1. No voting, plus weird scheduling

Nothing kills a good show faster than having it be inconsistently timed. I understand Fox was trying to work around the World Series, but what that resulted in was irregular timing to the extreme. And on top of that, it resulted in the judges choosing who stays and who goes. Isn’t this supposed to be the search for America’s favorite dancer? If I cared about who the judges thought was the best dancer, I’d have tuned in for the Vegas weeks. There’s  reason I didn’t.

2. No rotating fourth judge

Don’t get me wrong – I’m still as much of a fan of Adam as I ever was, which is to say, a huge one. But I think So You Think You Can Dance needs to get over itself and realize that Paula Abdul just isn’t that into them. Give it up and bring in a new voice, please. At this point, I even miss Lil’ C.

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This is going to come out wrong, but I’m going to say it anyway: my favorite part of Community is always the end. Not because I don’t love the show, because I totally, totally do. I think this show is freaking awesome. But, easily, the best 38 seconds of my week, every week is the tag at the end of each episode with Abed (played by Danny Pudi) and Troy (played by Donald Glover).

I’m not sure what exactly drew Troy and Abed together character-wise. After all, they’re hardly shown together during the actual show, and they couldn’t be more different. Troy was the popular kid in high school, and Abed is what I would refer to euphemistically as “socially inept.” Whatever made them bond, I’m glad it worked, because how else would we have rapping in Spanish, prank PA announcements or conversations with Batman about turning into a doughnut?

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What’s going on with you, So You Think You Can Dance?  I’m willing to put up with you, and your eight billion weeks of auditions, and your strange scheduling (a showcase followed by two shows in one? What is this tomfoolery?), and your flat (if well-done) dances, but this is only because I love you. If I didn’t love you, I would not be dealing with your shenanigans.

It seems to me So You Think You Can Dance can only handle one big spectacular per week, and when they stretch themselves too thin, the quality severely suffers. I understand the difficulty involved in scheduling around the World Series, but this is just ridiculously confusing. If I had my way, I think that they should have done the introductory show (having that was a good idea, and a way to catch up everyone like me who couldn’t bear to sit through two months of auditions) and waited until after the World Series to resume regular scheduling instead of having this nonsense where the judges decide for us. What was even the point of that? Aren’t we supposed to have a say? Color me confused and unimpressed by these stunts.

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Thursday night is a crazy night for everyone, I know. My DVR comes this close to exploding weekly with the marathon I put it through.  I watch 7 shows, which amounts to 6 hours of television in one night. It’s crazy and ridiculous and from what I hear, everyone has this predicament. And I am going to suggest you add to it.

No, not 30 Rock. You should know by now that you’re missing out big time by not watching this show, and if no one else has convinced you, I certainly won’t be able to. (But if you’re not watching, what is wrong with you?) No, I’m talking about two teeny-tiny fledgling shows no one’s watching and everyone should be — Community and Ace of Cakes.

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If conventional wisdom is to be believed, every little girl dreams of her wedding day with the same raptness devoted to wanting to be a princess or ballerina, only unlike these dreams, this one never dies.

These little girls clearly never watched television.

There are tons and tons of shows dedicated to every aspect of the wedding day, and most of them are on TLC or Lifetime. I’ve always had a sort of sick fascination with them. They’re good for watching when my sister’s around or I’ve got a mindless chore to do, like cleaning stringbeans. As I get older, though, and marriage becomes, well, not a looming possibility — because I’m only in my early twenties — but something that’s suddenly actually an option instead of a far-away fairy tale, the idea of engaging in these bridezilla wars or going to these ridiculous lengths for the perfect gown, the more these shows make me want to take my stringbean knife and impale myself upon it.

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Dear Journal,

It’s only been one day since bringing the pregnant She-Schuester on board, and so far no dice. I’ve always been told that I need to wait for my plans to unfold, but I’ve never trusted things that fold or take a long time to happen, which is why I’ve never trusted origami. If anything, half of the members of Glee club seem, dare I say it, chirpy. I don’t like chirping either. There was once a nest of baby birds outside my kitchen window and I shot the whole group of them.

Comforted myself by watching tonight’s Gossip Girl, but even that didn’t make me feel better. I used to really admire that Blair Waldorf and even wrote to her several times asking her to join my Cheerios. I assume I never got a reply because she was overwhelmed by the honor. Unfortunately, however, she seems to have chosen to date Chuck, whose clothing is worse than that little Liberace impersonator Schuester’s added to his flock of miscreants. I can only hope that Waldorf, along with the rest of the world, comes to her senses, and fast.

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Get your hankies ready and your toast planned; it’s Jim and Pam’s big night tonight! Check back with us at 9 PM EST where we’ll be live-blogging the ups, the downs, the I Do’s, and the oh no, Michael didn’ts.

See you at 9, Dunderheads!
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