See Jane Clack: A reality show starring Jon Gosselin, Richard Heene, and other stupid celebs
I’ve been thinking about creating a Survivor-type reality show where we put all the stupid celebrities into a big balloon and send it into the stratosphere. Then they’d have to do in-air challenges, and the loser gets tossed over.
I realize there’s no way we could get them all into one balloon unless it was the size of North America, but just work with me. We could even get the helium industry on as a sponsor. Here’s a few people I’d push into the balloon myself:
Jon Gosselin. Let’s face it: he’s a loser who’s into the whole fame and fortune thing, and has lost sight of reality. At first I thought he couldn’t speak without having his attorney duct-taped to his side — like when he was on Larry King — but then he actually did start speaking on his own, and he definitely needs the attorney there.
Octomom. Because she has a crush on Jon Gosselin. And just because.
See Jane Clack: Who’s the bigger douchebag – Dave Letterman or Jon Gosselin?
Like many TV viewers, I’ve been awash in David Letterman and Jon Gosselin news and gossip for the past week or so. Basically, I think they’re both douchebags. When it comes to Dave, I mean that in the kindest way.
I really like Dave. I appreciate a lot of things he’s done over the years, from bringing his heart surgeon on the show to featuring his mom in various bits. I love it when she says “David” in that mom way, and he knows that viewers like me love that stuff.
See Jane Clack: The Vampire Diaries vs. Twilight
After watching the first episode of The Vampire Diaries on The CW, I thought, “Wow, this is a complete knock-off of Twilight.” But then some of my vampire-savvy friends told me that L.J. Smith’s The Vampire Diaries was actually written way before Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight. So if there’s any knocking off going on, then Twilight is a knock-off of The Vampire Diaries. Or who knows, maybe they’re all knock-offs of Dracula.
However it shakes out, it’s not hard to see the similarities between The Vampire Diaries and Twilight (both of which I love). Here are a few that jumped out at me with all the aggression of a hungry vampire….
See Jane Clack – Ellen DeGeneres vs. Paula Abdul
With the news that Ellen DeGeneres will be keeping the fourth judge’s chair warm on the upcoming season of American Idol (read Deb’s take on it here — I agree, Deb; it’s brilliant), I couldn’t help but ponder how Ellen and Paula Abdul are similar … or not … let’s break it down….
Hooker-Wear vs. Normal-Wear. They’re both cute as a button, but with Paula’s propensity for low-cut duds and giant earrings, I sometimes wondered if she was heading out to the nearest corner after the show. I’ll look forward to Ellen’s more normal attire … you know, like the rest of us out here wear.
See Jane Clack – Sons of Anarchy vs. American Chopper
I recently checked out the Sons of Anarchy season one DVD, and absolutely fell in love with the gritty FX show about a dysfunctional motorcycle club and their goings-on. It’s like Rebel with a Cause meets The Sopranos meets American Chopper. Yes, I couldn’t help but think the Teutul family has a few similarities to the Teller-Morrow clan. Let’s see how they stack up:
Paul Teutul, Sr. vs. Clay Morrow. These two patriarchs both smoke cigars, sport scruffy mustaches, and rule their respective roosts with a combination of street smarts and tender moments. They even look a little bit alike, and both can curse like … well, like hardcore bikers.
See Jane Clack – Fringe, Gossip Girl, Grey’s Anatomy, and other fall premieres
Even though summer is coming to a close, it’s a fun time of year because all the new and returning fall shows are coming up. I’m so-so on some and downright excited about others. In this week’s See Jane Clack, let’s take a look at a few shows I’m looking forward to:
Gossip Girl (season 3 premieres Sept. 14). I just finished watching season two, so all the sex and Prada is fresh in my mind. Will the gang grow up and be adults now that they’re in college? And just how much gay time will we see out of Chuck Bass? And does that pretty much ditch the idea that he and Blair will ever get together permanently?
See Jane Clack – Sex, Vampires, Edward & Buffy
Because I’m blanking on an awesome, knock-your-socks-off topic for See Jane Clack this week, I bring to you a re-imagining of the romantic vampire story of Edward and … Buffy?
Yes, my friends, the top 10 vampire lists have been done to, uh, death, so let’s venture into uncharted territory: the inevitable meeting of Edward Cullen and Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
It was only a matter of time before these two mythological figures would come face to face, and many thanks to the creative Jonathan McIntosh at Rebellious Pixels for bringing them together.
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