“OK, so what do we do now?” – Parker
“Well, I just sent Eddie to the hospital … so lets go steal us a hospital.” – Nate
“If I mention Star Trek One, Three, or Five, then everything’s okay, because the odd ones sucked. But if I mention Two, Four, or Six … What do you do?” – Hardison to Eliot, explaining his “code”
[later in the episode]
[over the intercom] “Would Dr. Ralph O’Conn please report to surgery? Dr. Ralph O’Conn, report to surgery! Ralph O’Conn!” – Hardison warning Eliot of the hit man
“I’m so happy I could cry, but I don’t wanna, because it’s really gross when I do.” – Jessica to Hoyt, proving she’s the cutest vampire on TV
“Jason Stackhouse, abstinent.” – Jason
“Sounds good, doesn’t it?” – Luke
“Not really.” – Jason
“In person, she looks like vanilla pudding.” – Sookie, accurately describing Sarah Newlin
“If you don’t go out back right now and take off all your clothes, I will fire you.” – Sam to Daphne, before she turned out an agent of Maryann’s
“But all of them put together ain’t half as bad as if you do it to a vampire. Or to a dude. Or to a vampire dude. That’s like the creme de la creme of sins. There’s no repentance for that. Straight to hell, baby.” – Luke to Jason
“I won’t be baited into this conversation.” – Marshall
“I’m not baiting, I’m amusing. The verb, not the adjective.” – Mary
“Thanks for clearing that up. Either way, I’m not giving you the name of the first girl I had sex with.” – Marshall
“Why…? Is it because you’re a virgin?” – Mary
“No, its because you’ll track her down, call her up, and make her tell you all about it.” – Marshall
“So? I told you mine!” – Mary
“Neil Armstrong was not your first.” – Marshall
“Technically no, but who can ever remember that other guy’s name?” – Mary
“How do you keep from shooting yourself?” – Jessica to Ray, upon seeing his burned shell of a home
“If you ever want to pick out an outfit to match that stick up your ass, give me a call.” – Lenore, handing Jessica her business card in the beauty parlor
“I’ve been a jock, student leader, professional ballplayer, educator … is this really the material from which male prostitutes are made?” – Ray
Selections from the Virgin Diaries
“Did you watch House of Wax again? You know that Hilton girl gives you nightmares.” – Keith to Veronica
“Remind me: why did we break up?” – Veronica
“Well, you thought the other guy had greener grass. Or was it something about me being too much man? No, wait. It was you — you were too much man.” – Logan
“You here to confess? Is that your tail I see between your legs?” – Veronica
“No. But I can see how you might get confused.” – Weevil
“You met me at a strip club.” – House
“You were the worst two dollars I ever spent.” – Stacy
“You know how they say, ‘you can’t live without love?’ Well, oxygen is even more important.” – House
“I took an oath to do no harm.” – Cameron
“Yeah, well, it’s not like they made you sign it, or anything.” – House
“Are you being intentionally dense?” – Cuddy
[sarcastically] “Huh?” – House
“Well, we try not to get killed. That’s part of our whole mission statement: ‘Don’t get killed.’” – Willow
“So, its 118 degrees, and I’m sleeping without a stitch on, when I hear a screaming outside. So I go out stark nude, and a church bus and these three Vamps are feeding on half the Baptists in South Boston. I took out the three Vamps, and this preacher comes up and starts hugging me like there’s no tomorrow. Then the cops pull up and arrest us both.” – Faith
“Wow. They should film that story and show it every Christmas.” – Xander
“Angel was cured.” – Buffy
“I’m sorry?” – Giles
“When I killed him, Angel was cured. [to Willow] Your spell worked at the last minute, Will. I was about to take him out, and, um, something went through him, and he was Angel again. He-he didn’t remember anything that he’d done. He just held me. Um, but i-it was, it was too late, and I, I had to. So I-I told him that I loved him, I kissed him, and I killed him.” – Buffy
Tags: buffy summers, dr house, Dr. Cameron, Dr. Cuddy, Eliot, Faith Lehane, Giles, hardison, Hung, jason stackhouse, Keith Mars, Logan Echols, Marshal Marshal Mann, Mary Shannon, parker, rupert giles, Sam Merlotte, sookie stackhouse, Stacy Warner, veronica mars, Weevi, Weevil Navarro, Willow Rosenberg, Xander Harris
