounding him, the fact that the reason for breaking up with his ex-girlfriend might’ve been him trying to shut himself off of those emotions in the first place.

The case of the week wasn’t that interesting if you ask me. So the perp was just some random guy who was insane and started fires. Big whoop. I mean every time there’s a rampage on the news, people later on try to find reasons behind it all and if it’s kids running amok they try to prevent it by enforcing gun controls in schools or making Walmart get 3D-shooters off the shelves.

What this episode of The Listener showed us was in fact that, all in all, it’s most likely just somebody who’s basically insane and that’s just it. Next time you see somebody on the news who went on a rampage remind yourself of this episode. He most likely didn’t get diagnosed early enough about his mental state and that’s it. Sorry for holding up the “Leave my computer games alone” sign but I’m an advocate of the civil right to do what you want to do in your spare time. As long as you don’t play with matches.

That cop lady really was on Toby’s heels this week. Her name’s Charlie Marks, and you have to wonder where all this is going. Is she going to work together with Toby in the near future? Is Toby still interested in Olivia or might the possibility of working “closely” with Charlie lead to something else? You know that I know but just let met toy with you a little bit until things get concrete, will you?

We’ll find out soon enough. It’s not all that yellow in Canada and it’ll all get more interesting. At least as interesting as Reaper (needed to get that one in, sorry guys). See you next week.

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Long-time commenter bsgfan2003 (or Rosie, if you prefer) is guest clacking today. She’s a stay at home mom of three who loves two things dearly: 1) children 2) when people respond to her first post, so she doesn’t have to take off a finger in a ritual shame ceremony.

Keith threw down the gauntlet. CliqueClack is the no-boundaries wonderland. And so I board. Choo Choo! (I hope I did not rip that off from someone else!)

I’m probably classified as a conservative woman, who bleeds Catholic. As I’ve mentioned before, it’s God, Country, and Notre Dame for me.

So while I strive to be good, I know wholeheartedly that my goodness is as dirty rags. So, as I examine my soiled linen — figurative and literal (I have three kids, you know) — I came to the conclusion that I root for the redemption of Dirty Rags on television. I have lots of “Dirties;” my favorites have been Battlestar Galactica’s Gaius Baltar (Space Dirty), Deadwood’s Al Swearengen (Wild West Dirty), Dallas’s J.R. Ewing (Old Skool Oil Man Dirty) and Entourage’s Ari Gold (Hollywood Dirty).

Of late, my favorite Dirty has been The Hills character Spencer Pratt (Reality Dirty) (no judging please — it’s summer). You see, I watch because I want to see redemption for the Dirties. Even incremental steps toward redemption brings me great joy. When my Dirties show humility or perform unselfish acts, I am over-the-moon happy.

Gaius Baltar: a bona fide redemption. Al Swearengen was on his way but was waylaid by the real “Dirties” at HBO. J.R. never made it. Ari Gold is inch-worming there. Will Spencer Pratt redeem himself somehow? I’d certainly like to see it (get well, Heidi Pratt!)

So are you with me folks? Who are your favorite dirty rags? Did they find redemption? Are they trying?

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Sebastian’s back Guest-clacking for us again, after sharing his thoughts about COLBERT going up in space….

Finally The Listener started airing on NBC in the US, and after my promise/comment under Debbie’s initial preview of The Listener, this is my take on the Pilot episode titled “I am an Adult.”

So why finally? The answer is easy. The show has already aired in full in a couple of countries in the world, including on German Pay-TV. And since I’m German and resourceful I managed to get my hands on the episodes and it’s also the reason why I promised to recap it. I like the show, most likely also because I have never seen an episode of either Ghost Whisperer or Medium. I’m pretty much unspoiled by the paranormal genre and I think The Listener is worth a shot for all of you who are in the same boat or like the paranormal.

What we saw in the Pilot was a pretty swift introduction to the character of Toby. Nothing is told about his past except a couple of flashbacks to a burning caravan. The initial mental pickup of the woman in the crashed car right at the beginning of the episode was something new to Toby, which wasn’t made clear enough in my opinion. The fact that Toby had lived a life in the shadows, or better trying to shut himself off from other people’s thoughts wasn’t underlined enough. In the conversation with his doctor/psychiatrist later on it is revealed that he never picked up on strong emotional thoughts over such a far distance before. It’s also not made abundantly clear that his failed relationship and now friendship with hospital doctor Olivia has something to do with his previous behavior towards his “gift.”

I think the fact that a young boy got kidnapped played a strong part in Toby starting to investigate. I’m not trying to spoil anything here but those flashbacks of young Toby aren’t just about the caravan burning. Later parts of those flashes, in later episodes, contain scenes that look pretty much the same to something that’s part of the pilot and I’m at a loss why this wasn’t made clearer. The kidnapping played a larger role in Toby starting to pick up more. It started to make him remember things of his own past. This whole picture becomes clearer only after you watched more episodes of The Listener. Trust me, with it all this becomes more compelling, and things make a lot more sense. The dynamic between the characters also gets a lot more interesting and in my opinion a lot funnier, quirkier.

You should give this show at least a couple, if not six or more episodes to get a good insight into the story of the show and its characters. You most likely did that for Dollhouse, and a huge amount of people gave Lie To Me such a big trust bonus that it got a renewal. So why not here? There isn’t anything else on anyways and seriously, this show is better than all the reality Dreck that’s on TV right now.

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Sebastian’s back Guest-clacking for us again,after last sharing his thoughts about The Family Guy’s Star Trek episode….

Last night marked a huge win for Stephen Colbert. While it was obvious that NASA wouldn’t ever consider naming Node three “Colbert” in the first place, even after more than 230,000 people wrote in, they managed to get away with their choice of name pretty neatly by sending Suni Williams as a guest to The Colbert Report and announcing the name as well as the consolation prize for Stephen.

This is a big win for Stephen Colbert and his show, and I will tell you why. First of all the three “Nodes” on the Space station have all been named in a way that corresponds to space and the purpose of the ISS as a whole. The Nodes’ purpose is to connect the different parts of the station to one another — each has six docking ports (forward, aft, port, starboard, zenith and nadir — the last four meaning left, right, up and down in direction of travel).

The first one most fittingly was named “Unity,” being the first US-Part of the ISS in space after the first two Russian modules docked over ten years ago. Node two was named “Harmony,” chosen from over 2,200 suggestions from kindergarten to high school students. In the end it was clear that naming the third and final Node was again purely a suggestion process. How would “Colbert” fit in with Unity and Harmony, especially when you consider that the Cupola part of the station would be permanently attached to Node three, serving as an observational post in space? Anyone who’s ever watched an IMAX video of a space mission knows that something expressing the feelings you have when you watch Earth from space would be chosen. Even “Serenity” would’ve worked better than Colbert.

But both NASA and Stephen still won yesterday evening by NOT accepting the majority vote and I found it logical, funny and extremely satisfying. You see, I know a little bit about Space and NASA, and when I first started blogging on my own blog, I wrote about the wonderful fact that NASA chose to stream their own TV channel, NASA TV, online. For me, being from Europe, that was a feat that kept me glued to my computer for hours on end, watching the round-the-clock live feed of every Space Shuttle Mission of 2007 and 2008 as long as I could keep my eyes open, watching Solar Panels attached, torn, repaired, new modules from Europe and Japan being attached to Node two, et cetera.

What came across during those mission feeds was one of the most integral parts of the Space Station — to battle muscle and bone atrophy in space. And with naming the treadmill that is going up into space somewhere around August of this year the Combined Operational Load Bearing External Resisting Treadmill — COLBERT — everybody wins in an extremely satisfying way. The Nodes keep names that are displaying the purpose of the station and underlining the value of interconnection between nations and their modules. They reflect their purpose. NASA keeps its integrity, still choosing the names and calling the shots. By sending one of the most charismatic astronauts to The Colbert Report to announce the name, they got publicity (just like with the write-in process), generating buzz for the race into space (with the ISS being the first landmark towards a new lunar space station as a stepping stone toward Mars).

But most importantly, the fact that most of the time nobody on the Space Station will utter the name of Node three all the time, saying “I’ll be going to Tranquility now.” Most of the time the Astronauts are talking about what they are going to do. Trust me, the name “COLBERT” will be uttered so often on NASA TV your head will spin — and on top of that, the treadmill is so important for keeping the astronauts healthy that it will always be more important than the “box” that is Node three — around Colbert.

You can’t imagine the glee and joy I experienced today while watching last night’s episode. So stay tuned, maybe watch NASA TV in the fall and see Colbert go up into space, and maybe get excited about something nerdy as a treadmill in space, like me.

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Michael Noble’s back Guest-clacking again for us, after sharing his thoughts on American Idol with us….

I was enamored of comics when I was a kid. (Still am.) One of my favorites was Conan The Barbarian, the popular Cimmerian savage who went on to (rather bumbling) misadventures with Arnold Schwarzenegger as the title character on the big screen. With the release of The Savage Sword Of Conan comic magazine back in the day, I was enthralled month to month with the adventuresome exploits.

So imagine my childlike glee at word of a new swash-buckling series in the form of Kröd Mändoon and the Flaming Sword of Fire on Comedy Central.

Do you like your barbarians with ripply six-packs, easy-on-the-eyes? Kröd’s got what you need. Do you enjoy a bit of swordplay and bawdy repartee? It’s here. You like snarky comments from evil doers, sneering assassins and ne’er-do-well doings to hiss at? Yup. Here you go.

Set in some lush, far away realm, our hero Kröd Mandoon is a dashing, yet inept do-gooder who is quite possibly the last great hope against the evil tyrant Chancellor Dongalor.

The premiere of this series introduces a cast of characters not only lovable, but hilarious.

Title lead Kröd Mändoon (Sean Maguire) is more prone to emotional foibles than heroic actions. He talks a convincing game, but easily gets sidetracked by any casual name calling directed his way. And all sorts of situations present themselves as a result.

His group of sidekicks — Loquasto (Steve Speirs as Mändoon’s fumblingly inept, hairy-eared, in-need-of-archery-instruction brawn), Zezelryck (Kevin Hart, a completely and, so far, useless sorcerer better at turning a sarcastic quip than conjuring up a simple spell) and Bruce (Marques Ray as a typecast light-in-the-loafers prettyboy) — feed off each other like The Marx Brothers in leather jerkins and boots.

The last member of Mändoon’s quintet is Aneka (India de Beaufort), the only female in his loyal band of misfits. (And, seemingly, the only one capable of saving the group from dire circumstances time and again.) She’s able to hold her own in whatever situation manifests itself — no matter if that situation calls for daring-do or bedroomery.

The start of the series begins with Mändoon seeking the rescue of his mentor Arcadias. Breaking into Chancellor Dongalor’s dungeon, Mändoon eventually frees a group of odd characters, Arcadias included. But their escape is not complete before Arcadias is killed by an arrow meant for Mändoon. His death is poignant, though not so much so that several additional arrows make certain the job is accomplished with comedic flair. Followed, of course, by a not-unexpected axe blow to the noggin for good measure.

Later at Arcadias’ wake, wherein the quintet (with frolicking relish) send him off via boat to the middle of a picturesque lake, it’s Aneka who launches a fiery arrow at the vessel to begin the honorary conflagration. Short-sighted Loquasto and his crossbow could not make the cut, his arrows dropping into the lake and skewering ducks mid-flight instead. When all is said and done (and while it’s still a somber moment) more comedy kicks into gear as it comes to pass Arcadias’ body was never put aboard the boat. Inept and funny doings by our band of heroes.

Mändoon’s arch nemesis, the dandy Chancellor Dongalor (Matt Lucas of Little Britain), is a card. Equally dripping venom and cracking wise, Dongalor is brimful of masochism, swagger and villainy.

In an exchange with his second-in-command concerning the recent “loss” of one of his advisors, Dongalor states:

• “He was a good man. Send a suckling pig to his widow … and some flowers … maybe a nice bottle of Asti …. and, uh ….. how long would you say before she’s fair game?”
• “Well … uh, your attention could only bring her comfort in her hour of grief,” comes the response.
• Chancellor Dongalor: “… ’til one hour of grief then ….”

Or, while discussing his evil empire, the “subtle” references of the series’ writers come forth in a guffaw-worthy exchange from Dongalor again. “Colostrum” is referred to as one of Dongalor’s locations and not as a mammary secretion. Rich stuff!

To be certain, there’s more wordplay than swordplay within this show. And that’s not a bad thing. The laughs come fast and furious and they are a joy to digest. Kevin Hart’s Zezelryck and Marques Ray’s Bruce are especially witty and welcome.

Special mention to the side character Horst Draper who is “mistakenly” accused of equine crimes given his unfortunate moniker. A whole series of minor misadventures occur between Kröd and Horst … and all are snigger-worthy.

Nice launch, Comedy Central. Keep the shenanigans coming!

(P.S. I’m naming my next pet “Horst,” no matter what it is.)

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Michael’s back Guest-clacking about American Idol again….

(This entry didn’t make it to yesterday’s posting. It is provided here, none the worse for wear … combined with Michael’s results show commentary, so read on….)

*sigh*

An hour (more, actually) of so-so so-ness from everyone Tuesday night. You can’t call’em high-lights and you can’t call’em low-lights, so here, for you dining and dancing pleasure, are the mediocre-lights for The Top Eight:

Danny “The Gokester” Gokey “Stand By Me,” Mickey Gilley (1980)
Not anywhere near what he’s capable of, but it doesn’t make a difference this early in the game. The Gokester’s not going anywhere.

Kris Allen “All She Wants to Do is Dance,” Don Henley (1985)
Ouch. This was a mess of a performance. From the goofy vocals right down to the arrangement, this was nothing less than a song gone wrong. Everyone stumbles. This was Kris’ gaff.

Lil Rounds “What’s Love Got to Do With It,” Tina Turner (1984)
Talk about a tune swallowing you whole. This one did just that for Lil. In the earlier rounds, she was kicking some butt. Now? The lilt in her voice isn’t doing her any favors and she has zero command of the songs she sings. What happened? Lil is not long for the competition unless she can pull a performance out of her hat.

Anoop Desai “True Colors,” Cyndi Lauper (1986)
Anoop is a hit and miss kinda guy. Last week he was utterly dreadful. This week he hit the nail on the head. This song could have tripped him up spectacularly, but he took control of it, spun it just right and came away the winner. When Anoop is on, he’s on. This was what we saw when he originally got through in the competition. Nice to have you back.

Scott MacIntyre The Search is Over”, Survivor (1985)
Scott, it’s been a good run for you, but you’ve met your end. This was nothing less than atrocious. I like the guy, but you have to wonder, especially after a performance like this, how he lost so much steam so quickly. The guitar licks did nothing but emphasize how poorly his singing was on this tune. And that cracking, screeching falsetto had me not only grimacing, but holding my hands to my ears as well. *yikes*

Allison “Red” Iraheta “I Can’t Make You Love Me,” Bonnie Raitt (1992)
Red blows every other candidate for the top spot out of the water. She takes a song — even a throw away tune such as this one — and makes it something you want to hear all over again. She knows exactly what to do with it and goes out there and does it. Even when she falters, as she did a time or two during her performance, it’s as if you don’t notice because you’re convinced she knows exactly what she’s doing. And she does.

Matt Giraud “Part-Time Lover,” Stevie Wonder (1985)
I have no idea what the judges were hooting and hollering about with this dance-floor-smoothy version of Little Stevie’s minor hit, but I had to take a roll of paper towels and wipe the overly-sweet sugariness out of my mouth when he was done. I think I have a cavity. Sadly, I believe Matt’s hanging around another week.

Adam “Screaming Mimi” Lambert “Mad World,” Tears for Fears (1982)
How can you go wrong with a Tears For Fears tune? You can’t, really. And if you do, it’s not for the sake of a badly written tune, let me tell you. So Adam decided to take on the Gary Jules version of this song, hmmm? Outside a minor almost-screech and a falsetto gone south a bit, there wasn’t a single thing wrong with this performance. And here’s the rub: I don’t like Adam. A friend told me I wouldn’t like this performance. I’m happy to report that is not the case.

Bottom Three Prediction: Scott MacIntyre, Lil Rounds and Matt Giraud. And I believe it’s the end of the line for Scotty.

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(And the wrap up from last evening.)

Hey, how ’bout a quick wrap up?

The opening song went on forever … and ever … and ever … and ever … and ever … ad nauseum. Didn’t it?

“You spin my head right round right round when you go down when you go down …” Talk about your ‘R’ rated Idol shows. Has there ever been such a thing? ‘Cause this Flo-Rida song made it one tonight, folks.

Picker. She’s grown up, but she’s still the same ‘ole Pickler. And sorry, the song was laughable … especially when she “gah-gah-gagged” through the middle of it.

You see my Bottom Three picks above. But Matt was replaced with Anoop. Reminds me of Meatloaf: “… two outta three aint’ bad …”

And in the end, my pick for the ousting came true. (Doesn’t seem like there was any big trick to that now, was there?) Scott, Scott, Scott. How is it you did so, so much better the second time ‘round on that song? You were actually pulling it off somewhat … until you hit that the high note once more.

I am going to miss you, Scotty. It was a genuine kick you got this far along in the competition.

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