Worst Week: The understatement of the 2008-2009 television season

The hits just keep on coming for Sam Briggs (Kyle Bornheimer). Is Worst Week realistic? Of course not folks, it’s TV. But on its face, this is a show about the unluckiest man in the world. Hands down.

For those of us who are married, any encounter with the in-laws is a mixture of resignation and nervousness. Something always goes wrong, and almost everything that you do ends up coming across in the worst light possible. For Sam, that would be a good day.

Worst Week (returning January 12^th at 9:30 on CBS) would be merciful were it literal. But this is Sam’s future; constantly falling short of competent in the eyes of his wife’s parents. And that’s assuming he makes it to the wedding (spoiler alert for probies: he does, but not before running off the minister and the band hours before the wedding ceremony). What’s harder to believe is that his fiancée Melanie (Erinn Hayes) is still standing tall by his side. Though, to be candid, she is pregnant with their baby.

In honor of Sam and Mel’s enduring love, let’s have a little contest. I would say the prize is bragging rights, but in this case bragging is not the right word. Points will be awarded at my discretion, based on just how horrible your personal experience was.

So, who’s been in the following situations? Show of hands by referencing a number (and maybe tips on patching things up for those of us yet to encounter said sticky situation?):

1. Arrived at your girlfriend/boyfriend’s parents’ house (only the parents have to think that you’re only dating) in the middle of the night wearing a garbage-bag diaper.
2. Peed on the next night’s dinner and spilled your urine on the floor.
3. Led your betrothed and/or her/his entire family to believe that the patriarch of said family was dead (Wow. Kudos if you can claim this one, and doing it intentionally does NOT count).
4. Killed a family pet (your betrothed’s family pet, not your own).
5. Accidentally repeatedly watched your betrothed’s sister (or sister-in-law) pumping breast milk.
6. Mistook the family’s adopted black son/daughter for a burglar and tied him/her up (I wouldn’t presume to suggest that a woman couldn’t be a burglar. No sexism here).
7. Impregnated your girlfriend, decided to get married and hid it from her parents (okay, I realize this one might be popular. So let’s say you also have to have done number 8 to claim it).
8. Blown up your betrothed’s father’s vintage car (either while announcing hidden pregnancy and/or impending marriage or not).
9. Lost the hall reservation because you accidentally invited some co-workers to the wedding when there wasn’t room for them, uninvited them by lying and saying that the wedding was off, which led your best friend to tell your betrothed’s sibling (who your best friend was secretly sleeping with) that the wedding was canceled, leading him/her to tell their parents, who subsequently canceled the reservation. Bonus points for remembering the entire story in detail, and for keeping your job after dissing everyone there.
10. Managed to re-reserve the hall only to destroy the ceremony location in a freak golf cart (or other) accident.
11. Brought the wrong Grandma-in-law back from the train/plane/bus station. Extra points if you were picking her up at her house and still got the wrong one.
12. Fed the family’s heirloom wedding ring to a baby (or pet).
13. Let whoever was officiating at your wedding see you in your fiancée’s underwear during a pre-wedding meeting. Before or after counts as a half. And sorry, this one’s for the guys only.
14. Broken ALL of the crystal glasses intended to be used at the wedding. Reference #14.5 if you also spilled all of the shards of crystal on the floor of your future in-laws home.
15. Convinced one in-law to buy a four-figure-plus Christmas present for their spouse and then been the cause of the gift being stolen.

Keep in mind that the first fourteen MUST have taken place pre-wedding, though feel free to share with us if any of this happened to you post. It just won’t count towards your point total. And, by all means, if any of the above led your betrothed to leave you, well, any lesson is a good one, right?

The favorite to win? Don’t let it stop you from trying to compete, but all of the above (and more) happened to Sam before Worst Week went on break. Plus he got all of the bonus points (okay, not on #11, but still.) Implausible, you say? That’s the idea. The genius behind this comedy is how low-key these actors play the absurd. And I love how Bornheimer always feels the need to finish his thought, no matter how insensitive or inappropriate.

Worst Week is definitely worth a look. If you’ve missed the first eleven episodes (first of all, why?) never fear; we’re only two episodes into Sam and Mel’s marriage, and that’s really the beginning of their life together anyway, right? (AWW!)

As far as my own entry? I’m proud to say that I get a zero. Visits with my in-laws are nervous and tense for their own special reasons, but at least they’ll never be able to say that I did something like light their pool on fire right before my wedding was supposed to begin … they don’t have a pool.

Clacked by Aryeh S.
on Jan 09, 2009 @ 12:00 EST5EDT